Tell me what you think.

[Maverick]

:confused: My wife and I have been married now for 10 years. The last three have not been very good at all. We seem to be getting very far apart. i have just found out that a man at work has been flirting with her for the past three years. and that she has had him on her messenger list. He makes up dumb reasons to come into her office or to call her. (I found all of this out by a friend that works in her office) She has told me that he has told her things like, you are the best looking women here, I only come in here to see you, and has anyone told you how good you look today.
She tells me that it is all harmless because she doesn't flirt back. She has admited to me that she likes the flirting but that is not going anywhere and that in the three years this has been going on that it has not gone past flirting. I want to belive her but, i just can't. I have seen call on her cell phone that are listed as restricted call, lasting from one to sixteen min.
She has changed her hair, clothes, started workingout and going to a tanning bed. i just feel like I am being played. Tell me what you think.

[exhausted]

:confused: My wife and I have been married now for 10 years. The last three have not been very good at all. We seem to be getting very far apart. i have just found out that a man at work has been flirting with her for the past three years.
Sounds like to me.. Theres your problem!!!


and that she has had him on her messenger list. He makes up dumb reasons to come into her office or to call her. (I found all of this out by a friend that works in her office) She has told me that he has told her things like, you are the best looking women here, I only come in here to see you, and has anyone told you how good you look today.
She tells me that it is all harmless because she doesn't flirt back. She has admited to me that she likes the flirting but that is not going anywhere and that in the three years this has been going on that it has not gone past flirting. I want to belive her but, i just can't. I have seen call on her cell phone that are listed as restricted call, lasting from one to sixteen min.
She has changed her hair, clothes, started workingout and going to a tanning bed. i just feel like I am being played.
Think she isn't doing all of these things to make you feel better..
Sounds like to me she likes the attention and if you give it to her all of the time it still wouldn't be enough..

Tell me what you think.

I think that she has already messed around with this guy... If she has all of sudden changed her lifestyle and what she does and how she acts that prolly isn't a good thing..

My wife did the samething and I busted her..

I was like a deer in the headlights.. Don't be blind like me..

[SuckerFree]

I just can't see something like heavy flirting going on for along period of time and nothing becoming of it. A lot of post ask that question. I just believe if you allow flirting to happen and allow it to go on long enough something physical will become of it. I just can't see two people not taking it to the next level.

[TxTornado]

hmmm do you flirt with her? Compliment her? Its not uncommon for a woman to give herself a makeover. Perhaps she's just trying to get YOUR attention.

[markus]

Personally i think she's Yanking his Crank , he's well and truly blagged his way into her knickers and now he's got the ***** where he wants her
Emotionally and physically infaturated with him
This has all the hallmarkings of a cake eater in action

[TxTornado]

Markus? what the hell good is cake if you can't eat it?

[toamsingm]

Tell her find another job.......Simple as that, sell your hous and down grade.

[markus]

Or even better ... kick her ass out the house

[confused]

Personally? her changing her hair and clothes etc...probably IS IN direct response to those flirty "COMPLIMENTS"...and key word being "compliments". He tells her she's the best lookin gal there? He tells her she looks nice? Well..thats music to a womans ears. (Anyone's for that matter. Isn't that why men cheat as well? They feel like studly studs and are told "if you were MY MAN this is what i'd do for/to you?")

Anyhow...to me? If this WERE more......and it had gone on for THREE YEARS? you'd be seeing more signs than a one minute to 16 minute phone call. And for that matter...you don't even know WHO'S number that is.

Does she disappear? Does she go on "business trips"? Is she home after work? When you call her when she's away does she always answer?

I mean......*shrug* Again.......i'm not sayin she's not....but you need a bit more i would think.

FIRST THINGS FIRST.......your own marriage.

You are saying yourself it sucks. SO...what are YOU doing to make it better? Don't look to her......look to her for the answer of whether she WANTS to make it work....and you tell her that YOU want it to....(heck toss her a compliment if you'd like as well)....and go from there.

Unless...you yourself are done. Then? Kick her ass to the curb and wish her luck.

[Maverick]

Thanks, you may be right. I think that I may need more work on me than she does. I guess that is where it all starts huh?

[confused]

I think relationships fail when ANYONE looks to the "other person" to make them somehow "whole". You know?

YOU have to feel good about y-o-u....so that y-o-u have something to offer!

One thing i did....was looked at myself "now" as opposed to who i was "then". meaning.....was i the same person he fell in love with? The laughing, funny, quick witted, good lookin', career woman? OR...had i become bogged down by the bills, house, kids etc.....and my getting ready for the day consisted of hopping in the shower and tossing my hair in a ponytail. (<---sometimes is good...but ALWAYS?)

Anyhow....the bottom line is....i myself had some work to do on "me" (internally).....and while i was doing that....i was gettin' to the root of the problem in the relationship by "talking" and "communicating" with him.

Good luck to you too! Work on YOU.....in addition to working on the both of you as a team.

[Maverick]

Sounds like good advice. I think I need to look at myself and try to find what I have lost in me before I can help her. I know that over the years that I have not been what I need to be to her. When that happens things start to fall apart. i just hope that its not to late. Thanks again for the advice, I will take all I can get.

[markus]

Bollocks ..its not your fault she's cheating

[confused]

Its not his (your) fault for cheating!

That better not be coming out in what i'm saying...and if it is? Let Markus repeat one more time...."bollocks" (or bull****).

"IF" she is cheating...(and to me? Its still a big if)...then thats all on her.

[MuffinMan]

BOOM...you say she has started working out?....there is your sign. If she hasn't cheated on you, she will. EVERY woman that cheated on me started working out...why?...so they can look good naked.
The other things you mentioned also indicate this as well.

[Maverick]

I think so to.

[confused]

So basically any and all women who have begun working out are cheating on their men? And if they aren't......they will be?

Thats a load if i ever heard.

it DEFINATELY is a sign....however.....it must be C-O-M-B-I-N-E-D with other behaviors...and then its still not definate.

[markus]

So basically any and all women who have begun working out are cheating on their men? And if they aren't......they will be?
You cant beat a good muff thats just been for a workout :cool:
especially in the steam room