horrible feeling of guilt.

[night shifter]

hello.
i'm new here.
i need to get something off my chest and ask a couple of questions.
i've been married for exactly one year this past sat.(8-12-06) but i've been with her for over eight.
we just bought a very nice house and moved in over a month ago.
we have no kids but just pets.
well here goes.
i love my wife more than i can try to explain and hurting her is out of the question...but.
this past sat. night we had a party with alot of of our friends and a couple of our neighbors. everything was fun and humerous. we all were drinking and so on. her best friend that i've known forever, which is also engaged to a good buddy of mine, were also over.
one thing led to another, people were getting drunk, passing out, my wife being one of them, so on and so on.
needless to say by about 3:00am, only her best friend, a bud of mine and i were awake, not sober, just awake.
earlier as i was coming out the utility-room which is right by the wash-room, the best friend comes out and we bump into each other playfully and as we made our way back outside she turned to me and threatened to kiss me. this kind of thing happens all the time so i just blew it off as usual, she is a bit of a flirt but i think i might be also.;)
so back to 3:00am , there we were sitting around b.s.ing when i got up to get another beer. i was in the fridge for 1 minute and bingo, there she was, behind me. i turned around and whamo. she lays a biggy on me. wow!
well this really turned into some heavy stuff and eventually wound up in my attatched garage, everyone out like a light including the one last guy outside, and there we were, making out and so on.
we did not have sex even though she wanted to, i just couln't, with it being my anniversary, in my house, alot of things. i also no she has hpv which i'm sure some of you ladies know about and that could have been desasterous.
i feel absolutely terrible about this but i will never tell her. i just hope miss flirty doesn't say something.
one other thing that is eating at me is the fact that i want to talk to the flirty one but she will not answer her phone or return my call. before this we had a good friendly relationship and i wonder if this is gone now.
the main reason i want to talk with her is that by now she may feel dirty and pretty awful but i don't want her to blame herself, it wasn't just her. believe me i wanted her just as much and for a long time.

[crissy]

Okay, so far you've only been drunk and disorderly. You have the opportunity to walk away from this situation. You don't need to call her or see her. You would only be laying the foundation work for further encounters by contacting her. Alittle space and time in between will clear your head and allow yourself a better perspective on this situation. You crossed the line, drunk or not drunk. Don't use alcohol as an excuse.

Take it from someone who just recently made the huge mistake of sleeping with a man I've known for years. You will only be hurting yourself and those around you. Do the right thing, if your wifes friend is still flirty with you and continues to place you in situations like this. Then you will need to let your wife know that she can continue to be friends with her, but you won't be hanging out with them. Giving in to temptation will only destroy lives, including your own. jmo

[night shifter]

well thanks for that.
its been eating me up.
she just emailed me and told me that she was sorry for not responding quicker.
she also said that she had some regrets but not bad? i don't know what she ment by that and she explained she didn't want any "weirdness" between us.
now i know this is going to sound bad but i can't help feel anxious? i guess?
its kind of exciting for me but i also know its so bad and so wrong.
i have been pretty faithful with my wife all along. i have had opportunities in the past but this is different. i've had a secret crush on her since i first met her. i even asked her why she had never said or done anything in the past before i was married. things could have been so much different. and her response was that she had, i never picked up on it.
this whole thing is nuts and my head is spinning.
i know there is only one good thing to do but i'm afraid i'm not going to have the self control if this ever happens again.

[repulsive]

tell you what darlin.. take a good look at your wife.. and visualize her having a nervous breakdown.. having to take meds for it.. and for the ulcers.. her hair falling out from the stress... her body shaking uncontrollably... her face swollen from crying and no sleep... Look into her eyes and imagine what they will look like with no light in them.. close your eyes and watch her cut her wrists and swallowing too many pills because she just needs a break from the visions in her head of you and your crush.. Better yet.. visualize her kissing and holding another man.. having him on her.. inside her..

see if you can muster up some self control... grow up and stay away from that woman.. she has no morals to hit on a man in his own home on his anniversary.. you may be flattered.. ok.. so what.. do you want to be stupid too?

[night shifter]

ok ok. i get it.
i'm terribly sorry to any women that may read my situation and have memories of this type of thing happening to them. not my intention!
i am just being honest as far as the way i am feeling about this thing.
i appreciate the slap in the face however, i deserve it.
this is just the type of thing that gets us men in so much trouble.
how can i love my wife and still feel this way about the other? i just don't get it. its not supposed to be like this. i never in a million years ever thought i would let myself get this way when i got married.
i guess this is why lust is a sin!
want to know something really funny (crazy)? my wife just called me and told me that those two are having problems! i know, big suprise. well he wants to move home because he says their spending too much money living in an apartment and won't be able to save for a house. i believe this is bull because i know him,well!
heres the kicker, guess where she wants to stay for now. you got it. mostly because her parents won't let her come back home.
my wife seems to be ok with it also, seriously. i'm not making this up. its like a soap-opera.
i'm about to go insane. i just can't believe this, its like a dream, or a nightmare.

[repulsive]

don't be stupid.. have a sit down with your wife.. point blank tell her it is a bad idea because your friend made a pass at you.. ON YOUR ANNIVERSARY.. yes it will piss her off.. but you will eventually get points for telling her.. Tell her you were flattered but you are uncomfortable around this woman... DO NOT go to the woman first.. Go talk to your wilfe..

