Should I tell the boss?

[numbfromheadtotoe]

I recently discovered that my wife was having a 14 month affair with another parent from our childrens soccer program. He(also married) is a realtor and would take her to vacant houses that his company had for sale near my wifes work on her lunch hour. After confronting my "wife", she kept me from going to his house and kicking his _ss, which was a smart thing because I didn't need to end up in jail, and still not sure if she is even worth it. Anyway, I called him on the phone a few days later and apparently he has found God and reconciled with his wife. I told him that if he ever contacted her again, looked at her at the soccer fields or was currently lying to me, then I would be contacting his boss and let him know what he has been doing in their clients homes. The wife and he originally conspired after getting caught and came up with a plan to tell the spouses that it has only been going on for 2 months. This was to keep us from getting hurt as bad until the real truth that came out about 2 weeks later that it had gone on for over a year. Yes, he was lying to me during my phone call, so should I contact the a-holes boss and mess up his world like he has done for mine?

[exhausted]

Hell Yeah! Just think if they weren't doing this..

Would your gut hurt? No
Would you be eating better? Yes
Would your life be better? Yes

Screw his world up like he had done too you!!

[markus]

Yeah tell the boss and tell him what bad publicity you can create for his company if the appropiate actionis not taken against his employee ;)

[numbfromheadtotoe]

After basically calling him everyname in the book, this is how I ended my phone call.

Tell you what, no need to sneak around with this scenario. Man up, get some balls and do the following:

You want to roll with another married woman or my wife again, no problem. Show up at her house when the husband is home, ring the doorbell and tell him you're there to take his wife out.

Don't be spineless and compromise your integrity; hit it head on. If the husband becomes angered, well, you were being honest. Tell him you thought this was perfectly acceptable in their relationship and you're an honest person who wouldn't tolerate sneaking behind another person's back. You may still be on the receiving end of a brutal beating, but hey, nobody can fault you for being honest.
If he turns his attention away from you to focus his anger on his wife, not your problem. In fact, you may have saved this man/family grief, mental abuse, sorrow, as well as emotional pain. He now knows his wife's situation and can act accordingly. After the dust settles and she still wants to spend time with you, you're golden. If she hates you, then she was never really interested in you anyway.

See, honesty is always the best policy.

[SuckerFree]

Nah, his boss won't give a ****. Especially if he sells lot's of homes. What you should do is, quit your job, get a job working at fast food. Start lifting weights to feel good about yourself. Fantasize about your daughters High School friend and just enjoy life in general. That is until your neighbor who's secretly gay thinks he saw you molesting his son and shoots you in the head.

[elainegayla]

SuckerFree you are just plain weird!

First of all, does his WIFE know? You need to have a conversation with her to be sure she is getting fed the BS they came up with. Plus she can help you keep an eye on the situation, give you a heads up if she finds anything going on in the future.

Secondly, tell the boss. I'm sure he won't get fired but he will get an embaressing dressing down anyway. And he will probably have to pay for a damn hotel room for his next romp. Cheat ass!

Good luck.

[confused]

As a realtor myself i can tell you the boss WILL CARE....

I can tell you that the realtor is violating MANY codes of ethic by doing what he's doing...

and i can tell you he WOULD get reprimanded.....fined....and "let go" from that brokerage.

Tell the boss. be DAMNED if i want to put MY HOUSE up for sale..and have a realtor SCREWING in the rooms!

[SuckerFree]

Geez, I guess no one saw the movie American Beauty.

[elainegayla]

You guys have to come back and let us know your decision.

And then come back and let us know how it went.

Geez. Don't leave us hanging.

Did you decide to tell on him??

Did he get fired?

Did you tell his wife?

[numbfromheadtotoe]

I plan on calling the boss today. The owners of the real estate company are an older couple that are probably pushing 70. If the old lady has any say in it, I am sure that she will recommend firing. I will let you know when I get an answer.

Yes, his wife knows about the affair. I told him that if he didn't tell her, then I was going to. And yes, I did confirm with her directly that he did confess to her. Oh, I failed to mention that his wife is only 38 and suffering from MS...what a great husband and father he must be.

Hey, Confused, do you know what specific articles in the Realtor Code of Ethics that would fall under?

[SuckerFree]

100 bucks on pay pal says he doesn't get fired.

[SweetDeltaRose]

Do you know of any specific homes that this affair was going on in? If you do, call the owners and let them know what their realtor was doing. I bet they have plenty to say to the owners of the realty company which may force them to do something about their employee.

[numbfromheadtotoe]

I don't know of any specific homes. I could ask my wife, but she probably wouldn't tell me because she is a ***** and already knows that I planned to tell his boss and would try to protect his family now that he has found God and reconciled with his wife. However, I have looked on the company listings in the area and there are a couple that are vacant within just a few miles of her work.

[HitMan]

This thread is cleaned up now -- let's all play nice here and remember that first time posters in this forum are almost always going through a tough time.

