He is for the first time feeling the guilt and remorse part of the addiction

not everyone that goes online if looking for anything, but a good clean conversation

I was the one that was on the computer, addicted to talking to women....

I wish I had known then about the software that is available for monitoring....

I wanted to let you know that I am impressed....

I was here and talked to you one day....

the spector/e-blaster software, It was well worth the purchase....

there are rules about the computer....

the Spector software was the key to knowing what was really going on....

First of all cheating plain and simple stinks on either end

I was the one that was on the computer, addicted to talking to women....

This web site was given to my wife from a friend of hers. She had printed the stories out for her to read. I was not sure if the print-outs were for me to read, but I read them in the middle of the night and acted as if I had never seen them. After a few days, I simply disregarded them into the trash. Why? Because I was the one that was on the computer, addicted to talking to women. It didn't matter who really. It was like living in a dream world or sex. I met someone that I could chat with on a regular basis. It began very innocent. Then I started "testing" the waters,(to see if she would be offended). It turned out that she wasn't at all actually. She kind of enjoyed having little conversations of pure fantasy. It was merely fantasy at it's best though. Instead of reading a sexual story or flipping through a dirty magazine, you were the other half of the author of the tales. You could create anything you ever wanted and completely run with it. It got to the point where I would go on the computer hoping that she was there, so I could have an experience right away! Am I sick? Am I addicted to Cyber? These questions ran through my mind every time I would start "chatting" dirty. I can't say I don't miss the conversations, because no one does. It will always be in the back of my head, wanting to find a chat room of "Adults Only". Since my wife had received this web site, she used the tips given by other users in AOL and plain out read the messages I was sending. I consider my self computer literate. Far beyond my wife's ability to navigate and to utilize the system. I was told a quote from someone long ago, and I repeat it to others pertaining anything in life. "A smart person does not know all of the answers, a smart person knows where to find all of the answers". In this case it has happened to me, and probably many others out there too. For those who read this message, do "us" (those of weakness & those of a computer) a favor. Pass this web site address to as many adults as you know, so everyone is aware of what is out there. The last thing this world needs is Internet Infidelity. Thank-you.

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I wish I had known then about the software that is available for monitoring...

Business traveling and the internet...a deadly combination!! Three years ago my H took a job that required him to travel frequently. At this time we had been married almost two years and just had our first daughter. For four years our life had been wonderful, but the traveling began and he changed. I did not know at the time he had began chatting online. However, when he would come home on weekends he would spend a lot of time on his laptop. If I came nearby he would close the lid. I had so much trust in him, I never suspected anything. What a fool I was!! He had struck up a cyber realtionship with a woman who is 16 yrs older than I (13 yrs older than H) and very unattractive. However, she immediately was interested in meeting for sex. He rearranged a flight home to stop in her hometown for 2 hours. She picked him up at the airport, drove them to a hotel, paid for the room and spent about 45 minutes with him having sex, before dropping him back off at the airport. He continued his flight home, where I picked him up at the airport, unaware of what transpired just hours before. Four months later H accidentially downloaded an email between him and another woman...which was asking if he was an "item" with another woman (happened to be the one he slept with). When I confronted him in tears, he said he was on a msg board and these two women had gotten his email address and were harrassing him. What a fool!! I was so naive....I wanted to trust him. He tells me that he stopped chatting after my confrontation, because it scared him and he knows I am tenacious. However, he took a contractual job Aug 99, and through a co-worker was introduced to a woman. She did not live in the area, but in her spare time was a Channel Op on a chat channel. She invited my husband to her chat room. In Sept. (less than a month after meeting him) she told my husband she loved him, and he responded in kind (his words), because he didn't want to lose her friendship, and he was on an ego trip because she wanted in his pants. Once again when he would come home on weekends he would be spending a lot of time on the computer. If I walked towards the office, I would hear the mouse clicking away. When I got to the computer he would be looking at the same screen as the day before. I got curious. When he would leave again Monday morning I would start my search on the computer. I wish I had known then about the software that is available for monitoring computer usage. It would have saved me a lot of frustration. My husband had a business meeting in her home town, which of course he lied to me about the location. She met him in his hotel room that night, brought the beer and the condom. Five days later, I gave birth to our second daughter. I not only went over every phone bill and bank statement, but got copies of all of his car rental receipts, hotel receipts and got copies of phone calls made from his corporate apartment. Everything had at least a clue to a particular area that he had no reason to be in or ever contact. I got lucky one day and figured out his password for his email account. There she was!! He was flying home that day so I knew he wouldn't be into the email. I figured out where she worked and called. I asked the receptionist questions about her and then asked to be put through to her. When she got online, I just listened to her say hello, then hung up. I kept watch on the email, and sure enough she emailed my husband saying that Janet had called and was asking questions. I knew he was quilty. He could not deny anything, because I had proof from chat log files, receipts, phone bills, etc. It has been almost a year now. We are working diligently on getting past this. My H no longer travels. There is hope that couples can survive infidelity, but the road is long, and the person that cheated has to change and commit 100% to their marriage. I am thankful that my H is so remorseful. Will I ever trust him again? I hope so! He hasn't given me any reason not to in the last year, but the wounds are deep, and have a ways to go before they are only scars.

