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View Full Version : *My wife Is Cheating on me...HELP, im alone*


gman
10-25-2006, 07:00 AM
:(

Hi guys,

*takes a huge deep breath*

Yup as you can see from the title of thread, the worst has happened and am feeling very low and sad. I know you all have heard numerous stories and well i thought it was only me but having looked thru this site, i guess im not.

i think i'll keep it kind of short... Well i been married for 3 and half years, girlfriend before and known her for total of 6 years. We come from sikh background, had the turmoil of getting married cos caste systems, came over that, with families not having it and now are the best of buddies. Also had the troubles of my family and herself not getting on but now are on a level. She doesnt talk to her bro and sis but is cool with her mum dad, so you could say a very tough time ish and well this has come along.

And to make matters worse, and i can hear you all say "how come im still with her" is that we still havent made love *cries* well she's like when we decide to have kids then that'll be the time. Yeah we have a healthy oral sex marriage, but i mean is that it.

Well, about this time last year, i had my suspicions and she well was on the phone texting non stop, so one day i looked at ther phone and saw text messages saying "i want to sleep with you" from one person and then another text mssg saying "i love you" both from different ppl. I confronted her and she said this guy was hassling her and that this other guy helped her out by saying he was her lover by saying "i love you" confused??well i was for sure. Well we argued and shouted and well i was asking her to come back to me. Stupid me! Then i thought well lets just see. She decided to keep her phone always on her, never let it out of her sight. I called this guys number 2 weeks later only for her to pick up the phone. yeah i know.

Then i let it be, i thought id catch her out. Over the months i managed to get hold of her mobile phone bill, constantly texting and phoning one number. She became distant, we never kissed, never hugged, she never replied to me when i said "I love you" Then another number came up on her bill, the bill becoame really expensive, at time up to 300 pounds. I called these guys numbers, always hung up. i was fed up. really angry, blood would boil. She'd then readress bill to her work, even her bank statments. Then she began to leave her phone under her pillow and that when i thought she's cheating for sure. Saw messages that would kill a pperson, well its killed me. Her phone went on the blink and she changed her sim card, i managed to sneek the sim card from her bag and transferred her sent messages to my phone...as follow are her messages to this guy:

"Morn lovely. I miss u 2 i want u and need u in my life. Wish i had woken up next to u xx"

"sorry for the lack of txt mssgs been out all day. want be with u forever. i thought about our weding conversation2day and it made me smile in my heart. i love you honey always x"

now wouldnt that make anyone blood boil, reading it now makes me sick.

Well i try so hard and thick yeah i can still make a go of this.But no such luck for me. Yeah i would see her panties, so dirty and yeah she'd come home , work late, and go straight in to shower or bath. Yeah even to the point of i would see her naked. I would see her pubic hair down below, all the tell tale signs are there as she's got this damn design going on.

Well last month it was our 4th anniversary and we went to barcelona, was really nice, she seemed so different. Then we got back and via work she's been away for the past few months and then she had to go again i was like ok. But when she came back i sneeked at her suitcase to find some lingeire, that hadnt been used and now she;'s hidden away from me and the most gut wrnching moment was that i found that she's on the pill, yup and had been since we got back from barcelona.

Im virtually dead inside now, im fed up and dont know what to do, i wanna leave her and finsih it. I wanna find out more but am scared...just feel weak need help ...pls....:(

MuffinMan
10-25-2006, 08:10 AM
If you do not have kids with her yet...DON'T. Do NOT have kids with this wh0re. She won't have sex with you, but she will with someone else, until she is ready to have kids?? What are you to her, nothing but a provider and sperm bank?

Leave this b!tch. I know I am being harsh, but you need to hear it. You are in the situation where you can get out easy and start a new life. Some of us already had kids and the decision of what to do isn't as easy.

But in your case, you can get out. Get a lawyer, tell him everything you found out, the pills, lingerie, text messages. That is definitely grounds for a divorce. And since you have only been together for 4 years, there shouldn't be that many marital assets you share.

