i am hurting.... Help!!!!

[Tam]

I am 35 years old. I have been married for 14 years. I have 1 child. A year ago i started feeling lonely and not appreciated by my husband. I started to chat online with people. Honestly, I was just looking for people to meet and make new friends. I met this gentleman who was younger than I and we clicked right away. At first, it was just a platonic friendship, no gimmicks, or strings attached. I didnt share with him at first that i was married because i honestly had not planned on talking to him anymore. Then one day when i was online he pops up on instant messaging. I was kinda of leary at first but i talked to him but nothing really transpired from our conversation. As the days went by we would talk and then I shared with him i was married. I honestly thought that would make him walk away but it didnt and we continued to chat just strictly friendly conversation. (all the while my husband knew i would get online) but this particular person really sparked my interest. Well needless to say our friendship turned into more as the days, nights and months passed by. We finally got to the point where we decided to meet face to face of course thats where everything change because by then i think we both felt something more than a friendship, but all the while we kept saying we were friends. I needed to fill that void of emptiness and he was right there (so i thought). Last October, I met him and we had sex. I honestly dont know what i was thinking because i never planned for it to go that far. After that, i noticed he started to change slowly towards me and by this time i was willing to walk away from my family and be with him.(I truly loved this man and still do) I felt sooo foolish because i thought he cared about me.(so he said) It hurts so bad because i promise that i would never let him get that close to me again. I lied, this February i slept with him again(i know it was a terrible decision but i really love this guy) I am so torn right now because as bad as i want to walk away from this toxic, unhealthy, debilating affair that has left me sooo broken and torn apart i find myself stuck. I breath, eat, sleep, and dream of this man 24/7. I am really hurting and i want to end this viscious cycle. Please tell me what to do if you have been in a similar situation. I have tried to tell my husband because i believe he is clueless. I have put on such a mask that he thinks everything is well. But i am literrally dying on the inside from this terrible secret that i cant seem to share with him!!!! To make matters worse I recently finds out that my husband has been writing to someone in another state and i was totally blown away!!! I mean i know i have done wrong but i just cant seem to forgive myself from what i have done and the thought of him seeing someone is about to make me loose it all. I am trying to be strong and not communicate with the gentleman i had the affair with but now that i ran across letters, cards, receipts that my husband has purchased for this particular woman has made me want to continue to be unfaithful. I love my husband but something is definitely missing and i never planned to sleep with anyone other than him but i have. Now where do i go from here. Help!!!!!

[exhausted]

First of all you must explain to him your feelings.. I know it hurts but, just think if the shoe is on the other foot..( I would want to know)..

If it hurts that you found the other letters to other woman more than likely He already knows, I would think(doing it out revenge).. Do yourself and your husband a favor and explain all of the little details of what & where it went wrong if you know.. The more you talk the better it will be..

[one_on_one]

You have no IDEA of how much pain and heart ace you have been putting on your spouse. I agree with the previous reply...you have to talk to your husband and put all the information infront of him and never denie anything. He may ask things that he already has the answer to...and if you lie it will make things worst. If you both felt apart and honestly still love your spouse maybe you can work things out...but you are really stuck (head over heels) for this man that uses you as a sex toy..when and where he feels like it...

Remember that your spouse always comes first. That is if he never gave you a really, really good reason for you to do this.. But actually I think that there is never a good reason for this action... You have to take responsability for your actions and If he wants to leave you and not work things out, respect his decision. If your spouse has been faithful to you for all this time, he comes first..not your feelings..and not what you want..

Chat sites for friendship are dangerous if you don't have your feet firm on the ground....Why is anybody that is in a married looking for a friend... Your spouse if your best friend..

Sit your spouse down make sure that you have plenty of time for just you two alone with no one else at home..make sure you have food at home so none of you have to leave the house until you have settle down... (that's only if he is not a violent person) use your best jugement.

Is not about you and how YOU feel now... Is now about the person you are hurting..your husband.

good luck..

[sarah]

been given and I'm a little confused by your story.
1) What role does this other woman have and why is your husband writing to her?
2) What is so empty in your relationship that you sought sex with someone you met over the internet?
3) How do you plan to change your relationship with your husband so you won't seek out another man to fulfill what you're missing?

As to your confessing-what purpose does it serve if you are truly resolved to end this relationship?
Are you confessing because you feel guilty?
Will your marriage survive the confession?
If the only reason that you want to share this information is to exonerate yourself from guilt, what purposes does your confession serve except to make you feel better?
And really, do you deserve a free pass if you get it by hurting an innocent party-your husband?
Maybe you should keep your mouth shut and make up for what you've done by putting all your energy into repairing your marriage.

[gam3s]

To relieve yourself of this pain:

1) tell the truth to your spouse
2) let him divorce you

[SuckerFree]

Ohhh boy, Time For LT. Suckerfree to take over here gang. How many piss-poor traits does this Woman have? Remember my post on the "love that can never be fantasy"? Here's a great example.......So here goes.

