cheating husband

[nasty]

i just found out a few weeks ago that my husband had a romantic affair with someone from work. She left her husband of 14 yrs for him. I feel sick to my stomach when i think about it! i can't believe i didn't see it! everything was in front of me now that i think about it i could put the puzzle together. This all started after i gave birth of my son and went through post partum depression i was not feeling good and probably ignored him in every way! His now back home and his asking for forginess, i love him dearly and i forgive him but can't seem to forget. the pain is constant in my heart. he is not giving me a reason to think that he is seeing her and i could see that he is really trying hard. i have good days and bad days, i'm soo hurt!

[markus]

Dont blame yourself for being depressed and ignoring him .. He's the problem
he betrayed you when you needed support now its upto him to prove he is no longer a self centered loser

nuff said

[confused]

*ugh*

You say you "just" found out 2 weeks ago.

And you say he's now "back home".

Did you initially kick him out? And then he told you it was over and so you let him back in?

Anyhow.....the phrase "forgive & forget" in my book....CAN'T be done.

Forgiving yes...
Forgetting never....

So don't beat yourself up over it.

Do you go to church? Is your husband a church going man as well?

From what i've seen.....for it to WORK after an affair...there really needs to be some sort of "counseling" or third party person involved....

The only reason i say this is because NORMALLY...the "cheating" spouse...will simply say. "OKAY...I MADE A MISTAKE...now forgive me and lets move on"...

While the "cheated on spouse"......in a hurry to get things back to normal..will say "okay....done".....BUT STILL harbors ill feelings inside.

If not ever brought out.

If not "nurtured" or talked about? Well....there will NEVER be healing...and if there's no healing...there's no "true" forgiving.

Make sense?

You CANT just be "told"..."okay...its over...lets move on and i never want to talk about it again"...because quite frankly..its not as simple as that.

****....a WEDDING CEREMONY with VOWS can take a friggin HOUR to recite...

yet...."infidelity" is supposed to be as simple as

"I'm sorry..it wont happen again...please forgive me and lets move on"...
"Okay....but dont you EVER do it again or ELSE".....

?????

dont think so.

[nasty]

I'm Very Glad So Hear Your Opinion Confused! I Agree With You It's Not As Simple As That Like You Say. Yes We Went To Church And He Confess His Sin. Before I Found Out He Had Left The House For 2 Months Then When He Wanted To Come Back Home That's When He Told Me Everything. I Forgave Him Because I Love Him And Want To Be With Him But He Knows That I Will Never Forget! I'm Not A Jalous Person But I Feel Paranoid Everyday And I Hate This Feeling. He Is Not Give Me A Reason That He Still Seeing Her, He Doesn't Go Out Anymore And He Call Me Often. It's Nice Of Him To Try T Show Me That He Want His Way Back In But I Feel Like He's Punching Is Time Card Everytime His Calling Me. I Feel So Confused, Some Time I'm Happy And Then For A Moment I Feel Sad, Betrayed, Cheap And I Feel That I'm Forgiving Him To Fast. Sometimes I Wonder If I Love Him For The Man That He Is Or For The Men I Want Him To Be. This Affair Changed My Whole Life My Way Of Seeing Things, The Way I Look At People. Will I Ever Be The Same Or Will I Always Be Scare. Anyway We Will Be Starting Couples Therapy Hopefully That Will Help Me. Sometimes I Look At My Kids With Him Playing And I Say To Myself That I Have To Try To Make It Work For Them They Look So Happy!

[brokenecho]

i am so sorry you had to go through this, but please don't let his stupid actions and his mistakes taint your view of the whole world -- there ARE good people out there, like your friends at church or family members, who can support you and help you through this very difficult time. whether or not he deserves your forgiveness is completely up to you, and you can take as long as you want, but do reach out to others while you're going through this.

[exhausted]

Trust is the main thing that He will have to build back... I know what you are talking about not seeing all of the signs and not being able to put the puzzle together. I was like a deer in the headlights when I found out.. And still to this day I still recall things from the past that I remember that she did..

If you let him back he could possibly do it agin knowing you will let him back(not saying that He would do that) but, it also something else you need to think about also..

Keep us informed and hang in there..

[tooots]

My husband cheated on me many years ago. He said it was over but I never quite felt we recovered. I felt lonely and the next thing you know, I met someone online. It didn't work as most don't. We patched things up and agreed we both had our insane times and moved on... till now.

I see the warning signs again for him and he is painting me up to be crazy.

Once again I am hearing alarm bells and my back hairs are up.

I hope you can move forward but it is so difficult.

The problem years in marriages are 7, 11 and 14. Funny how we have been married just 11 years and here come the problems. The last time we had problems was at being together 11 years. All in all we have been together 25 years. I was 16 he was 18. We never really did the dating thing. I think that was half the problem for us.

