Need help

[Armyman]

I am in the army. I am in Iraq and found out two days ago my wife sleep with a co-worker.(3 times she says) After I picked my self off the ground and stoped crying I called her the next day and told her that if she would stop sleep with this man untill i got home(4 months) and give us a chance to rebild our relashionship i would do my best to overcome this. She told me she needs time to think about it. Now I have been in Iraq about 4-1/2 years of our 7 years of marage and she says this is the first time this has happend. I know we had some problums befor i left but didend see this comeing. How long do i give her to make up her mind? I worry she is just trying have her new BOYFRIEND and keep my army checks comeing as long as she can.

[sleeplessnights]

you got it brother, she needs your money and security, but she needs something else from him and you know exactly what that is....i can say this to you because i am in a marriage right now that i have been with this woman since 1991, married w/ 4 kids and she has had at least 3 different affairs on me, blamed me for everyone of them but loved me no what, but i also know that i provide a good life for her and these kids, she has a financial security, great health insurance, and a retirement that would leave her AOK if anything was to happen to me, in other words, she is secure with me, but she all these other studs give her what else she needs that obviously, i'm not providing her. get rid of her my friend, she WILL do this again. when my wife cheated the first time, my dad said "she did it ince, she'll do it again" i told her he said that, she got p1ssed at him.....but guess what, not only did she do it agin, but she did again and again and again......when i was in the marines from 1987- 19991, she did it back then, too. when i came home, i kicked a little a$$ and chalked it up as an isolated incident and said, it wasn't her fault, they made her do it. older is wiser, i actually figured out my wife has a mind and is capable of making it up for herself too. she didn't do nothing she didn't want to do.
get rid of her, i promise she will do it again. no matter what she says. do it once, its a mistake, do it twice, its habitual.
also, thank you for your service to our country, there are those of us who appreciate it the fact that you put your life on the line in a foreign, dangerous country to keep us all free. thank you!!!!!!!

[doesmybuttlookfatinthis]

If she needs to think about whether she will stop screwing this guy. Dump the skank. What about tears of contrition? What about her begging and pleading for you not to leave her?

[bchgrl2008]

You don't give her time. She needs to end this now. If she's not willing to do it, then take that as the sign you need to end the marriage. I am usually the one who hopes for the best and hopes things can work out, however, she hasn't made any attempts to end this and has told you that she needs to think about it. Well, she can think about it over coffee, doughnuts, divorce papers and no more checks. Shame on her. You are serving our country and she's serving someone else. Horrible.

[sleeplessnights]

don't let the distance decide how you feel about her, you need to move on now before your a$$ gets in deeper sh1t, whether your in iraq or not, if you have no ties that bind other than marriage (and i'm talking children) get out now, there are plenty of fish in the sea. i wished i would not have gotten in so deep but at least now i can pass my wisdom on to you. learn from others mistakes, like mine. get out now. she'll do it again.

[Geographical Bachelor]

I am dealing with the distance thing myself now. I am 17 years into my Army career and almost 9 years of marriage. We have 2 kids and I just stumbled upon her internet affair. It has not been physical but it has been emotional. I am stuck in Korea for another 7 1/2 months. We were talking about my mid-tour leave and now we are talking about her little friend. He lives too far for it to have been a physical relationship (that much I do know). She would not tell me who it was, but I had his phone number from the cell phone bill.

[bchgrl2008]

Wow. I am losing respect for army wives as the days are passing. I hear about this all of the time, in fact, I live in a military area and all kinds of cheating goes on. Pathetic. I am so irritated. These women CHOSE men who may get deployed. They knew what they were getting into. Thanks for being loyal ladies...shame shame.

[The_Road_2_Recovery]

I've lived near an Army base my entire life. I'm sorry to say that this goes on way more than talked about. My heart goes out to you as my Husband is also in Iraq working. And, I realize the hell you all go through over there.
On to your situation: It sounds to me like you need to do some soul searching within yourself. Do NOT wait for her to do it for you. I understand from your post that you are willing to forgive her and work on your marriage when you get back. The fact that she's reluctant to do so speaks volumes. In my opinion, if if she was truly sorry and wanted to be with you... she wouldn't have to think twice about her answer when you asked her to wait. As I stated before this is a common thing with Military Spouses. Some say it's due to the fact that they're lonely or alone all the time. Honestly, I don't feel like that's an excuse. When you love someone and are truly committed to them- you don't jump on the first person who shows you attention. You stay committed to them at all costs. She has shown you great disrespect by doing what she's done. She very well may have the "out of sight out of mind" attitude towards you and your marriage. As long as the money comes in and she's taken care of why worry? That's an awful approach to have towards a marriage. If that's the outlook she has.. then you need to contact JAG and seek a divorce. You do have legal options through the military. She's already admitted to you that she's cheating. She can't guarantee to you that she won't do it again. Contact your CO and see what your options are to stop her from using your money, and housing to do so. You need to take a step back, collect yourself and figure out a plan, my friend. You DO have options.

[The_Road_2_Recovery]

Originally Posted by Geographical Bachelor

I am dealing with the distance thing myself now. I am 17 years into my Army career and almost 9 years of marriage. We have 2 kids and I just stumbled upon her internet affair. It has not been physical but it has been emotional. I am stuck in Korea for another 7 1/2 months. We were talking about my mid-tour leave and now we are talking about her little friend. He lives too far for it to have been a physical relationship (that much I do know). She would not tell me who it was, but I had his phone number from the cell phone bill.

How awful Geo.. Sad thing is, sometimes the worst affairs are the emotional affairs. Sex is one thing. But, when emotions are tied up in things it makes it much worse. Not to mention harder to let go of. Are you considering calling her "Little Friend"?