Help. Can't move on.

[janets]

Found a message "missing you at 2:35am" on my computer. My husband evidentally was on with someone, had too much to drink, and left it up. I confronted him and he denied it was anything. Said he chatted with alot of people online in chat rooms. I proceeded to IM the girl the next day pretending I was him under a different email address. I found out they had met over 9 mos ago online. She sent me some emails he sent her. They were basically just wishing her happy holidays and the like but one was a little sexual. She sent him a catalog and he picked out the outfit he wanted to see her in and out of. He lied to her about his age by 25 years and his marital status. She quickly wanted nothing to do with him when she found out and I got him confess. At first he still felt it was nothing but he saw how distraught I was and finally came to terms with it. He told me he had cybersex (words) with her and with others from chat rooms. He changed his email address and promised to stay off the computer. We had drifted apart and this was a wake up call for both of us. We are being more attentive to each other and having better sex than ever, but I can't get past this. I can't go to bed at night without thinking he might be trying to go online. I set up a monitor on the computer and I've been checking and it seems so far he's been true to his word. I have put up with alot over the years but I always felt he was devoted. He is always home, rarely goes out except with me, and is a good father. Can't believe he did this to me. The thought of him being intimate with someone else, even though it was online is hard for me to handle. It's only been a few months but I can't shake this awful feeling. How do I get over this?

[doedoe]

Just know it is not you. I caught my husband cheating on line (actually I was tipped off by a telephone call from a woman at my office -- figure that one out -- tried to ignore it, but he knew something was wrong and I finally blurted it out. Of course, he denied it, said someone must really hate me to do something like that. I found solid proof in black and white print (although he doesn't know I have it in print) and he still denied it. I also had the number from caller ID, called it back, got the woman's name and place of employment and he still denied it and told ME that I was CRAZY, that he didn't believe that anyone called me and I was making it up. WOW! He is constantly on a site that has sex stories -- bondage, s & m -- stuff like that. Our sex life used to be great, now he barely comes near me and I'm convinced they have had a physical relationship. So now I don't want him near me -- yuck! He is a liar for sure -- I catch him in lies all the time and he always denies and blames me. It is just a matter of time for me -- getting things in order financially - thank God the house belongs to me from the first marriage, and getting my children prepared -- thank God they old enough and have him figured out too.
We women need to know that it isn't us -- these men have problems that we can't fix no matter how much we love them.
Hang in there.

[doedoe]

I don't know if you will ever be able to shake it. I haven't been able to -- I've tried, but he keeps screwing up the best thing he's ever had. The bridge has been burned.
Be careful and protect yourself and stay strong.