[tomasingm]

You are better than him and the broad who dosen't deserve you. The best revenge is to live well. I know how much anger you feel like you have to just lash back and get him but, truth be told if this guy is a top sales producer and it is here say, all it will be is your word against his, unless you have him and her on tape. You say he did, and he'll say he didn't, won't solve anything the damage is already done. Move on, I promise you this fate will take care of him and her. Maybe not as fast as you would like but it will catch up to them. Also the fact that he is able to strike the "Jesus Chord" and be immediately absolved of his actions tells you what level of manipulation this guy is capable of. Pity his wife and family. As far as your wife, girlfriend, baby's momma, whatever etc. give her one last good "caveman style" shag and kick her to the curb (Put a helmet on the GI Joe last thing you want to do is knock her up.) Trust is gone, no point you live only one life on this earth do it with some one who will make you happy.

[confused]

In all honesty i don't know the SPECIFIC article in code of ethics...or whether or not their really is one regarding having sex with "another woman/man" in houses while working.

Our code of ethics is geared toward 3 groups.
One being our "principal" (meaning client).
Second being to the public in general
Third and last being to other Realtors.

There is no true code of ethic issue with regards to the feelings of the "other woman".

So...what i SHOULD HAVE SAID...is that although he is an independent contractor....and he is employed in the governments eyes by this brokerage.......and yes the brokerage always looks at the "bottom dollar" and whether they make money off the guy.....it IS violating the "principals" code of ethics "in a sense".

See...the code of ethics as we know....just TRULY protects "all" involved from misrepresentation. It protects the innocent from getting screwed...and paying too much commission...or not having inspections done....or buying a home that is worthless and paying too much etc. It's protection for consumers and all involved.

So.....SEX isn't "truly" in that category.

But...what i CAN SAY as an "ex" employer who had a company for 16 years....is that i TOO employed "independent contractors" and depending on the infraction (so to speak) you bet your ASS i've let go of GREAT sales guys' for "principle" reasons.

Sometimes? It's not the money...its the future business.

What you need to do when calling this brokerage? Is LIE.

Tell them they have a listing of yours. Tell them you will NOT say which one because that is NOT the concern they should have.
But tell them that this particular "realtor" was caught in your home...having sex with a person.
If this realtor (yes you know his name..and yes you will give it) is not reprimanded some how for his actions...you will file suit...and remove your listing from their brokerage.
ALSO...you will get the word out about this brokerages particular "realtor" ....

anyhow...something along those lines.

i say "do it". Screw this guy. And screw your wife and the horse they all rode in on!

[tomasingm]

screw your wife and the horse they all rode in on!


Horse?? Don't you mean realtor??


:D

[numbfromheadtotoe]

I am still trying to reconsile with the ***** for the sake of our 2 boys, age 5 & 10. It has been 6 weeks now and the status is still up in the air whether or not I can get over what she has done and try to rebuild our marriage.
Anyway, we have an anniversary coming up the first week in October. I was thinking about ignoring the day all together, no dinner, no flowers, no card, nothing, just as if the date meant nothing to me like the vows she took for marriage meant nothing to her. What do you think I should do?

[confused]

I'd say if you want "payback"....and you don't truly want to fix the marriage...you're just "hangin out" until you can't take it no mo......i'd say if you want the air to be so thick you can cut it with a knife...

Ignore it.

But....that's up to you. Can't say i'd wanna be a kid in your house these days.

Did you ever tell the boss?
How is the aura in your home? I realize you say ***** in all caps...so i know how "you" feel towards her....what about she to you? Is it healthy around there? (as healthy as can be expected)...or just plain miserable?

[numbfromheadtotoe]

So you are saying I should at least get a card? LOL The kids are in good shape, we do not argue in front of them, nor should any other parent, they didn't ask for that.
Yes, I did tell the boss, but haven't heard anything from him or the a-hole, so I don't know if anything happened there or not and don't really care.
The home has a good aura on most days, others are still tough. One of our main arguments is regarding our 10 year old, she likes to still baby him and do everything for him and not hold him responsible for any of his actions, he has no chores, no responsibilities. On the flip side our 5 year old will pick up after himself, put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket, pickup his toys and put them back where they belong when he is done playing with them, will carry his dishes to the kitchen and sit them next the sink (as opposed to the 10 yr old, when asked to take his dishes to the kitchen will take them one step into the kitchen and are sat near the stove, not the sink) all without being told to do so. Both are very good in school, no behavior problems either.
Yes, I refer to her as a ***** and say it under my breath a lot at home about her, she screwed around on me and my family for 14 months, and it has only been 6 weeks, so yes she is still a *****.

[markus]

Too right she's a ***** and she will still be one in 5 months if your still there

[confused]

But you didn't answer what else i asked....

Meaning.....we know how you feel about HER..........
but what are her feelings toward YOU right now and what has she been doing thus far to "prove" to you that she wants her family?

