Should you hit your wife after she admits cheating?

[ValueBets]

Hey Everyone,

I'm new to this site and would like to get some advice on how to deal with your initial reaction after either catching your wife cheating or after she admits cheating on you after you show her the evidence. Would you act violently towards her?

I have been married for 2 years now. I always thought I have a great marriage with my wife, I have always tried my best to tend to her needs but I admit I'm very career oriented and have occasionally focus too much time on work. Lately I'm suspecting that my wife could be cheating on me with her ex. bf. All the signs mentioned in your posts are there but I'm going to hire a private detective just to be absolutely certain and once I have the evidence I will confront her. But I'm a very emotional guy and I fear if she admits to cheating on me, I honestly don't know how I can control myself from beating her to a pulse.

I was always taught to never hit a woman but i'm sure they were taught to never cheat on your husband. Both my wife and I are Asian and from a cultural standpoint, I'm fairly certain if things got ugly she will not report it to the police because of shame and embarassment. Do you think it crosses the line? how shoud I react after hearing the inevitable bad news? I would love to know how you guys initially reacted to the bad/sad news.

Thanks in advance.

[exhausted]

I was raised also not to hit women and it was REAL hard but, I didn't(and think you shouldn't either)... I got up and walked around and collected my self and started yelling a bit to really get her attention..

Too answer your question, I think, it would be wrong to hit her!!

[tillymint]

I do understand how you feel.

When I first discovered my partner had cheated, I felt this overwhelming anger, and could have caused some major physical harm to him..

But I controlled this, and we talked, and talked, and sometimes screamed but never crossed the line to violence.

I think the fact that you are from a different culture is irrelevant.. the bottom line is, it is not right to resort to violence no matter what the provocation..

With regards to the private detective, before going down this route, is it not worth trying to sort things out first ?

There is no excuse for cheating, but you say that you work a lot of hours, and its therefore probable that your wife has felt lonely.

Why didnt she communicate this to you ?

The same reason you're not communicating "this" to her..

You may have had a happy marriage but you need to start talking, and fast..

Please, please don't hit her.. there is really no excuse for this ..

Keep us informed, and take care..

Tilly

[sarah]

You never have the right to hit your wife or anyone else unless it is in self-defense.
NEVER!
I don't care if you catch her in bed with someone.
And if you beat her to a pulp-I hope she sends you to jail.

[repulsive]

I became hysterical and hit my husband. I did not hurt him physically.. but I have to live with that for the rest of my life. I am so ashamed and disgusted with myself. Please don't add anymore pain to yourself.

[FooledInAlaska]

Hello,

Most of us have been in your boat and trust me the thought has probably crossed most of our minds, but it’s not right to hit your wife or anyone for that matter (unless it’s self defense) nor is it the answer. She is already hurting inside and this would only make the situation worse. Get a punching bad or something if you feel you need to get some anger out.

I’m with Tilly when she mentions communicating with your partner. If you guys and talk and work this out that would be the best thing that you can do. It seems that people today don’t want to put the extra effort into relationships to make them work and the easiest thing to do is to throw it away.

Why don’t you take your wife out for a nice dinner and talk? Spend some time with her and really find out the truth. So many people put their careers before their spouse and then wake up one day without their spouse next to them anymore. Don’t get me wrong careers/jobs are very important, but in the end your spouse/partner is WAY more important.

I personally believe that no matter how badly someone treats you cheating is NEVER the answer. Unfortunately, over time I’m learning that this is how most of the world tries to solve their relationship problems. I knew people cheated on their partners/spouses, but I never knew it was to the extent that I have recently learned about.

I’m sorry that you are going through this, but if you take the proper steps in handling the situation you MAY BE able to fix any problems that are there.

I wish you the best of luck with this situation. I hope that some of these replies have shed some light on how you feel and that you’re not alone.

There is a book out there called “The Five Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman and this is a great book. Most of us speak a different love language. You wife’s love language might be that she feels most love when you spend quality time with her. When partners understand what makes their partner feel loved they have a better chance of have a successful relationship together. In return if she knew your love language that would help also.

The 5 love languages are:
Words of affirmation
Quality time
Gifts
Acts of service
Physical touching

I’m not saying that this is the answer to your problems, but it’s not too late to look into ways of solving problems.