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I wanted to let you know that I am impressed....

I wanted to let you know that I am impressed... MANY, many months ago, I came across your site, although MUCH different in scope and look back then, and I was also probably under a different name. Very few folks had posted there then. In fact, it was really just all about you at that time; your experiences, and what you had gone through. Just wanted to let you know that I'm glad to see that you are here w/resources, helping folk like you and me. I emailed about my hubby's online infidelitities, and also gave a couple of computer tips at that time. I also read with some laughs the "comic" you had going for a while. You know, the one w/ the "flyers"? (I HOPE that was YOUR site, anyway....?!) Hope you and your girls are doing ok, and that YOU are healing. We are surviving this, but only because hubby came to his senses, and we are both willing to work hard to recover. It's been to Hell and back... Thanks for your endeavor to help others. After months and months and MONTHS of learning/corresponding/posting/researching online (and off) about this horribly growing threat to marriages/ relationships, it is always great to come across a site that is expanding for this ever growing need. It is TRULY frightening, isn't it?

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I was here and talked to you one day...

I was here and talked to you one day about the fact that my H had an on line affair and that he was going to answer my questions that next weekend. Well, he didn't get around to doing as he promised, so it was still hanging over us. Last week I went with him in the truck for a week, and he really upset me the last night out. By the time we got home, I was really angry, and I let him have it. I told him to talk or get out and he started talking. After we were finished with all the questions, I asked him why he took so long to answer them and he told me that he didn't know or trust the woman that had taken over my body for the past two years. When I finally got MAD, then he knew I was back and he was safe to talk. We are doing so much better now and I just wanted to let you know and tell you that I appreciated you taking the time to talk to me that day. I am so sorry for all the pain that you have suffered and wish you the very best. What you have done for others is amazing when we stop to think of the pain you have suffered. Be well John.

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spector/e-blaster software. It was well worth the purchase...

Hi John, I wanted to thank you for starting this sight. I didn't have the money for a decoy or any other surveillance, but I did have the money for E-blaster.(I already posted my story on your site) Yours is the only site that I found that had any info about spector/e-blaster software. It was well worth the purchase. It only took about 3 weeks to catch my boyfriend (also the father of my 11 1/2 year old) in the chat rooms seeking an affair. We were already in couseling because of a previous affair he had had (not internet related). It's amazing how my anxiety level has gone down since I broke it off (only 3 days ago). I thought I was only making it up in my head. Thanks again for the site

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there are rules about the computer...

this website is wonderful. I wish i new about this 2 yrs ago it would have helped me.My husband had an affair for almost 2 yrs. on this thing ciber sex and a 35 yr. old woman who is young enough to be his daughter.He went on vac. with her for 2 wks. She's from pa.the phone bills were very large over 1000 dollars plus what he spent on her.At that time we were married 42 yrs. he was 60 at the time of his affair.He lied to everyone on this computer.finally it hit me he's always going away without ME. I confronted him and he said YES to having an affair.were working on our marriage now he deleted every thing on his computer.I was leaving him so its been 16 months since i found out about his affair.there are rules about the computer if he doesn't follow them i'm going. He put me through hell and her to. They took 42 yrs. and threw it away and it still hurts.Keep up the site its wonderful.

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the Spector software was the key to knowing what was really going on...

For now I just want to thank you for running this website. After a year or more of my wife's cyber & phone affairs we are finally getting divorced. Use of the Spector software was the key to knowing what was really going on. I intend to use my experiences to help others deal with similar situations.

