My affair was the best thing that ever happened to me.

[misty]

I was married for 20 years. I loved being home and being a wife. The house was immaculate, I did all the gardening, everyone always had clean clothes in their closet, I made wonderful dinners every night, the children were all on the honor roll, and I worked out to stay fit and toned. I always felt like things got better every year - except for my husband. Every year he got a little fatter, a little drunker, and a little meaner.

When I decided to go back to work, I did it with the intention of becoming self sufficient to the point where I could leave my husband. No matter what I did or said, he still drank heavily and would not stop. I gave myself a one year timetable - I would work and save money for a year, and make my plans for a new life for me and the children.

When an out of town assignment came up, I volunteered to take it. I figured I needed a few days away because things were so depressing and ugly at home. Coincidentally, an old friend showed up at my work on the same day I got the assignment. He lived in the city that I was travelling to, and he suggested dinner the night I was there.

All that week I fantasized about him, even though he was out of my league. I even went so far as to purchase a sexy, lacy bra and thong set to wear that night, even though the odds of anything happening were impossibly small. And when I went to his office that afternoon, I actually felt silly about all the fantasies I had about him.

He suggested a restaurant that his friend owned. It was a high end Italian place, very beautiful and elegant. He ordered my dinner for me, and also wine to go with every course. Our conversations were amazing, the food was fantastic, and the wine - well, I drank a lot of wine. We laughed and looked into each other's eyes, and I knew right then that I was going to end up in his bed.

He took me back to his house, which was at the top of a hill at the end of the longest driveway ever. He had an amazing city lights view, and as I was admiring it he started to undress me. We worked our way back to his bedroom, with articles of clothes coming off the whole way. His bed was a massive antique 4-poster, very romantic.

It was the most incredible sex I have ever had. I never knew a man could make me feel like that.

The next day I asked my husband for a divorce. He cried and pleaded, and said he would never take another drink again, and that he would be a new man. And here it is, 6 months later, and he hasn't had a drop to drink and he's been a model husband and father.

And I think about my friend all the time. I think about that night, and how I felt, and the whole amazing experience and it makes me smile. I've never told anyone about it, and I'll never regret it. The only downside to this whole thing is that now I know what I'm missing in bed. The husband is not trainable in that respect. Also, I would never do anything like this again, because I realize that I was incredibly lucky not to get some kind of disease or get caught.

This affair, if you could call it that, is what gave me the nerve to ask for the divorce, which got my husband back on track. So I guess you could say that is is one of the best things that ever happened to me.

[SuckerFree]

Now, before all the women chime in about you did the right thing, or, you go girl. I would like to do a little role reversal first. Here's my story:

I was married for 20 years. Due to circumstance my wife agreed to go to work and grind it out 50-60 hours a week. My job was to stay at home and be a good househusband. My children were well provided for (on my wife's salary of course), I did laundry, cooked great dinners, and kept myself in shape (minimal requirements for a househusband that take no more than 3 hours a day at my leisure). But after 2 decades of this my working wife gained some weight. She also drank more than she used to (I guess she never drank when I meet her). So, I decided that even though divorce decrees favor my gender, I would start saving money, get back into the work force (after 2 decades of not doing so), build up enough cash and when the time was right, drop a bomb on my wife that I was bailing out on the family. While at work, I met this total piece of ass. Her body was tight all over, she had a great house, with the longest driveway ever. I got all cleaned up and wore my best clothes (a luxury I apparently never offered my wife). I went back to her place and she ****ed my brains out. She was so tight I thought I wouldn't last more than a minute. The next day I told my wife I was divorcing her. She loved me and begged me not to leave. I never bothered telling her that I had just got done sleeping with a playgirl (and never thought about transferring an STD to my wife as well). Now, when we occasionally have sex, I compare her to this playgirl (who would have dumped me in a week, that's what these people do) and she doesn't compare. But hey, as long as my wife keeps bringing home the bacon, and as long as she behaves and does everything I ask, their will be no problems. That is of course until I decide im an entitlement Prince again and run off and get some more strange.


Doesn't sound very nice now does it ladies?

[sweetface212]

Wow, Suckerfree, that was wild.. As for the original poster, you took a risk, and it paid off for you.. That doesn't always happen though.. Hopefully things work out for you, but just keep in mind that karma happens whether we want it to or not..

Good luck to you and your husband, and keep us posted..

~sweetface

[Adam Bomb 1701]

So, I decided that even though divorce decrees favor my gender...

Since when? What state or country do you live in? Divorce decrees do not favor men. Not by a long shot. At least, not in New Jersey, where I was divorced.

[confused]

read sucker's post again...

it was "ficticious"...and it was a point he was making.....he "turned the tables" so to speak.

therefore..he is saying that divorce indeed DOES favor "women"........get it?

[confused]

........*lol

SuckerFREE...and adamBOMB...not adamFREE!

[benmac360]

You are just like every other woman out there who cheated on their husband/boyfriend - you are blaming your husband for your own devious and selfish behavior. You better thank your lucky stars that he has not found out (yet) about your indiscretion. I bet your husband was a drinker before you married him, but because you were pursuing the commitment of marriage and not him as a person you overlooked it, hoping he would change after you got married but alas, you were disappointed. So what exactly did you do or say to get him to put down the bottle? Obviously whatever it was amounted to nothing but noise because here you are posting that you cheated on him and liked it. Maybe the stress from work and having to support your selfish behind and the children drove him to drink and gain weight - why didn't you seek joint counseling or have him seek individual therapy? I'm not condoning his behavior but you come across as being proud of what you did. You think things were depressing and ugly for you, but they were just as bad for him too - why did he keep drinking? I'm sure you treated him like sh#t before you went off to bang your "old friend". Ultimately it sounds like you really don't care about him anyway, saying "the husband is not trainable" so do him a favor, tell him what you did so he has a reason to get rid of you.

[markus]

Agreed , she's a heartless selfish cheat
Your relationship is not back on track because you spread your legs and allowed some bloke to pump you sensless
its back on tracks because you communicated with him and he realised that he was close to losing you and realised he had to make a change
All the time you were looking out for your self - thinking ahead as far as a year to leave him , building up your own confidence so you were strong after you dumped him ,not caring how he would end up or if it would make his problems worst after you left
So now here you are beleiving that your dirty unfaithfull night is something to be proud of and your not capable of regretting it like most selfish cheaters Your a cheap HUSSY and you know it

[confused]

*mumbling* "Cheap Hussy?"....

yikes.

But...? I agree.

Relationship isn't better because you had an affair.
Relationship is better because you communicated.

Period.

[markus]

Yeah the hussy comment was a bit harsh :eek: sorry:D

but ive not read such a pile of manure in my life

[tooots]

I agree with this original poster. I have seen many men enter into relationships and marriage thinking they want the house with the picket fence and the 2.5 kids and the dog and the cat. Once in this relationship the men suddenly realize they can't handle what goes along with this package. I don't necessarily believe this guy was a drinker from the start. He could have drank as a result of not being able to be the man he had hoped to be or promised at the alter.

My husband said he would be the best father ever... HA! My husband has spent the last 21 years chasing a career and all but leaving us to go day to day without him. He never panned out to be the husband that he said would be in regards to taking the kids to little league, cutting the lawn, mending the fences, shovelling the walks etc. Naw... I do all of the above and then he has the balls to ask me at 9:30 at night why I am cutting the lawn and I reply "because it needs it". He makes this comment as he is passing me out the gate on his 3 hour moonlight bike ride. Oh but be sure when he comes home he will tell me he is needing a bj. To heck with asking me if I need something first.

Don't talk to me about communication. I communicate my brains out and the recipient doesn't hear it. If he did, he would be cutting the damn lawn not me.

I had an affair 11 years ago and my husband had several prior to that. He never drank, went to bars, did drugs. He worked hard and provided for us but he was not emotionally there majority of the time. Sex always was him asking for a bj and never really reciprocating. He was my first love and I never knew what great sex was like till I crossed the border and had a awakening of my own. I did like the previous poster and asked for a divorce when I got back. Oh hubby promised to pick up the slack and not ignore me anymore. 11 years later, he is still riding his bike for 3 hours a night and I am still cutting the lawn. Sometimes people cannot change, they are set in their ways.

I do not for a minute regret the relationship I had with the other man. He made me realize that there is more to life and sometimes we do get shortchanged.

I am sure my husband thinks about the little tart from work that he was involved with. I am sure the rebel in her attracted him. I was the Lady Diana type and she was the bad girl (pick any Hollywood bad girls name and place here). When reality hit he returned back home and realized she was ok for fun but not the type to marry or bring home to mom. When reality hit me it was only because my lover talked me into remaining and raising my kids. He divorced his wife and remains on his own to this day. He dates women but says he is not sure he ever wants to marry again. We laugh and joke on occasion about the relationship we had but I use it as a yardstick to measure what my marriage will always lack. You cannot make a silk purse out of a sows ear.

