My innocent Japanese wife... NOT!!

[phillipsosophy]

My wife and I have been married for 6 1/2 years and up until now I thought everything was happy go lucky. I have always

trusted her 100% and never even thought of checking up on her. I was not my wifes first sexual partner, but I was her first

and only american partner.

About 3 weeks ago my wife and I were discussing past relationships. Just out of curiousity I asked her if she had deep dark

secrets that I did not know about. She told me yes she did. She started by saying that I was not the only american she

had ever been with and before she met me back when she was in high school there was an american lover. This was

dissapointing but not devistating. However upon finding out his name I did a little research and found that the guy was

actually stationed in japan while we were married.

I confronted my wife with this information and she told me she would confess everything if I promiced not to leave her. It

turns out that for the entire year of 2002 my wife had an affair with this guy. She loved him and they had a sexual and

emotional affair.

At the time I was not the best husband. We married young and had a child the first year of our marriage. However I dont

think that a 1 year affair was in order. My wife confided to me that after the baby she did not feel beautiful anymore, and

she lost her confidence. I was clueless to all of this at the time as she continued to smile in my face and have regular sex

with me. She visited him 2 or 3 times a month for that year.

I am totaly crushed. I never once doubted my wife and even braged to other Navy buddies that I did not have to worry

about my wife cheating on me because she is such a lady. The last 3 years however have been very good years. We have

grown together and have a very strong marriage. She tells me that this has been weighing heavy on her for these years

but she was affriad I would leave her if she told me.

I feel like the security blanket that I have had all of these years has been torn from me. The woman I love the most in the

world has betrayed me. The fact that this affair lasted 1 year is especially hurtfull. Is a 1 year affair unusual? Does it take

a particulary clod heart to be able to sleep with another man while your husband is home caring for your child? I dont want

to leave my wife, I love her dearly... I just cant bear ever going through this again. ADVICE PLEASE.

[markus]

It sounds like she's glad to get that off her chest and thats a lot more honesty than you get from most cheating women

At the time I was not the best husband. We married young and had a child the first year of our marriage.

Its not your fault at all , she has the problem

I feel like the security blanket that I have had all of these years has been torn from me.
Theres no such thing as a security blanket where relationships are concerned - we live in a day and age where the women have decided that their emotional and sexual needs are going to be met fullstop
If you snooze you lose - they are not interested if your working long hours, tired , run down or whatever - none of that is taken into account
Women wont look for a solution or make extra effort with you to resolve these issues
If your wife was just about to be run over by a car and you dived in front of her ,saved her life but got injured and was shacked up in hospital for six months ... you would still be failing to meet her needs and the milkman would be your replacement untill you return - theres no logic
its like if there local shop is closed for two hours they wont wait ...they walk to the next one
she lost her confidence. I was clueless to all of this at the time as she continued to smile in my face and have regular sex
with me. She visited him 2 or 3 times a month for that year.
Double life syndrome ....... she got used to the best of both worlds
2-3 times a month .... and the rest !!


Is a 1 year affair unusual? Does it take

a particulary clod heart to be able to sleep with another man while your husband is home caring for your child?
Any fool can fall into the trap of an affair - they lose the ability to think straight which is why it continues so long

btw dont presume she's learned her lesson from this , women are bastards mate ... you have to become aware of their needs and communicate more or she will be at it again

[phillipsosophy]

Thanks for the advice... She seems very sorry about this, I pray that she means it. We were alot younger then and unexperianced. Our relationship has grown tremendously since the time of the affair. I hope to god she doesnt do this again. We are working through this together... My big problem is that I cant get the immages out of my head...they are tormenting me.

[markus]

I sent you a private message - soon get rid of that **** out of your head
its useless - no good to you

[toamsingm]

That this has happened to you, I wish for you the best. Do what is best for you and your family. You have said you dont want to leave her so you may have something to build on and work for. Take care and good luck if you ever need an ear to listen many of us are here for you.

[toamsingm]

Are you still in the Military, is he still in the Military???.... If you are still burned about it you may be able to get some kind of retribution on this guy... Not sure but I ma positiuve that you are fully aware..

(Article 134, paragraph 62).

Adultery, as a military offense,

There are three "Elements of Proof" for the offense of Adultery in the Military:

(1) That the accused wrongfully had sexual intercourse with a certain person;

(2) That, at the time, the accused or the other person was married to someone else; and

(3) That, under the circumstances, the conduct of the accused was to the prejudice of good order and discipline in the armed forces or was of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces.

Also Articles 77-134 there is also some info on it,. I know you want to move on and we are here to support you but if you want payback we are also here for you. Good luck and take care my friend

[phillipsosophy]

Actually since it happend 4 years ago it would be hard to get any commander to do anything about other than mabey a letter of reprimand aka "paper airplane". Even if knew then and tried to do something legal all the command would do is order him to stop...and if he continued they would then prosecute it. Anyone have any good revenge ideas that would cause him enormous greef?

[phillipsosophy]

Please keep the advice comming!! My wife says she would never do something like this again, I feel I can believe her but I dont want to be a door mat!!

[markus]

What stopped her **** buddy affair - did she break it off or was it due to circumstances ?
Who cut off the supply of **** - why did he stop bashing her beaver ?
Its pointless her saying she would never do it again , she's not faced with temptation while telling you that - theres no six foot stallion standing in front of her making her feel good about herself and wanting to get into her knickers
is there ?

