This sucks...need some help/advice.

[jbb]

I'm 27 years old. My fiancee cheated on me with one of her co-workers. She is 24 years old and we have a 15 month old son together. She works in an office building and she cheated on me 9 days ago. She told me she was going out for drinks with a few ppl after work, and I thought that would be ok... well it wasn't. I found out that she cheated on me that night. I confronted her the following night and she admitted to it. I was devastated.

This is the hard part, she can't quit her job because we can't afford to live on one income. She has to keep working there with the man she cheated on me with. She told me that she is totally devoted to me, our child and our future now, but how can I believe/trust her?

Everday she goes to work, I have to worry that this lowlife will try making advances on her. The worst part is that this lowlife knew that she had a man already, and a baby boy at home. I know his name and I know where he lives. I can't believe i'm letting him get away with this.

I believe that I trust my fiancee, but not 100%.

Has anyone ever dealt with something similar? How did you deal with it? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Please...

[SuckerFree]

Congratulations. You are now a full-time sucker. Who cares about this guy. Is he in the sheets with you at night? What do you think. Men won't try and bang your broad cuz she's taken. Get real. You are almost trying to make her the victim. One night.....one night out with a co-worker and she bangs him. You need to make some tough choices right now. If you leave you are screwed financially. If you stay with her, you are screwed emotionally (she will cheat on you again). Of course she is gonna tell you she wants to be with you. We play the cards we have. You are working, providing (helping) her and your child. Her options are slim right now. This is the front door/back door man policy. A front door man (you, the sucker) offers stability, a platform in which to go about life whilst not living under a bridge, or at parents house. Backdoor man provides the sex and the excitement. Sadly, this is the best position to be in. You need to get your Woman in check real quick with some tough love. Give her a taste of what it's like waiting for your CS check to arrive, and counting the days till tax season.

[SuckerFree]

One more thing......how do you know she's not making advances to him?

[jbb]

Well, dam. This is why I turned to the internet for some form of support... to talk to other men that have went through this sort of bullsh1t.

I appreciate the responses and I am taking them into consideration carefully.
Also...SuckerFree, I have got no proof what so ever that she didn't make advances on him... i just don't know. She might have... I actually never looked at that possibility... you made an interesting point.

[markus]

Yep you need to get real on this ..... He's an opportunist
she made herself available and he took what was on offer
and they probably cant wait for the next chance to have it off again

set a time date for her to either find a new job or pack her bags

[exhausted]

jbb...

My wife cheated on me with her boss... I found out about it after it has been going on for sometime.. I made her quit her job.. We are struggling now, but, I have some ease in my head(Somewhat).. She knew from day one I didn't like the guy from day one and I told her that!! and after 13 yrs of her job it came out, I was like WOW! I never seen the signs..

Her coming home late, staying out drinking with co-workers and her late nite phonecalls.. I was blind by the whole thing.. And after figuring out who it was it was her boss, the same guy I told her I didn't like!! He is married with 2 kids and he knows me!! I was devastated and sick to my stomach..

We have since work things out somewhat.. I still have doubts in my head and don't know if I will ever to be able to trust her again.. It will take sometime on both parts.. But, I'm just really staying now for the my kid.. And I know people will say don't do it for the kid, but, I put on a good game face when I get home..

But, hang in there man.. It will get better!!!

[jbb]

Thanks guys for the replies. They help. :)

[markus]

jbb...

My wife cheated on me with her boss... I found out about it after it has been going on for sometime.. I made her quit her job.. We are struggling now, but, I have some ease in my head(Somewhat).. She knew from day one I didn't like the guy from day one and I told her that!! and after 13 yrs of her job it came out, I was like WOW! I never seen the signs..

Her coming home late, staying out drinking with co-workers and her late nite phonecalls.. I was blind by the whole thing.. And after figuring out who it was it was her boss, the same guy I told her I didn't like!! He is married with 2 kids and he knows me!! I was devastated and sick to my stomach..

We have since work things out somewhat.. I still have doubts in my head and don't know if I will ever to be able to trust her again.. It will take sometime on both parts.. But, I'm just really staying now for the my kid.. And I know people will say don't do it for the kid, but, I put on a good game face when I get home..

But, hang in there man.. It will get better!!!


My situation is same ... the kids are the real motivation behind staying together and trying to work things out
Women that cheat are always going to be looking for the knight in shining armour
All you can do is give them plenty of c*ck and hope one dont turn up lol

[confused]

1. She needs a new job.

You cant afford one income......so.....no problem. start the job hunting...and the interviewing process.....so she can be OUT of that place....and into another within a certain time period. PERIOD. If she is "commited" to making your marriage work? She will have no problem doing this. She needs to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to make this marriage work...and YOU NEED TO STAND FIRM that THIS is ONE REQUIREMENT you will NOT bend on!

2. You need to confront this "dude" WITH your wife.

set up a time for lunch or whatever....but you need to tell your wife that you BOTH need to tell this guy that you are WORKING ON YOUR MARRIAGE....and that you are BACK TOGETHER....and he is NO LONGER welcome as a friend in her life. PERIOD.

then? your wife needs to open herself up COMPLETELY. As in.....checking her text messages.....her voice mail...her email etc.

if she's willing to do all of this? she is serious about making your marriage work. if she "sways" at all? turns the tables? says "what? you dont trust me? i SAID i wanted to make this work!"

well...then you've got a problem........but you've ALSO got the "truth". She is still keeping something from you.

(just my opinion...doesn't mean you have to do it...but i truly believe you MUST do both or it wont work. Good luck!)

[jbb]

Thanks guys for the responses. They all help.

Thanks again.

[waldo24]

dude, your story is almost as bad as mine except im married