What price has she paid?

Becuz.....if all she has to do is hear the mumbling of the term "*****" once in awhile....i'd say she got off pretty easy.

And yes...at LEAST get her a card. *lol

Are you guys' in any counseling at all? or are you on your own just sorta "wingin it" day to day?

(Glad to hear the kids are good...and that you both at least have the maturity to not do the arguing around them.)

[confused]

aint seen that happen before....

[confused]

*****.......

[numbfromheadtotoe]

She does seem to be a little more "mentally" stable now that she is no longer living her secret life(hopefully). The "B" has been pretty nice over the last 3 weeks or so. We had continued to have sex throughout her affair, but of course when I found out about it, I wanted nothing to do with her or it. However, since then, probably over those same 3 weeks I bit the bullet and decided to have sex with her again, however now I always use a condom with my wife and I refrain from kissing her...at least I have to hold something back. The only price that she has really paid is the embarrassment of her mother and sister knowing, the mother thanks to me and the sister thanks to the mother. She is currently in counseling, I am letting her get in a few sessions before I join in, but until then, I am just "wingin it", studying stuff online regarding infidelity. Funny thing is our church that we sometimes attend just started a 6 week course on "Exploring marriage, before & after I do - How to affair-proof your marriage". We attended last Sunday which was the 2nd session, I loved sitting there watching her feel so uncomfortable with every word out of the Pastors mouth. I can't wait for this weeks sermon. Deep down, I do still love her and to quote Markus "You are probably better off staying with the fool that has cheated to see if they have learned their lesson than split up and find someone who is most likely to make the same mistake in the future"

[numbfromheadtotoe]

Confused, I took your advice and didn't ignore the day. I had to make a card online because they don't sell cards that say "Happy Anniversary to my cheating spouse", I wrote some stuff that still needed to be said, but did not acknowledge love anywhere within the card. However, later that day I visited our local Hallmark store and found a card that said nothing about love, just that today is a day for us and us only, our day....etc. I never actually said happy anniversary to her on our once special day.
She had quit her job with her last day being last Friday and this week off before she starts her new job. We had talked and decided that we needed to get away by ourselves for a long weekend, so we sent the boys to grandma and grandpa's house. We ended up heading to Destin FL for a long weekend of sun and beach. I think that it did a lot for both of us just to get away and clear our heads and talk about our situation.

[tomasingm]

You are working at it, you have the strength and heart that very few have I think it is commendable. Take one day at a time, and I wish you the best. Perhaps this may actually make your relationship stronger than it ever was before. IF you need any one to talk to we are here for you. Hold your head up high and take care.

[qldguy]

I had a very similar situation. I contacted the a--hole & told him he had a week to fess up to everybody. After a week i told his wife, boss & even his mother now he's unemployed, lost his wife who's taking him to the cleaners (no kids involved with him) & even his family has disowned him. I've since found out that his affair with my wife wasn't the first & he had busted up a few families. Idoesn't make me feel better about my situation but at least i know he's now also going through hell. I just have to work out what i'm going to do about my wife.

[MuffinMan]

I recently discovered that my wife was having a 14 month affair with another parent from our childrens soccer program. He(also married) is a realtor and would take her to vacant houses that his company had for sale near my wifes work on her lunch hour. After confronting my "wife", she kept me from going to his house and kicking his _ss, which was a smart thing because I didn't need to end up in jail, and still not sure if she is even worth it. Anyway, I called him on the phone a few days later and apparently he has found God and reconciled with his wife. I told him that if he ever contacted her again, looked at her at the soccer fields or was currently lying to me, then I would be contacting his boss and let him know what he has been doing in their clients homes. The wife and he originally conspired after getting caught and came up with a plan to tell the spouses that it has only been going on for 2 months. This was to keep us from getting hurt as bad until the real truth that came out about 2 weeks later that it had gone on for over a year. Yes, he was lying to me during my phone call, so should I contact the a-holes boss and mess up his world like he has done for mine?

HELL YES!!, TELL THE BOSS!!! Do it man, I would.

[MuffinMan]

Nah, his boss won't give a ****. Especially if he sells lot's of homes. What you should do is, quit your job, get a job working at fast food. Start lifting weights to feel good about yourself. Fantasize about your daughters High School friend and just enjoy life in general. That is until your neighbor who's secretly gay thinks he saw you molesting his son and shoots you in the head.

If his boss doesn't give a sh!t, then find out who the clients were of these homes and tell them. And if the boss doesn't care, you can always write a letter explaining the devestation to his agency if he went public.

[MuffinMan]

Nah, his boss won't give a ****. Especially if he sells lot's of homes. What you should do is, quit your job, get a job working at fast food. Start lifting weights to feel good about yourself. Fantasize about your daughters High School friend and just enjoy life in general. That is until your neighbor who's secretly gay thinks he saw you molesting his son and shoots you in the head.

You have been watching too much American Beauty.