The reality is they can never be fully trusted again - you have to accept that it happened and get on with your life with or without her
Your not going to make the chances of her staying faithfull any better by turning into a bitter twisted wreck who's obsessed with revenge and cant let go of the past

[phillipsosophy]

"What stopped her **** buddy affair - did she break it off or was it due to circumstances ?
Who cut off the supply of **** - why did he stop bashing her beaver ?"

Basicly he transfered back to America. Se claims that she wanted to end it and that was the perfect oppertunity to do so.

[markus]

They say they want to end it but believe me if these *****es could continue the double life forever without getting caught they would
When i found out my wife was having an affair with a co-worker she said the same thing - 'i wanted to get out of it' its not easy when your in it - wan't thinking straight blah blah blah
then six weeks after agreeing to work on our relationship i found a mobile phone which proved she had kept contact - obviously laying low for a while !
In the end she knew one had to go and she broke it off with him and theres no contact now - Your situation would be the same if he lived local , emotional affairs dont end that easy - you would have had to drag the ***** off him and watch her like a hawk for months
thats if she stayed with you -- a lot of them **** off with the other man

[MarkR0801]

Now you know she will spread for other men under the right circumstances. You may want to find ways to share her with other men and enjoy the excitement of seeing others enjoying your wife. Think about it.

[Skirtchaser]

Now you know she will spread for other men under the right circumstances. You may want to find ways to share her with other men and enjoy the excitement of seeing others enjoying your wife. Think about it.


Well di.ck head we see what you do with your ole lady. :cool:

[want to curl up and die]

Hey Phillipsosophy,

I have been living in Japan for the past 7 years and have had a couple of serious relationships with Japanese girls and when I choose, can have sex with a differerent Japanese girl every night. When it comes to girls that I want to have a serious relationship with, I never touch a Japanese girl that mingles with foreigners, especially military men. They are dirty, filthy whoores. When I'm looking for a serious girlfriend I look for girls that are not especially interested in foreign men and I look for girls who only speak Japanese. I could write a book about this topic; and for those who don't know about Japanese women it may not seem logical what I am saying, but to sum up Japanese women in a word, I would choose this one: SELFISH

When you talked about how she was smiling and carrying on like nothing was wrong, I know exactly what are you are talking about. Japanese people use laughter and smiling to mask all of their emotions and sordid secrets.

I believe that your wife loves you, but I don't believe that you can trust her and that she will never cheat again.

Also, there is no reason to get pissed or get revenge on the dude that was pounding your wifes tight, wet Japanese unagi. It's not his fault. Ultimately the act of cheating only holds your wife to blame. I've slept with hundreds of married Japanese women. They will **** my gaijin brains out and then obediently be home by 7pm to serve their husband and children dinner with a smile (with a deep, dark secret behind it)

You are playing with fire my friend, and you are focked.

I don't mean to seem insensitive because I know you are going through a hard time. I went through my hard time about 3 months ago which brought me to this site. You can view it under the cheating girlfriends forum under the post "Did she really **** him?"

As for me, I am staying the hell away from Japanese women and enjoying a new relationship with an amazingly gorgeous non-Japanese asian girl who is a virgin and is a true family-type woman. I recommend you do the same.

[cato1776]

Many Japanese women look at marriage as an economic choice. Given the problems that will result from such an arrangement, which is meant to be an emotional commitment, many Japanese women will often readily jump in to the arms of any guy that says they "understand them and their needs". This is really just an excuse to have their cake and eat it too. When confronted, Japanese women will never, I repeat never, take responsibility for their actions and will blame anyone but themselves.

[tomasingm]

Many Japanese women look at marriage as an economic choice. Given the problems that will result from such an arrangement, which is meant to be an emotional commitment, many Japanese women will often readily jump in to the arms of any guy that says they "understand them and their needs". This is really just an excuse to have their cake and eat it too. When confronted, Japanese women will never, I repeat never, take responsibility for their actions and will blame anyone but themselves.

Don't trust her to change her ways, if she has done this to you once. Mark my words she will not change and will do it again if given the opportunity. And there will be opportunities.

I have an example of this trait. My friend is an American guy and found out that his Japanese wife - Junko Muto of Tokyo - is already married to another guy - She never got divorced from her first husband!!!!

My friend met her and married her in Japan and had registered with the local government office as required in Japan. However, the Japanese wife as it turned out had been married to another man in the US. This US marriage was a legally recognized marriage in Japan, consequently, according to Japanese law, she was guilty of a crime, bigamy.

Eventually the American guy had to enagage legal help, which took an incredible amount of time and money that he had to pay to get the mess sorted out. He had to engage both US and Japanese legal counsel and ended up in Japanese family court.

My friend was uncharacteristically naive and was taken advantage by this girl looking to meet a well off foriegn guy. Again, this is another example of a Japanese woman making an economic choice rather than thinking about the emotional or legal consequences of her actions.

Needless to say, she doesn't take repsonsibility for what she has done. In fact she is already out looking for the next guy to finance her lifestyle. BE CAREFUL!!!

That sucks he should divorce this ***** I think it would fall under fraud what happneed to your friend.