HELP!!!! Need Advice.....

[2ndtime]

ive been married 6 years, in my 20's and have a 5 year old daughter.wife was my highschool sweetheart and we both really never had serious relationships aside from each other .im a devout husband and my priority is my family. ok now for the problem.........

Caught my wife cheated on me 2 years ago(with her ex/not yet really over it) and tried working on our relationship ever since for the sake of our girl...we kept the infidelity between ourselves(for her to save face) and i forgave her and tried my best to bring back our relationship and be a better husband(after she told me im neglecting her)... recently, just 2 days ago i had my suspicions/strong feelings dats she doing something again behind my back(staying up really late etc.)......last night i finally caught her dat shes been doin dirty stuff over the internet (cybersex,cam to cam ect).... and wen i confronted her she confessed doin dat for few months already. :mad: im not really sure if dats all she has done,she even talks to them over the phone. she could have also met these guys...:mad: hu knows wat she has been doin.....

she said she not happy with our life and dont know wat she wants...but she was remorseful,very sorry and said would not do it ever again (yeah right..heard dat b4!!!!) but she insists on stayin with me for our daughter.... but can u stay with someone that now u totally dont trust?? dat u feel almost no love for anymore??

now i need some advice on wat to do. i still have the feelings for her(but not sure if it is still LOVE)...... i already gave her chance during the first should i give her another chance? im worried about my lil girl..im still weighing my feelings for my daughter's future(for having a mom).....but i dont want to get hurt over and over again...2 times is enuf for me..... im so confused :confused: i sooooooo want to get back at her so she would feel how im feeling but i know it wont make it better.........i feel so low now.....pls help me any advice is appreciated.....

[Skirtchaser]

sounds like there are other reasons she is staying not just for your child. Is she staying for the security you provide her? Does she work outside the home? She's playing you and will never be faithful to you. That old crock, " I don't know what I want" is a damn lie. She will cheat again on you, the question is how long are you going to put up with it. She obviously knows she doesnt want you and is waiting for her ship to come in. Staying for the child can be worse atmosphere for the child. If your happy you can better take care of the child. Get on with your life. Find out what You want in life. :cool:

[prex]

What I want but i can't have is some sort of redemption. I want my wife to tell me I'm the best, biggest, greatest, bestest of the best, but, dang it, you know in your heart of hearts that if you were so great why'd she leave?

Its agonyzing. You hope and pray its not some immutable physical characteristic, something he's got that you don't have, a way of thinking or of being romantic or sending that electric thrill through her body in a way you never could, or can. Imagining her anticipating their sexual encounters, getting excited by it, dreaming of him when she's sleeping next to you, moaning and writhing around. Did she look into his eyes as he entered her the first time? Did her eyes roll back into hear head with pleasure, as he pounded her? And so on and on and on.

If one could keep these types of thoughts at the forefront of your thinking we'd rid ourselves of these sociopaths most quick and move on. But the mind can't tolerate much of the above. You block it. You make up improbable scenarios where he was just so charming and a sensitive guy she gave him sex just to keep the attention around. But you know you're wrong. Its about the sex. If the other guy sucked at sex, she'd boot him.

Why does she keep you around? Who in the heck knows?An affair isn't an affair without your sad sap face moping around the house, blowing up her phone. Maybe you got something he doesn't. like money. Except now he has both your wife's body and your money. Get back to work, chump, he must think, as he dozes off to sleep in some seedy motel room you paid for, his seed all over lingere you bought for your wife. Or they look at some pathetic text message you send begging your love to come back, and she laughs and takes it in the rear just one more time before coming home and going into a beserk rage if you ask too many questions. Yep.

Think all those rotten thoughts she put in your head and take them to their logical conclusion. If I could ever love this demon again then one must be crazy and nothing matters. Or, you could slap her so hard you blacken her eye and leave a hand print on her face for five days. I just bet you thats satisfying in a way that you can never imagine, a moment you relive in your mind and cherish forever. Oh yeah. You could swear never to tell anyone anything about the affair, and then tell every single man woman child homeless person every sordid detail. Send a letter to her dad outlining every gut wrenching discovery his little precious daughter let you find, jizz filled underwear, motel receipts etc. Why should you have to bear this burden alone? You do make your cross lighter by making others heavier, at least in this situation. Burn all your bridges to this fiend and move on.

