Cellphone Texting obsessed

[mcskat]

Problem Solved

[The_Road_2_Recovery]

She finally confessed that she was and then had the nerve to say it just happened that she was not looking to cheat.

Ok, if that's the case.. why is she still accepting messages from this OM and entertaining him- IF she's not looking to cheat? She doesn't sound remorseful to me at all. Sounds to me like she got busted and now she's trying to cover her own a**. You need to sit down with the wife and demand to know details.. WHO, WHEN, and WHY. Then, once you have that information- you can make a clear call as to whether or not you want to work it out or not. But, by all means..demand she STOP THE TEXTING NOW.

[Tabuu]

Well, ....if U think U can TRUST her in the future, without policing and looking over your shoulder, every time she goes out OR when U are Not there.
>>>> By all means continue the so call Marriage....

If U can wipe out the "Images", in your mind

- How many Times she did it with the other OM?, did she use a Condom?, what did they do in Bed?, Did she swallow?,did she do ana?l,...and so in.. [ This is a REAL KILLER, NOT Knowing,and she probably WON"T EVER TELL U !!]

>>>> By all means continue with the marriage......


BE HONEST, can U EVER get intimate and TRUST her AGAIN ?????!! .......knowing or NOT Knowing what she had DONE !!


Dump the B**CH/W**RE/S**TH. ......If I were U, I will immediately go get a AIDS & STD Test, Condoms do break.[ if she is "Smart" enough to use it, in the heat of passion, let's give her the benefit of the doubt]....

>> Sorry , for being harsh, but that is how I see it....BUT most of all, U have more Dignity and Pride, to let someone do this to U after 10 years of Marriage. It will take a lot to put it back together,But looks like your wife is NOT even Remorseful, and nonchalant about the whole affair. For god sake, she is more Angry at U for invading her privacy with the Text Message, like she has a "Full Right" to the Extra Marital Affair.

[StillinShock]

Well, as they say, you have been initiated into a club that no one wanted to have to join. I am so sorry this happened to you. It must have been horrible---and for her to literally be cheating with you sitting there--my gosh, she couldn't even go through a meal with her family without texting/cheating with someone. Talk about not being there.

So she admitted it. I agree she sounds quite calleous "it just happened".

I wouldn't try to spend too much time right now deciding what you are going to do long-term. You are in shock. Use what energy you can muster from the haze of devastation to take care of some immediate business for yourself.

Make an appointment with your family doctor today and get tested for everything. (it doesn't matter what she says--they lie)

Tell at least one friend or family member, you must do this and have some support

Secure your finances--she cheated, she can't be trusted in any way. Control all the money. If she resists--well you'll have some ofyour answers

Don't be too quick to reconcile...tell her you deserve some time to think. Ask her to write you a letter telling you everything and apologizing. (this may come in handy later)...

Get the computer hard-drive, etc (others here can tell you more), replace with a laptop or something and get a key logger and get more information about what you are up against. When you get more information--well, sometimes the information guides you as to what you should do.

Right now, well, you do not know everything. They admit to things in pieces--it took over a year before I found out everything. It seeps out slowly--and painfully unfortunately.

Hang in there and let us know how it goes....but call your doctor today. That will be like having cold water splashed in your face and it will really wake you up to exactly what she has done.

I'm sorry--this is very painful to go through....

[bchgrl2008]

SIS is correct, and you really need to sit down with her and talk about this. You need to know if she is going to end it, if she has strong feelings for this man, how long it's been going on etc. I am sorry you are here because unfortunately you have a pretty difficult road ahead. you will get very little of the truth at this time, so don't be too quick to believe everything that she is telling you. Start thinking about you now. She may try to guilt you into blaming yourself, but just know that this is NOT your fault. Good luck

[sunkeepshining]

