Who Caused the Majority of Pre-A Problems?

[Linda'sblessed]

It's hard for me to comment on this post, because my husband always kissed me deeply whenever I helped him pack all of his golf gear into the trunk of his car. He never failed to come home, he never missed a day without telling me how much he loved me, and he wrapped his arms around me and held me close to him all night... every night, when we slept.
The only thing he forgot to tell me for whatever his reasons, was that he'd been out golfing all morning with a woman he just met on the internet, and spent the entire afternoon screwing her in a cheap hotel room, or in the backseat of our family car.

If he'd given me any indication that our marriage was in trouble, I would have been all ears. But he never did. Instead he made me believe that everything was well, and that nothing could ever be better than what we had between us. He fell apart when he got caught. He didn't know how to react, didn't know how to respond, and went running to hide behind his good buddy/lawyer rather than sit down and talk to me about it. Thus my continuing legal saga for well over 2 years, and random phone calls from the clueless bimbo's he's entertaining himself with now who want to know if he ever cheated on me, like they suspect he's cheating on them.....

[Arnold]

His mask fell off, Linda. Trust me, only a true sociopath could pull it off this well.
If you had access to the history of his life, i bet you would see this is not isolated, even if it is the first time he cheated(highly doubtful). These folks leave a trail of destruction behind them.
My second wife's dad told me that she has a long list of enemies and she had always had to re-invent herself ever 3-5 years.
These are sociopaths among us and only a small % are the serial killer ypes. Most are just like your husband, seemingly ordinary. But, they are far from that, vampires, at heart.
eventually, you would have seen that he has no soul, no empathy, no conscience. I know it is hard to beleive, but there really are folks like this.

[Jasmine]

everything was (of course) all my fault, etc etc... lol

[highwall]

Originally Posted by Broken_Ohio_Angel

His reasoning for his emotional attachment and his feelings for Diva were selfish, she gave him attention. His ego loved it. That's all there was to it.

This is it in a nutshell. Their selfishness overrides any ability to see the affect their actions will have on their spouse when they are eventually found out. But they are too confident it will never be found out, so they think it's acceptable to have their cake and eat it too.

Interestingly enough, my CH's first wife cheated on him. She claimed she was unhappy and tried to communicate this to him, but he didn't listen. My response is if he didn't listen, then you should have packed your bags and left. Cheaters also cheat because they are cowards. Yes, my CH was selfish, a coward, and a poor communicator and that is why he cheated.

[StillinShock]

Linda'sblessed---I really could relate to your post--it was the same with my cheating ex--wonderful kisses as he dressed for his "meetings" out of town that day. Then he would return after "work" and we had a great evening with the kids or at their ball games, etc. Everyone, including the kids and myself thought we had a great marriage.

I was as shocked as you were--any time he was stressed or troubled it was always about his job when I asked, of course, I realize now that his double life must have been sooo stressful. He even started having panic attacks.

I read somewhere that one should highly suspect more than just a narcassist if they lie etc and then try to make people feel sorry for them. Apparently, one should highly suspect the sociopathic personality--no conscience--when you see that type of behavior.

I really learned a lot from The Wizard of Oz and other Narcissists as well as the Sociopath next Door. I would suggest them for everyone--I feel like I am more likely to spot the next one now.
SIS