I wish life were like that!

tooots

[SuckerFree]

I agree with this original poster. I have seen many men enter into relationships and marriage thinking they want the house with the picket fence and the 2.5 kids and the dog and the cat. Once in this relationship the men suddenly realize they can't handle what goes along with this package. I don't necessarily believe this guy was a drinker from the start. He could have drank as a result of not being able to be the man he had hoped to be or promised at the alter.

My husband said he would be the best father ever... HA! My husband has spent the last 21 years chasing a career and all but leaving us to go day to day without him. He never panned out to be the husband that he said would be in regards to taking the kids to little league, cutting the lawn, mending the fences, shovelling the walks etc. Naw... I do all of the above and then he has the balls to ask me at 9:30 at night why I am cutting the lawn and I reply "because it needs it". He makes this comment as he is passing me out the gate on his 3 hour moonlight bike ride. Oh but be sure when he comes home he will tell me he is needing a bj. To heck with asking me if I need something first.

Don't talk to me about communication. I communicate my brains out and the recipient doesn't hear it. If he did, he would be cutting the damn lawn not me.

I had an affair 11 years ago and my husband had several prior to that. He never drank, went to bars, did drugs. He worked hard and provided for us but he was not emotionally there majority of the time. Sex always was him asking for a bj and never really reciprocating. He was my first love and I never knew what great sex was like till I crossed the border and had a awakening of my own. I did like the previous poster and asked for a divorce when I got back. Oh hubby promised to pick up the slack and not ignore me anymore. 11 years later, he is still riding his bike for 3 hours a night and I am still cutting the lawn. Sometimes people cannot change, they are set in their ways.

I do not for a minute regret the relationship I had with the other man. He made me realize that there is more to life and sometimes we do get shortchanged.

I am sure my husband thinks about the little tart from work that he was involved with. I am sure the rebel in her attracted him. I was the Lady Diana type and she was the bad girl (pick any Hollywood bad girls name and place here). When reality hit he returned back home and realized she was ok for fun but not the type to marry or bring home to mom. When reality hit me it was only because my lover talked me into remaining and raising my kids. He divorced his wife and remains on his own to this day. He dates women but says he is not sure he ever wants to marry again. We laugh and joke on occasion about the relationship we had but I use it as a yardstick to measure what my marriage will always lack. You cannot make a silk purse out of a sows ear.

I wish life were like that!

tooots



Wow, everything in your post is wrong.

[SuckerFree]

And selfish and unrealistic I may add as well.

[crissy]

I also had an affair recently with a man I've known almost all my life. I am trying to save my marriage, cope, and deal with what I've done. I sit and read some of the posts here and I have to say. Most guys just don't get it. To people like Marcus and Suckerfree we will always be selfish *****s. I say stop throwing rocks and juding us. There is a reason that your partners chose to cheat on you. There are two people who are at fault when a marriage fails. The warning signs are there, some people just chose to look the other way and not try to save their marriages. I'm sure that in both of your cases at some point or another you knew that your relationship was changing with your partners. That something was going wrong and distance building. Don't judge, if placed in any one of our situations, you too could have made the same mistake. Everyone wants to be loved, needed, and desired. Instead of being total asses, try listening to the pain that some of these women have endured for years. Why does it always seem that in most of these stories you read the woman has been devoted for years and the husband has neglected her. Neglected both mentally and physically. I am a southern raised woman who was taught from an early age that divorce was just not an answer. Taught to endure the hand your dealt and smile on the outside so that no one knows what's really going on behind the closed doors. Why does it seem that when you read a story in here about a man that was cheated on, the woman is a tramp, trash, hussy. Don't forgive her she's a selfish cheat. BUT read a story about a woman who's husband has cheated on her. Forgive him, go to counseling, make it work; you'll need time to heal and forgive. It's all just crap. Why is it that a man can have numerous partners and is looked upon as a god, a gifted skilled lover, but a woman with just as many is a *****, piece of trash. What's the difference?

[tooots]

They will never get it Crissy

[SuckerFree]

See, I knew as soon as one Woman gave the original poster the OK, others would chime in and say it was ok. This is Women justifying poor behavior with invented horror stories. OK, let's for arguments sake say this man is a total zero. Not worth anything. Leave him. Don't betray him and still live off his scraps. Isn't this what equality is all about? Yes, something was going wrong. They were cheating on us, lol. That was the problem. Also, I have been cheated on once. Found out over a year after the relationship had ended, and it was a long time ago. Im not some bitter, recently screwed over guy. I see things without the shroud of fresh emotions. Listen to me. It's very simple. You have options. If the man in your life doesn't become who you dreamed of. This is common cosidering most women's completely unrealistic expectations of marriage, then split. Don't screw the first cute guy at work, and then turn around and say my hubby rides his bike to much. It was probably that Harley that turned you on to him in the first place. You don't get it. You were wrong......period. The husband isn't neglecting anyone as you speak of. His is doing his part. He is providing. But women want more, and then more, and then more. I guarantee if the original poster had married the wealthy playboy she met. She would complain about him after a year or two. If you wanna cheat, fine. You could wind up hurting others. These things happen. I have done bad things to people as well. But I don't sit here and make excuses for it. I was dumb, young, and selfish. I regret it. And I learned from it. Only thru excepting responsibiliy.

[SuckerFree]

Sigh, I really shouldn't do this. But im pretty bored right now. I also just drank a Monster and need something to do with my hands. So here goes.....

"I also had an affair recently with a man I've known almost all my life"......once again proof that their is no such thing as a "guy friend"

"I am trying to save my marriage, cope, and deal with what I've done".......This wasn't a good start.

"Most guys just don't get it".....No, really we do

"To people like Marcus and Suckerfree we will always be selfish *****s".....I haven't called anyone a *****. But if you wish to label yourself that's fine.

"There is a reason that your partners chose to cheat on you".....yes, they were selfish

[SuckerFree]

"There are two people who are at fault when a marriage fails"....Really, you mean like Andrea Yates

"The warning signs are there, some people just chose to look the other way and not try to save their marriages"......How dare they

"I'm sure that in both of your cases at some point or another you knew that your relationship was changing with your partners"......Yes, when they were being selfish and cheating


"try listening to the pain that some of these women have endured for years".....Most Women in today's American family live better than 99% of all Women who ever lived.....not buying it

"Why does it always seem that in most of these stories you read the woman has been devoted for years and the husband has neglected her".....Not listening to your trivial gripes isn't neglect. No one is put on this Earth to make others happy. If you choose to start a family and you are a man, you have an obligation to provide for them.

[SuckerFree]

"Taught to endure the hand your dealt and smile on the outside so that no one knows what's really going on behind the closed doors".....I guess you missed that class

"Why does it seem that when you read a story in here about a man that was cheated on, the woman is a tramp, trash, hussy. Don't forgive her she's a selfish cheat. BUT read a story about a woman who's husband has cheated on her. Forgive him, go to counseling, make it work; you'll need time to heal and forgive"................I suggest you read the post on here most closely. I have no sympathy for a Man who fails his family.

"Why is it that a man can have numerous partners and is looked upon as a god, a gifted skilled lover, but a woman with just as many is a *****, piece of trash. What's the difference?"........This is a Woman invention. Show me two Women that are arguing and one doesn't refer to the other as a ****, or mention how many guys she's been with. It doesn't happen. Show me one teenage girl at a High School who sleeps with a few guys who isn't mercilessy ridiculed by the other girls. When I was in HS, I vividly remember several girls who would only date a guy from a different school, so as not to face the insults, and backstabbing of the other girls. Also, by the time a Women is 25, she has had twice as much sex as the average 25 y/o Male. This means not alot of men are having sex, while a few man are having tons. SO, in effect it is an anomaly for Man to be promiscious.

[SuckerFree]

"My husband said he would be the best father ever... HA! My husband has spent the last 21 years chasing a career and all but leaving us to go day to day without him".........


Honestly, are you even reading what you are typing. Do you honestly think men ENJOY!!!!! working long hours. Do you think your husband doesn't wish he could just take 2 weeks off and go to Alaska by himself. He can't. He is doing his job. He is supporting his family. (well, he's doing his job as long as you don't count the 3 hour bike ride everynight, which is actually him going to his mistresses house, but still). Lol, honestly I never thought about that till Marcus I believe mentioned it. Regardless, it just boggles my mind when Women complain their man isn't home enough cuz he works so much. I bet other than his bike, he can fit all his possesions in your home in 3 plastic bags. I guarantee you if you two got divorced, you would want him to work even more hours. If you got a taste of how hard it is to get ahead these days, and how political, and redundant work is. You would more than happy to give hubby his twice a week BJ.

[confused]

Jeezus.

This is sad....and funny at the same time.

FIRST OF ALL.....(from a womans standpoint) this ORIGINAL POSTER IS NOT OKAY.....and i am NOT on the side of these women who say "men just wont get it"....

i think its rather funny to point a finger at ANY sex and say "they" just dont get it.

I mean.....HOW THE HELL CAN WE put people into a category and say "they're all the same".

That's pretty close minded dont you think?

are you all racists too?

do you all think that "ALL MEXICANS" are one way...
and "ALL AFRICAN AMERICANS" are another?