Or you can get really angry and confront her with everything...be REALLY graphic...confront her with the pills you found..the text messages, show her the evidence and say "WHAT THE F#CK IS THIS!!" Be angry when you do it, be in a rage(but don't hit her). What will this do? well...who knows, but it sure felt good when I did it and damn if she wasn't scared, even though I'd never lay a hand on her.
And if she gets mad that you were spying on her, tell her to get the hell out of the house. She has NO RIGHT getting mad when you had probable cause to spy on her. My God, she is taking the pill FOR ANOTHER MAN!!

You have the opportunity to get out cheap and save yourself. Let someone else have this immoral wench.

tomasingm
10-25-2006, 12:12 PM
Write them everything you have told us tell them to come get her or your are going to kill her plain and simple. Divorce her she is obviously screwing somebody......No Remorse to care get rid of her if you DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN GET RID of her.

MuffinMan
10-25-2006, 12:35 PM
As far as you getting angry at her and letting her have it, you can use this as inspiration, just adjust the words to fit a woman.
http://www.wavsite.com/sounds/10017/xmas23.wav

markus
10-26-2006, 02:31 AM
Well last month it was our 4th anniversary and we went to barcelona, was really nice, she seemed so different. Then we got back and via work she's been away for the past few months and then she had to go again i was like ok. But when she came back i sneeked at her suitcase to find some lingeire, that hadnt been used and now she;'s hidden away from me and the most gut wrnching moment was that i found that she's on the pill, yup and had been since we got back from barcelona.

Im virtually dead inside now, im fed up and dont know what to do, i wanna leave her and finsih it. I wanna find out more but am scared...just feel weak need help ...pls....


Gman dont be weak and insecure .... wake up and see that this b:tch does not deserve you
If your not married or have children then its time to split

she's a sneaky c.unt and always will be

confused
10-26-2006, 09:48 AM
Seriously bro. (i'm tryin' to talk to you like a dude so you'll LISTEN).

I don't even know where to begin....other than...your marriage and your whole relationship is/was odd. AND...i couldn't follow along a lot of the times. There were sentences or words missing that connected the next situation to the last.

So....am i right that you haven't had sex? EVER? 4 years? Just oral?

*odd*........ What was the reason for that?

Anyhow...you obviously KNOW she's having sex with someone else...because she doesn't need the "pill" for oral. She sleeps with her phone under her pillow...and the EVIDENCE is in the text you had forwarded to you....that she LOVES this dude....and is talking about a freakin WEDDING?!!!!!!!

Are you KIDDING ME? Why WOULD you want to try to make a "go" at this? GET OUT.....Do you have family? Siblings, friends, parents who can help you financially if needed? Can you break your lease? Go to a "room for rent" place? You need to get away from this b*tch. She is walking all over you...and has been since you've been married. I just don't get it.

Was this an arranged marriage? *curious*

gman
10-30-2006, 08:01 AM
the first post i wrote was from some time ago and now i have updated it with this... :(

am so messed up inside


hi everyone,

Been sometime since i last posted, main reason being i took it to myself to actually give this marriage a go and see if it could get better. Months have passed and well nothing has changed, yeah i still feel the same way about her - that i love her but its almost gone now.

I guess i wanted to find out more somehow or another be it some proper evidence, i know i should listen to you all and you all are right but i just needed to be sure. all the evidence i have is sufficient enough but for my heart to also feel it, it wasn't. So thats why i stuck with it. Months have gone and we still havent made love, it does make me sick even the little things like touching her foot or snuggling up she just moves me away, not in a nice way but quite harshly! i guess also why i havent done anything is becuse our lives have been busy and have got so much on i no its a feeble excuse but im strugglin and i guess the culture behind us im scared of the community and family knowing!

i thought about catching her out be it if i called the guy in question and threatening him or asking a friend to call my wife up and threaten her that she's someone who knows and you better tell you husband, i dunno its prob i can't bring it up with her!