If you get along with her parents, stop it. You wouldn't buddy up to the parents of a guy who broke your legs with a baseball bat, would you? No, just on principle you wouldn't. And I'll bet you'd trade her cheating for a couple of broken legs, wouldn't you? So why stay buddy buddy with her parents? For the kids? Think she'll come back if mommy and daddy talk you up? Mommy and daddy's approval of any man is the instant kiss of death, so stop wasting your time and getting used. And if her dad is any kind of a man, all you remind him of is his ***** of a daughter. he doesn'twant you around.

So don't be around. But leave in a way that at least gives her a taste of misery, but not so deep it looks like you still care. Move somewhere new. Silently. Quickly. With no warning. Take it all. If she's a true ***** screw her in the most demeaning hateful way you know she hates, then boot her out the door naked into the street. Strap on those balls god gave you and let her know what time it is!

[tomasingm]

ive been married 6 years, in my 20's and have a 5 year old daughter.wife was my highschool sweetheart and we both really never had serious relationships aside from each other .im a devout husband and my priority is my family. ok now for the problem.........

Caught my wife cheated on me 2 years ago(with her ex/not yet really over it) and tried working on our relationship ever since for the sake of our girl...we kept the infidelity between ourselves(for her to save face) and i forgave her and tried my best to bring back our relationship and be a better husband(after she told me im neglecting her)... recently, just 2 days ago i had my suspicions/strong feelings dats she doing something again behind my back(staying up really late etc.)......last night i finally caught her dat shes been doin dirty stuff over the internet (cybersex,cam to cam ect).... and wen i confronted her she confessed doin dat for few months already. :mad: im not really sure if dats all she has done,she even talks to them over the phone. she could have also met these guys...:mad: hu knows wat she has been doin.....

she said she not happy with our life and dont know wat she wants...but she was remorseful,very sorry and said would not do it ever again (yeah right..heard dat b4!!!!) but she insists on stayin with me for our daughter.... but can u stay with someone that now u totally dont trust?? dat u feel almost no love for anymore??

now i need some advice on wat to do. i still have the feelings for her(but not sure if it is still LOVE)...... i already gave her chance during the first should i give her another chance? im worried about my lil girl..im still weighing my feelings for my daughter's future(for having a mom).....but i dont want to get hurt over and over again...2 times is enuf for me..... im so confused :confused: i sooooooo want to get back at her so she would feel how im feeling but i know it wont make it better.........i feel so low now.....pls help me any advice is appreciated.....


Holy ****!!!!!

2nd time?? WTF? Okay she wants to have you because you provide security and stability and she wants to be a *****. Get rid of her, before you have ANOTHER kid with her again. Listen to me, you have 2 choices you accept the fact that she is a cheater that will never stop because she does not respect you or your family and live with that forever, or option 2, you ditch the ***** find a real woman that will respect you and start over....No Counseling, No trial separation, No nothing will fix her. The ball is in your court........... Not what you wanted to hear, but maybe needed to good luck and be strong for your child's sake. What example are you setting for your kids by tolerating her???? You want your children to be string and independent you would not want your children to be doormats so set an example, grow a pair, and do what you have to do with this broad.

[MuffinMan]

Holy ****!!!!!

2nd time?? WTF? Okay she wants to have you because you provide security and stability and she wants to be a *****.

A man and his wife walk out of the theater right after seeing the movie "Indecent Proposal"...you know the one where Robert Redford paid Woody $1 million smackers to bed down Demi Moore for a night?

Anyway, the wife looks at the husband and asks..."what would you do if Robert Redford wanted me for a night for $1 million?"

The husband says...."I'd pay it."

[2ndtime]

had another talk with my wife yesterday....but this time our families know of the situation.....so we had a talk and i had another revelation from her(since i told her i dont want secrets just spill it out) that she did physically cheat again about 2 months ago wen i was out of the country, and she swore that was everything :evil: . i went nuts..........so i did tell her were done and asked her to leave but our lil girl will stay with me.....she didnt want this and said she wants our girl and wants to stay for her.....after i screamed my heart out, punched some walls, i calmed down and went our for a breather. she went inside the bathroom wer she did the most stupid thing and overdosed herself with tylenol......after i found out about it few minutes later i called her mom then took her to the hospital.... shes still in recovery and im more confused than ever :cry: ........this is so f*c*ed up...

I was raised in an environment of close family ties.....had a talk with both family parties and they are both very supportive of me and what ever i will decide(but i feel wat they want is to give my wife another chance for my lil girl).....what breaks my heart is that my lil girl kinda knows wants goin on, with all the crying, fighting she saw..she even told me wen i went back to the hospital to take care of her mom... :cry:

i still dont really know wat to do...but i really need a normal,calm conversation with the wife, i need to know wat she really wants to do with her life.....ill let her recover for now, that will give us both time to think.........i just want to let u guys know i do feel better wen i post here and thank you for all ur comments and advices. Thank You Again, Goodluck and Godbless....