Take care,
Fooled In Alaska

[confused]

Seriously.....

"Should you hit your wife after she admits cheating"....

is that for real?

I should ask these questions then as well....

"Should you kick your dog if he poops in the house?"
"should you punch your 3 year old in the stomach if he lies?"
"Should you push your grandpa down if he doesn't take you camping anymore"
"Should you take out a gun and kill the driver next to you because they changed lanes INTO you without using a blinker? I mean...they didn't see you?"

Come on!

Give me a break.

*mumbling* "Should you hit your wife after she admits cheating"....

umm....

NO!

LEAVE HER IF YOU LIKE....but you're an idiot if you are truly posing this as a serious question.

You have anger issues. You need help. Seriously. Were you in a gang?

[gam3s]

To recover from her infidelity, you have to lower her personal value to you: you have to make her realize that she is worthless.

To do this, you should follow one or more of these guidelines:

1)Do not, I repeat, do not hit her! That shows personal weakness.
2)Confront her about the issue immediately. Ask if she cheated on you. Do not lose your cool – you want her to tell the truth.
3)Pursue other women – there are an endless supply of pretty women in this world and many are probably hotter than your wife.
4)Do not lose self confidence – it was NOT your fault she cheated on you, it was hers. She is a ***** and lacks integrity. If she attempts to make excuses about her actions, ignore her and ask her to leave.
5)Lastly, divorce the *****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your wife doesn't deserve you!

Remember this, you are the prize, you are the man. You don't have to prove yourself to your wife - she has to prove herself to you.

Walk with your head up AND DO NOT HIT YOUR WIFE!

DO NOT HIT HER!
DO NOT HIT HER!

(Let me say that one more time)

DO NOT HIT HER!

[SweetDeltaRose]

Would you like to spend time in jail on a domestic assault charge? Don't do it!

[brokenwing]

You don't really need anyone to tell you not to hit her..you KNOW that. AND if someone else has hit their spouse in anger over infedility it doesn't change the fact that YOU shouldn't. What the hell good does hitting do anyway? When you are cheated on your self esteem takes a dive but if you want to think even WORSE of yourself, hit 'er. (Your the man as someone said) ahem **cough** **cough**YAAAAAAAAAAAA BABY! THE MAN!!!!:D

[lititzman2003]

Take the high road; it's a nicer trip. Violence won't change a thing that she did, anyway.

[littlered]

It takes a real wimp to hit a woman for any reason other than self defense, i.e. if she comes at you with a knife or baseball bat. HITTING is NOT ok. Ever.

[markus]

I wouldn't hit my wife for what she did but i would like the other mans wife to give her a slap i wouldn't stop her

[unsure]

Both my wife and I are Asian and from a cultural standpoint, I'm fairly certain if things got ugly she will not report it to the police because of shame and embarassment.

Shame and embarassment? For what? Yeah, lotsa guys get away with domestic violence, but if you go there, the only one who should be ashamed and embarassed is YOU.


Do you think it crosses the line? how shoud I react after hearing the inevitable bad news? I would love to know how you guys initially reacted to the bad/sad news.

Thanks in advance.

You better get away from her if you doubt you can control yourself. Confront her over the phone.

[tomasingm]

A back hand is perfectly approprite given the situation. It is not to hurt her physically, but for more of a symbolic meaning. It is a form of degrading her, letting her know that she is now inferior to you and that you do not respect her as a woman. Kind of like a Pimp doing it to his hooker she disprespects him. If she admits, DO NOT, if you catch her sneaking, then hell yeah she deserves it. Okay now that I got my opinion out of the way lets go to reality. YOU WILL GO TO JAIL REAL FAST depending on which country you are live in. Best thing to do is to tell her you forgive her and love her and then have make up sex, during make up sex you go cave man and smack her around, hit her with the belt and say it is bondage, go nuts, after all It is just rough sex with your wife. When you are finished drop her...... That is one way of kicking her ass and having a good defense in court...... Although I wouldn't do it, Just walk away, walk away......It is not healthy to be around some one you want to hurt, for your sake, swallow your pride and walk away. Find a woman that you dont want to hit... Live long and prosper...

[waldo24]

All I did or said when I cought my wife cheating was "you ****ing ****, thats a divorce for you!!! and I get our kid, the house & funiture"!