BUT NOW i have come to the fact that i have lost the love of my life i have no feelings for her cos i have snoooped around and luckily for my luck actually cracked her hotmail account and well there is one email that she forwarded from her work add explaining everything and just that one email has so cemented in me that i have to finish this...The email included the fact that she was with a guy from work and now that she is seeing another guy who she feels is the one! HOW SICK! And top of that she explains to this new guy that she made love to this guy and not me... a few bits from email....

Opening line..."Its true i love you for the person that you are and for the person that i am when im with you."

"And because i love you so much i cant say guess what and just leave it at that its unfair. You telling me its ok and that you can wait just reminds me of all those qualities i fell for in the first place"

"XXXXX was my first" I have been with hubby since 1999. We never had proper you know what. I have given him nothing back and he needs to tell me to go

"all i know is that i once had become a strong friendship rather than the love of my life. Did he pity me"

You have brought so much into my life

All i say is trust me when i say i love you i do and i have given myself to you which is the most precious thing i have.

so thats what i found i guess its the final piece, i just wanna know if i should threaten her or just sit down with her and just go our seperate ways, im gonna say give it 3 weeks or so and then i will have the talk, will finish it. Its gonna hurt but now im more stronger than before, cos when i confronted her first time i was the one who was crying and pleading with her.

Is there any tips or ways of putting all this across, should i show her the email, or just say this is not working out and say is there someone else in her life, all im stuck with now is how to say this cos i have made that one big decision that i wanna finish it, life is too short, i so wanted children but not with her now, so wanted to grow old with her but not now. I just pray the future is not as hard as this but i want my life back, want my smile back, want happiness back, want o sleep at night....

btw really appreaciate all the advice, and yeah i'll keep posting now cos i know im gonna end....

thanx

MuffinMan
10-30-2006, 09:10 AM
You just confront her with everything you know, tell her that she does not love you and that she betrayed you and you will never trust her again....and knowing that you need to move on. Simple as that really.
Her reaction will be more than likely one of two responses...she'll get mad, and if thats the case you can just say, "if thats the way you feel then get out now b!tch"
Or she will beg and plead with you...if she does...do not let this get to you, tell her its time to call it quits.

The other possibility, which I don't think will happen, is that she'll agree with you and decide to let your relationship, whats left of it, go without a fight or a harsh word.

Either way, just leave, you have that flexibility...no kids right? If you don't have kids, the decision in my mind is simple...leave her...PERIOD.

markus
10-31-2006, 08:08 AM
Gman why are you concerned about how and when to end this relationship ?
just tell her its over and leave no doors open for explanations or remorse
you dont even need to talk to her about what she's done wrong
you have set your target to leave her .. concentrate on that and how you can rebuild your life when you leave
Put it down to a bad experiance and move on

Skirtchaser
10-31-2006, 08:25 PM
Do you have any b.alls gman? I guess all her "subtle hints" arent sinking in?? If someone shoots a gun with real bullets at you how long does it take for you to grab cover?? Yea it hurts but that will pass when you start trying. Pack her shi.t and put it on the steps. Change the locks. Don't tell her shi.t. Grab you a babe somewhere fast to occupy your time. Once she sees she has lost her mealticket, she may try to beg back. She won't change. I hope your next post isnt full of indecision. You said you wanted to give the marriage a go?? THAT AINT A MARRIAGE DUDE. Grow them balls and act like a man., :cool:

MuffinMan
10-31-2006, 09:39 PM
We've all been pretty harsh and straightforward with you here gman...but one thing you need to know...in response to your title..."I'm all alone".

No...you aren't bud. We have all been there. We are right here with you. You are not the only one going through this. Pretty soon you'll see the light hopefully, and then you'll be in here with a hardened heart with us.
Hell, I look forward to getting on this site now...a bunch of great guys who no longer will take sh!t off of women.

markus
11-01-2006, 02:11 AM
The email included the fact that she was with a guy from work and now that she is seeing another guy who she feels is the one! HOW SICK! And top of that she explains to this new guy that she made love to this guy and not me... a few bits from email....

Opening line..."Its true i love you for the person that you are and for the person that i am when im with you."

She's seriously screwed up .... i'd have to consider slapping this b"tch