Fresh Wounds

[Icon73]

I have been married for 12 years to a wonderful woman I adore. We were both so very young and so very much in love when we were married and for the most part its been a great 12 years. We have had our fights and great makeups (Not once has the "D" word been mentioned). Neither one of us is violent or has a substance abuse issue. We have two wonderful children and last year got custody of my 13 year old niece. You would think everything was fine, but if things were fine I would not be posting here.

My wife is a more social animal than I. She has a beautiful rich singing voice and had played the violin in high school and college. While I have a visual arts backgorund and while I enjoy music I am not as fanatic. This is why my wife got her myspace account. Being a technical person and a member of several hobby forums I encouraged her to follow her muse and meet people with the same musical interest as her. I thought it would be a great way for her to express herself in that way. This was 8 months ago....

My wife was never obsessive with her blogging and networking. She had met a few women friends or married couples she would talk to outside of the internet. She would go out with the "girls" to karoke bars or a concert for some band coming to town. I had no suspicions at all. She would go out maybe once every other week and most of the time we would even make love when she returned (With only two exceptiosn that I recall). Our sex life was very healthy. Then something changed. I didn't know what was going on at the time but my wife began spending more time online and less time with me. We would come home and spend time with the kids and then she would go to her computer and be up till midnight posting. She would tell stories of men soliciting her online but she would tell me she just ignored their advances. I was worried that we were drifting apart but the thought of her cheating never cam to mind. In order to get more of her attention I booked a honeymoon sweet and after our little vaction I felt a little closer and while she still blogged I was able to pull her away a little more often.

Two weeks ago I came home from work early and went to my computer to check my email. My wife who was at work had left her yahoo mail account open and I preceded to send her a " I am so gay" from her yahoo email to her work acount to let her know she had let her window open. While I was there I started to look through her inbox just to see what her and her freinds had been gossiping about. Everything was cool just the normal email banter. Nothing was amiss. Then I looked at her sent box. First thing I found was a response to some guy and the picture of that man's phallice. Next email I found was a response from a man wanting to hook up with her. She had relplied that she did not have time for it on the weekdays but she is good for a quickie when out with friends on the weekend.....I was stunned...My three wonderful children were not more than a couple arms length away from me playing there games. I felt as if all the warmth had drained out of me and I was left with a hollow ache. I did not know what to do, did not know what to think. I do not have anyhting but my family. I had to leave and go to our bedroom. There I cried for the first time in many years. So much pain I felt like I was dying.

An hour later I called my wife at work. I let her know what I had found and that she needed to come home now. I just wanteed to know why. Why she had betrayed me, why she was throwing our life away, why I couldn't make the pain stop...........

We decided to meet outside of the home so that the children would not catch a glimpse of our situation.We had met at a family members and drove to a parking lot. There she told me the she had been unfaithfull twice with the same man. Both times he was around with her when she was out with her online girlfriends. He was a friend of a friend that was a part of the extended group. She told me this had happened 5 months ago and had endend by her choice. She said that the other emails were just flirting and nothing became of them. I love my wife. While I was angry at the situation I could not hate her. Still do not hate her. She has told me she does not know why it happend. There was some drinking involved, he was agressive and it happened.

In my mind this still does not explain why she let herself get into that position or how a second time could be possible? She said that when they saw eachother a third time she broke down and could not continue. She says there was no emotional investment. It was just sex. Not even good sex. She was just looking for the attention. It does not explain the emails....

I cried myself to sleep for three nights. Unable to go into work. I let my wife know I love her more than anything but I don't know if I can trust her or my own judgement. Its been two weeks now and I still ache been a week since I cried myself to sleep. We have been talking more. Spent a wonderfull night out and stay at a hotel. Having sex like teenagers...... but when I am alone and my mind drifts I can't stop thinking of unanswered questions. is she telling me the truth...can we make it through this. will I trust agian....

[markus]

will I trust agian....
No .. you will always watch her like a hawk from now on

Its been two weeks now and I still ache
It will start to ease after about 3 months

is she telling me the truth.
No .. She's a typical cake eater and the only thing that stopped this happening so far is you catching her
She went cold with you which means she was becoming infaturated with the bastard - you need to make sure she breaks this affair off with him
and dont just take her word for it - Be there

She said that when they saw each other a third time she broke down and could not continue. Bull**** ..

can we make it through this.