"ALL CAUCASIANS" are this way.....and "ALL ASIANS" are that?

listen to yourselves!

you friggen make me laugh.

how the hell can ANYONE say "ALL MEN ARE LIKE THIS"...and "ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT"...

thats a bunch of hogwash.

Listen "TOOTS"....I personally think you are staying in a relationship that has been doomed since the beginning. So if you're out mowing your lawn while your husband goes on a bike ride...that is YOUR FAULT. You are allowing it to happen. You expect SO LITTLE from your husband........so that is EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE GETTING. Don't complain now.

Crissy....i dont think markus OR suckerfree think "we're all" selfish *****s. I mean..if they do? i'll kick their ASSES! *lol* Seriously tho.....yes..there are reasons people cheat...but don't come on here acting like the "cheater" is in the RIGHT...and that us "cheated ons" are like MISSING THE SIGNS....give me a break! I'm a chick. And it was the MAN who did the 'somewhat' cheating...and i am not the one to blame. **** THAT. yes there are signs. and yes there are problems to be dealt with. But be damned if i'm gonna listen to someone say "it takes two" to make a marriage fail. YOU GOT THAT RIGHT YES...but the cheating part? SCREW THAT ****. IF YOU ARE SO UNHAPPY TO BEGIN WITH? YOU COMMUNICATE AND SAY "I WANT OUT"...then? go out and screw til the cows come home...but dont you DARE ****ing have an affair because you're not happy......and then say "i did it becasue of you".......WHAT THE HELL!

anyhow...i guess i'm a bit heated now......

i'm backing off..until someone responds...

but i WILL SAY i am NOT on the side's of these women....and as a woman myself......i'm ashamed.

i WILL SAY however.....that i am on the side of "honesty".......and that there ARE GREAT MEN & WOMEN out there....and we all are them as well......

i mean...to lump ALL of ANYONE into one category is pretty small minded to me.

[SuckerFree]

Ohh, and you can whoop my ass anytime you'd like Sweetflower.

[crissy]

SuckerFree & Confused,

You both shed light on my situation. I am remoreseful and regret what I have done. It is very difficult for me to keep this secret from my husband. Your right about a half truth is still a whole lie. I just know that I can't tell him everything and not lose him. I don't want to lose my husband. I have told him that I have feelings for the other man and that we have kissed. Just the sound of his voice full of disappointment was more than I could bare. I know I deserve everything that is coming to me. No matter how much I try to justify what I've done, at the end of the day it's still wrong. I screwed up and I can't make it completely right until I tell him the truth. BUT in my situation the truth may set me free of guilt, but will send my husband running for the hills. Things have been better between us since I told him about part of what happened. He is more attentive and trying to work through our issues. He said he realizes now that he has neglected my emotional needs for quite some time now. When our daughter was born 11 wks early and was in the NICU struggling to live, we were closer than ever. He was there for me in every way, but after she came home. He went back to the same detached emotionless person. I don't know what to do, what to give him to have all of him there. I love him, desire him, need him, and want to grow old with him. I wish I could turn back the clock and make this all go away, but I can't. I do accept the responsiblity of my actions, just not completely. Completely accepting them would mean the end of my marriage. I know he would leave me, because when I told him that I kissed the other guy he said that if anything else had happened he would never forgive me and would leave. He said that just by me kissing the other guy I'm contaiminated to him now. I am depressed all the time, I can't sleep, can't eat, and detached from own life. My kids are suffering, because of my selfish act I can't concentrate and therefore feel that I am neglecting their needs. With my husband in Iraq and me here alone it sometimes becomes so overwhelming that I feel the walls closing in on me. I have no family here, no friends, and no support group. My husband is spec. opps so there is no FRG. Over the period of my life I have ran from every issue or problem in my life. I can't run this time and I can't take a stand either. Recently my husbands team had a close call with an IED. Some of his team members were injured. With this happening and feeling the guilt of my actions, I am reminded that much more of how selfish and undeserving I am to have my husband. I've read articles about spouses who cheat on their husband while they are deployed. Some say it is because the spouse left behind feels abandoned, neglected. I do feel abandoned, but that does not excuse the fact that I abandoned my marriage the moment this other man showed me affection. I don't think I am a *****. A lousy person yes! I can only try to move forward and be the best mother I can. I can only try to teach my daughter some important lessons I've learned. To save herself, her love for a man that will respect her and love her back. In my selfish act to fullfill my desires and emotional needs, I gave my love to someone who will never respect me or love me back. In that one single moment of selfishness, I managed to destroy 13 years of my family and any trust my husband ever had. I don't know how to fix it!

[SuckerFree]

Just to clarify Crissy. You did cheat on this man sexually and this is what you are keeping from your Husband. You have only told your husband that you two just kissed. Or was kissing all you did? I'm a little confused.

[crissy]

SuckerFree

We did more than kiss. I wish that kissing was the extent of things. If that were the case than I would be moving on and working the issues in my marriage. I can't say that if placed in this situation all over with this man that I wouldn't make the same mistake again. Several ppl have brought to my attention that maybe what I am feeling has nothing to do with loving this man, but rather the thrill of danger. The danger in doing something that I know I shouldn't or the unknown. The excitement of being with someone different, new, and extremely charming. If that is the case or the reason behind my huge risk taking adventure, then I have deeper rooted issues. I really think deep down I love this man, that I have always loved this man. I don't believe in fate. I believe that we are each responsible for creating our own sad sappy disfunctional drama's. I created this drama the moment I placed myself in a room alone with a man I had a past with. Whether I choose to admit my feelings, I allowed the moment to take me down a road where there was no turning back once we crossed the boundaires of no longer just being friends. I know that there is a difference between a fling and an affair. A fling is a one night stand, never see the person again type adventure. An affair is much uglier. An affair is two people who continue to lie and mislead those who love them. All this friends with benefits crap just confuses me more. But what label to use when two people have crossed the line had sex once, will never probably have sex again, but still continue to talk daily? We may be friends, but wheres the benefit? I just need to tough love myself and walk away. Remove him from any equasion and save my marriage.

[confused]

When I read your FIRST response....I was a bit shocked to see someone "yet again" blaming the cheated on spouse.

Because.....i will SAY IT AGAIN. "If you're NOT HAPPY....be fair. Let your spouse/boy/girlfriend know. Communicate. If nothing works out from that? LEAVE. To then pursue your "newfound" relationship"

But by gawd do NOT stay.....and then somehow flip it to your spouses fault.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With that said (again)....

I really commend you.

You seem to have a REALLY GOOD head on your shoulders....and are viewing this as you should. That YOU have some problems......and they could be deeper rooted.....and that you NEED TO WALK AWAY from this "friend" if you want to save your marriage.

You are as good as "The Cheater" for coming on here and confessing your ways. You shouldn't be slammed anymore (unless of course you say stupid things).....and i really hope that your marriage does work.

I think i'm with you however...on the "not" revealing part.

Listen. Everyone has a different view.....but i indeed say "what he don't know wont hurt him"...SO LONG AS you were responsible.

If i were with someone...and they did this....and i was NONE the wiser? i wouldn't want to know.
If my other half just then paid attention to me.....realized his ways...and we got back to saving our marriage? I'd be happy.

If i was told of the affair?

I'd be sick to my stomach.

anyhow...again....thats just me.

But good luck to you!

[Michas]

This is what's wrong with relationships. Me, me, me, me, me. He drinks, he's fat, he's no good in bed. Blah, blah, blah. So I'll run off and have the "best sex I've ever had" and justify it in my own mind. It was so good that I'll think that this guy really wants ME for a long term commitment so I'll leave my husband who's been busting ass for how many years. By the way, did I ever ask him if he's happy or what he could use to make him happy. Newsflash little girl....your husband is drinking and getting fatter because he's trying unsuccessfully to cope with the harsh reality of life....and apparently you're too shallow to help him out. You DO NOT deserve him....and he certainly doesn't deserve what you did.

Shame.

[Michas]

Brutha,

Most guys.....in who's little world? Funny how things change from side to side. Every woman can tell us all about how bad "most" guys are. Yet "most" guys can tell you stories about how that "special" girl ended up breaking their hearts.

Bottom line....whatever the reason....you....man or woman...are in no way justified in having an affair. You made a promise and on that promise you put the weight of your person, your morals, your ethics. To cheat and then justify is nothing more than trying to cleanse oneself of what you know is wrong. So he's fatter, drinking more, etc. This justifies utter and complete betrayal? And then to call it the best thing that ever happened to you? Wicked and evil is what I call it.

Those of you who claim communication doesn't work...perhaps it's the person you are trying to communicate with. Perhaps your judgment and decision making when choosing a mate are in question. Go there first before you go to another's bed.

Cheating is betrayal. Betrayal is wrong. There is no justification.

[markus]

Most guys just don't get it. To people like Marcus and Suckerfree we will always be selfish *****s. I say stop throwing rocks and juding us. There is a reason that your partners chose to cheat on you.