I feel your pain man. I had a similar situation happen to me about 3 weeks ago. Except mine was with my wifes facebook account. She left it open and I happen to see a message that said "I Love you my soul mate" and I thought, what the $#$#. So I read a little further and saw that this had been going on for a week. Apparently she had found her first boyfriend from highschool and they started to get hot and heavy via face book. I confronted her that night and she did not deny it. Actually, she said she was sorry, but not that she had been unfaithful, just that she hurt me. I have been with this women for 20 years and married for 17. We have two kids and I though we were doing great. Now I am exactly at the point you are. What do I do now. I know she loves this guy but she says she loves me too. I told her that I could not live with her If she did not stop this relationship. She said that she did not know what she wanted. Right now I am in limbo waiting for the other shoe to drop. I would have kicked her out right away but up until this happened I though she was the love of my life. Plus I don't want to mess up my poor kids and I really don't want a messy divorce. As far as your wife's texts go you should be able to get on the cell phone companies web site and log into your account and see the number the texts are going to and from. I did this at first and I was amazed how many texts and phone conversations they had through the day. Needless to say he was the first and last person she talked to every day. Hang in there it may not be the end.

Originally Posted by mcskat

My wife and I have been together for 10 years but married for 5. We have 5 kids 3 of which are not mine. We recently went out for dinner at this restaurant which we have done so many times in the past. While at dinner I noticed she received a text message which also normally happens so I didn't think anything off it. It was only when she read the message that she shielded it from me. After eating and preparing to leave the restaurant, I went to get the car and when I looked back she was texting on the phone. I waited until I got home and she went to the bedroom and then I read the text message. The message referred to her breast. I confronted my wife and asked her she was cheating on me. She became enraged and asked me if I was snooping on her phone. She finally confessed that she was and then had the nerve to say it just happened that she was not looking to cheat. Talk about a gut punch. . Now I'm dealing with do I stay or do I go. What a hard decision. So I sit around here on pins and needles every time she gets a text message. What should I do.

[Tabuu]

Just making a comment.... Technology is sure making it "easy" to CHEAT...Text messaging,Face Book,Emails,Cell Phones, Wireless Laptops.......U got to be Technologically savvy these days to catch a Cheater....

[Flynn]

Who was it with? And what does your wife want to do?

They all say it was the first time. Also she said she was not looking to cheat, well she seemed to enjoyed that the otheman likes her breasts enough to text about them.

[fitzge]

Do NOT believe one word that comes out of her mouth at this point. She is a liar. Do not beg, plead, threaten. It doesn't work -- we've all tried. Don't try to talk her out of it or to rationally approach any discussions with her. She is a nut and could care less about you or her family. Protect those finances. She'll have you in the poor house before you know it. Expose the A to family (both sides), friends, etc.

Do NOT try to figure out WHY she is doing this -- she will attempt to shovel the blame on to you. Stop "what if'ing yourself." There is nothing you could have done to have prevented this. She is a self-centered selfish b*tch.

Concentrate as much of the energy you currently have on yourself and then your children. She's going to do what she's going to do -- you can't control her. You can, however, take control by not being sucked into her dysfunctional non-sense. You will survive this and get better. I know you don't think it will happen at this point, but you will whether she grows up or not.

[doesmybuttlookfatinthis]

You and sunkeepshining, both need to file for divorce. especially mcskat. In mc. I would tell my wife, "Well apparently it is time for you to move on to your next breeder. You would think that because I have taken your first three kids in that you would be somewhat loyal to me. But apparently not. Tell her that from now on you will not watch her first 3 children. And that you are going to separate finances, close all joint bank accounts and credit cards. Tell her that you will be moving out. That you will split the custody of your two children but from now on you won't be helping with her first batch. Tell her if she pushes the issue with her kids or your kids about how mean you are, you will tell them that mommy has a boyfriend now and doesn't want to be a family anymore and that she wants to have more brothers and sisters with the other man. ALL OF THIS IS A BARGAINING CHIP, I AM NOT SUGGESTING THAT YOU SAY ANYTHING TO THE KIDS. The closing of accounts, shutting off credit cards, moving out, and of course just searing her with what I wrote is to do one thing. Bring her to crisis. She will either fold or you will know that it is over. YOU MUST BRING HER TO CRISIS.