Help I'm leading a Double Life

[DoubleLife]

I'm not sure where to begin.... I've been married for 8 years. In that entire 8 years I have been sleeping with my husband's best friend, actually, I've been with the boyfriend for 13 years. 4 years ago I told my husband about the affair and he forgave me, only I didn't tell him that I didn't stop seeing or sleeping with his now ex-best friend. In February, my husband found out from the boyfriend that I had been having an affair with a colleague from work, this was a long distance relationship, so it only happened twice, but all in all it was still wrong. My husband and I started counseling and decided we wanted to make the marriage work. This past week, my mother caught me at my home with the boyfriend, she threatened to tell my husband but didn't so I did. I didn't exactly tell him, my mom caught me sleeping in our bed with your ex-best friend but did tell him that I have been living a double life for the past 13 years.
Here's my problem. I do love my husband, our children and our family but the other part of me love's the boyfriend. I have not been with him in the past 2 weeks and have broken things off with him but as you can relate that has happened in the past too but we always end up back together. I actually love both of these men and don't know how to walk away from the boyfriend after all of these years but at the same time can't afford to have my husband walk away and take the children with him because I was not faithful....
What do you suggest? How do I stop loving and longing for the boyfriend, how to I stop wanting to pick up the telephone and call him???

[ChicagoTRS]

The only way to stop is to stop...only you can do it. Think about how you are screwing over your husband...think about how you would feel if it was your husband in your place. The only way you will ever succeed is to completely cut off ALL contact...emails...phone calls...letters...etc... Fix your marriage...what are you getting from the other man...try to get that from your husband.

Personally I doubt you can do it...you have been leading this double life far too long. It would serve you right if your husband did leave you and take the children. I have little to no sympathy for you. maybe try some individual counseling.

[tomasingm]

as a woman YOU ARE REPULSIVE. YOu have no respect for your husband or your children, it is really quite sad. You do not deserve your husband, you obviously have no remorse or could care less for what it is you do......My recommendation is that you come clean to your husband and give him an oppurtunity to find a real woman that wont betray or deceive him while he still has a little lead in his pencil. No offense but the only mistake your husband made was trying to make a hoe a housewife, you are a ****.


So come clean, and move on...........

[Skirtchaser]

you are the reason for divorce lawyers. You deserve no happiness, do you really think that when this so called husband of yours finally wises up and leave your pitiful self, You really think he (the boyfriend) is gonna trust you?????? I'll bet that he has other women and you are something safe to pluck once in a while. Wonder what kind of malady's you all are spreading around. Your poor husband deserves better than you, a sow pig would be an improvement.

[Skirtchaser]

oh yeah, You been on the Wagon for 2 whole weeks?? WOW?? Why don't you do at least one honorable thing and divorce your husband. I'm sure with your experiance you can support yourself in a house of ill repute.

[markus]

Selfish little b*tch

[jnj express]

i'm kind of curious, on your wedding night did your H. get sloppy seconds, and at your ceremony who were you speaking your VOWS to your H. or your lover----------------------but you know what do what you want keep seeing the lover, cuz you H. is a weak sissy, he has stayed with you twice while you screw all over town, now you screw in your home with your mother present, neither of you cares, you deserve each other----------------your H. is to chicken to get rid of you so you know what HOOK BACK UP WITH YOUR LOVER AND DO WHAT YOU WANT----------H. is to weak to do anything about it----------------have a ball, you got it both ways, you got a meal ticket who is a lilly-livered chicken, and a lover who is a scumbag--------------go girl

[Skirtchaser]

maybe they all three have contracted aids.

[elainegayla]

Okay. The truth is...you hate yourself. You surely do not love your kids or your husband. Love is a VERB.

A loving mother would not do anything to jeopardize her kids' security and their whole world (for kids, their family is their world). A loving mother sets a good example on how to handle problems without hurting others, how to keep promises (vows made in front of God), demonstrates respect for herself and others. A loving mother doesn't lie to them everyday.

If your boyfriend loved you he wouldn't want to see you jeopardize your relationship with your children or mother (for that matter). If he loved you he wouldn't sit back and be happy with a few stolen hours here and there. He would want to be with you all the time, have children, a house and a real life together. What he is doing is using you.