TAM, you knew exactly what you were doing when you got online and started having intimate conversations with Men. You were testing the waters. Remember my post about the "women love to make sex a happy accident"? You are guilty here as well. "Ohh, I honestly don't know why I went over there, all of a sudden my panties were off (after driving X amount of time to a hotel I presume) and then all of a sudden I was blowing a stranger, oh my. Tam, you are everything bad with Women. You are everything wrong with relationships. Notice the smooth transition she makes into victim mode in her post. "Oh, I thought when I told him I was married, he would leave me alone". You did huh? He's looking for no strings attached ass, and you were offering, you could have told him you had three legs and he still wouldn't have left you alone and you know it. Oh God, what's the point of even going on about this? You are a ****ty person who needs to confront that. Enough said. For the 10 millionth time guys, don't get married. You will all end up as a wage slave to a Women like this. Tailing my Wife to hotel rooms is not how I plan on living the rest of my life.

[elainegayla]

I could hardly stomach reading this BS let alone reply to it. But I'm glad you did, Suckerfree. But you know its a lost cause.

By the way, men/women,,,lets just call them Cheaters. Man or woman, it doesn't matter. They are complete waste of resources and should all be put out of their self-proclaimed misery.

[crissy]

Tam,

Sometimes on here you will find that certain people will just read your story and pound out any amount of bull **** they can to be noticed. I think Sarah gave you some sound advice. Asking yourself those questions and taking a good hard look at your marriage is the first place to start. No one on here can tell you what to do. You know your situation and you know your own heart. I can't tell you where to go from here because I'm listed in the catagory of once a cheater always a cheater, homewrecker ***** fantasy land love. I do know this to be true. Be true to yourself, because no one else is going to. What does that mean? It means that whether it's selfishness that leads you to seek out affection/attention your not receiving from the man you married. It still means that your alive and capable of wanting to feel needed and desired. Start with your husband, one of the other posters on this forum always talks about starting communication. Rebuilding the communication can lead to intamacy. Intamacy for women is different than men. Intamacy for a man means 5 minutes of foreplay with you solbing on his bellend. Intamacy for us doesn't have to involve physical touch. It can be a simple phrase spoken to you by your lover that excites you over the edge and draws you closer to that person. Take a look at yourself and see someone who is still a beautiful person, someone who wants to be desired, loved, needed, and cherished. Ask your husband if he is able to provide those needs for you, if he's unwilling then you've gotten the answer you needed. Save or not save marriage, that's the question at hand. Good luck to you and stay strong.

Crissy

[SuckerFree]

Tam,

Sometimes on here you will find that certain people will just read your story and pound out any amount of bull **** they can to be noticed. I think Sarah gave you some sound advice. Asking yourself those questions and taking a good hard look at your marriage is the first place to start. No one on here can tell you what to do. You know your situation and you know your own heart. I can't tell you where to go from here because I'm listed in the catagory of once a cheater always a cheater, homewrecker ***** fantasy land love. I do know this to be true. Be true to yourself, because no one else is going to. What does that mean? It means that whether it's selfishness that leads you to seek out affection/attention your not receiving from the man you married. It still means that your alive and capable of wanting to feel needed and desired. Start with your husband, one of the other posters on this forum always talks about starting communication. Rebuilding the communication can lead to intamacy. Intamacy for women is different than men. Intamacy for a man means 5 minutes of foreplay with you solbing on his bellend. Intamacy for us doesn't have to involve physical touch. It can be a simple phrase spoken to you by your lover that excites you over the edge and draws you closer to that person. Take a look at yourself and see someone who is still a beautiful person, someone who wants to be desired, loved, needed, and cherished. Ask your husband if he is able to provide those needs for you, if he's unwilling then you've gotten the answer you needed. Save or not save marriage, that's the question at hand. Good luck to you and stay strong.

Crissy


I got no problem getting noticed there little lady. You just deal with your demons..MMmmk. You agreed with the love that can never be fantasy. Ehh I want to go on, but your whole post is that same ole Crissy, self loathing, I want to be desired. I used to make a killing off women like you when I lived in Dallas. You bable on and on and draw no conclusions. Other than it's fine to hurt people as long as your psyche is being fullfilled. At one point Crissy you were really coming along. Now, you have chosing the easy option. And it appears its permanent.

[SuckerFree]

Hey, why not? Somebodies gotta livin up this board. So one more time.

Sometimes on here you will find that certain people will just read your story and pound out any amount of bull **** they can to be noticed.............Sometimes the truth can be hurtful. Many times it's what people don't wanna hear and refuse to hear it. This doesn't mean it's bull****. Other than you and maybe one or two others, the rest of the posters on this board give sound, honest, realistic advice. Maybe you should listen.

I think Sarah gave you some sound advice..................Other than her last line she gave no advice. She did however ask about 15 questions. I bet you are a big fan of Dr. Phil.