[markus]

In my opinion ...
You need to put the big decisions (leaving her ) on hold for a while and help her get better ... You need to do that for your daughter
I know its hard to avoid confrontation after finding out about her infidelities but you also need to that on hold
None of this is your fault , its her 100%
Even if she's not completely happy ... she has responsibilties as a parent and they dont include betraying her family and causing turmoil like this

Your wife has issues that go beyond your relationship , they are caused by something in her past , maybe a lack of parental love as a child , abuse or loss of a family member
Its easy to walk away from these problems but they wont solve anything - you wouldn't be any happier without your daughter knowing that she's off the rails - you wont have peace while she's raising your child not knowing what kind of men are going to show up in her life... They always get the child .... saying that im not sure if she would while being suicidle ??
My advice is ... Dont throw the towell in - realise she has problems that you can help to resolve and maybe your relationship could be better than ever

My situation was like yours - my wife agreed she has a problem , stopped blaming me and has worked on it since
The relationship is better than it was before and my children are much happier

[MuffinMan]

had another talk with my wife yesterday....but this time our families know of the situation.....so we had a talk and i had another revelation from her(since i told her i dont want secrets just spill it out) that she did physically cheat again about 2 months ago wen i was out of the country, and she swore that was everything :evil: . i went nuts..........so i did tell her were done and asked her to leave but our lil girl will stay with me.....she didnt want this and said she wants our girl and wants to stay for her.....after i screamed my heart out, punched some walls, i calmed down and went our for a breather. she went inside the bathroom wer she did the most stupid thing and overdosed herself with tylenol......after i found out about it few minutes later i called her mom then took her to the hospital.... shes still in recovery and im more confused than ever :cry: ........this is so f*c*ed up...

What she did is truly sad, I feel for her being in the hospital and for you.

But I'm going to sound cold here because i have to.
Don't let her Tylenol OD'ing make you drop your guard. You cannot baby her and act like everything is ok out of fear she might do it again.

She is not sorry she had sex with other men. She is sorry she got caught and now faces losing her daughter. And rightfully so.
I'm sorry, but regardless of her current state, another man's shaft pounded your wife and she enjoyed it not just a couple of months ago and several times prior..I hate to be so blunt and crude about it, but thats what happened and thats the way you need to look at it.....in my case it was 7 years ago, and I chose to stay for my boys....but your wife is doing this on an ongoing basis. You need to kick her out and take her daughter before she teaches your daughter to become a wh0re as well.

Then find yourself a real woman. There are plenty out there.

[MuffinMan]

i still dont really know wat to do...but i really need a normal,calm conversation with the wife, i need to know wat she really wants to do with her life.

She WANTS to f#ck other men. That is the cold hard truth of it. That will NEVER change. By what you have said she is just addicted to screwing other men.

Even if she goes cold turkey from her strange d!ck obsession, in her mind she will always be itching to spread her legs for other men. Can you live with that? Knowing she would love to be out there bouncing on other men's c0cks?

Again, sorry for being so blunt, but thats the way it is and maybe if we are this crude about it it will help you see the light.

[elainegayla]

Well, she pretty much screwed up her chances of raising your daughter (a bonus for you).

Tylenol..please...that was just to get you to feel bad, let down your defenses.

This is a perfect opportunity to get what you want. Play the doting husband (as you secretly change the finances in your favor). Go on the record as being caring, talk her doctors about an in-house pycho program somewhere. Maybe even take your child to a child pychologist (with you at her side.) You RISE to the occasion as she sinks lower and lower. You do the right thing but with as much fanfare as she is doing (showing the wrong thing). You will have many many doctors, nurses, hell, even her family sitting in the custody hearing testifying how you did everything for her and your child. You will get your child.

You can care about your wife (for real). Really help her. But get her out of your everyday life and set it up so you get to raise your child. Don't be scared and weak now.

