What if I was thinner? What if I made more money? What if I was better in bed? I had these thoughts of self doubt and many more, after my wife cheated and I have heard them again and again from the people that write to me. Don't let their infidelity, ruin your self-esteem.

Continued Below

Continued from above...

First and foremost, there is NO excuse for cheating! It is as simple as that. If someone is unhappy in their relationship, they should try and fix it or they should leave. Infidelity is never the answer for any question in a relationship. It is not your fault that someone chooses to cheat.

It was easier for me to recover my self worth than most because my wife had left suddenly and permanently, without any chance for reconciliation. I believe it is much more difficult to keep up your self esteem, if you are trying to save your relationship after infidelity by a trusted partner takes place.

Usually the first reaction from a cheater after they get caught is a defensive one. If you used monitoring software on their PC or discovered a strange phone number in their wallet or purse, they will typically blame you for invading their privacy.

Another common response from the cheater is to say "Well, if you were (this way), then I wouldn't have needed to go looking". Just another loaded line designed to make themselves feel somehow justified in what they did. Don't buy into it. Like one woman who wrote to me, "I don't feel comfortable doing the things he asks of me in the bedroom, but I feel I should, if I don't want him to cheat again". This type of response gives the cheater the upper hand, by making it appear that YOU are the guilty party and themselves the victim. It also opens the door for them to use infidelity again in the future for something else they want from you.

I hope that these articles on improving your self-esteem will help you see how great a person you really are. Because, after all, we are ALL Gods children.

John
john@chatcheaters.com

Building Self Esteem
positive-way.com

The first step in building self-esteem is to accept yourself now as is before you attempt to improve. Self acceptance and self knowledge is the key to creating positive self-esteem. When you know and accept yourself you feel better.

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Take the self-esteem test

Self-Esteem Workbook

Most people have self esteem behavior in some situations, and yet be ineffectual in others. The Real Solution Self Esteem Workbook expands the number of situations in which you can choose Self Esteem behavior. When a person is passive, opportunities are lost and unpleasant situations are tolerated. In time, bad feelings can build to a point where one more event can trigger an explosion of resentment that in turn provokes criticism or rejection. Graduated homework assignments allow participants to apply their newly acquired skills. The Real Solution Self Esteem Workbook emphasizes the building of self esteem skills, using model presentation, rehearsal, positive feedback, prompting, and homework assignments. Shame is a major focus of this Workbook which is designed for those who are unable to participate in The Self Esteem Individual Program

Healthy Relationships

www.12steps2selfesteem.com

A husband who feels that he can secure his wife's love only by buying her more things instead of spending real time with her is really saying: "I have nothing of value to offer you from my own personality...so please let these trinkets represent me. Parents who have no time to spend with their children because they are too busy working to make more money so that we can give you things are really saying that money is more valuable than that which I can personally offer you. These people have a low self image. They do not respect themselves...so how can they expect anyone else to respect them?

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Self-esteem and the African American Woman
Rev. Arly Pryor, blackwomenshealth.com

Self-esteem is the total of one’s self-confidence, self-worth and self-respect. Webster’s dictionary defines it as simply a "A confidence and satisfaction in oneself." However one chooses to define it, the fundamental nature of self-esteem is based on understanding, accepting and liking yourself...

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When the Affair Ends, the Self-Examination Begins
The Washington Post

For many people, the affair is a life-changing event. It often prompts a thorough self-examination and can lead to a complete redirection of a person's life.

The spouse who has been betrayed also has to do some self-examination. Did you suspect the affair was going on? What about your self-esteem? Your sense of entitlement to a faithful partner? Your sexual needs? Your family history? Life is not the same for you, either.

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Strategies For Building Self-Esteem
The University of Texas
Learning Center

Crises of self-esteem are a part of the human experience. When you feel troubled by low self- esteem, review the suggestions below and choose those that are relevant to your situation and work on them. Be patient with yourself: change takes time and steadfast work.

1) Free yourself from "shoulds". Live your life on the basis of what is possible for you and what feels right to you instead of what you or others think you "should" do.

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Building Self-Esteem: A Self-Help Guide
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration

Most people feel bad about themselves from time to time. Feelings of low self-esteem may be triggered by being treated poorly by someone else recently or in the past, or by a person’s own judgments of him or herself. This is normal. However, low self-esteem is a constant companion for too many people, especially those who experience depression, anxiety, phobias, psychosis, delusional thinking, or who have an illness or a disability. If you are one of these people, you may go through life feeling bad about yourself needlessly. Low self-esteem keeps you from enjoying life, doing the things you want to do, and working toward personal goals... 

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