Yes thats right cheats will always be selfish *****s to me - you have the option to leave if your unhappy or try to rescue your relationship but you choose to cause maximum devastation to someone elses life

load of **** merchants

[confused]

Yup Markus....you may look at the cheating women as *****s...

and we may look at the cheating men as asshole muther fudgers if we'd like.

My attitude is the same as yours.

If you're not happy? FIX IT or GET OUT.

but do NOT walk around having your supposed "cake" and eating it too.

I like the way YOU put it Markus.
but you choose to cause maximum devastation to someone elses life

[Adam Bomb 1701]

My ex cheated on me too. Only took me five months to find out. Maybe she wanted me to. Of course, she blamed me for her cheating. In fact, everything wrong with the marriage was my fault, nothing was ever hers. She wanted it both ways, for me to go out and work full time while she sat on her butt and watched "Judge Judy", and for me to give her 100% as well. She spent most of 2000 in and out of mental hospitals, and frankly, I dreaded her coming home. When I found out she was cheating, I didn't want to be in the same room with her; she was dirty to me; damaged goods. We've been divorced three and a half years now, and I'm way happier.

[want to curl up and die]

I was married for 20 years. I loved being home and being a wife. The house was immaculate, I did all the gardening, everyone always had clean clothes in their closet, I made wonderful dinners every night, the children were all on the honor roll, and I worked out to stay fit and toned. I always felt like things got better every year - except for my husband. Every year he got a little fatter, a little drunker, and a little meaner.

When I decided to go back to work, I did it with the intention of becoming self sufficient to the point where I could leave my husband. No matter what I did or said, he still drank heavily and would not stop. I gave myself a one year timetable - I would work and save money for a year, and make my plans for a new life for me and the children.

When an out of town assignment came up, I volunteered to take it. I figured I needed a few days away because things were so depressing and ugly at home. Coincidentally, an old friend showed up at my work on the same day I got the assignment. He lived in the city that I was travelling to, and he suggested dinner the night I was there.

All that week I fantasized about him, even though he was out of my league. I even went so far as to purchase a sexy, lacy bra and thong set to wear that night, even though the odds of anything happening were impossibly small. And when I went to his office that afternoon, I actually felt silly about all the fantasies I had about him.

He suggested a restaurant that his friend owned. It was a high end Italian place, very beautiful and elegant. He ordered my dinner for me, and also wine to go with every course. Our conversations were amazing, the food was fantastic, and the wine - well, I drank a lot of wine. We laughed and looked into each other's eyes, and I knew right then that I was going to end up in his bed.

He took me back to his house, which was at the top of a hill at the end of the longest driveway ever. He had an amazing city lights view, and as I was admiring it he started to undress me. We worked our way back to his bedroom, with articles of clothes coming off the whole way. His bed was a massive antique 4-poster, very romantic.

It was the most incredible sex I have ever had. I never knew a man could make me feel like that.

The next day I asked my husband for a divorce. He cried and pleaded, and said he would never take another drink again, and that he would be a new man. And here it is, 6 months later, and he hasn't had a drop to drink and he's been a model husband and father.

And I think about my friend all the time. I think about that night, and how I felt, and the whole amazing experience and it makes me smile. I've never told anyone about it, and I'll never regret it. The only downside to this whole thing is that now I know what I'm missing in bed. The husband is not trainable in that respect. Also, I would never do anything like this again, because I realize that I was incredibly lucky not to get some kind of disease or get caught.

This affair, if you could call it that, is what gave me the nerve to ask for the divorce, which got my husband back on track. So I guess you could say that is is one of the best things that ever happened to me.

One thing I've noticed about a lot of cheat confessing women on this forum is that they post their confession and never check back again to read everybody's opinions. This proves how selfish these women are. Misty's post totally and utterly disgusts me. I say we trace her IP number and report this to her hubby.

[night shifter]

wow, this is entertaining.
i don't know but it sure sounds like she got her story out of a novel or something.
if its true what she has said well i can't be hypacritical.
most of us men started drinking when we were in out teens, i know i was.
i still drink, not during the week (hence my user name) but i like it, i need it especially if our wives are naggy, ungreatful, wenches. mine isn't but she might be one day so i'm just getting ready. haha!
i'm thinking he was a drinker long before they even met and we all know as we get older the beer and whiskey stays in the midsection. not me, i just don't eat. haha.
she is a typical cheater that just got bored and is trying to blame it on something, anything to make her feel better for what she has done.
any women that thinks her man can be "trained" has got to get a clue for crying out loud.
next time i hear a women say something stupid like this again i'll slap her.

[MuffinMan]

Question is, did you save him and finally get the divorce so he wouldn't have to be with your worthless a$$?

[MuffinMan]

I agree with this original poster. I have seen many men enter into relationships and marriage thinking they want the house with the picket fence and the 2.5 kids and the dog and the cat. Once in this relationship the men suddenly realize they can't handle what goes along with this package. I don't necessarily believe this guy was a drinker from the start. He could have drank as a result of not being able to be the man he had hoped to be or promised at the alter.

My husband said he would be the best father ever... HA! My husband has spent the last 21 years chasing a career and all but leaving us to go day to day without him. He never panned out to be the husband that he said would be in regards to taking the kids to little league, cutting the lawn, mending the fences, shovelling the walks etc. Naw... I do all of the above and then he has the balls to ask me at 9:30 at night why I am cutting the lawn and I reply "because it needs it". He makes this comment as he is passing me out the gate on his 3 hour moonlight bike ride. Oh but be sure when he comes home he will tell me he is needing a bj. To heck with asking me if I need something first.

Don't talk to me about communication. I communicate my brains out and the recipient doesn't hear it. If he did, he would be cutting the damn lawn not me.

I had an affair 11 years ago and my husband had several prior to that. He never drank, went to bars, did drugs. He worked hard and provided for us but he was not emotionally there majority of the time. Sex always was him asking for a bj and never really reciprocating. He was my first love and I never knew what great sex was like till I crossed the border and had a awakening of my own. I did like the previous poster and asked for a divorce when I got back. Oh hubby promised to pick up the slack and not ignore me anymore. 11 years later, he is still riding his bike for 3 hours a night and I am still cutting the lawn. Sometimes people cannot change, they are set in their ways.

I do not for a minute regret the relationship I had with the other man. He made me realize that there is more to life and sometimes we do get shortchanged.

I am sure my husband thinks about the little tart from work that he was involved with. I am sure the rebel in her attracted him. I was the Lady Diana type and she was the bad girl (pick any Hollywood bad girls name and place here). When reality hit he returned back home and realized she was ok for fun but not the type to marry or bring home to mom. When reality hit me it was only because my lover talked me into remaining and raising my kids. He divorced his wife and remains on his own to this day. He dates women but says he is not sure he ever wants to marry again. We laugh and joke on occasion about the relationship we had but I use it as a yardstick to measure what my marriage will always lack. You cannot make a silk purse out of a sows ear.

I wish life were like that!

tooots

Well toots...it actually sounds like you and your husband in your post were made for each other, because you both sound like people nobody would ever want to be with. You are both worthless excuses for human beings.

[MuffinMan]

I also had an affair recently with a man I've known almost all my life. I am trying to save my marriage, cope, and deal with what I've done. I sit and read some of the posts here and I have to say. Most guys just don't get it. To people like Marcus and Suckerfree we will always be selfish *****s. I say stop throwing rocks and juding us. There is a reason that your partners chose to cheat on you. There are two people who are at fault when a marriage fails. The warning signs are there, some people just chose to look the other way and not try to save their marriages. I'm sure that in both of your cases at some point or another you knew that your relationship was changing with your partners. That something was going wrong and distance building. Don't judge, if placed in any one of our situations, you too could have made the same mistake. Everyone wants to be loved, needed, and desired. Instead of being total asses, try listening to the pain that some of these women have endured for years. Why does it always seem that in most of these stories you read the woman has been devoted for years and the husband has neglected her. Neglected both mentally and physically. I am a southern raised woman who was taught from an early age that divorce was just not an answer. Taught to endure the hand your dealt and smile on the outside so that no one knows what's really going on behind the closed doors. Why does it seem that when you read a story in here about a man that was cheated on, the woman is a tramp, trash, hussy. Don't forgive her she's a selfish cheat. BUT read a story about a woman who's husband has cheated on her. Forgive him, go to counseling, make it work; you'll need time to heal and forgive. It's all just crap. Why is it that a man can have numerous partners and is looked upon as a god, a gifted skilled lover, but a woman with just as many is a *****, piece of trash. What's the difference?

Well thats a total load if I ever heard one. You want the reason? The reason most people cheat is they simply get bored with being with the same person for years. They do not have the maturity to handle marriage...they are fickle...plain as day.
Sure there are other things like being in an abusive relationship.

Thats not what happened in my case. It amazes me when a good man treats his wife like a queen, and then the woman dumps on him...and vice versa when a woman treats the man like a king.

You ask why its ok for a man to have numerous partners....its not..at least not from a real man's point of view. You have your men and you have your pigs....same goes for women.

But you couldn't be more completely wrong, with exceptions, when you say they are both at fault when one cheats.