If you loved yourself or had any self-respect you wouldn't let this other man use you for 13 years.

You don't need marriage counseling. You need individual therapy to figure out why you have such low self-esteem. You need to be taught what real love is (the variety your husband offers).

I wonder what kind of example your parents set for you? Where did you learn this warp sense of love?

[prex]

Having a vagina means having great power. And with great power comes great responsibility. You think these guys want to screw you because they love the conversation? They like the no-committment sex. And you have utterly devastated your husband. Because you let some guy talk you out of your panties.
You are not a unique snowflake. You are ugly inside. You are totally boring, and totally ordinary, and you know it.

[elainegayla]

Where is my great power? I wish I knew I had great power. How does that work?

Power to get men to use me and throw me to the curb?

Me and my vagina where faithful to my husband for 10 years of marriage ( and 5 years of dating). I loved and honored him. Took care of him, our home, our kids. Made great money and turned the heads of men. And and I can tell you, I had no power. I was treated like an old dish rag. Not to my face, of course. No. Just lied to and cheated on because...lets see...men like variety...men need sexual release more than women...my husband is a sex addict...he was selfish....Pick your reason, any reason you can think of. It doesn't matter. I had no power at all because I didn't play games. He had me right where he wanted to have me...faithful, in love and committed to my family. Its like the worst thing a woman can do if she wants to be valued and not run over with a Mack truck. Did I get "committed-sex". Hell no. I got the no-committed sex that this little hussy got. What's the point?

I hate women that cheat but I tell you what. Maybe they have it right. What the hell did I ever get for being a good wife...exposure to AIDS?

Its all BS and its giving me a headache and I'm fuming mad now.

[prex]

There is no reward for being a good wife. The reward is in knowing you did everything you could to save your marriage and raise your kids right. You don't get married to be happy. You get married to be married. Thats why its called "marriage" and not "happy". No, i can't go, I have a "happy" to go to this weekend.

Don't flip it on your husband. Let's "not" talk about what he did, and focus on you.You have no right to be mad. You're like a little spoiled child. Get mad all you want and put your husband through some more agony. In the end, are your children, your husband, the world, for the better for you having been here? Looks like a big fat "No". DOn't bother thinking up some twisted logic answer, you're a typical reactionary female consumed with the concept of fairness, and you've had men wanting to screw you most of your life. Hence, no one has ever told you the truth about you from a true perspective. They'll tell you anything you want to hear, just to get laid, including "wow, great idea" and 'man, you're really smart!" When you hear it enough, you think you really are smart, until you do something crack head stupid, like what you just did.

[markus]

Me and my vagina where faithful to my husband for 10 years of marriage

How about your breasts , were they faithfull to him ?













:D

[Skirtchaser]

ELAINE

LET THE FORCE BE WITH YOU. YOU HAVE UNTAPPED POWER YOU DO NOT FULLY UNDERSTAND.:cool:

[elainegayla]

Okay. I'm not so mad today.

My husband cheated on my since the beginning of our marriage and I have "no right to be mad"? Are you insane? I hope you are just confused here.

Are you saying that just to me or are you actually on a cheating website saying none of us have a right to be mad that our spouses cheated on us? Or is it the women have no right?

Sorry either you are confused on insane.

Anyway, Marcus, my touchstone is gonna let me in on this "power" I didn't realize I had. For some reason I value Marcus's opinion and explaination of this (no offense Prex....but you seem like an idiot to me).

So Marcus, fill me in.

[elainegayla]

Just re-read Prex stupid post and I know you can't reason with people like this but....

Is the world a better place b/c I'm here?

Hummm...

Maybe you're right. I leave now and let my recovering druggie, alcoholic, prostitute loving husband raise my three kids.

They will be much better off with my husbands $20,000 drug debt instead of the money I saved for their college. Society will be better off with them being High School graduates instead of college grads. I'm sure you are right.

I'm sure they will add a lot to society being raised by a man that will leave them alone to go screw around instead of being there with them, tucking them in every nite, and making sure they are fed etc. Hell, who needs food when you can have cocaine?