[sweetface212]

Kudos to you for having the good sense to THINK about your actions before acting on this, considering many men would act before thinking (and I'm not trying to knock men, but we all know in situations like this, which head the majority of them think with)..

First of all, DO NOT, and I mean DO NOT let this excuse for a woman move in with you. If you do, then you'll have no one to blame for the drama in your situation but yourself. Secondly, if you are having these feelings for this woman, you need to figure out what it is about her that you're attracted to. I mean, come on, she's a homewrecker, and I'm pretty sure you're gonna one day be wondering when she's gonna leave you for the next guy, if you do end up with her. Whatever it is that you find appealing about this "woman", you need to look for in your WIFE. You married your wife for a reason, just remmeber what that reason was, and focus on that. If you still can't get this other woman out of your head, then the least you can do is show your wife some respect and talk to her about it.

Good luck buddy, cuz you're gonna need it..

~sweetface

[night shifter]

well thanks for all your comments and opinions.
i really have no one to talk to about this because everyone knows everyone.
so it would get out somehow.
she called me today.
we didn't talk long but we were both getting tongue tied and talking in circles.
she said she'd call me later tonight.
i told her a few things about how i was feeling about the situation and how i'm feeling two different ways which now i know i shouldn't have. she actually said the same thing. she doesn't want to hurt her friend...but.
i can't explain it but all week i have had an upset stomach, and i've got like the gitters. what is this for? its almost like i'm nervous or excited, with butterflies? i shouldn't have this. my brain and heart is kind of saying this is all wrong but everything else in me is not.
i don't want to have feelings for this woman but in a way i do and i just can't get over it. i've been trying and its hard. i know, man up, but its just not that easy.
i work nights and long crazy hours. start at 3:30pm off at 2,3,4,sometimes 5:00am or later even. this is all week mon-fri. with an hour drive each way. then the weekend comes and its gone like a flash.
maybe i'm looking for some fun or a little mischief to break the same old reutine.
i'm really not trying to make up excuses to make this right but just seeking solutions. i just don't know, i feel like i'm being pulled in two different directions. i have a conciounce you know and i know if i do something i shouldn't i will be sick about it but in the same sense i'm afraid i may lose my chance to have a really good fling. that is so bad isn't it?
you all must think i'm nuts here, but believe me, if you were me you wouldn't think so.
please also know that i'm not looking for you all to tell me its ok to do a bad thing.

[tillymint]

I dont quite know what you're asking us to give you here..

You know that if you do go down this route, then its going to open a whole can of worms.. and if you do give into temptation, then in my eyes, the premeditation of it all makes it so much worse.

My only input really is to say that trust takes a lot to earn, and can be shattered for ever in the blink of an eye..

Meaning ? That should you give into temptation now and your wife does find out then the whole foundation of your marriage will be rocked and may never recover to how it was "pre fling."

I do know what you mean about working unsociable hours. My partner works them, and when I found out about his internet "chats", one of his reasons for having these was that he was looking for some fun. He often works weekends, so a lot of the time any time for a social life together is out of the question..

We are working through our problems and whilst his shift work is still unsociable, we are making more of the time we DO have together, even if its to go out to eat for tea, or to call on friends for an hour before he has to go work.. Anything. As long its quality time TOGETHER.

I GUARANTEE that the hour or whatever of "pleasure" you receive from this other woman will NOT be worth jeopardising the future you could have with your wife - one based on trust and fidelity.

It will be a quick fix to fix your boredom and then will be instantly regretted.

And reading some of your other posts, I note that you have been particularly scathing of women who have affairs.. Does this "other" woman not fit into that catagory ? From where Im sitting, she does, and not only would she be cheating on her partner, but would be betraying a friend as well. What a women, eh ?!

Please do not go down this route.. the fall out is guaranteed to be a nightmare, and its the innocent party who will be the most hurt. See this woman for what she is, recognise your own weaknesses and tell her straight that you are NOT interested. No more calls. No more emails. PERIOD.

Good Luck
Till x

[tillymint]

she is a typical cheater that just got bored and is trying to blame it on something, anything to make her feel better for what she has done.

next time i hear a women say something stupid like this again i'll slap her.


This is one of your earlier replies to another posting.

Lets hope you dont end up having to use this excuse, and end up getting slapped:)

[markus]

Look on the brightside ... It could be him playing with your wife's beaver

[marywhite]

STOP the non-sense...Don't talk to the other woman, don't take her phone calls, don't entertain her anymore. Prove that you have no connection and this was a drunken mistake. Tell your wife, sit down and let her know. You anniversary is special, and this will hurt her for many years as she recalls her 1st anny, do extra special things that day moving forward.

If you don't tell her, she will find out eventually and that will not go good for you, at least you have remorse on your side at this point.

[night shifter]

well she went and made feel pretty stupid anyhow.
i never let anybody get the best of me and she has somehow.
i'm so embarrassed and ashamed that i would even consider something like this and kill what i have with my wife.
this chick is a total whack job and i just need to move on.
i truly feel now that her intentions were to purely just to ruin my marriage. i know for a fact she is jealous as hell of my wife and i because we do have a great marriage, house, life!
i'm sorry for taken up all of your time believe me. sometimes guys need a womans point of view. most guys would say go for it man. hit that s--t!
i seriously think that i'm cured of this crazed looney.
i just hope there isn't a next time.
thank you!

[sheriffs3536]

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