But you say that just to justify your cheating. Whatever makes you feel better I guess. Point is, whether he says it or not, your man will NEVER trust you again deep down.

[crissy]

MuffinMan,

Your right about some things in your post. I was wrong in my decision to cheat, very wrong. Unlike the orginal poster I do not believe my Affair was the best thing that ever happened to me. It's been the absolute worse. I know that some couples can reconcile and work through an affair. I hope my husband and I are one of those couples. I didn't cheat because I was bored. I was vulnerable, allowed myself to be taken in by the fantasy of being with my first love. Experiencing sex with someone I had never been with when we were engaged and always wondered. Total fantasy. I was disconnected from my husband; logistically, emotionally, physically, and mentally. My marriage had become a long distance relationship as so many military couples experience. Trust is a very special thing two people can share. I hope you are wrong, I hope some day my husband will trust me again. The odds are stacked against us. It will take alot of constant work on my part. But marriage is constant work.

[jnj express]

hey crissy------------------have you posted on your own thread----------------------how are you and your husband doing----------------what are each of you doing if anything to get your marriage going, and if you can't get it going to your satisfaction, what do you intend to do---------------please post on your own thread so i can look for it there, or here if this where you want to be

[MuffinMan]

MuffinMan,

Your right about some things in your post. I was wrong in my decision to cheat, very wrong. Unlike the orginal poster I do not believe my Affair was the best thing that ever happened to me. It's been the absolute worse. I know that some couples can reconcile and work through an affair. I hope my husband and I are one of those couples. I didn't cheat because I was bored. I was vulnerable, allowed myself to be taken in by the fantasy of being with my first love. Experiencing sex with someone I had never been with when we were engaged and always wondered. Total fantasy. I was disconnected from my husband; logistically, emotionally, physically, and mentally. My marriage had become a long distance relationship as so many military couples experience. Trust is a very special thing two people can share. I hope you are wrong, I hope some day my husband will trust me again. The odds are stacked against us. It will take alot of constant work on my part. But marriage is constant work.

I hope I am wrong....but the key words I used were "deep down". He may on the surface to you and himself trust you again, but deep down he knows he can't....just as in my situation.
And if you have these fantasies and love experiencing sex with someone new, then you will always be wanting to cheat. If you acted on it once, you will act on it again if the right situation presents itself.
I'm not trying to put you down...thats just the way it is. Would I like to have sex with someone new...sure if I wasn't married, even when things cool off. Thats what happens in marriage, the newness always wears off.....and the opportunity has presented itself, but because I loved my wife and family, I would never act on anything.
And I still wouldn't cheat after finding out she did. I'd dump her ass first.

But maybe your marriage can work...granted, it will never be the same, but I hope you can work it out. Its just the trust will never be fully there again.

[twildbill]

do u think this would work for all in your situation?

[Skirtchaser]

How do you know you did'nt contract something? Could take a while for some to show up. Was he drinking because of You?? You say you'll not do it again but I'll bet you do. A cheater is a cheater.:rolleyes:

[MuffinMan]

I also had an affair recently with a man I've known almost all my life. I am trying to save my marriage, cope, and deal with what I've done. I sit and read some of the posts here and I have to say. Most guys just don't get it. To people like Marcus and Suckerfree we will always be selfish *****s. I say stop throwing rocks and juding us. There is a reason that your partners chose to cheat on you. There are two people who are at fault when a marriage fails. The warning signs are there, some people just chose to look the other way and not try to save their marriages. I'm sure that in both of your cases at some point or another you knew that your relationship was changing with your partners. That something was going wrong and distance building. Don't judge, if placed in any one of our situations, you too could have made the same mistake. Everyone wants to be loved, needed, and desired. Instead of being total asses, try listening to the pain that some of these women have endured for years. Why does it always seem that in most of these stories you read the woman has been devoted for years and the husband has neglected her. Neglected both mentally and physically. I am a southern raised woman who was taught from an early age that divorce was just not an answer. Taught to endure the hand your dealt and smile on the outside so that no one knows what's really going on behind the closed doors. Why does it seem that when you read a story in here about a man that was cheated on, the woman is a tramp, trash, hussy. Don't forgive her she's a selfish cheat. BUT read a story about a woman who's husband has cheated on her. Forgive him, go to counseling, make it work; you'll need time to heal and forgive. It's all just crap. Why is it that a man can have numerous partners and is looked upon as a god, a gifted skilled lover, but a woman with just as many is a *****, piece of trash. What's the difference?

I found out 7 years too late that she fu*cked around on me when we were engaged...if I had known, I'd have dumped her on spot. But now we have to beautiful children and I don't want a divorce because of them alone.

But answer me this, I consider myself a good looking guy, always worked out, treated her like a queen...ALWAYS gave her attention...hell...I wanted her EVERY night. So there was NO distance building, no neglect...and there wasn't a thing I wouldn't do for her.

So you tell me, if what you say is true, why did she cheat? The thing that pisses me off is that people knew, but because they didn't want to cause waves or ruin our upcoming marriage, they kept quiet...I found out 7 years later and I am furious!! Needless to say NOW the neglect from me has started because she is now not the same person for which I felt so much affection, I'll never trust her again...and she took what I believe to be the perfect husband, and ruined it. In my opinion she had what most women wish they had in a husband, love, affection, respect(i'm not bragging...I just absolutely loved this woman)...and she decided to throw it all away...and I know there are women in the same situation with their men.

But to answer your assertion...no, if put in the same situation as someone who was neglected, I would NOT cheat...thats not the way I am and never will be. I'm better than that.

[MuffinMan]

How do you know you did'nt contract something? Could take a while for some to show up. Was he drinking because of You?? You say you'll not do it again but I'll bet you do. A cheater is a cheater.:rolleyes:

Yup..once a cheater always a cheater. My wife no longer has a husband that thinks the world of her...she will never go out with her friends again..she has proven on several occasions that she can't be trusted. If she doesn't like it, she knows where the door is.

[MuffinMan]

I'll sum it up about Misty real quick, she is a cheap wh0re. A b!tch that deserves to be alone. I hope she enjoys that "best sex [she] ever had", it might just be accompanied by HIV.

[tomasingm]

After all I am more than positive that that probably was not the last time she did what she did. So whatever she had x50 equals that many more people with a sexually transmitted disease. This is why the human race is bound to become extinct some day.

[Skirtchaser]

Ive read lot's of posts on here and I don't see where you say if a man cheats he's cheered on. The above all message I see is Most men on here do not trust cheaters. Bottom line is male or female a cheater is a cheater and no matter what your outcome there was no excuse for what you did. Original poster you are selfish, you will stoop to no low to get what you want. Wow your relationship is built on sand. It will eventually fall when he finds out how truly selfish you are.
As for toots, in her defense the husband did cheat on her several times I believe she said. Wasnt the way to handle it tho. If you are still with him I don't think it will last. It is built on sand too.

[tlg0707]

After reading this post, I got so mad I had to go and smoke! I am with the majority here. You are selfish and self centered. Do you have any idea what the emotional mess you will make of your family if this affair becomes known (and yes, it should be known!). Don't forget about your children, what will their feelings be about you? You were nothing but an easy one night stand with this dude. Wasn't too hard to get you in the sack was it? Cheaters will always cheat (that is where I am right now with my lying sack of S*IT husband!) Don't be so proud of your actions they will come back to haunt you.

[markus]

She only came on here to get her dirty secret off her chest , doubt she bothered to read the replies

Like all cheats she's justified her actions by blaming her partner ..she can now continue guilt free untill the next man has a blast on her pussy
then it will be errr its because he never put the bin bags out on a monday night

[MuffinMan]

She only came on here to get her dirty secret off her chest , doubt she bothered to read the replies

Actually after reading that post again..I dont think it actually happened. I think it was made up.

She knew this was a cheating wife section. She wanted to tell a story of how it is the husbands fault and that any wife that actually has amazing sex with this other man. And then if the man chooses to stay, she will always be craving that "best sex" she has ever had.

Basically she just wanted to make an attempt at trying to make the men in this forum who have been wronged feel like total dogsh!t.

But an amusing story...had me going there.

[Skirtchaser]

After reading the post again I think Misty is a cheating low down no good ***** ***** sorry no good mother f;ucker that should be kicked out on the street on her ass. She obviously cares for no one but herself. She really should end it all.

[MuffinMan]

I agree with this original poster.

So you agree that if things aren't going great at home that the solution is to go out and f#ck another man?

tooots....*sigh*. Justify it all you want...but if sex with this husband was so bad and he wasn't living up to his fatherly duties..why not just leave him?

I like how you defend this type of cheating based on your own situation.

I can't believe you'd justify cheating. Maybe you shouldn't be in this forum.

