My wife and her Cyber affairs

[Caius]

I am new to this forum but I just feel the need to talk about it in a non personal way, also forgive me if its choppy with information since I am mostly venting and running on emotion. My wife for as long as I knew her enjoyed playing "MUD" games, these are text based games that you role play a character with another person to get levels or kill monsters etc. etc. I figured this was a safe and fun activity for her, since the first time she played on one was when she was 13, (she is currently 25 and I am 24) I never thought anything of it until two years ago. I walked in one evening after getting home from work, she was on the computer playing her MUD game. I was upset because none of her chores had been getting done. I looked over her shoulder as she was roleplaying her dhampiel character named Cetie. Not to get in specifics but I watched her and another person named "Vormar" in a private room having cyber sex with these characters. I was so hurt, she told me "Thats how you roleplay sweety, you make a character and sometimes they start families or have sex, you are basically playing them outas if they were real." I tried to hide my emotions, I tried to tell her I don't mind. After a month of her going through multipal men a night with her "character" I couldn't take it anymore, I disconnected the internet and banned her from MUD games. After a few months i got the internet back, she talked me into playing a MUD with her so she can get her stimulation with me via the words then another person. I don't know why I agreed but I did, maybe because I know she has an obsession for erotic lititure and I wanted to please her. So we did this, for a long time, everything was going great so I thought. My friend runs the game, he told me one night about my wife and all of her characters that i did not know about. I discovered my wife had started a long term relationship with a man from England named "Mehmet" and she had another character that was a prostitute. When I confronted her she broke down and cried, she knew how I felt about cyber sex with other people. Here I am today, its been two months since I found out. I now run key logging programs on the computers, I had my friend ban her from the MUD game. I'm hurt and she knows it, I have no trust in her. She told me the reason she did it was because "Mehmet dominated me." Talk about a blow to the stomach, my wife cheated on me because I don't man handle her. So what am I to do? I don't trust her, our sex life went down the tubes since I start to lose erection during intercourse, Our conversations often end in one or both of us crying. I'm really stuck, she is my high school sweetheart, we have two children together, and I feel through and through that she cheated on me but she feels that her experiences are "Just words on a page" Any advice for me on coping with a wife that has a history of cyber affairs?

[confused]

If her experiences are just "words on a page"......then why all the "different" characters....and all the "different" men.......and then YOU coming into the mix etc.

She's obviously addicted to it. I say trash the computer. Get her off the internet again...and get into some counseling.

Your sex life sucks...and your regular life sucks if whenever you speak to each other one or both ends up in tears. This isn't the way to live!

One little reminder. Once an addict....always an addict.

Addicted to alcohol? Can't ever have just "one sip".....can't do it.
Addicted to heroin? Can't ever have just "one hit".....can't do it.

Addicted to internet sex? Can't ever have her online again. Period. Can't do it. And don't let her fool you...and don't trust anything she says with regards to the internet MUD games again.

(P.S. what the hell kind of game is that anyhow? you have a fictional character meeting another fictional character...and living a fictional life with a fictional family too?) What the hell?

i've heard of role playing...but what kind of life do we have....if we go online to play a GAME about life?

[Caius]

You are correct, once an addict always an addict and through talking I discovered she's been an addict since she was 13. I should also revise my comment about when we converse one or both of us cry. When we talk about the subject of her cyber affiars then we are emotional about it. Our everyday conversations are not so dramatic. I have tossed around the idea of getting a counselor and perhaps eventually I'll need one. As far as what kind of MUD game it is, I'd rather not advertise it out of respect to others that have issues with erotic lititure, as in roleplaying games a character will inevitably be faced with a sexually related scenerio. If you've ever played a dungeons and dragons game then you've played a MUD, only difference is that a MUD is ran by a computer program code. Now to get back on track, Anyone looking to buy a Dell PC? :D Cause more then likely we will be losing the PC's.

[confused]

Losing the pc's. Period. If she's been an addict since 13..i'd say this is a long time "intervention" coming.

And you will DEFINATELY need to see therapists. If not for the two of you...for HER alone really. I mean if she's even admitting to the problem for over a decade....well...i'd say she's got some issues in her head that need workin' on.

Glad your everyday convo's are not riddled with tears & emotion....but you have a long road ahead of you. I personally have never gotten involved in "role playing games" of ANY sort.....my brain just don't roll that way. (Does dressing in an outfit here and there in the bedroom count? *grin*)

Good luck to you...and keep us in touch.

[littlered]

My husband did similar stuff with the online game he plays. I had to pack up and leave him to make him take notice. I refused to come back until he agreed to move the computer into the living room, limit his playing to ONE hour a day (he's whining about it already) and we see a counselor in a few days.
Just online messaging is still betrayal. These "characters" they play are very real parts of themselves. And as confused once said, if they will cheat with their head, they'll cheat with other body parts sooner or later. Good luck to you--

[littlered]

My husband did similar stuff with the online game he plays. I had to pack up and leave him to make him take notice. I refused to come back until he agreed to move the computer into the living room, limit his playing to ONE hour a day (he's whining about it already) and we see a counselor in a few days.
Just online messaging is still betrayal. These "characters" they play are very real parts of themselves. And as confused once said, if they will cheat with their head, they'll cheat with other body parts sooner or later. Good luck to you--

[markus]

I think the freak needs a slap

[jnj express]

hey caius----------------just because you got rid of the computer doesn't mean she will stop playing her online games--------------there are computers everywhere --------------you have to cut her off from all computers totally------------------how you do that is up to you----------------maybe you should cut her some slack and go with the just words on a page (even tho it may be cheating) she has done nothing physical, and if you really want to keep your marriage going and sex is any major part of it, then you need to get over your psychological problems and move along, if she is remorseful and trying, just drop the subject and move on she actually may just be placing herself into her characters part just as any good actress would do-------and life is full of situations with sex in them, so drop the talk about her game playing completely, keep her away from computers everywhere, and get your marrage back on track