heavenorb
08-28-2006, 03:13 AM
Let me begin by describing our relationship. We talked online for 3 years, before meeting personally. After that we lived together for a year, before getting married. She had given birth to a child at an early age, from a relationship where he was the one cheating and she caught him. The boy is 9 years old now, and 8 when all this happened. And yes some could say we moved a bit fast, and I'd agree to an extent, but not completely because she is the best thing that has happened to me. Even still.
Roughly a year after we got married we re-start playing an online game, that we had stopped simply because funds were tight. Anyway, a few months later I notice a change in her behavior. She would barely come watch a movie with myself and our son (yes I claim him as mine.) All that existed in her world was that game. When brought to her attention she simply claimed that she did to spend enough time with us and that she wanted to be have some "alone time" all to herself to play the game and that she deserved it.
After a month of this, where she wouldn't come spend time with us, HER OWN SON even. I knew something was up so would sporadically walk in and check on her. She was always with one person killing things. And when she WAS grouped with a lot of people he was always in the group. Not unusual, but I still had a bad feeling in my gut, and I've learned to trust them. So I began to monitor more. Her discussions to me even started to include this guy and SOME of what they talked about.
2 Weeks after that, I had had enough....our 1 year anniversary was basically non existent. I got her a pearl necklace and a card. She got me....something to occupy my time outside of the bedroom where the computer is. A movie and a gamecube game. I might like movies and games but for an anniversary gift? Come on. After a few days I walked in and noticed something bad had happened to her on the game and the guy had asked "Are you okay babie?" I immediately brought this to her attention as we don't call each other honey or dear....its babie and I found it rather insulting she nothing of someone else calling her our pet name for each other.
About 2 AM that night/morning I wrote her a letter bringing up how it hurt me and why, my views on it, and that she still doesn't spend time with neither her son nor me. Then sat on the couch till I walked to work. She simply said I was being silly when I got home. Even said she had showed it to her co-workers which are all women, I've met them all, and they said the same thing. She prolly lied to them as I doubt they would have had they known the truth.
Close to Christmas before I went to work an argument started about how much time she was spending with this one person on the game and almost none at all with our son and myself. She claimed she did spend time with our son while I was at work, yet he claimed otherwise and she would also tell me of all the things she did on the game that day....which left little time for our son.
I blamed the problem on her and that guy on the game. Saying things straight out and I was probably quite a bit short as well. After she got home from dropping me off she called and when asked if she wanted to speak to me she said "NO....Dear God no. Just let him know he will want to find a place to stay tonight, cause he can't stay here." Needless to say my co-workers asked question which I didn't answer and told them not to worry about, which made the night horrible.
But there was no way I was going to be told I couldn't stay in MY home so I got a ride home that night from a co-worker. Unlocked the door, and when she saw me she had a surprised look. In response to the look I told her, "There is no way I'm being told to stay out of my house when I'm in the right, and all of this is ending tonight."
We calmly sat down and discussed things, she was less defensive and she agreed to spend more time with us and less on the game. Granted she had tried to say I was too controlling like she was my pet or something. But I don't think my demands were unreasonable. All I was asking for was more time spent together as a family. Up to this point I had never accused her of cheating, I simply described it was being addicted to the game. So I feel very confident that I was not too controlling.
Anyway, a week later...day after Christmas, I'm playing a video game and decided simply to pop in to see how she was as she had been spending more time with us and less on the game. I was content. When I walked in and went to hug her I stopped with my arms half around her as what I had seen on screen completely enraged me. What I saw was this "*Whispers tenderly in your ear* We should g" That was it. She was in mid-sentence when I had entered. She was talking to, you guessed it...our "favorite" guy.
I didn't say anything at first....simply didn't hug her, and walked out. If I had said anything then I would have yelled...and that I didn't want. It wouldn't have helped. She knew it too cause she logged off immediately, and came out and just stood the watching me stare at the screen doing nothing.
Once she could tell I had calmed down enough to a talking point, we talked. She said they were just flirting, to which I responded "flirting or more, either one is still cheating. You can't justify it by saying it's just flirting, it still remains cheating." She eventually agreed, and asked what I was going to do, stay with her or leave. I said I'd stay if she would end it with him. She could be friends, but nothing else (Heh, bad choice, but I didn't know what I was going to do and wanted to see what she would do.) To which she agreed....Naturally.