[crissy]

I also had an affair recently with a man I've known almost all my life. I am trying to save my marriage, cope, and deal with what I've done. I sit and read some of the posts here and I have to say. Most guys just don't get it. To people like Marcus and Suckerfree we will always be selfish *****s. I say stop throwing rocks and juding us. There is a reason that your partners chose to cheat on you. There are two people who are at fault when a marriage fails. The warning signs are there, some people just chose to look the other way and not try to save their marriages. I'm sure that in both of your cases at some point or another you knew that your relationship was changing with your partners. That something was going wrong and distance building. Don't judge, if placed in any one of our situations, you too could have made the same mistake. Everyone wants to be loved, needed, and desired. Instead of being total asses, try listening to the pain that some of these women have endured for years. Why does it always seem that in most of these stories you read the woman has been devoted for years and the husband has neglected her. Neglected both mentally and physically. I am a southern raised woman who was taught from an early age that divorce was just not an answer. Taught to endure the hand your dealt and smile on the outside so that no one knows what's really going on behind the closed doors. Why does it seem that when you read a story in here about a man that was cheated on, the woman is a tramp, trash, hussy. Don't forgive her she's a selfish cheat. BUT read a story about a woman who's husband has cheated on her. Forgive him, go to counseling, make it work; you'll need time to heal and forgive. It's all just crap. Why is it that a man can have numerous partners and is looked upon as a god, a gifted skilled lover, but a woman with just as many is a *****, piece of trash. What's the difference?

Why do you seem to cut up my posts only to show how you can twist my words around. I never not admitted posting about the drug guy or the post skirt posted I sent you. You make yourself out to be this perfect person, someone who has no faults. You must have some serious muscles, your always bragging about working out at the gym, well here here, Horay for you because the amount of hate you carry around would require you to be the stongest. I'm not going to repost my postings on the reveal of my H's affair. I told you the date and the name of all three threads I posted it when I found out. Oct and Nov. If anyone really cares, which I doubt they do. You will find them there.

[Skirtchaser]

Why do you seem to cut up my posts only to show how you can twist my words around. I never not admitted posting about the drug guy or the post skirt posted I sent you. You make yourself out to be this perfect person, someone who has no faults. You must have some serious muscles, your always bragging about working out at the gym, well here here, Horay for you because the amount of hate you carry around would require you to be the stongest. I'm not going to repost my postings on the reveal of my H's affair. I told you the date and the name of all three threads I posted it when I found out. Oct and Nov. If anyone really cares, which I doubt they do. You will find them there.

Now Crissy, here you go again. You can't stick with the truth. Show me where I ever posted anything about going to a gym. You really are confused. This is what we are talking about. And the excerpts of your above quoted posts reflect lighter on you than the entire posts.

And I am one of the strongest about what I believe in. Not because of hate, it's just like I said, I live my life without cheating lying or stealing. Never did you see anywhere I said I hate you. Here's a tip for you.

Read a few of Tilley, Elaine, and Tawnee's posts here. Their post have an air of decency and dignity. They carry themselves well here and I highly respect their opinions and advice. Try to be a little more like them, instead of me, me, poor me.

[MuffinMan]

Why do you seem to cut up my posts only to show how you can twist my words around. I never not admitted posting about the drug guy or the post skirt posted I sent you. You make yourself out to be this perfect person, someone who has no faults.

Oh everyone has some faults...nose is crooked...one breast is slightly smaller than the other....leaving the toilet seat up...etc.

But the one fault I will not exhibit is to lower myself to a cheater.

You must have some serious muscles, your always bragging about working out at the gym

Nah, but I feel good about myself. Its obvious my wife won't help in that area, so I have to do it for myself.

And what?...piss you off that a man that has been betrayed decides to better himself? I cannot comment to men and women enough about how much better they would feel after being betrayed to go to the gym and workout. I never had this kind of motivation before. Having a cheater in your life, someone like you, is a fantastic workout motivator. Maybe thats what pisses you off about the gym comments.

I'm not going to repost my postings on the reveal of my H's affair.

You required that of me...yet don't want to hold yourself to the same standard? Why does this not surprise me of you?

[MuffinMan]

Why do you seem to cut up my posts only to show how you can twist my words around.

I didn't twist them around...I quoted EXACTLY what you said.

Try to backpeddle if you want, but you said those things.....DEAL WITH IT!

[tomasingm]

what is the world coming to??? I will say is this as long as their are children like this http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5998778675560814243&q=Booty+Dancing+Girls&hl=en there will always be Crissy's and Misty's out there no matter what.WHere are the parents???......and it is no wonder why people are more and more sick. No one values marriage any more, no one values family. Its like Marriage and values in teaching, and setting an example?? Do people not realize how messed up kids are these days??? Hell of grown ups are screwed (and the are raising the kids) What chance do the kids have???? I dunno all I know is this I am NOT getting married and NOT having kids. The hell with it...............

[MuffinMan]

They will never get it Crissy

Long time no hear from toots.

But in case she ever comes back...I'll tell ya exactly what I "get" toots. I get the fact that when a woman tells a story of being a cheater...you seem to ignore what she is doing and then go on your man hating rant.

So tell me, the original poster, misty, who is obviously an AWOL sh!t stirrer...tells her story of being proud of what she did cheating on her husband because her husband isn't that great at sex.

So what is it from that which we do not "get"? If you dare reply....this ought to be stunning.

[mrmaximum]

The first time reading this thread and I really have to say, Good Lord, what the hell is that?? I got memories of my father justifying his cheating to me at the dinner table one night as it was just him, my brother and myself!!! “Women are this, women are that, rah, rah, rah” you know the deal. I think it was Skirtchaser that said that someone who is justified in cheating is like someone who gets cut off in traffic and then catches up to the guy and blows him away!! Was he justified? Was he really? Give me a break!!!People will always have some issue or another in their marriage, that’s just human nature, but good relationships have communication, and that is what the stats show will last in the long run!!! I sat there in awe as my father justified this wretched bulls!t that almost tore our family apart twice!!! “Your mom can be a b!tch!” he said. “Okay, AND? What’s your point caller?” There is NO justification for cheating, just get to steppin’ if they aren’t going to treat you right. Bottom line, end of story!!

[ironyrulz]

Sorry to interupt your question muffin, I don't even wanna go near toots, but I have my own letter to misty, the original poster:

So your way of training your man in bed is to cheat and ask for divorce. It would have been nice to write to this forum BEFORE you came up with that brilliant idea. You huss. So if you DON't want to break your vows and become a lying scumbag,

There are a few presumptions you can make:
1. Men are INCREDIBLY sensitive about their performance. Critisizing in this area is definitely 'below the belt'.
2. Your man is DYING to know what really gets you off in bed. He knows that if he's your fantasy, you'll want to become HIS.

So if your guy sucks in bed, it's an accident. The question becomes, "How do I tell him what I want him to do?" Now every couple's different. Here are a few alternatives to cheating on him. :rolleyes:

-You may think his stuff's too skinny for you... but take a look at his forearms, that's a challenge worthy of a ****star! (WARNING: fisting can easily result in severe injury with lack of time & lube, both partners please do your research before initially attempting this).

-You may think his attitude is too passive. Then take a good look at your own. Are you pushing him onto the bed before jumping on top of him and humping him like a pillow? Are you grabbing his hair or pushing his head backwards when you kiss him? When's the last time you shoved him into the wall and pinned him there while kissing & grinding on him. (I am a little woman & I did this to a guy I dated who was 6'3", 240 lbs. stature doesn't matter) Follow this kind of action with "It turns me on to attack you in bed, but it REALLY turns me on when YOU do it *sexy inviting smile*"... he'll get the hint fast.

-Or if he's too aggressive, change scenarios appropriately and remark "It turns me on to cold fish for you, but lately, I've been fantasizing EVERY NIGHT about you cold-fishing for me." He will be obligated to try it, and when he does, OPEN YOUR MOUTH and let him know how much you enjoy it. Works with oral, too. But I couldn't stand incompetence in that area for long :eek:.

-Start a conversation about what he likes. After exploring the topic, add "I really like it when you... It makes me want to come all over your (throbbing)(hot) ****"

And if you take the "do it my way or I'll divorce you" approach, sure, you may get a willing sex slave cowed into obeying his mistress' command. At the expense of your conscience, self respect, and ultimately, most probably your marriage. You fcking manipulative freak.




PS These tips could easily be used by men too. I just happen to be a woman writing to a woman. And that was an awesome traffic quote Chase!

[mrmaximum]

One of the things that I keep reading about on the internet is how the "home fires" cool after a few years. The advice stated above is obviously perfect in keeping the home fires raging!!! My fiancee has always told me that communication is the ley to a long lasting relationship, and the statistics are heavily in favor of this apporach!! Good Stuff Iron, I have to give you props for that!!

[MuffinMan]

Sorry to interupt your question muffin, I don't even wanna go near toots, but I have my own letter to misty, the original poster:

So your way of training your man in bed is to cheat and ask for divorce. It would have been nice to write to this forum BEFORE you came up with that brilliant idea. You huss. So if you DON't want to break your vows and become a lying scumbag,

There are a few presumptions you can make:
1. Men are INCREDIBLY sensitive about their performance. Critisizing in this area is definitely 'below the belt'.

Too true. And its the men who are NOT concerned about their performance that you have to watch out for. Those men could care less if their ladies climax...as long as they get theirs.