YES and it can be better than it was before if you both want it to work

Buy some books on infidelity 'not just friends'
'rescue relationship' by phil mcgraw

[exhausted]

I agree with everything Markus has said..

Well put brotha!!

[Icon73]

I have been through cell phone records and computers. I have found nothing that shows me that anything was happening long term and that it was just a two time event. However it does not change a thing. I have my good days and my bad days. We are scheduling counseling to help us out so we have more good days. The way I see it , since this event is behind us and only a bad memory, we need to address communiction so a repeat is not possible and make new spectacular memories so this one is minimilized as much as possible. I keep on telling myself "I am over it" it is time to move on..wish me luck..

[Icon73]

Here is an update on how I am dealing now 1 month since I found out. I have been a basket case suffering from major depression and I am now on medication for that and my BP. We start counseling next week but today I have drafted a letter to her that I will give to her in a few moments.

A good and a bad thing about my week off is I have had a lot of time to think without being distracted by work. Just a lot of me time. In this time I thought of a lot of crazy stuff that really does not matter. I would like to think that I am getting to the heart of the matter now and I know what I want. I know that we love each other with all our hearts but I need for you to ask yourself if you are still in-love with me. It’s a given that after 14 years that we love each other deeply. I want you to think about this for a while, if you have an answer tonight you can share that with me if you want. If you need longer that’s fine to. I can even give you some space to let you get some me time. I need you to think about this answer without consequence. What ever you are feeling we will work together to see that we are both happy. I ask this question because I know that you have asked yourself or are asking yourself this. I don’t think that what happened could have happened if you knew for sure. I think this is really what it comes down to and where we should start from here on out

[markus]

I have been a basket case suffering from major depression

You shouldn't have gone down the route of medication ( my opinion )
In time you would have found better ways to deal with and accept what has happened
Theres natural alternatives to medication that are far more affective and dont put your health risk

[brokenwing]

I give you my sympathy for your situation. I know and so do most on this forum what you are going through. If you must ask her to think about whether she loves you or not it means that you are in serious doubt (NO WONDER) and my question to you is: If she tells you she does love you and wants to stay can you now believe it? It seems as though she's already indicated that she does and you are understandably (like the rest of us) living in doubt.
I swear, as far as I am concerned I would have Been better off facing a death than I did the cheating. At least THEN I would have a feasable explanation, AND closure.(Not to mention a few extra insurance dollars:rolleyes:)JUST KIDDING. Good luck with everything man! Time Wounds All Heels!

[exhausted]

Time Wounds All Heels!

Yes, it will!!! But, you must be willing to accept what they have done too you..

That's the problem I'm having to deal with.. the time issue!!

[Icon73]

Had our first session with a therapist last night. We sat together and told him what we were feeling and what had happened. After he set the ground rules on how we should proceed. First and obvious thing was that I need to stop thinking about the past, nothing there I can fix. I need to concentrate on the now. Second I need to stop playing mind games with doubt. My wife is untrustworthy. I may love her but I need to be angry and hold her accountable for what she has done. Third and suprising thing he said is I am owed an explanation. That "I don't know why it happened" is not a answer for her and she owes me a real explanation. I know these things are obvious when you have a clear head but I have not had a clear head since I found out. He also went into high risk behaviors that we have allowed in or relationship that are just not healthy and that need to stop. I should not be letting her go out all night with friends and I should have more control of her social circle. The same would go for me..It seems a bit controlling and that is not me, but it may be a very long time till the leash gets that long again. Overall I think the session went well. We are meeting in individual sessions next week then with joint seesions after that. We will see how the rest go.

[brokenwing]

High Five for giving it a chance! I wish the best for you and I know some people will say the sessions don't do any good, but every couple is different and I hope you can start to repair everything that got broken..especially your heart! God Bless.

[Icon73]

I have been thinking a lot about individual responsibility for the situation I find myself in. A cheater man or woman is ultimately responsible for their actions. Nobody forced their legs open or made them shag the secretary. For this the blame lies completely with them. I can not be blameless in emotional state that my wife found herself in to make this choice. For this I accept ownership. Just because I adore my wife and love her very much does not mean that I have communicated these feelings in the ways she needs. I may feel as though nothing was wrong, but there was some lack of communication at the time. The right thing to do would have been to approach this subject and work for a change together but that was not the case. She put herself in a position where she sought/received the attentions of another man. I don’t pretend to know what was going through her mind at the time but this could be considered a passive-aggressive approach to dealing with our marital problems. The act in itself is a form of escapism from marital life, while the consequences of being caught force the faithful spouse to make a decision “to make things work again or end in separation”. Maybe I being to naïve but I am just trying to look for answers in the mess I find myself in. I do not intend to offend anyone else who maybe going through their own tragedy. I just thought I would post a bit of self reflection.