I immediately downloaded a key logger. One night I take our son to a work dinner for new years/christmas so as to give her a night alone. When we got home an hour later the house was clean and she was watching a movie. I watched for ten minutes. Then got on the computer and brought up the key logger. First thing I find is something a lot like this:
Hello my love,
Since you aren't on I'm going to clean the house and then watch a movie and hopefully catch you later. Husband and son are at a work dinner. I'll miss you.
Love, blah blah blah
I was pissed. Next we a letter to me saying mostly the same stuff, except no "my love" no "love" no "I'll miss you". I logged into the game and sure enough there was the letter to me on the game. She had freaking written to HIM first....and then me....and was so loving to him but not me. I confronted her very angry, not caring if I yelled. I told her I knew it wasn't just flirting and she told the truth....that they had done something online and that he has even called her and so on. "And you expect me to stay with you when this is what you do?" is what I told her. She tried to blame it all on me...and my being 8 years younger and so on. I wouldn't have it. I told her that she should have come to me and told me EVERYTHING that was troubling her, rather than talking about it to someone else and becoming attached to them. I also said her choice not to do so wasn't my fault.
Next day I found when I checked it wasn't a letter it was just a conversation. She was telling him no more letters cause I had somehow "hacked" the letters. She had no clue what I really did do. Then she said they would have to lay low for a while and that she wouldn't be on for a while. She was sleeping when I had finished the whole conversation but I won't go into it all. I woke her up yelling, and basically said one more screw up and that was it. She wasn't to talk to him ever again or anything else if she wanted me to stay.
As of now she still doesn't know how I had kept track of her. She immediately deleted her characters at the time and didn't even say good-bye to him. I have checked the logs once a week(only once a week so as not to obsess over it every day) since then and haven't found anything like that even with new characters. When she finds something wrong she now comes to me and says what is wrong and we work on it and vice versa. No numbers but telemarketers and my work place now call us. Now a few months shy from a year later, I feel I can finally stop spying on her even though I do know one of her friends told her she shouldn't let me control who her friends are. But I feel I had every right to deny her to talk with at least him.
I know she used to resent the fact that I had spied on her, saying that it invades her privacy and that I didn't have the right. But I know I did. And I can honestly say, our relationship IS better now because of it, but I wish it didn't have to happen so that our relationship can be what it is.
Roughly a year after we got married we re-start playing an online game, that we had stopped simply because funds were tight. Anyway, a few months later I notice a change in her behavior. She would barely come watch a movie with myself and our son (yes I claim him as mine.) All that existed in her world was that game. When brought to her attention she simply claimed that she did to spend enough time with us and that she wanted to be have some "alone time" all to herself to play the game and that she deserved it.
After a month of this, where she wouldn't come spend time with us, HER OWN SON even. I knew something was up so would sporadically walk in and check on her. She was always with one person killing things. And when she WAS grouped with a lot of people he was always in the group. Not unusual, but I still had a bad feeling in my gut, and I've learned to trust them. So I began to monitor more. Her discussions to me even started to include this guy and SOME of what they talked about.
2 Weeks after that, I had had enough....our 1 year anniversary was basically non existent. I got her a pearl necklace and a card. She got me....something to occupy my time outside of the bedroom where the computer is. A movie and a gamecube game. I might like movies and games but for an anniversary gift? Come on. After a few days I walked in and noticed something bad had happened to her on the game and the guy had asked "Are you okay babie?" I immediately brought this to her attention as we don't call each other honey or dear....its babie and I found it rather insulting she nothing of someone else calling her our pet name for each other.
About 2 AM that night/morning I wrote her a letter bringing up how it hurt me and why, my views on it, and that she still doesn't spend time with neither her son nor me. Then sat on the couch till I walked to work. She simply said I was being silly when I got home. Even said she had showed it to her co-workers which are all women, I've met them all, and they said the same thing. She prolly lied to them as I doubt they would have had they known the truth.
Close to Christmas before I went to work an argument started about how much time she was spending with this one person on the game and almost none at all with our son and myself. She claimed she did spend time with our son while I was at work, yet he claimed otherwise and she would also tell me of all the things she did on the game that day....which left little time for our son.