So when a man is concerned about his performance, and it seems to fall short, then dammit ladies...in the immortal words of Sam Kinison..."JUST TELL US WHAT YOU WANT!! .....WILL WE DO IT GUYS??" and a thunderous "YEAH!!!!" comes from the audience.

And I'm just throwing this out there, and not looking for this to get ****ographic....but I LOVE to go down below the equator and I think I am damn good at it...but if any of you ladies has any advice for us guys in that area....then spill the beans!!!

[SuckerFree]

Too true. And its the men who are NOT concerned about their performance that you have to watch out for. Those men could care less if their ladies climax...as long as they get theirs.

So when a man is concerned about his performance, and it seems to fall short, then dammit ladies...in the immortal words of Sam Kinison..."JUST TELL US WHAT YOU WANT!! .....WILL WE DO IT GUYS??" and a thunderous "YEAH!!!!" comes from the audience.

And I'm just throwing this out there, and not looking for this to get ****ographic....but I LOVE to go down below the equator and I think I am damn good at it...but if any of you ladies has any advice for us guys in that area....then spill the beans!!!


Translation: Lousy lover

[MuffinMan]

Translation: Lousy lover

You trying to say I am?

[elainegayla]

Listen, sex is like ice-cream...some like in exotic flavors and some don't. Then there is everybody in between. And the toppings, etc. Millions of variations.

Just because you are a good lover with one person, doesn't mean that you will be a good lover to another.

And sometimes I'm in the mood for acrobats and sometimes I'm not. My husband always wants us swinging from the chandelier. He wants to do it all, everytime. Not once have we had slow and easy sex. I wish I could have slow easy sex!! WaaaaaaWaaaaaaa

God, I'm bummed. Wish I wouldn't have read this post.

[littlered]

Making love like you have ALL the time in the world. Starting with a full body massage; (Hint, a shower curtain and a bottle of exotically scented oil is marvelous!) Looking into each other's eyes while good music is in the backgroud, your favorite wine onhand....falling alseep in each other's arms afterwards...maybe a snack afterwards (good sex always makes me hungry!)--nothing beats it!

[mrmaximum]

And I'm just throwing this out there, and not looking for this to get ****ographic....but I LOVE to go down below the equator and I think I am damn good at it...but if any of you ladies has any advice for us guys in that area....then spill the beans!!!

I second that!!!!

[Faithful_One]

Misty You state that the affair gave you courage to ask for a Divorce!
Was it your Self esteem that needed a boost? There are plenty of othe ways you could have accomplished the same task. Maybe you could have gotten Drunk with your Husband and got the courage.

While this may have worked out for you in your mind. What are you doing about the guilt? Communicating or conseling would have been a good first start for me.

[ironyrulz]

Muffin representin for the GGG
Make some nooooiiiize, come again selECtor.
All big up for the man with the plan..
Mad Respect. Maassive. (boom, ch, bm bm ch)
Rrreeeeespect yo.

(Bad Jungle MC impersonation. GGG=good, giving, game; another Savage Love reference)

I'll chip in a tip, cause you are that rare person who ASKS QUESTIONS; a lot of guys just use the tip of their tongue or finger and are hesitant to 'dive' right in... if your nose isn't wet, you're doing something wrong.. ;)


Mirrors are cool too. And staying trimmed on both parts.

[ironyrulz]

I have a question of my own.

I'm not good at dirty talking. I have trouble going beyond the basics... what do guys like to hear beyond "f me harder, oh yeah you stud"?

Any suggestions?

Oh, and one more tip: NEVER stop when she's about to explode. ugh.

[MuffinMan]

I have a question of my own.

I'm not good at dirty talking. I have trouble going beyond the basics... what do guys like to hear beyond "f me harder, oh yeah you stud"?

Any suggestions?

Oh, and one more tip: NEVER stop when she's about to explode. ugh.

Actually, I am kind of turned off if a woman was to say things like "f#ck me harder"

Besides, I am of the opinion, as stated by someone else here, that nice, slow, comfortable screws are best...but women, you can tell me if I'm wrong.

[Tawnee1969]

Depends on the mood.

Sometimes even a quickie is great, then there is sleepy sex first thing in the morning, rough house sex, acrobatic sex, normal boring sex etc etc:D

[ironyrulz]

Figured I'd post this on the cheap & sleazy thread. OK, Marcus & Chase, here's your story. So I think the best way to arrange a FMF is to hire a couple hookers. Or you could be a hot MIT graduate working on Wall Street with an apt on the Upper West Side and a bisexual gf who you collaborate with to get other women in bed. This worked well for the M in my FMF.

OK, so this was during my experimental stage. During an orientation for an undergrad internship in NYC, I met the gf, and hung out with her and her friends. One night, 6 of us drank obscene amounts until we were all wrecked. Near the end of the night, I was recuperating, and the hottie started kissing me. After a minute where my brain exploded, I pushed him away. His gf came back from walking the last friend out and we started doing some nitrous (inhale 30% air to prevent hypoxia) & he started kissing me again in front of her. I figured "hey, if she's ok with it, and he's hot.. " She joined in for awhile, but I think she was disappointed, cause I was only interested in him. So she let us screw around for awhile til I got tired and headed back to the hotel. Meh, not a great story, but what do you expect for a FMF from a girl's point of view? I found it kinda gross after the fact, actually. They broke up soon after, but I had a place to stay when I visited NYC for awhile :) It just hasn't been the same since 2001 tho :(

[Eurynome]

[QUOTE=misty]I was married for 20 years. I loved being home and being a wife. The house was immaculate, I did all the gardening, everyone always had clean clothes in their closet, I made wonderful dinners every night, the children were all on the honor roll, and I worked out to stay fit and toned. I always felt like things got better every year - except for my husband. Every year he got a little fatter, a little drunker, and a little meaner.

When I decided to go back to work, I did it with the intention of becoming self sufficient to the point where I could leave my husband. No matter what I did or said, he still drank heavily and would not stop. I gave myself a one year timetable - I would work and save money for a year, and make my plans for a new life for me and the children.

When an out of town assignment came up, I volunteered to take it. I figured I needed a few days away because things were so depressing and ugly at home. Coincidentally, an old friend showed up at my work on the same day I got the assignment. He lived in the city that I was travelling to, and he suggested dinner the night I was there.

All that week I fantasized about him, even though he was out of my league. I even went so far as to purchase a sexy, lacy bra and thong set to wear that night, even though the odds of anything happening were impossibly small. And when I went to his office that afternoon, I actually felt silly about all the fantasies I had about him.

He suggested a restaurant that his friend owned. It was a high end Italian place, very beautiful and elegant. He ordered my dinner for me, and also wine to go with every course. Our conversations were amazing, the food was fantastic, and the wine - well, I drank a lot of wine. We laughed and looked into each other's eyes, and I knew right then that I was going to end up in his bed.

He took me back to his house, which was at the top of a hill at the end of the longest driveway ever. He had an amazing city lights view, and as I was admiring it he started to undress me. We worked our way back to his bedroom, with articles of clothes coming off the whole way. His bed was a massive antique 4-poster, very romantic.

It was the most incredible sex I have ever had. I never knew a man could make me feel like that.

The next day I asked my husband for a divorce. He cried and pleaded, and said he would never take another drink again, and that he would be a new man. And here it is, 6 months later, and he hasn't had a drop to drink and he's been a model husband and father.

And I think about my friend all the time. I think about that night, and how I felt, and the whole amazing experience and it makes me smile. I've never told anyone about it, and I'll never regret it. The only downside to this whole thing is that now I know what I'm missing in bed. The husband is not trainable in that respect. Also, I would never do anything like this again, because I realize that I was incredibly lucky not to get some kind of disease or get caught.

This affair, if you could call it that, is what gave me the nerve to ask for the divorce, which got my husband back on track. So I guess you could say that is is one of the best things that ever happened to me.[/QUOTE

Maybe your just to damn perfect for him. But you know when you cheat your the best and your spouse doesn't have **** going for them. My guess is you will do it again and really hurt him. If you think that you can find that one time sexual pleasure again with someone else. Then divorce your husband before you do. And what do you mean he is not trainable? If it's the size you can buy that. And anything else is trainable. Trust me!

[Eurynome]

Depends on the mood.

Sometimes even a quickie is great, then there is sleepy sex first thing in the morning, rough house sex, acrobatic sex, normal boring sex etc etc:D

[COLOR="Red"]I got a raise sex, it's Friday sex, PAYDAY sex, Birthday sex , Christmas sex,
My sister and kids moved out sex, Income tax sex, Don't quit your job sex,
O could go on. This is fun.:D beach sex, rest stop sex, OK I'll stop for now-Pool table sex

[ironyrulz]

Beach sex boo yeah!

Boat sex, lunch break bathroom sex, on-a-bridge sex....

