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Spying On Your Spouse
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Many people, not just the cheaters, feel that spying is morally wrong under any circumstances. I personally feel that there are times when knowing the truth (before it's too late), can save a relationship.

To me, the term "spying on your spouse" implies long term monitoring of a mate without their knowledge. I think most people would agree that this is unhealthy for a relationship. However, using a surveillance device, (check your local laws as to the use of such products), for a short period of time, to determine if a spouse is being unfaithful, may save a relationship by bringing the affair out of secrecy. 

Communication would seem to be the right approach. However, if you suspect your mate is cheating and you choose to confront them with your suspicions, they will often deny any inappropriate behavior. Without absolute proof of their infidelity, most people will not openly confess to doing anything wrong. This can lead a cheater to take increased steps to hide their affairs from you.

I didn't spy on my wife. Now she is gone. I never got the chance to save our marriage.  By failing to uncover the truth, I let my marriage slip away and sentenced my daughters to a lifetime of wondering why their once loving mother chose to leave them forever.

The real mistake was to do nothing. Whether you opt for counseling, talking or spying, do something to get to the issue out in the open.

Chat Cheats - Cyber-cheating a growing cause of divorce; online surveillance increases as result.

By Jeffrey Cottrill
DivorceMagazine.com

Not only has the Internet made it easy to meet other people without leaving your own home, it has also provided spouses with a new instrument for starting (and carrying out) extramarital affairs. Whether the perpetrators are unhappy in their marriages, bored with their married sex lives, or merely flirting, "cyber-cheating" is now a common element in cases of marital breakdown.

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Here is an article from MentalHelp.net about internet addiction. An excerpt; "In a true addiction, a person becomes compulsively dependent upon a particular kind of stimulation to the point where obtaining a steady supply of that stimulation becomes the sole and central focus of their lives." internet addiction article

Music Therapy

Music can be a great source of comfort through difficult times. Whether you sing, play a musical instrument or just listen, music can be therapeutic. Some music can help you to relax or meditate. Certain songs can remind you of better times in your life, perhaps when you were more independent. Try not to dwell on songs that remind you of your broken relationship. For me, that was difficult, since I practically grew up with my ex. "Itsy Bitsy Spider" was about the only song that didn't remind me of her. So I started playing the guitar and learned some new songs, to go with my new life. The best thing about it is that when I play, I think of nothing else. Just concentrating on the music lets me forget about everything else, at least for those few moments. It is my sanctuary and my outlet at the same time. Visit this web site for more information on Music Therapy

After an Affair: Should You Tell Your Kids?

QUESTION: My partner had an affair that went on for nearly a year. We have three daughters -- two in their teens and one younger. They know something is up but I haven't told them any details. Should we tell our kids?


ANSWER: Your children are no doubt aware that their parents have been experiencing emotional strain in their relationship. This stress could cause them... Read more
 

Gayle Peterson, MSSW, LCSW, PhD is a family therapist specializing in prenatal and family development.

Curiosity over infidelity
999Today.com
Author: LM Cross

Infidelity expert Ruth Houston presents an interesting analysis of Hillary Clinton's new book "Living History". Ms. Houston, author of 'Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs', finds insights in the Clinton-Lewinsky affair that "women who are struggling with this issue can apply to their own personal situations."

When Infidelity Becomes Abuse
The Healing Heart Recovery Forum
By Michael Clanchy and Chris Trotter, The Age

An interesting point of view on habitual infidelity and how it can become a form of emotional violence.

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Oh, what a tangled Web is weaved as rapidly growing numbers of married people sneak into Internet chat rooms for romantic or sexual thrills they think they aren’t getting from their spouses, a new University of Florida study finds.

Never before has the dating world been so handy for married men and women looking for a fling, said Beatriz Avila Mileham, who conducted the research for her doctoral dissertation in counselor education at UF. With cybersex, there is no longer any need for secret trips to obscure motels. An online liaison may even take place in the same room with one’s spouse. Read this article

Is Cybersex Cheating?
Committment.com

If you are married to a man who regularly discards his inhibitions and logs onto AOL or MSN looking for cybersex, you should be deeply concerned.

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Suggestions to Help you Manage Internet Use: Ten Steps to Reclaim Real-Time Living Dr. David Greenfield

CELL PHONE TRACING

When Your Partner Cheats
By Karen Berney
Discovery Health Channel

This article contains interviews from infidelity experts, Peggy Vaughn, Michele Weiner-Davis, and more. It has a great section on "What the Unfaithful Needs to Do:" and "What the Betrayed Needs to Do".
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Fatal infidelity: When Adultery Investigations Turn Deadly
By Matt Bean CourtTV

An article about Clara Harris, the woman who hired a private investigator to track her cheating husband. The PI found him at a hotel in Houston with his secretary. In the hotel parking lot, Harris slammed her car into her husband three times and then left it parked on his lifeless body.
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