MySpace Cheater, do I call the other woman?

[MySpaceAddict]

Hello, I just found this site tonight and I feel thankful to have a place to vent my feelings because I'm too humiliated to talk to my friends or family. Last week, I discovered my husband's MySpace account. On his profile he said he was single and bascially looking for someone to meet. While visiting all of his "friends" pages, I realized that there is one girl that he constantly talks and writes poetry to. This girl (who is also a stripper and lives in a different city) has pictures of my husband on her site with captions such as "my love". I checked his cell phone bill and he has spent hours talking to her. He often leaves the house at night so that he can sit in his car and talk to her. I confronted him about all of this and he said that he is not willing to give up talking to her. He said that he loves me but that right now he needs this in his life to help him feel better about himself since he has no job and some health issues (social anxiety). I told him that this is ****ed up and that I want him to move out. Today he told me that he is going to stop and that he wants to see a counselor about this. However, as I write this post he is sitting in the other room chatting with the stripper. I know his passwod and have read every single conversation since the first one in February. I know for a fact that they have not met and that he is lying to her about the entire fantasy life that he has made up for himself. My question is, do I call this girl and tell her the truth in hopes that I can get her out of our life? Or, should I force him to move out in hopes or either getting on with my life or hopefully getting him to change his behavior? I'm at a lost of what to do and would appreciate any advice. Thank you:confused:

[NHBfighter]

tell his ass to move out.

[SHYGURL520]

WELL IVE BEEN IN THE SAME SITUATION WITH MYSPACE. NEEDLESS TO SAY ITS NOT ONE OF MY FAVORITE SITES. I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD CALL HER TELL HER THE WHOLE SITUATION AND IF SHE IS ANY KIND OF WOMAN SHE WONT LIKE THE FACT THAT HE LIED TO HER ABOUT EVERYTHING AND SHE WILL STAY AWAY BUT IF NOT AND YOUR HUSBAND REFUSES TO CUT OFF ALL TIES WITH HER I WOULD MAKE HIM MOVE OUT. NOBODY REALIZES WHAT THEY HAVE UNTIL ITS GONE! MAYBE THEN HE WILL WAKE UP.

[Amber]

I think if I were in your situation which I kinda am. I would tell him either he quits and we work things out or things are done. Either way I would call his little girlfriend and tell her about him.

[Beenthere]

I confronted my husband's other and she rattled at the mouth with crap I did not want to hear. I totally wanted to know her side until she told me. I ran into her at a grocery store no less.

If you confront her, she'll get defensive and lash back just to get out of the corner.

[annprez]

after almost 3 decades, 3 children, and 3 pets, I've found out about a cell phone message to my husband that was very suspicious. She said,"I haven't talked to you iin a while. Missed you! Booty Call Booty Call." I figured out who it was and was very upset. I blew it. I told him about it and he said," Oh, she's just like that. She doesn't have agood marriage and was feeling a little flirty." THEN he got mad at me for hearing his cellphone message.

[annprez]

Hello, I just found this site tonight and I feel thankful to have a place to vent my feelings because I'm too humiliated to talk to my friends or family. Last week, I discovered my husband's MySpace account. On his profile he said he was single and bascially looking for someone to meet. While visiting all of his "friends" pages, I realized that there is one girl that he constantly talks and writes poetry to. This girl (who is also a stripper and lives in a different city) has pictures of my husband on her site with captions such as "my love". I checked his cell phone bill and he has spent hours talking to her. He often leaves the house at night so that he can sit in his car and talk to her. I confronted him about all of this and he said that he is not willing to give up talking to her. He said that he loves me but that right now he needs this in his life to help him feel better about himself since he has no job and some health issues (social anxiety). I told him that this is ****ed up and that I want him to move out. Today he told me that he is going to stop and that he wants to see a counselor about this. However, as I write this post he is sitting in the other room chatting with the stripper. I know his passwod and have read every single conversation since the first one in February. I know for a fact that they have not met and that he is lying to her about the entire fantasy life that he has made up for himself. My question is, do I call this girl and tell her the truth in hopes that I can get her out of our life? Or, should I force him to move out in hopes or either getting on with my life or hopefully getting him to change his behavior? I'm at a lost of what to do and would appreciate any advice. Thank you:confused:Dear Confused, Run, Run as far away as you can go! You'd rather hava a ten day cold rather than 3 week virus. In other words don't drag it out. he's using you for safety.

[annprez]

Why don't you explain to your hubby how all this makes you feel. Continue to say how demeaning and hurtful this attention toward this noname makes you question you certainty of the marriage. If he hesitates, seems to be weighing his losses if he oses her, it's time for you to be indepentent. He will have to go and work out his confusion with a professiona.
You may have kids and that maybe your only concern but, believe me they already sense something's wrong. Daddy can feel better if he lives alone for a while. He can always visit and go on trips and eat ice cream and talk on the phone every night.
However, he cannot stay while performing this internet relationship in front of his family! As they say; Poop or get off the pot!

[wtcs]

Wow...the sad thing is that he actually wanted you to allow this and be ok with it.