[SweetDeltaRose]

The internet may have been an amazing invention in the areas of education, finance, information, etc., but I also believe it is responsible for thousands of affairs and broken relationships that might not otherwise have happened. I don't think my husband would have cheated if it hadn't been for the anonymity of the internet - he might have thought about it, but never taken the next step. I'm guessing there are a lot of people out there having cyber affairs and cyber sex that wouldn't be doing these things if the internet hadn't been invented. D*mn Al Gore!!!

[elainegayla]

I'm glad I didn't vote for Al gore! LOL

Oh geez, I'm probably on a secret CIA list right now. LOL

[tooots]

I disagree totally.

I do not blame on the internet. Before the internet there were personal ad's that did as much damage. The internet doesn't make people have affairs, people do! If a marriage is on thin ice then they go looking for an escape.

In my case my husband has been ignoring me since June. He does not see or does not care that his 7 day a week late night bike rides are killing our marriage. I begged him and managed to get 1 evening out of 7 from him this week. I shouldn't have to beg. I cry myself to sleep and he gets angry. He moves to the couch. He is such an ass he doesn't even consider why I am crying and how he is hurting me so.

My husband is so self centred right now that he cares for no one but himself. As long as his needs are being met, to hell with anyone elses.

If you want a sure fire way to end your marriage, just never come home and spend an ounce of time with your significant other and you will get your wish.

The scary part in all of this is that I struggle with my own infidelity now. People keep suggesting that I should go screw around on HIM. I am very lonely and it is very tempting but so far I have not fallen for it.

I do know however that I am 42 and do not want my life to end this way.

The quick answer is to dump him and move on. I however still think he is going through ANDROPAUSE and eventually one morning he will wake up and realize how much of an ass he has been. I just have to decide how long I am willing to wait for that.

My husband has a very stressful job and we are stressed right now with the impending move and the special needs children I raise. I am hoping that once we move and we have more space and our current homes renovations are complete and the home is rented out, life will resume normalcy. If this doesn't occur, then I guess I need to decide if my loneliness can carry me through till my death bed or do I want a made for TV romance again.

No one on here can tell you what to do, we each have to make our own minds up no matter how retarded it seems to the next guy dealing with the same damn issues.

Good luck to all... we are an elite group.

[markus]

Hi Toots you shouldn't wait for him to make up his mind what he wants , this could go on for months or even years if you allow it to continue
you know you could catch him if you really wanted to
whats stopping you ..fear of him leaving you ?
Are you one of those that would rather have the crumbs than nothing at all ?
And i doubt that he's going through ANDROPAUSE - he's just a another fool wrapped up in an affair
a grass is green cake eater in the highest degree

[Icon73]

Had my session alone with the marriage counselor. It was very uncomfortable to sit there and hear an outsider give his opinion of my marriage, but I think he was absolutely right about what was going on. He said that in a situation like mine a person cheats for two reasons. Either they know they will not get caught or if they do get caught they feel the spouse will not leave them. This way they can eat their cake and take advantage of the relationship. My wife tends to blame her state of mind at the time as the cause but after this session I called her out. I told her I know she was under a lot of stress but that is not motivation and that she was being a selfish person and she thought she could get away with it. I also told her that if I ever even suspect something is going on that I will leave her and I will explain to our kids and family why I did. The counselor asked me to raise the bar a bit with her, do not let her take advantage of me in any way. This is why we ended up where we are because I let her take more and more advantage of me. I do have to say that my wife still claims that it was only two times 6 months ago and that she could not bear to continue the affair. I want to believe her but at the same time I recognize that she is the one person who can hurt me the most and has hurt me. I guess what my counselor has asked is that I “man up” a bit…We will see how it goes.

[Icon73]

I have stopped taking anitdepressants.

[MuffinMan]

I'd say her going out with friends on the weekend now is over.
Some would say controlling her isn't the way to go. But lets face it, if she goes out with these "friends" it WILL happen again and again and again.

If your wife doesn't like it, TOUGH ****.

And if you do decide to let her do what she wants...make sure you get every bit of evidence you can. Hire someone to take pictures, keep email records, copy cell phone bills...etc.
Granted, it won't help as far as splitting the marital assets in divorce, but if you decide to divorce, it will help where custody is concerned if you can prove she is morally bankrupt.

