confused
07-24-2006, 05:08 PM
Hi everyone....,
Today i'm going thru yet another "emotion"....and i find it rather F-R-U-S-T-R-A-T-I-N-G how many TIMES i change how i FEEL!!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess why i'm starting this thread (and in other forums as well)....is because I'd like to know if I'm alone. Am i the ONLY ONE going "insane" internally? Or are there others?
Also...if there ARE indeed others....are there any MALE versions? Women tend to beat themselves up emotionally all the time...and "overthink" issues....in addition to just thinking MORE than a man.......so.......do men beat themselves up as well and emotionally go thru the same rollercoaster of emotions?
MY PERSONAL "changes" in emotions are as follows.
1. Give 100%. Be that girlfriend/fiance' that NOONE can compare to. Be the best lover, best listener, best cook, mom, friend anyone could be. Do NOT expect to get back from him...if you are not putting forth the effort.
(I will do this for a day...a week.....a few hours whatever...and when i'm NOT seeing "results" in what i'm getting back? I then get frustrated and go to #2.)
2. WHATEVER. Fuk it. Asshole! (My attitude will change to "okay...i'll do the same to HIM. I will act indifferent.) I will not pursue sex, conversation or to sit by him on a couch. I will do my thing....and when he does come to find out what im doing....i tell him...but without the interest of wanting HIM involved. he gets the hint that he can then go on to do what HE wants to do...and we simply co-exist. (I can only do THIS for a certain amount of time as well...as this is NOT my nature. I DONT like being "non" loving. so then i go on to mind screw myself with #3)
3. WHY ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP SO MUCH? YOU NEVER DID BEFORE THE "CHEATING" INCIDENT OCCURRED. YOU'RE TRYING TO HARD TO FIGURE **** OUT. So then i beat myself up...and also JUSTIFY our relationship in my mind. I will say to myself "noones perfect. EVERYONE seems like they have a great relationship on the "outside" ...but if i lived with them? i would soon see their flaws as well!" "NOT EVERYONE has sex twice a week....OTHER PEOPLE sit and just watch tv at night too.....not EVERYONE gets to go on vacations and smile and laugh all the time.......OTHER PEOPLE argue and don't sit with each other on the couch holding hands bla bla bla". So i then back off of thinking at ALL.....(ie...should i "put forth effort"? vs...."ahh fudge it...i'll be the same indifferent person)...and mull around like some others do...
4. I think in my mind i'm letting him off to easily. That i should indeed make him move out. and make him work his way back into my life my trust my home and our daughters life. maybe then he will really/truly understand what his actions created.
5. I think in my mind i'm being too hard on myself...and wanting "perfection" from our relationship now...when before it wasn't perfect...but i didn't always question whether we had a future together or not.
He had proposed twice...i had accepted twice...but as i mentioned before...it was me who had no worries about rushing down that alter.
i never thought about us and our future for a SECOND. i automatically 'knew' we were soul mates...and we would always be together.
Now? even when his actions still TELL ME we'll still be together....i wonder deep down in the pit of my stomach whether we'll be together even after the summer.
anyhow...
this is my internal struggle. my rollercoaster. and its pretty much constant. ever since this whole ordeal started at the beginning of summer.
i had initially mentioned that i would stay put because his child from previous marriage was coming again for the summer...and i didn't want OUR child together...to be deprived of his/her sibling. so....here it is the middle of summer...things are plugging away as usual. he has shown no signs of doing ANYTHING wrong.
always at work when he's supposed to be...always comes directly home afterwards...when we go out we go out TOGETHER....no mysterious phone calls.....never on the computer anymore (because yes...i locked him off it)....
so....
am i the only one who thinks like this? And again..if not..are there any MEN who go thru this?
Thanx for your input.
Today i'm going thru yet another "emotion"....and i find it rather F-R-U-S-T-R-A-T-I-N-G how many TIMES i change how i FEEL!!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess why i'm starting this thread (and in other forums as well)....is because I'd like to know if I'm alone. Am i the ONLY ONE going "insane" internally? Or are there others?
Also...if there ARE indeed others....are there any MALE versions? Women tend to beat themselves up emotionally all the time...and "overthink" issues....in addition to just thinking MORE than a man.......so.......do men beat themselves up as well and emotionally go thru the same rollercoaster of emotions?
MY PERSONAL "changes" in emotions are as follows.
1. Give 100%. Be that girlfriend/fiance' that NOONE can compare to. Be the best lover, best listener, best cook, mom, friend anyone could be. Do NOT expect to get back from him...if you are not putting forth the effort.
(I will do this for a day...a week.....a few hours whatever...and when i'm NOT seeing "results" in what i'm getting back? I then get frustrated and go to #2.)
2. WHATEVER. Fuk it. Asshole! (My attitude will change to "okay...i'll do the same to HIM. I will act indifferent.) I will not pursue sex, conversation or to sit by him on a couch. I will do my thing....and when he does come to find out what im doing....i tell him...but without the interest of wanting HIM involved. he gets the hint that he can then go on to do what HE wants to do...and we simply co-exist. (I can only do THIS for a certain amount of time as well...as this is NOT my nature. I DONT like being "non" loving. so then i go on to mind screw myself with #3)
3. WHY ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP SO MUCH? YOU NEVER DID BEFORE THE "CHEATING" INCIDENT OCCURRED. YOU'RE TRYING TO HARD TO FIGURE **** OUT. So then i beat myself up...and also JUSTIFY our relationship in my mind. I will say to myself "noones perfect. EVERYONE seems like they have a great relationship on the "outside" ...but if i lived with them? i would soon see their flaws as well!" "NOT EVERYONE has sex twice a week....OTHER PEOPLE sit and just watch tv at night too.....not EVERYONE gets to go on vacations and smile and laugh all the time.......OTHER PEOPLE argue and don't sit with each other on the couch holding hands bla bla bla". So i then back off of thinking at ALL.....(ie...should i "put forth effort"? vs...."ahh fudge it...i'll be the same indifferent person)...and mull around like some others do...
4. I think in my mind i'm letting him off to easily. That i should indeed make him move out. and make him work his way back into my life my trust my home and our daughters life. maybe then he will really/truly understand what his actions created.
5. I think in my mind i'm being too hard on myself...and wanting "perfection" from our relationship now...when before it wasn't perfect...but i didn't always question whether we had a future together or not.
He had proposed twice...i had accepted twice...but as i mentioned before...it was me who had no worries about rushing down that alter.
i never thought about us and our future for a SECOND. i automatically 'knew' we were soul mates...and we would always be together.
Now? even when his actions still TELL ME we'll still be together....i wonder deep down in the pit of my stomach whether we'll be together even after the summer.
anyhow...
this is my internal struggle. my rollercoaster. and its pretty much constant. ever since this whole ordeal started at the beginning of summer.
i had initially mentioned that i would stay put because his child from previous marriage was coming again for the summer...and i didn't want OUR child together...to be deprived of his/her sibling. so....here it is the middle of summer...things are plugging away as usual. he has shown no signs of doing ANYTHING wrong.
always at work when he's supposed to be...always comes directly home afterwards...when we go out we go out TOGETHER....no mysterious phone calls.....never on the computer anymore (because yes...i locked him off it)....
so....
am i the only one who thinks like this? And again..if not..are there any MEN who go thru this?
Thanx for your input.