[paula]

it's kink of like alcoholics, you can only pour out so much booze before you realize that like alcohol, women are everywhere. you can't expect them to do as you ask. he can not be protected from the whole world of women. he will go outside or to the store or online and then what? time to throw him out.

[grumpy_shay]

"kind of like alcholics" is something I've been trying to get my b/f to understand. Yes, it's true. They do whatever they want and never think of the consequences. My ex-husband lied lied lied about the woman he is now married to. My b/f continues to relapse into his bad habits of online chatting and finding new people to text or IM. I tried to fight fire with fire and start my own profile once..totally had him bent out of shape! So I stopped but apparently he didn't!!
So in a way, if alcoholics don't quit thier drinking before it kills them and robs them of happiness they are missing out on, why can't men realize that online affairs destroy what could be happy healthy relationships??
I read once in a book, (Chicken Soup) where a woman who talked about how we work hard on diets and looking good, opting not to eat just junk food because it will make us feel bad and unfit said, "So why can't we--as rational, intelligent women--do the same with relationships? If we can understand that our hips are going to spread if we eat a steady diet of french fries, why can't we get it through our heads that our hearts are going to break if we try to love someone who cannot love us back? Hello? Is anybody listening?"
Just thought I'd share..

Shay

[Aspen]

I chose to call my husband's girlfriend out of pure anger and craziness because of what he had put me through and I wanted to know what the hell was really going on. Well I was fooling myself of course, when people learn to lie so much, she was convinced that I was crazy and he actually loved her and took his side. So really all I am saying is be careful and what I realized is that if he could not be honest with me and I had to call the other girl to get my answers it was so not worth it. Stand your ground and stand strong, she does not deserve a phone call from you. I chose to walk once I had belittled myself to the point that I was calling my husband's girlfriend, what is that all about???? Of course often times husband's come back, but honey it should be on your terms.

[TooFarGone]

I know the title alone sounds harsh but its true its not her fault its his....i am basically going through the same thing my husband of one year just cheated i cornered him into admitting it we has only been married one year but have been together like 7 years we were high school sweethearts we were best friends and we loved each other so much everything was perfect. Drew barrymore said its when everything is perfect that you really have to worry. which is so true up until 3 weeks ago i though we were perfect as a matter of fact he had been happier than ever it was like it was when we first started dating theni lost my job and he left that weekend to go to the river with his friends i told him to i was sad but he had planned it a while back i told him that i really needed to talk to him though so to call me when he got there...i waited all weekend he never called when i finally heard from him he said i forgot no im sorry nothing just i forgot i couldnt understand why he would be so indifferent about it esp knowing how bummed i was about losing my job. things got worse we live about 40 miles from work and he works really long hours so it wasnt weird for him to spend 1 or 2 nights at his shop where they have beds setup and everything...but it got to the point that hed only come home 1 night a week i would find reciepts for a bikini bar near his job "its where my friends like to go he" said "you know i hate those places" which was true or so i thought i started looking through his phone checking his vm when he didnt answer checking his email. too bad for me hes not dumb he would delete certain numbers from reccent calls empty his txt msgs not use his email and wouldnt let me near his truck..he told me that he loved me very much but was too fond of his reckless lifestyle he liked drinking...that he liked hanging out with the guys well like ive said weve been together for about 7 years he has always been very quiet very reserved very shy he never had friends by choice not because hes socially retarded or anything so when he started hanging out with these guys i was so happy i thought it was great he found someone to hang out with while i was at work so up until this point i knew he was being an ass but i didnt know he was cheating ......he said that he did give girls his number when he got drunk but that he didnt talk to any of them the next day ....that was unnerving enough until i found out there was only one girl. Her name is jeni with an i not a y which is so stupid shes a stripper whose about 5 yrs older than me and 100 pounds lighter than me ..(a couple of years back i was diagnosed with pcos poly cystic ovarian syndrome which caused me to gain like 1 30 pounds in 6 months it was hell) shes nothing like me and it makes me wonder how he could want someone totally different but i guess thats the thing about cheating hes been seeing her for a month says that they only had sex once when he was drunk he says that they hang out about 2-3 times a week and that they mostly go to this bikini bar she works at with his friends or to fast food places. I dont know what hurts the most that he betrayed me like that or that he didnt just **** her hes dating her shes his girlfriend and they care about each other deep down inside i know what the worst thing about it is ....its that i was too in love with him and too happy to know that anything was going on.....but i cant blame the dirty hoe i want to believe me i want to beat her face in afterall i know where she works and lives but deep down in my heart i know that she wasnt married to me she wasnt my friend she wasnt even aware i exsisted. It was him that should have been loyal he was the only one who lied to me to himself to her he is who should be blamed not her.....also when i did talk to her she made me feel like an idiot and like someone said before me you really just want to know whats going on until a you find out that truth hurts and because you only want her side of the story until she tells you

[sheriffs3536]

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[trustless]

DOnt' be me and stay for years. Trust me. GIve him an ultimatum and stick to it.....if he talks to her again, he's gone.

oh yeah, I'd call her. Does she know he's married? I'd call and say "this is his wife" and leave it at that.