****, I should have just divorced him and let him raise the kids. I'm not worthy because I have a vagina with "power". Since I have this "power" I'm not worth anything except that. Gee, all along I though raising my kids, working, volunteering , being a good wife was ADDING to society. I was trying so hard to be a good person and all along I could have just rested on my "vagina power" and done nothing! You are brilliant, Prex.

You need therapy. You hate women.

[MuffinMan]

You need to divorce your husband and let this poor man free. You are not worthy of marriage or bearing children.

I mean really, you are fickle. You slept with 3 guys behind your husband's back.
I'd call you something else, but I'll show a little class here.

Your husband deserves better. I say divorce him so you can be with your f*#k buddy. And at least be decent in the divorce and don't take his kids away from him. Lets face it, when you cheat on your husband, you cheat on your children as well. And if he gets custody of them, its because he deserves custody. I think you have done enough to this poor guy. And you obviously do not love him to f*#k 3 other men while married to him.

So thats my suggestion, let your husband go, he deservers better. That way you will be free to bed down as many men as you want.

[jnj express]

i have to agree with others------------this marriage is a sham, free your H., don't tell me you love him, cuz you never did, whatever it was you thought you had, how could it be love, when all along your heart was with another---------------------------------i am really serious when i talk about your wedding day, who and what were you REALLY thinking about, i would be willing to bet it wasn't your H.------------------why do you have to go off with others, WHY WERE YOU NOT ABLE TO PUT THE TIME YOU SPENT SNEAKING AROUND, INTO YOUR H. AND YOUR MARRIAGE, what is it, that is causing you to want to be with everyone else, if you think so little of your H., you need to free him so he can find TRUE LOVE, you are not it, and you know it, so stop playing with his life, and give it back to him

[MuffinMan]

There is no reward for being a good wife. The reward is in knowing you did everything you could to save your marriage and raise your kids right. You don't get married to be happy. You get married to be married. Thats why its called "marriage" and not "happy". No, i can't go, I have a "happy" to go to this weekend..

You couldn't be more wrong there. You would be right that there is no reward in being a good wife ONCE you have already cheated on your husband.
My wife can do a 180 and do her damndest, and we may be at the very least civil, but no matter how good she turns out to be, she will forever be a cheater to me.

Now there is reward in being a good wife if you have a good husband. If my wife never cheated and was a good wife, there wouldn't be a thing in this world I wouldn't do for her. I would be so in love with that woman that it could be turned into a romance novel. And I got married to be happy, to be in love and committed to someone I THOUGHT was faithful and have a wonderful family. I got part of that...I have a wonderful family, my wife is the only blemish on what I wanted in family life since she betrayed me.

So yes, there is reward in being a good wife...but not after betrayal or cheating.

[markus]

Having a vagina means having great power. And with great power comes great responsibility.


Just because bush is the president doesn't mean all pussies have great power :cool:

[SuckerFree]

Just because bush is the president doesn't mean all pussies have great power :cool:


Worry about your own nation there Mr. Englands streets look like Pakistan with a mix of Eastern Europe. Anywho....wow, I thought I was supposed to be the asshole of this board. You guys really let this woman have it. Yikes. Can you imagine how that poor bastard is gonna feel when he finds all this out (and he will eventually find out).

[SuckerFree]

On a side note, I'm going to the World series next week then Rio the week after that. Just thought you guys that got married and have a house load of brats might like hearing that.....Stay SUCKERFEE

[MuffinMan]

Worry about your own nation there Mr. Englands streets look like Pakistan with a mix of Eastern Europe. Anywho....wow, I thought I was supposed to be the asshole of this board. You guys really let this woman have it. Yikes. Can you imagine how that poor bastard is gonna feel when he finds all this out (and he will eventually find out).

Of course we let this woman have it. This is the kind of woman that makes me want to throw up. I mean look at what she wrote...she can't keep her legs crossed for any man. She is probably the biggest wh0re I've seen on here and I haven't seen many.

I am definitely not a misogynist, but this woman is just plain trash.