[elainegayla]

sex on the kitchen table sex

sex because I just cleaned the entire house, the wash and ironing is done, and its going to stay that way for at least 5 minutes sex (MY FAVORITE)

[littlered]

Before you get married, you have anywhere sex...especially car sex.
First the first few years of married life, you have kitchen floor sex.
After a few years go by, you have bed sex, usually after the evening news.
If one of you starts cheating, you have hallway sex.
That's where you pass each other in the hallway of your house and you raise your middle finger and say, "Hey F*CK YOU!":D

[MuffinMan]

If one of you starts cheating, you have hallway sex.
That's where you pass each other in the hallway of your house and you raise your middle finger and say, "Hey F*CK YOU!":D

LOL...I can relate to that!

[elainegayla]

My cousin told that joke on my wedding video.

Who knew that she was right. LOL

[MuffinMan]

My cousin told that joke on my wedding video.

Who knew that she was right. LOL

Speaking of weddings...my best man toasted this to us:

He said to me, put your right hand on top of her left hand and said...."enjoy this while you can...this will be the last time you get the upper hand".

But boy was he wrong.....I'M IN F#CKING CHARGE NOW!!!

[nevermore]

After I went through the normal emotions of finding out my wife cheated on me (depression, sadness, nausea, anger and grief), I did some soul searching and realized that I was also unhappy. The whole 8 years together(7 years married) I noticed that I gave all of myself to her and did not give anytime for myself. I lost all my friends, gave up doing the things that are important to me. I am somewhat happier now. My life became so bad that on my days off from work and she worked, I would not take a shower so that I would be stinky when she came home so she did not think that I was cheating. I gained a lot of weight. Also she had bought me some business casual clothes for work (recent promotion) Even these were just khaki's and shirts with collars, she would yell at me when I went into work for overtime on my days off (mandatory). I almost killed myself the last year trying to save our marriage, while she was sleeping with multiple guys. Eventually I realized that the depression and sadness I was feeling was not so much for our love, it was more about loosing a good friend. So now I will be looking for someone who loves me as much as I love them. I can't wait to finally experience this in a relationship.

[Ravage]

That's great for you nevermore. Remember you have 50% in the marriage if your blamed but she must take complete 100% for her affair(s). Her sexaul promiscuity is what could be causing you to be depressed. Who wants to know that their wife is slobbing some other man's knob huh? The thing is you should hit the gym, workout, I mean hard. Tell her you know about the affairs.

Maybe it would be prime time to separate especially if you both dont have kids. Is she worthy of having kids especially if your kids are going to be around multiple men. The best thing is to take care of you, serve her with LSA papers. make her move out of the house, since she is the one having affairs. Go to a doctor and find out about your prognosis. Also since you know of your wife's affairs tell her there will be no sexaul relations without protection! if that wont make her feel dirty then nothing will. Take care of yourself.

[GSM]

why didnt u ask him for a divorce before having to go to bed with another man?
to sleep with another man gave u the guts to then ask for a divorce..?? makes no sence to me...
And now ur poor hubby being all good to u and trying his hardest, u r there still thinking about this other man? thats worse than when he used to be mean to you.

[hurditallb4]

i wonder too what drove him to drink so much? i can see your point of wanting to take care of yourself if you were to divorce him, but you went on ahead and acted like a "single" person before you were "single". you should of given it time. yes i do agree he did need a wakeup call. my husband doesn't communicate well either, but i wouldn't go and have an affair on him even though it would make a person feel better(do kill me guys) what would you have left in the end? i wouldn't or couldn't look him in the eye and feel the same if i did that even though he's an asshole to me at times. it's wrong what you did. you should of left him first if you really were going to, then established yourself and start dating. if your husband knew what you did how would he react. i think suckerfree's rendition of your story should make you think...hard! no your affair wasn't the best thing that happened to you, it just made you feel that way.

[MuffinMan]

why didnt u ask him for a divorce before having to go to bed with another man?
to sleep with another man gave u the guts to then ask for a divorce..?? makes no sence to me...
And now ur poor hubby being all good to u and trying his hardest, u r there still thinking about this other man? thats worse than when he used to be mean to you.

GSM...this is a selfish wh0re who came here with her story to rub it in the noses of those who have been betrayed. She won't be back. She is a troll in addition to a tramp.

don't worry...she'll get whats coming to her....a$$holes and wh0res always do.

[foeeveralways]

Agreed , she's a heartless selfish cheat
Your relationship is not back on track because you spread your legs and allowed some bloke to pump you sensless
its back on tracks because you communicated with him and he realised that he was close to losing you and realised he had to make a change
All the time you were looking out for your self - thinking ahead as far as a year to leave him , building up your own confidence so you were strong after you dumped him ,not caring how he would end up or if it would make his problems worst after you left
So now here you are beleiving that your dirty unfaithfull night is something to be proud of and your not capable of regretting it like most selfish cheaters Your a cheap HUSSY and you know it
WHAT A CHEAP PIECE OF WORK YOU ARE .. If i new his name i would tell him about your cheaten A..SS in a min. kind regards..foevwys

[blackwolf]

A cheating spouse doesnt give anyone a free cheat card and I think that someone that goes out and cheats just for revenge is being just as hurtful as the spouse was as did the man know that you were using him and you were not single?
I couldnt imagine doing something so idiotic as do that I hope you think what you have done through as it was not the best choice you could have made. Everyone on here as had to deal with a cheating spouse just like myself and I dont think any of us would have done as you did and we sure dont think what you did was a proper thing to do so you wont get a standing ovation from the forum members.

[MuffinMan]

A cheating spouse doesnt give anyone a free cheat card and I think that someone that goes out and cheats just for revenge is being just as hurtful as the spouse was as did the man know that you were using him and you were not single?
I couldnt imagine doing something so idiotic as do that I hope you think what you have done through as it was not the best choice you could have made. Everyone on here as had to deal with a cheating spouse just like myself and I dont think any of us would have done as you did and we sure dont think what you did was a proper thing to do so you wont get a standing ovation from the forum members.

Who are we directing this towards?

[Skirtchaser]

GSM...this is a selfish wh0re who came here with her story to rub it in the noses of those who have been betrayed. She won't be back. She is a troll in addition to a tramp.

don't worry...she'll get whats coming to her....a$$holes and wh0res always do.


I totally agree with you, Muffin.

[Skirtchaser]

I was married for 20 years. I loved being home and being a wife. The house was immaculate, I did all the gardening, everyone always had clean clothes in their closet, I made wonderful dinners every night, the children were all on the honor roll, and I worked out to stay fit and toned. I always felt like things got better every year - except for my husband. Every year he got a little fatter, a little drunker, and a little meaner.

When I decided to go back to work, I did it with the intention of becoming self sufficient to the point where I could leave my husband. No matter what I did or said, he still drank heavily and would not stop. I gave myself a one year timetable - I would work and save money for a year, and make my plans for a new life for me and the children.

When an out of town assignment came up, I volunteered to take it. I figured I needed a few days away because things were so depressing and ugly at home. Coincidentally, an old friend showed up at my work on the same day I got the assignment. He lived in the city that I was travelling to, and he suggested dinner the night I was there.

All that week I fantasized about him, even though he was out of my league. I even went so far as to purchase a sexy, lacy bra and thong set to wear that night, even though the odds of anything happening were impossibly small. And when I went to his office that afternoon, I actually felt silly about all the fantasies I had about him.

He suggested a restaurant that his friend owned. It was a high end Italian place, very beautiful and elegant. He ordered my dinner for me, and also wine to go with every course. Our conversations were amazing, the food was fantastic, and the wine - well, I drank a lot of wine. We laughed and looked into each other's eyes, and I knew right then that I was going to end up in his bed.

He took me back to his house, which was at the top of a hill at the end of the longest driveway ever. He had an amazing city lights view, and as I was admiring it he started to undress me. We worked our way back to his bedroom, with articles of clothes coming off the whole way. His bed was a massive antique 4-poster, very romantic.

It was the most incredible sex I have ever had. I never knew a man could make me feel like that.

The next day I asked my husband for a divorce. He cried and pleaded, and said he would never take another drink again, and that he would be a new man. And here it is, 6 months later, and he hasn't had a drop to drink and he's been a model husband and father.

And I think about my friend all the time. I think about that night, and how I felt, and the whole amazing experience and it makes me smile. I've never told anyone about it, and I'll never regret it. The only downside to this whole thing is that now I know what I'm missing in bed. The husband is not trainable in that respect. Also, I would never do anything like this again, because I realize that I was incredibly lucky not to get some kind of disease or get caught.

This affair, if you could call it that, is what gave me the nerve to ask for the divorce, which got my husband back on track. So I guess you could say that is is one of the best things that ever happened to me.

I still think your a slu.t.

[MuffinMan]

I still think your a slu.t.

WOW...I totally forgot about this huss. She aint gonna be back. She's to busy being in love with herself.

[Skirtchaser]

WOW...I totally forgot about this huss. She aint gonna be back. She's to busy being in love with herself.

Yea she was a justifier. Hope all is well with you Muff.

[Jerry]

You got the hot sex that you needed and will continue to crave and will look for again. Give your "untrainable" husband a break and divorce him so he can find a decent woman he can trust. Marraige without honesty and trust is a sham.