But seriously, she needs to realize she is a wife and a mother and not some college floosy...she needs to stay home and quit acting like a bar-hopping ****.

[MuffinMan]

Oh, and your counselor is right...raise the bar. Do not let her take advantage of you.
It amazes me that women say they can't find a good man, and then you have women who complain about having a controlling man. Then they find someone like you, a loyal man who doesn't restrict her activities.
How more perfect can you ask for aside from superficial things like looks(not saying your ugly, cuz I don't know ya)?
And there is the problem, you are a good man it sounds like and good men ALWAYS seem to get screwed over. I am the same way. I showered my wife with affection, let her go out with friends...never once was I controlling and I thought my consideration for her away time would net me some affection in return....FAT CHANCE.
I have learned that if your wife spend alot of time going out with friends, especially to bars, she will, if not already, cheat on you in some way.

So I'd tell her those days are over, and if she doesn't like it, she can pack her bags. You aren't being controlling...it is reasonable for you to expect your wife to act like a wife. She is not 21 anymore.
And it isn't controlling, you won't beat her and forcibly MAKE her stay home.
She just needs to know if she goes out to bars, she is out of the house and you'd be justified in making HER leave.

[jnj express]

hey icon----------------YOU ARE NOT CONTROLLING IF YOU DO NOT ALLOW YOUR WIFE TO GO OUT WITH HER FRIENDS-------------SHE TOOK MARRIAGE VOWS SHE IS SUPPOSE TO GO OUT WITH YOU HER PARTNER, AND NO ONE ELSE-if she is married why would she need to go to bars with friends--------------BUT WHY THE HELL DID YOU LET HER GO------so you no matter how you want to look at it contributed to her getting screwed by some stranger she knew for a short period of time----------------married couples act like they are married they go out with each other---they don't go out time after time with their friends as if they were single----------if you are going to stay in this marriage ACT LIKE A MARRIED COUPLE--BUT THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO DO THINGS WITH HER SO SHE DOES GET OUT OF THE HOUSE------you are a grown adult, you need to think of ways to get out and have a good time, at least once or twice a week, as to the pain, doubt, and images---- they are not going to go away-so you have to decide to stay or go-----but the images will always be there of her allowing some total stranger to violate her and your vows-how you deal with it is up to you

[markus]

In the ideal world your wife would go out and have a good time with friends without her allowing another man to pump her pussy
Its not just going out that causes these problems .. most affairs happen at work with co-workers so you cant even trust them to earn a crust to go towards your family because the boss will 'blast on the gash

Face it that hole between their legs is a free for all - If she wants a rodgering she will get it somewhere sooner or later
you just cant controll the pussy pie these days
While your watching the clock ..shes getting C*ck
while your strumming your five card trick ...she sucking prick
While your talking about leaving her ..Leyroy is bashing the beaver
you think think she's a nice lass while she's taking it up the ass


yep ive too much time on my hands :D

[ChicagoTRS]

Don't trust her...

[tomasingm]

I am truly glad to see you are off Medication, I am also very happy to see you are getting help. Hopefully you'll make the necessary journey to become a happier person regardless of what the outcome may be. You seem like a really great guy and your wife (forgive my choice of words) is one dumb
C*u*n*t. Take care and hopefully with time she will prove herself worthy of your respect. ALso I agree with the counselor man up on her. Treat her like crap (in and out of the bed, who knows she might even like it) go caveman..........Take care good luck and do not be afraid to be mean and punish that ass.

[Icon73]

Lexapro was a drag. Side effects include delayed orgasm. When they say delayed they mean 3 days after putting in 8 hours at the chore. What may have been a nice side effect for the first 2 hours became a very frustrating and painful for both. After 2 weeks you can say I was a little chaffed by the side effects and decided not to continue its usage plus we have been over compensating a bit and shagging 6 times a week. We are still seeing a counselor. Things are a bit better. I still think about it but it really does not matter. I am going to take care of myself. If she wants to be unfaithful again I will show her the door and that is something she will have to live with. As for me I am good and will be good with or without her. I agree with the man-up advice but as it applies to taking care of myself. I am avoiding treating her badly out of spite because after a while those things grow a life of its own and is generally a waste of time.