I pray anyone on here can work through these issues. I am having a tough time right now. I am trying to keep it together and it is difficult.

tooots

[nasty]

I Wrote Before That My Husband Had An Affair. How Do We Forget. How Long Will It Take. I Can't Live Like This. I Have No One To Talk To I'm Going Insane. He Keep On Telling Me That He's Doing Everything To Make Me See That His Not Seeing Her. The Thing Is Not That I'm Scare I Will See Her, Is That He Lied, Cheated And Hurt Me. It's Funny That He Goes On Cheating, He The One That Did Something Bad But I'm The One Who's Feeling Like **** And Can't Function. He Must Feel Better That He Emptied Is Bag! I Don't Know If I Could Ever Forget. I'm Trying To Forget For My 2 Small Kids And Trying To Tell Myself That Day After Day It Will Hurt Me Less. But Every Minute Of Every Day I Keep On Thinking About Him And Her Together Making Out, Going Out To Restaurant, Etc Etc. Then I Say To My Self That A Man Is A Man, They All Do This So Why Should I Change For May Be Something Worst. I Least My Kids Get To Be With Us . I Was Never The Jealous Type, Never Asked Any Questions When He Would Go Out With His Friend, How Stupid Was I. Now I Feel Paranoid Every Day, I Want Ot Be With Him But But Not Feeling Like This. Does Anyone Ever Forget Or Feel Better With Time

[repulsive]

I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. The fear, the betrayal, the paranoia makes you hate the person you have become. I came from a long line of cheaters. My parents were swingers and I hated the lifestyle so much I never cheated on my first husband of 27 years. It was an abusive relationship in many ways but did not get physical until the end. I kept telling myself.. well its not as bad as when I was a kid. I met my current husband due to the business I was in three years before we met in person. He was always a gentleman. After his wife died he made a trip to the state I was living in and we decided to meet. I had been dating and I had never been with a man that did not hit on me the first date. Brock was a compete gentleman I was so moved by his personality and demeaner. No one ever treated me with such respect and love. He cherished me and I was not used to that feeling. All the walls I had constructed to protect myself came down. He was the man I never let myself dream of. We married in April of 05 and it was perfect. On mother's day weekend shortly after we celebrated our first anniversary we got matching tattoos that commemorated our marriage. Brock went to the store to pick up some things I was going to use his laptop to find numbers for local clubs.. there was an email from an escort.. replying to his about his upcoming trip to Baltimore where they were going to meet. Over the next few months he confessed..usually after I found out.. to being with other prostitutes and strippers, phone sex, cruising for prostitutes, profiles on adult sex sites, profiles profiles and more profiles. I started searching the phone records and found he had been doing this since June after we married in April. On one occasion he had over 300 hits for escorts on his computer. He was in Kansas City and we spoke on the phone for 119 minutes. After he hung up from me he called escort services. I searched and searched.. each time more hurt and more angry. I felt like a failure. I was put aside. Now mind you. He treated me like a queen. Wrote me poems and the most loving gifts. I felt so treasured. Now I feel so stupid and trashed. The sex was the most tender and sweet. Every day with him was a honeymoon. To find him I had to put in my own profiles, and I would hit on him. He has so many profiles he can't remember where he has been.. but I find them. I have so many men hit on me and I tell him about it. I have started taking medications for depression and panic attacks. I have an ulcer. I have tried to kill myself twice. He has begged me to stay with him. He tells me he loves me I am everything he ever wanted and more. I have cut myself to stop the pain. I have detached. He is trying so hard.. I see it. I believe he loves me and sometimes I even feel it. I hate the monster I have become. I don't sleep. I dream. I have visions in my head I can't get rid of. I hate myself because I love him. I hate myself for letting anyone this close to me. We are seeing a therapist every week. It helps.. but I still have to live with me. This man made me feel so loved.. and so disreguarded. I can't stop the thoughts. I am so alone even with me. I feel like his probation officer. He checks in and gets real upset when I don't answer my phone. I am suffering with memory loss. I can't complete projects. I get lost. I have become a monster. I told him I need to be put away.He won't do it. He thinks I don't search anymore because I have been smiling and more like myself. It has become a game. If anyone knows how to become myself again.. please help me

[nasty]

i know what you mean my husband was doing the same to me. he loved me so much and i was so happy i never though he would cheat on me that was the last thing on my mine. Now my vision of people is completly different i don't think i will ever be able to trust anyone again. if you can't trust the man you married, the man of your life, how can you trust anyone else. I'm so sorry for your pain and i wish i had an answer for you. be strong and think about yourself because that's what they do they think about them self, they don't think how much pain they are causing us when they go do what they are doing these pig's. fustrating!