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sadally
10-01-2006, 09:02 PM
I have been dating this guy for about 9 months. Everyone including me views him as a very nice, respectable person. He opens car doors, he takes care of me, etc. We get a long very well and I know that he loves me. However, four months into the relationship, I check his phone and stumble upon a text message saying something very disgusting. I ask him who this is? He tells me he doesn't know, and it was probably accidental, I believe him but I take note of the phone number in case I see it again. A couple of months later I see a text message again by this girl, only this time he replied something equally perverse.. I figure who writes this type of stuff if they have never fooled around. He tells me she works with him, she's crazy and lonely, she's ugly and he felt bad if he didn't reply but nothing has ever happened. blah blah blah I ignored him only for a day and he kissed my feet and told me he would quit his job if i wanted him to.. of course i said no. So, I remained with him but of course I am going crazy bc I think he's cheating on me. I snoop around his room, see her number on a post it, look at an old phone bill, saw her number twice, checked his email- he wrote a woman from work when he was in taiwan saying that he hadn't found his wife, and hasn't been with any girls bc his parents let the cat out of the bag and told everyone he had a girlfriend.. way to make me feel good! oh and he writes this one girl who he claims to be his cousin, but there is no mention of me in the emails.. Anyways, two weeks ago, I go through his phone again, he pretty much hands it to me bc if he did do anything he can delete it b4 i see it. well, he must have forgot to delete one cuz i saw another one, same girl, new number- sexual text msg that mentions he came over to her house, and says RE: at the top which means he must have wrote to her, and his msg was underneath hers too! He denies that he wrote anything. I am crushed, heartbroken, I go through his wallet, her new number is there! That's it we broke up.. He came crawlin back with roses and a card. I have no proof that he actually cheated on me, I am with him everyday pretty much, I know that he loves me, he talks of marriage, so we get back together, but I still don't trust him and probably never will. I would rather be with him than without, but I think I am crazy for still wanting to stay.. I don't know, my friends think I am a masachist and ask me what will it take for me to break up withhim, finding him in bed with another girl? I don't know and I am sick of snooping.

Pam
10-01-2006, 09:17 PM
Sounds like he wants to have the respectable life with you, on the surface. But then he wants the down and dirty with someone else.

I know a guy who has been married for 40 something years. Lots of people like him - he's friendly, polite, opens doors - but then he tells some single mother with a teenage daughter that his sexual fantasy is to be with a mother and daugher. I say this because anyone can open doors, send flowers, be polite in social settings - but it's the every day behavior that makes the person. And I think you've seen his true character.

If you stay, you'll just get more of the same.

Good luck

Pam

markus
10-02-2006, 12:49 AM
I have no proof that he actually cheated on me

He's banging the hole off that girl and you know it

And he's not going to stop either because he's can have best of both worlds

all he has to do is buy you flowers, give you a bit off bullsh*t


Also If your going to try and work things out .. i dont think its a good idea for cheats to stay working together after affairs

paranoid_in_texas
10-02-2006, 05:29 AM
you want to be with him but not worry about wanting to snoop right?
here is my solution... pretend it never happened.
dont worry about what is happening until it slaps you in the face
that is the only way you can be happy and not want to snoop is to lie to yourself until you have solid proof . honestly i think its a bad idea but thats just me lol

loksgirl
10-02-2006, 06:02 PM
you want to be with him but not worry about wanting to snoop right?
here is my solution... pretend it never happened.
dont worry about what is happening until it slaps you in the face

Uh, that's one way to go about it. Denial or acceptance of the truth. However, you should know that you'll never go back to the trusting person you were. Even if you pretend it never happened you'll get suspicious every time he works late or goes to a work function AND he will not stop! You're his trophy girl, for public image only. Ask yourself, do you want to build a future with a person who you don't know?