Just an observation there are some f”ed up people on this site and I feel for you all. Hope you start getting back some of the joy in your life and turn the cynicism nob down. I could be angry the rest of my life but every thought or energy in that way would be a waste. I don’t want to waste anymore of the time I have left. ( All this without drugs).

[Icon73]

Today will be the fifth counseling session we have had together since I caught my wife cheating. I have forgiven her for the account she has confessed to. What continues to bother me is the doubt. Did I make the correct decision to continue our marriage? If I believe her, then I can live with and forgive her (I want this to be the case). There are still too many things that do not line up right, maybe I am being paranoid but a man in my situation tends to be paranoid. Today I found a reputable polygraph office where I can schedule a session for my wife. I am going to ask her to do this. I know they are not 100% but at least I can see the results and make a more informed decision as to the continuance of my marriage. I may not even schedule the session. I think even her agreeing to polygraph may be enough to ease some doubt or prompt her to declare anything that may be unsaid. Wishful thinking I know, but I do not trust her or my own judgment of her. I would like some reinforcement either way.

[MuffinMan]

In the ideal world your wife would go out and have a good time with friends without her allowing another man to pump her pussy
Its not just going out that causes these problems

In all of my situations it WAS going out that caused these problems.

[Jerry]

Once they get a tast of another mans **** and they go back for more again-it's all over. She didn't feel guilty and confess nor promise not to do it again did she? You had to catch her at it before she gave you a second thought. She wants to keep you, she probably loves you in some way and doesn't want her life to change in any way but know she has to be really careful not to leave evidence where you will find it.
My wife is a cheater and a liar. Once I confronted her she promised me never to stray again but--- she's changed her e-mail passwords so I can't access, she has another e-mail address where she works that I can't access. She is careful to erase all records of incoming and outgoing calls and messages from her cell phone.
I will never trust her again and she knows that if I ever catch her doing anything - even an e-mail that implicates infidelity, I am gone for good. I'm starting to be very critical of her, I suspect everything she does and question her about everything now where before I was very trusting- not any more.
The worst part of is that I don't really like being that way because I have better things to do than worry about someone else's behavior and whether or not they will cheat. I know she will cheat the minute the opportunity presents itself. So will your wife and the next time(s) you will never know about it.
My plan is that as soon as my obligation to certain legal requirements are complete I am going to move on because I love myself too much to be a carpet for someone that is only concerned about their feelings and need to be appreciated by other men (or women).

[Skirtchaser]

First of all I think with this much doubt something more is up.
I think your falling into peril why???
You posted some s.hit about ownership of blame? Is that horse sh.it that this rapist, I mean Therapist has put in your head??The ownership of this cookie belongs to the one who betrayed. Don't let noone coax you into believeing this was your fault. How many times did your cheater relate to you she wasnt getting what she needed attention, affection, etc. I bet she didnt.
I think some people meaning well are misguideing you.
Why are you going to this counceling? wasteing your time. You still have all these doubts and you forever will till she comes clean. Just because you checked her cellphone you think alls right? He wasn't porking her with the cell phone.
I think you should regroup. Time to get angry and start taking up for yourself. You will never trust her again, I don't care how many polygraphs she takes. Your doubts and fears will remain. Gonna have her take a polygraph test every six months.
I think your relationship is over because your a nice sensitive person. You held your relationship so high and so sacred that when she betrayed it, It will never be the same and certainly will never be better than before.
Don't let anyone shift the blame on you. The reason she cheated is she is a selfish dishonest person. Don't buy that ownership sh.it.
I'm not posting this to hurt you, I only post what I think is right. You don't have to ask me to take a polygraph, I have no reason to lie. :cool:

[Icon73]

I sure would hate to run into the women that twisted some of you. It is like your living in a dark parallel universe and projecting this world upon everyone you run into. My wife made a mistake. She knows it and she will have to live with it for better or worse. I am tired of being angry and insecure; I have no hate for her. We had a talk after our last session (and I mean the final one). She swears she has told me everything there is to tell. I told her that whatever else there might be she can take it to the grave with her. I am done with it and it is time to move on.

It is a shame that your wife will not give you her email or access to her phone. My wife gave those things up the day I found out. I went through everything and there was no problem. We both want to work at our relationship and enjoy the rest of our lives. This means some sacrifice form both. She has to give up some privacy and I have to give up my anger and doubt. When you think about in those terms it is a no brainer..I don’t like being angry and the doubt thing is not the most comfortable burden to carry. I will still keep alert but not some much for cheating, more for the health of our relationship. After all this and she cheats again then we will split. At least I know I did not cheat myself from trying to be happy. I gave it a good chance and she just needed something else.