[MuffinMan]

A better solution if you ever caught your wife in bed with another man is....pick up their clothes before they can.
Tell the man to get out without his clothes...if he won't, get your gun and then tell him to get out...without his clothes. Then tell you wife to follow him...without her clothes.

Lock the door behind them and tell her to f#*k off.

On a serious note, I have been married for 7 years. I just found out through someone that she cheated on me the year we were engaged to be married. I confronted her, and she didn't deny it. Oh she sugarcoated it and said it was one time and all they did is kiss, but she is lying and she knows it.
I told her that I'd divorce her right now if we didn't have 2 kids under 6.

But, things are different now. I am in the drivers seat. As far as I'm concerned, she blew it. I was one of these guys who never got jealous, never stopped her from going and having fun with her friends, and I trusted her. Now though? She doesn't go anywhere without my permission. Some women would say I'm a pig, but sorry, she is the one that ruined the trust.
I even had a big talk with her mother who begged me not to get a divorce. Her mother insisted that she does love me and doesn't want the marriage to end. So you can say we worked it out, but nothing will ever be the same between us again, and her mother even told her that going out for drinks with the girls while I stay home with the kids is gone forever.
If she does it again, she will find herself locked out of the house and served papers that following week.

[markus]

Ive seen what women are capable of - My mate asked me to be an usher at his wedding , his ***** arranged for us to meet up and measure suits
while we were doing that she sneaked off to have sex with her ex boyfriend
Im also friends with his ex boyfriend .. he told me the next day :eek:
I didn't say anything because i didn't want to get involved :rolleyes:

****

[MuffinMan]

You should have said something man. Now he is stuck with a cheating ***** and doesn't even know it.
In my situation, I know it, but have kids involved and I don't want to hurt them for anything.
But if I were to have found out right after the wedding that she screwed around while engaged, it would be anullment time. Get that marriage dissolved just as quickly as it began.

But dude, you really should have told him. Being in the wedding you are suppose to stand up for what the wedding resembles. Apparantly her vows didn't mean a f*&#ing thing to her, so they didn't need to be married.

[exhausted]

Yep... But, nowadays some guys wouldn't believe the guy and would waste a friendship over them trying to inform them..

Markus, your Damned if you do and Damed if you don't!!

[markus]

I probably would have got run out of town by the non believers :rolleyes:

[cute n fun but cheated on]

Dont lay a hand on her because she can use that against you. She'll tell you that shes justified by cheating on you because your such a bad person. Youll give her the power. Not to mention she might call the police and it doesnt matter who hits first, you will go to jail. I slapped my husband when i confronted him and hes such an ass he holds that against me. we have a marriage counselor we are going to see next week. He cant wait to tell him how its wrong when i use violence. I swear he forgets that im little pissed off that he cheated on me for seven months. with a co worker. whos 10 years younger than me. he spent several thousands of dollars on her. even spent valentines day with her and bought her a new bike. Hes lucky all i did was smack him and not do something else. But now the focus is on me and it will be a huge mistake if you do it. Have a game plan. If you find out she has cheated just tell her wat a **** she is. You can hurt he emotionally. Ask her if she got any gifts. If she did call her a ***** if you want. just dont hit her.Youll be sorry.

[prex]

I got a lot of clients who slap the **** out of their wives when they get the bad news. You got to play it right. You have to beat them at their own game. Every man in here knows what the most godawful thing he could say to his wife. Something that will provoke her to immediate and uncontrolable violence against you. Take it, just enough to get marked up, then pimp slap her fat ayss right to the ground. Then call the cops post haste. Self defense, my brothers, self defense. It doesn't matter if your words are "fighting words" at least in America, no words are an excuse for violence.

[prex]

And one more thing. After that moment of discovery, when it all sets in, and you picture all those postions your wife was in, all the worrying you initally did when she wouldn't come home, how little you actually mean to her, what would you have traded to not have that happen? My brothers, I would given up an arm, hacked off with a butter knife, not to have to go thru this. Rip an ear off. Suck out one of my eyeballs with a shop vac. Anything but this.

So a pimp slap that maybe blackens one eye, a moment of pain? What is that compared to the waste and destruction they have done to the fabric of your soul, til you die? Nothing.