[Adam Bomb 1701]

Do whatever you want, Ms. Double Life. You're going to find some way - any way - of justifying your actions, no matter what you do. So just keep on keeping on.

[mrmaximum]

Well, let me start off by saying that you have much more courage than I. You had the guts to post your story knowing full well that you would get flamed badly. I gotta give you that. At any rate I won’t repeat what has already been stated, but I will say this; you need to take action right now if you haven’t already done so, if not for you or your husband, than at least for your kids!!!! Speaking from experience I watched the result when my father had cheated on my mother when I was 8. The full impact of the whole ordeal thankfully was lost on me due to my young age but I still realized the angst and frustration my Mother went through during this tumultuous time, and I will NEVER forget it!! It’s too late to save your children from the initial affair, but you have to make a choice now so this doesn’t get any worse!!! You’re walking down the middle of the road and you need to make a choice, get counseling and drop your using "boyfriend", or leave your husband so he can get on with his life. Either choice isn’t easy but then you made your bed, right? You need to make this choice not now, but RIGHT NOW, you’re in the middle of the road right now and there’s an 18 –wheeler coming up right behind you, you got "sideswiped" once, the next time you WON'T be so lucky!!!

[markus]

On a side note, I'm going to the World series next week then Rio the week after that. Just thought you guys that got married and have a house load of brats might like hearing that

Imgoing on a day trip to warrick castle ..beat that !!
:D

[elainegayla]

My reward for being a good wife was to be cheated on. I didn't cheat on him. He cheated on me for 10 years.

Thats why I said its dumb to be a good wife. The have you right where they want you. My husband knew how important my family was to me, how important to me that our kids didn't come from a broken home. Hell, I gave him the "OK" to cheat by voicing my beliefs to him.

[tomasingm]

No you didn't you just tried to show him what a wonderful woman he has, it is not your fault the S.O.B didn't know how to appreciate it. You are a wonderful woman and any man on God's green earth would be lucky to have you.......

[MuffinMan]

My reward for being a good wife was to be cheated on. I didn't cheat on him. He cheated on me for 10 years.

Thats why I said its dumb to be a good wife. The have you right where they want you. My husband knew how important my family was to me, how important to me that our kids didn't come from a broken home. Hell, I gave him the "OK" to cheat by voicing my beliefs to him.

But being a good wife is definitely rewarding when you have a good husband...I consider myself one of the few good husbands, and if I had a good wife, there would be nothing she would want for. I'd make her very happy, and make her toes curl at night!!

[MarkR0801]

What a pathetic idea that she has a lot of power. That says alot about how dependent on women you really are. If she had any real power she would not be in this screwed up mess right now.


Having a vagina means having great power. And with great power comes great responsibility. You think these guys want to screw you because they love the conversation? They like the no-committment sex. And you have utterly devastated your husband. Because you let some guy talk you out of your panties.
You are not a unique snowflake. You are ugly inside. You are totally boring, and totally ordinary, and you know it.

[MarkR0801]

If you were my wife I'd just tell you to keep seeing your lover and I'd be glad to share you.

[TxTornado]

I'm not sure if its ignorance or stupidity... I'm still ponder'n on that..

[Saintas]

If you were my wife I'd just tell you to keep seeing your lover and I'd be glad to share you.
In few pieces :)

[Skirtchaser]

If you were my wife I'd just tell you to keep seeing your lover and I'd be glad to share you.

Who the f.uck are you? You come on this site with that sh.it you post.
People come on this site because they hurt and need advice. Not like the mangled explaination of your existence. Maybe that's what happend to your wife, one of those sharing took off with her??? :cool:

[Jerry]

Get therapy (phsychiatric) heavy duty. You have a real problem that will affect your children's behaviour their entire lives. They have a mother that is basically a ***** and shows no respect for them or their father.

When they are adults they might adapt to the very same lifestyle and think that it's normal. The reason I've come to know this first hand is that my wife thinks that going out to discos and being with other men all night is perfectly normal and part of her culture. (See "Infidelity in Spain" thread)

Her mother is staying with us and has told me a lot of their family history. I have to admit that the woman is very open and honest about their family behavior. Apparently the domineering personality in their family was my mother-in-law's mother.