[2ndtime]

hello again....first of all i would like to thank everyone for reading and posting your comments and advices....its been few days since the revelations from the wife and i have been very confused these past few days. i did a lot of reflecting about what i want and what gonna happen if i do this if i do that...

ok now for an update wat has happened.....after got the wife back from the hospital, i let her rest and did not talk about anything....i wanted her to feel better b4 anything happens again(at this point i still did not want to see or even talk to her, i was just restraining my feelings).. well anyway after a time of rest almost a day i guess...

i asked her if we could talk and and we did..it was the most serious talk ever we had,, after i dont know how long.. this is the talk i wanted wer she let her shield of lies down and had a very open talk of what she wanted(at this point i did not have a fixed decision on what i should do),after i and she said all the stuff we both wanted to say... i asked her want she really WANTED to do with her life(i asked her this repeatedly) and can she change,b4 she answered i made her a LAST offer to make this work if dats wat she really wanted from the deepest place in her heart or if not we will end the relationship. i also asked her to think wer will she be most happy(living like a single person or with her family)

(i know most of u think i must be crazy for giving her another chance, but i felt and realized i need to do this for my daughter, i would rather risk of being hurt again than not to TRY to give my lil girl a happy future...i love my girl more than anything in the world and i know my wife does to...)

so after sometime i left her to think...she said she doesnt want to hurt me anymore and regretting everything she did...she then answered me that she wanted to TRY and said she wanted to change but asked me to HELP her change( hesitantly i do believe her as she looked at me i saw her sincerity ). I told her i will be there but i cannot promise her to be happy all the time and dat one more foul and she knows its over(told her she wont get our lil girl, and this she knows and agrees on)...i told her its not gonna be easy as we both have a lot of work to do to build our realationship again(especially her)... i know giving her this chance i will not regret as this is wat i wanted from the bottom of my heart, watever happens on the way in rebuilding our life....

sorry for the lengthy post but i just wanted to share my experience..i hope this will be my last post about asking for an advice...but ill still post hoping to enlighted someone else... again i thank everyone for all they comments and advice(it did help me to think)....i wish you all the luck and prayers for everyone that has the same troubles and hope u will find peace in the future.Godbless us all.....

[SuckerFree]

Is it really that hard to type that over "Dat"?

[MuffinMan]

(i know most of u think i must be crazy for giving her another chance, but i felt and realized i need to do this for my daughter, i would rather risk of being hurt again than not to TRY to give my lil girl a happy future...i love my girl more than anything in the world and i know my wife does to...)

Believe me, we are in the same boat. I completely understand. Nothing is black and white. If I didn't have children, I'd divorce my wife after finding out too late that she cheated on me while engaged.

But I found out after my 2 boys were born. So I am staying because of them. I want to at least try to give them an intact home.

So no, I don't think you are crazy...I'd think you are crazy if you didn't have any children.

[tomasingm]

You have a bigger issue on hand, your relationship is not even the problem, the welfare and safety of your daughter is all that matters. If she was capable of making a an attempt of overdosing with Pills (if it was a REAL suiscude attempt, not the reverse psychology, cry for attention kind) what is keeping her from driving the damn car off the cliff with your kid. You need to get her away from you and your child, you may love her but she has demonstrated she has serious head problems. She is a danger to herself and her family. You have to be a father, and now a mother, get a restraining order send her to her families, you want to be there for her, but you have to be there for your child. I am sorry I have to tell you this, but your child's safety is first, your relationship is 2nd. Get her away from your child and yourself ASAP. IF you didnt have any kids I would advise you to try and stick it through but not when she is a danger??....Also get rid of any fire arms you may own, control substances.....Hell just get rid of her, you have a Daughter to take care of, let her family have her back or leace her in teh hospital but take every precaution necessaryt to ensure the well-being of your child everything else is secondary. (if applicable)

[confused]

I agree with you. The guy writes a HUGE story....and sounds like a grown man with a family (which he is)...and then DAT comes in and i go "wuh?"

anyhow.....2ndtime......you haven't heard from me....but i have been following your plight.

Your story isn't new to us......and you wanting to stay and make it work for your daughter is nothing new either. In fact i did the same thing.

From a person who is EXTREMELY HAPPY right now...i can tell you that it DOES work to "stay" and work it out. SOMETIMES it does. I didn't experience a-c-t-u-a-l infidelity......but i did experience a roaming eyeball and heart via the internet.

anyhow....bottom line is that i wish you luck.

you say that you HOPE you wont be posting anymore for advice etc. Well i'm here to say that your work has only JUST begun. You are exhausted and tired and just wanted to hear that your wife wanted to make it work. But now that you've had this "deep talk"........its only just BEGUN my friend. The work has only just begun.

But i respect you very much for staying the course...because of your child. I was told early on on this site that its "rare" these days people do stay. That DIVORCE is the first thing people run to. So for us to go the "old fashioned route" (staying)...well.......*applause* to us.

Good luck and keep in touch...and definately keep us updated.

[Skirtchaser]

have to go along with tomasingm on this one, the safety of the Child is first and formost. But your obviously not going to heed the advice. I hope your child survives this.