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not everyone that goes online if looking for anything, but a good clean conversation

Let me start off by saying I am a happily married woman. When I first starting chatting online, I thought it was fun. It was exciting meeting and talking with new people over the computer. But that's all it is and should be : talking. I cannot believe there are people out there actually meeting face to face and having affairs, or running off with these strangers and leaving their families behind. Fact : There are perverted people on the internet. I have had men beg me for my home phone number, along with wanting to give me theirs, and have actual phone sex, or worse yet, the 'real deal' so to speak. Well, that's just crazy. That's not what the internet was intended for in my opinion. Why don't people like that go to one of the many adult book, or film stores and release their pent up sexuality that way. Better yet, why not be normal or old fashioned if you may, and try to meet someone in normal circumstances instead of playing people on the computer. No one really knows who these people really are, or how many truths, or lies are coming from their impressions. I, along with all online users should just beware, and not get too involved in anyones personal life over the computer. It is, infact, just a computer, and not a dating service...remember that. And not everyone that goes online if looking for anything, but a good clean conversation. Thankyou.

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He is for the first time feeling the guilt and remorse part of the addiction...

I started to suspect something was amiss in our marriage shortly after the honeymoon. Although I knew of his draw to porn such as movies, pictures some chats etc...it had always been in the context of "our play". I had never before seen half the things he introduced into our sexual relationship except maybe a video here and there. Our sex, which I always thought would get more romantic after we were together longer,(we were married 3 months after we met) actually got even more like he was just f#@$#ng some whore, no kissing, no foreplay NOTHING.But he was very warm and affectionate outside of the bedroom..sooo confusing. After we settled into the Marriage thing..buying a house, starting a business, bills etc...things began to change rapidly. He began to use the computer more. He pushed me to include others in our sexual relationship. He also got a video cam and began actually having sex online LIVE with other women. He always wanted me to be a part of it, that is until he figured out how to get certain women to talk to him with out me being present. I would join him on the computer because that was the only attention I got. But eventually that became a battle too. I would want to stop after hours and just finish together...he would rage at me and tell me to go take care of myself then. I still am not sure why i allowed myself to be so degraded for two years. Something i will definately be working on for a while. He began a relationship of erotic sex online with one woman in particular. During this time he withdrew more and more emotionally and physically. We no longer had sex much. He preferred instead to masturbate in front of the computer for hours at a time. He lost all interest in family activities, at work during the day he would stay on line downloading hundreds of pictures and masturbating. He would tell me i was crazy when i said this was a problem and hurting our relationship...he said it was my attitude that was hurting the marriage. He also took things further and later admitted to masturbating while driving once and fantasizing about someone he had just seen. I'm sure there is more i will never here about.He has a job that puts him in clubs and at affairs with tons of women falling all over him constantly. I always handled that fine. (I have even been present when women came up to him and handed him their hotel keys!) As the problems progressed, I became increasingly angry. I would yell at everything, check his files on the computer, check messages on his cell...I was in a constant state of turmoil, my entire life revolved around reacting to him. Funny, but he was the one that brought it all to a head. He moved out of the bedroom saying he couldnt take my constant checking up on him and fighting. He told me he wasnt sure he wanted to stay with the relationship and that i had better do something about my crazy behavior.Which in retrospect was anything but crazy...The only thing wrong was that i reacted to him and allowed myself to be demeaned. He said he would go to therapy when i suggested it but told me that any one would just tell me that i had to back off and let him just basically come and go as he pleased and he should not have to answer to me. Well... This started me asking myself a lot of questions...and inbetween the tears, I started to research on line and at book stores. I was searching for information on fears of intimacy, which is what i thought the real problem was. Then by chance i stumbled on a book call Codependent No More, by Melodie Beatte...well what an eye opener. It is a must read for anyone dealing with a spouse with an addiction. Then for the first time I realized he had a sexual addiction. I researched a therapist who could help us both with this particular problem, (we have gone about 6 times and we are definately moving ahead in leaps and bounds) I started discussing this with my husband and showing him the tests online when he resisted the "label" eventually he agreed and is just starting to actually discuss that in therapy. He is for the first time feeling the guilt and remorse part of the addiction. (He has not looked at porn or masturbated in 5 weeks.) We have an ongoing dialog and I am definately taking it one day at a time. I have started to try an focus on me and my life. And am still very supportive...I think that we both have a long way to go and frankly, although he says he is committed to this relationship and our family (i have a five year old that he adores) I am not sure that i can ever completely trust him again. I am still angry, and my health is not great right now. (I was told i have a stress induced ulcer..HA HA..what stress!!! ) He is still the focus...we still dont make love...sex twice but he says he has to work on those feelings for me since so much has happened...gee i would have though that would have been my line...the therapist says he has a madonna / whore complex...more work!! All in all I love him and hope only that the addiction does not take any turns and since he cant be on the computer im concerned he may turn to a one night stand etc something i wont know about!...Trust is going to take a long time. Good luck to everyone that has to deal with this addiction. It is an ordeal to say the least..I hope my story has helped by maybe showing someone they are not crazy and they are not alone. God Bless!

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