notjustlucky
09-22-2006, 02:37 PM
My cheating spouse (http://www.electronicsupershop.com/cheatingspouse1.html)story:
I am a 31 year old father with two kids. I have been divorced for almost a year. I wanted to share my experience with you in hopes that it helps at least someone understand that you are not alone and that you do not have to feel helpless when a relationship falls apart.
Here is what I started to do. I got us an appointment with a counselor. This is very important. If she was willing to go then maybe there was nothing going on behind my back. Well my suspicions were confirmed, she declined the offer to go saying everything was fine, but she still continued her destructive behavior. So then I started going deaper. I started looking at cell phone bills. This is very important because if someone is cheating they will usually call their lover as soon as they leave the house. So I checked times and dates that matched when she left for work and sure enough their were several calls to one number. I even called the number from a blocked phone and it went to a generic voicemail. So no help. I did a reverse lookup on it and it stated the wireless carrier and information about the location. You can pay to see more information. From this point on I am going to list the steps I took.
* Make appointment with counselor (just to verify reaction)
* Check mobile phone calls and times
* Check bank statements for unusual expenses. (you can often get the name and location and sometimes even times of expenses charged to credit and debit cards. This is helpful so you can ask what they were doing at this location and time)
* Check credit history, look and see if they have gotten new bank accounts or credit cards without your knowledge. (My wife had gotten a new credit card, and she was paying the bill out of our checking account. Pretty ballzy huh?)
* If you have a PC that is used by your spouse then install legitimate spy software on it. Im not talking spyware that infects. These software types log keystrokes (great for getting passwords and instant messages, websites visited, they even take screenshots of things on the screen. They range from $15 to $40 dollards depending on the power you need) Form this I actually intercrepted instant messages and discovered that my wife was looking at home rentals.
* I really didn't do much else from here. I think I had all the evidence I needed, but there are other things. Another option would be to hire a private detective and to setup a tracking service through GPS on the mobile phone.
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. You should always wait to gather the evidence before you confront your spouse. You have to make a very important decision before you do. Are you looking to end the affair and save your marriage or are you looking to tell your spouse to take a hike. I personally already had the divorce information ready and I told her it was best that she left and I knew everything about her affair. I even found out the name of the person, where they lived, age and social security number. It was a co-worker, like I didn't know that already.
The important thing is, you have a right to know. Don't let them throw it back in your face for spying or invading their privacy. Most people when confronted will always try to turn it around on you to ease their guilt. DON'T LET THEM. You didn't do this and you didn't ask for it. Now I don't know everyones situation, maybe you are a ****ty husband or wife, but your partner should have the guts to say so, don't be deceitful. I'll be honest, you are going to have guilt, pain, sadness, and anger beyond anything you have experienced. The most important thing is to take care of yourself, keep eating and exercising, keep working and paying the bills. Don't let it ruin your life, you will get through it and you will be smarter and stronger for it. I hope this helps at least one person out there. Keep up the good fight!
I am a 31 year old father with two kids. I have been divorced for almost a year. I wanted to share my experience with you in hopes that it helps at least someone understand that you are not alone and that you do not have to feel helpless when a relationship falls apart.
Here is what I started to do. I got us an appointment with a counselor. This is very important. If she was willing to go then maybe there was nothing going on behind my back. Well my suspicions were confirmed, she declined the offer to go saying everything was fine, but she still continued her destructive behavior. So then I started going deaper. I started looking at cell phone bills. This is very important because if someone is cheating they will usually call their lover as soon as they leave the house. So I checked times and dates that matched when she left for work and sure enough their were several calls to one number. I even called the number from a blocked phone and it went to a generic voicemail. So no help. I did a reverse lookup on it and it stated the wireless carrier and information about the location. You can pay to see more information. From this point on I am going to list the steps I took.
* Make appointment with counselor (just to verify reaction)
* Check mobile phone calls and times
* Check bank statements for unusual expenses. (you can often get the name and location and sometimes even times of expenses charged to credit and debit cards. This is helpful so you can ask what they were doing at this location and time)
* Check credit history, look and see if they have gotten new bank accounts or credit cards without your knowledge. (My wife had gotten a new credit card, and she was paying the bill out of our checking account. Pretty ballzy huh?)
* If you have a PC that is used by your spouse then install legitimate spy software on it. Im not talking spyware that infects. These software types log keystrokes (great for getting passwords and instant messages, websites visited, they even take screenshots of things on the screen. They range from $15 to $40 dollards depending on the power you need) Form this I actually intercrepted instant messages and discovered that my wife was looking at home rentals.
* I really didn't do much else from here. I think I had all the evidence I needed, but there are other things. Another option would be to hire a private detective and to setup a tracking service through GPS on the mobile phone.
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. You should always wait to gather the evidence before you confront your spouse. You have to make a very important decision before you do. Are you looking to end the affair and save your marriage or are you looking to tell your spouse to take a hike. I personally already had the divorce information ready and I told her it was best that she left and I knew everything about her affair. I even found out the name of the person, where they lived, age and social security number. It was a co-worker, like I didn't know that already.
The important thing is, you have a right to know. Don't let them throw it back in your face for spying or invading their privacy. Most people when confronted will always try to turn it around on you to ease their guilt. DON'T LET THEM. You didn't do this and you didn't ask for it. Now I don't know everyones situation, maybe you are a ****ty husband or wife, but your partner should have the guts to say so, don't be deceitful. I'll be honest, you are going to have guilt, pain, sadness, and anger beyond anything you have experienced. The most important thing is to take care of yourself, keep eating and exercising, keep working and paying the bills. Don't let it ruin your life, you will get through it and you will be smarter and stronger for it. I hope this helps at least one person out there. Keep up the good fight!