Like it or not there is ownership. Both husband and wife are responsible for the relationship and where it might go. I did not make my wife cheat, but I could have prevented it and if she were cheating because she was done with me then I would hope that I would have a clue and know that we are done. I swear I read more whining from men on this site then women. “I was the perfect husband” “I gave her everything” this is a bunch of trash. Nobody is perfect and it’s obvious she did not get everything because she was motivated to seek something else where. This is true of my situation and is true all people. We are not perfect, relationships are complicated and both husband and wife are responsible in some way for the state of their marriage.

I expect to be lit up for this but it is just my observation. The way some of the people post here is so angry and does not help when someone is going through this. The angry ones here bring up images of wives in orgies of selfish indulgence with their words. I am not saying that in some cases this is not true but this is not a way to heal and move on. These words only purpose of this is to solicit strong emotions of hate, fear and doubt. The very emotions we need to let go. Move on, get better, take care of yourselves.

[HangingLow]

Hey Icon - you gots to have some faith, listen there are alot of haters on all these sites, not condeming, but IMHO, you know what they say about opinions!! LOL Now, what you are trying to do is honorable, and keeping the family unit together is also honorable and very important. Apparently, you seem to have followed the perscribed guidelines on 'marriage repair' much to the hopes that you will make it and she will dismiss her actions as a 'quick f.ck' and that's that! But it seems to me that you are really having difficulties with this. In this day and 'internet' age, devious minds breed and lurk and the fallout hits the finest homes in America, - look at Ted Haggard, classic example of 'nobody is perfect' - I only hope you stop the medication, find a hobby, give her full responsibilities at home, ALL CHORES, monitor her every action, and get a life of your own. Don't find yourself caught up 100% of the time thinking about the pains, deceit, betrayel yada yada yada etc. You're on the right path, don't let others here cast their evils and 'their' nightmares down your avenue, be who you are, lighten up a bit, and find a good book, movie, take the kids to Disney, but keep the misses working full time around the house and butch up a bit, maybe even go to church, that is a tremendous medication in and of itself. God's Speed!

[Skirtchaser]

Icon I sure would hate to meet this one that twisted you!
I'm not here posting out of hurt, or a wrong I can't get over. I left my cheater and never looked back. Found a real long legged Texas Woman of my dreams. 13 years strong now.
I have worked for 18 years with people who have these troubles, I deal with the woes that comes from bad relationships. The advice I give is from experiance only. I live what I advise.
Im only here to try to help, not, here trying to get over one.
You on the otherhand came here looking for justification for staying with her.
All the advice you get here is lost. You simply don't have the ba.lls to stand up for your self. Your relationship is built on sand. Come back later after the next time she cheats on you and tell me how twisted I am.:cool:

[tomasingm]

Skirt Chaser, YOU DA MAN!!!!!!!!!

That post is Gospel and should be pusblished and shown to all cheaters and those they have cheate don.

[Icon73]

I don’t have a bad relationship with my wife. Things are good and getting better. Sure anything can happen but I could die tomorrow bitter or happy it’s my choice. Yes I did a lot of soul searching and it is a good exercise for anyone making a big decision. 3 months of it is enough for me. I made my choice the day I found out, took me a bit to realize that it was the right choice for the right reasons.

The other thing is I am not doing it for the kids. I grew up in a broken home and I know what they would have to go through. I would have no second thoughts about leaving because having them grow up in a hollow shell of a family would be much worse. So don’t make me out for someone sacrificing love or family.

What if she cheats again? What if I cheat? What if Texas goes back to Mexico? (According to population stats it is most of the way there) I don’t know.... I do know I am going to do my best to be happy, now for me and take it day by day. If I am stuck down tomorrow I can leave with a grin.

As for the balls and sand comment: I have the balls to take another try at it and the sand not run and leave. To me that is right way to rebuild a fourteen year relationship after one mistake. Others have taken a different path and I wish them all the luck in the world. And If I am ever in your guy's kneck of the woods? I will buy you a drink, sounds like you need it..

[Skirtchaser]

I do wish you luck. Each has to walk the path he chooses. The odds are against you. Exceptions I guess to every rule. Someone does win the lottery against the odds.
If your in my neck of the woods, according to your post, We'll wear a sombreo and drink a shot of tequila. :p
Good Luck.