They are from Villhermosa, Mexico and the culture there does involve a lot of folkloric dancing and music but this has somehow gotten distorted into disco type music and partying all night. Anyway the grandmother bossed everybody around including her meek husband.

She had affairs with numerous men and everyone (adults) at the time knew it. My mother-in-law found out after she was an adult and was deeply affected by the notion that her own mother was a *****. (she also happened to be a teacher just like my wife, her grandaughter).

My wife lived several years with her grandmother and was the favorite grandchild and the prettiest, and the whitest. The grnadmother took her on trips to Mexico City, Cancun etc. The grandfather was never invited.

Two moths ago, shortly after the Salamanca incident, that she knew that her grandmother had been having an affair with the next door neighbor. My MIL varified that story the other day. She also said that she thinks her father knew when the neighbor was in the house screwing his wife! He was sent upstairs to work in his carpenter shop.

My MIL also said that her younger brothers and sisters all look differant because it's likely they were from differant fathers. Incidently-my wife was born out of wedlock when my MIL was 18 years old. Apparently she was sent to Mexico City to have an abortion and she couldn't go through with it.

I'm telling you all this because you have to be the foundation for the formation of your family and they will probably follow your example. So if it's not too late - get yourself straightened out and be satisfied with one d**k and buy a good vibrator if you need more but don't let your kids go the way my wife had too.

if you think back- you probably are following the (bad) example of some adult in your own family.

[Seanie]

look....we...are.....all...eperienced......ADULTS. ..... WHEN WE HAVE BEEN WRONGED IN ANY WAY AND DON'T DEAL WITH THAT WRONG AT THE TIME OF THE "WRONGED" IN THE BEST WAY WE SHOULD HAVE THAN......WE NEVER RESOLVE THAT HURT AND PAIN FELT....SO LIKE US HUMANS WE DRAG THE PAIN AROUND WITH US AND UNTILL WE HAVE OUR EYES OPENED....THAN WE UNLEASH THE PENT UP FRUSTRATION AND MAKE THE SAME JUVINILE MISTAKES THAT CAUSED OUR PAIN N THE FIRST PLACE!!!!.........IF YOUR HUSBAND FECKED YOU OVER IN THE FIRST PLACE ALL YOU HAVE DONE IS MIRROR HIS ABBERENT AND DAMAGEING BEHAVIOR BY REVENGE. CONSCIENCELLY OR UNCONSCIENCEALLY.....YOU SHOULD HAVE DUMPED THE FOOL WHEN YOU FIRST FOUND OUT ABOUT HIS INFDELLITY....OTHERWISE YOU HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME ECEPT YOUR ONN NIEVITY AND HURT INNER CHILD!......LOVE IS A DRUG!!!! DIVORCE THE MAN AND BRING UP YOU KIDS WITH CONFIDENCE!! PEACE TO YOU SISTER

SEAN

[crissy]

Ok, actual poster never gave any indication that her husband had screwed her over, had an affair himself, or anything like that. I do agree that a majority of us humans do carry our bagage around unable to process or cope with it. I don't believe that we carry out or mirror the same behaviors. Example - Not all alcoholics came from that environment. Behavior is learned. This poster is not just sleeping with the husband, but his ex-best friend, and another man. She got busted doing it by her mother. Come on she needs to get some help. I don't think this is a revenge affair because it has lasted several years - on/off. She has become a typical --- Cake eater --- she is getting what she can from all the men---Her problem is this----She can not be by herself or without a man. She is unable to stand on her own and be responsible for her own actions. Until she owns up and looks at herself and what she is doing to her children; she will continue down this same self-destructive path. Until she ends up dead from HIV or Alone from all the destruction. ------ Yeah Yeah Muffin, hear you now (pot calling the kettle black) lol ---- Guess you could say you guys held up the mirror and I want to change the reflection

[MuffinMan]

Yeah Yeah Muffin, hear you now (pot calling the kettle black) lol

You said it well enough for me.

[jnj express]

hey double life, are you still around, what was the outcome, or what is on going in this situation