I blamed the problem on her and that guy on the game. Saying things straight out and I was probably quite a bit short as well. After she got home from dropping me off she called and when asked if she wanted to speak to me she said "NO....Dear God no. Just let him know he will want to find a place to stay tonight, cause he can't stay here." Needless to say my co-workers asked question which I didn't answer and told them not to worry about, which made the night horrible.
But there was no way I was going to be told I couldn't stay in MY home so I got a ride home that night from a co-worker. Unlocked the door, and when she saw me she had a surprised look. In response to the look I told her, "There is no way I'm being told to stay out of my house when I'm in the right, and all of this is ending tonight."
We calmly sat down and discussed things, she was less defensive and she agreed to spend more time with us and less on the game. Granted she had tried to say I was too controlling like she was my pet or something. But I don't think my demands were unreasonable. All I was asking for was more time spent together as a family. Up to this point I had never accused her of cheating, I simply described it was being addicted to the game. So I feel very confident that I was not too controlling.
Anyway, a week later...day after Christmas, I'm playing a video game and decided simply to pop in to see how she was as she had been spending more time with us and less on the game. I was content. When I walked in and went to hug her I stopped with my arms half around her as what I had seen on screen completely enraged me. What I saw was this "*Whispers tenderly in your ear* We should g" That was it. She was in mid-sentence when I had entered. She was talking to, you guessed it...our "favorite" guy.
I didn't say anything at first....simply didn't hug her, and walked out. If I had said anything then I would have yelled...and that I didn't want. It wouldn't have helped. She knew it too cause she logged off immediately, and came out and just stood the watching me stare at the screen doing nothing.
Once she could tell I had calmed down enough to a talking point, we talked. She said they were just flirting, to which I responded "flirting or more, either one is still cheating. You can't justify it by saying it's just flirting, it still remains cheating." She eventually agreed, and asked what I was going to do, stay with her or leave. I said I'd stay if she would end it with him. She could be friends, but nothing else (Heh, bad choice, but I didn't know what I was going to do and wanted to see what she would do.) To which she agreed....Naturally.
I immediately downloaded a key logger. One night I take our son to a work dinner for new years/christmas so as to give her a night alone. When we got home an hour later the house was clean and she was watching a movie. I watched for ten minutes. Then got on the computer and brought up the key logger. First thing I find is something a lot like this:
Hello my love,
Since you aren't on I'm going to clean the house and then watch a movie and hopefully catch you later. Husband and son are at a work dinner. I'll miss you.
Love, blah blah blah
I was pissed. Next we a letter to me saying mostly the same stuff, except no "my love" no "love" no "I'll miss you". I logged into the game and sure enough there was the letter to me on the game. She had freaking written to HIM first....and then me....and was so loving to him but not me. I confronted her very angry, not caring if I yelled. I told her I knew it wasn't just flirting and she told the truth....that they had done something online and that he has even called her and so on. "And you expect me to stay with you when this is what you do?" is what I told her. She tried to blame it all on me...and my being 8 years younger and so on. I wouldn't have it. I told her that she should have come to me and told me EVERYTHING that was troubling her, rather than talking about it to someone else and becoming attached to them. I also said her choice not to do so wasn't my fault.
Next day I found when I checked it wasn't a letter it was just a conversation. She was telling him no more letters cause I had somehow "hacked" the letters. She had no clue what I really did do. Then she said they would have to lay low for a while and that she wouldn't be on for a while. She was sleeping when I had finished the whole conversation but I won't go into it all. I woke her up yelling, and basically said one more screw up and that was it. She wasn't to talk to him ever again or anything else if she wanted me to stay.
As of now she still doesn't know how I had kept track of her. She immediately deleted her characters at the time and didn't even say good-bye to him. I have checked the logs once a week(only once a week so as not to obsess over it every day) since then and haven't found anything like that even with new characters. When she finds something wrong she now comes to me and says what is wrong and we work on it and vice versa. No numbers but telemarketers and my work place now call us. Now a few months shy from a year later, I feel I can finally stop spying on her even though I do know one of her friends told her she shouldn't let me control who her friends are. But I feel I had every right to deny her to talk with at least him.
I know she used to resent the fact that I had spied on her, saying that it invades her privacy and that I didn't have the right. But I know I did. And I can honestly say, our relationship IS better now because of it, but I wish it didn't have to happen so that our relationship can be what it is.