Asking yourself those questions and taking a good hard look at your marriage is the first place to start..................It would have helped if she did this while courting a stranger for cheap sex.

I can't tell you where to go from here because I'm listed in the catagory of once a cheater always a cheater, homewrecker ***** fantasy land love....You are in victim mode again Crissy. I have not seen these post you refer to. You have stated people have called you a *****, a home-wrecker..etc. Problem is, these post you refer to don't exist.

It means that whether it's selfishness that leads you to seek out affection/attention your not receiving from the man you married. It still means that your alive and capable of wanting to feel needed and desired........You make no real point here. But I believe you are trying to say, if you feel you are neglectd and seek out a hurtful and possibly harmful affair, that's fine. Crissy, I really hope you don't teach your children these things.

Start with your husband, one of the other posters on this forum always talks about starting communication. Rebuilding the communication can lead to intamacy.......This is excellent advice except for one problem. It should be done PRIOR TO THE AFFAIR!!!!!!

Intamacy for women is different than men......Once again you have difficulty understanding Men and Women have different genetic make-ups and therefore will always seem different. This is a good thing, not a bad thing. You hold anger towards your husband because he doesn't feel, touch, act, smell the same way you do and wish him to do. It is unrealistic to assume any man will ever fill this gap, and vice versa.

[crissy]

Suckerfree,

Tams story although similar to mine is about her. You may think I am the same selfloathing person, but your still not seeing whats really there with these posters. Tam is hurting because she did something she's not proud of and feels guilty. Loves her husband but wants relationship to change. Now she believes that he is having an affair of his own. She's just as much a victim here as her husband. Sometimes two people can love each other, but receive so much pleasure from hurting the other. I can't explain why that happens but it does. I guess it is the whole fine line between love/hate thing. I don't think that it is fine to hurt people, I think that you do have to protect yourself. You have to decide when this affair is to toxic for you to handle, make a choice, and drive forward. No one is going to make the decision for you. I do believe you have to be true to yourself first, because if your not honest with yourself, how can you make a healthy decision on how best to handle your situation. I thought Sarah gave her sound advice

[SuckerFree]

Intamacy for a man means 5 minutes of foreplay with you solbing on his bellend. ...it doesn't get more general than this. Because your husband over the years has become a lazy lover, and who's not to say you haven't as well, does not mean he lacks intimacy, love, or emotions. It means he's getting old and it's becoming a chore to slam the same piece over and over again. This is a fact of life.

Intamacy for us doesn't have to involve physical touch...Of course not, it can involve fantasy, materialism, lots of things. Another in a long line of sweeping generalizations.


Take a look at yourself and see someone who is still a beautiful person, someone who wants to be desired, loved, needed, and cherished...This is what happens to housewives who have little work to do. Do this, turn off the Judge Judy and Oprah and crack a book for once.

Ask your husband if he is able to provide those needs for you....What about his needs? His needs are really gonna suffer when he finds out his wife is sleeping with strangers in cheap hotels.

if he is able to provide those needs for you, if he's unwilling then you've gotten the answer you needed......Then she will go from relationship to relationship. No one will ever get as much attention as they seek. Get used to it.

Good luck to you and stay strong...This is the same advice I would give her Husband.

To sum up, Crissy you have taken a path to blame subtle emotional flim flam on your demise as a wife, and mother. That is your 20 pieces of silver. However, I feel it is a bad idea to give this advice to people (women only) on this board who have done wrong and betrayed their spouses.

[SweetDeltaRose]

When you went to the chatroom in the back of your mind you knew you were going online to meet someone to make you feel better about yourself and your life. You'll get no sympathy from me because I think you deserve everything you're getting from your husband being a cheater too! People like you don't give a damn how you might destroy other people's lives as long as YOU feel better about yourself and are getting YOUR needs met. Stay with your husband, you deserve each other!

[crissy]

What is the #1 reason a woman will cheat? Reading through these posts it seems to be a steady stream of neglect. Physically, emotionally, and sexually. In most situations it's not always sexual. So if your feeling neglected and ignored, how are you to open the lines of communication? I've tried for years to build a stronger relationship with my spouse, but something always seems to be unattainable. We never reach a level of intamacy in our relationship that allows us to both be open and free our feelings. We're unable to express our feelings. I know my husband loves me, just as I am sure that Tam's husband loves her, but somewhere along the way the break down in communication took place, or maybe it was never there. Maybe we as woman we are never taught how to communicate with the opposite sex. Thats why there are so many articles and books out there telling us woman what a man really likes, both out of bed and in bed. The trouble with all this information is that it never really applies. No two men are alike, and just when you think you got it figured out, the rules all change again. I think Tam needs to hear that even though you screwed up and made a mistake, you don't have to feel branded for life. You have to be able at some point to move on and forgive yourself. I know thats not what those who have been cheated on want for the cheaters, they would prefer us to be withered away empty shells. Unable to ever find peace and happiness in our lives for the pain we've caused them. Understanding, forgiving, and healing are all huge parts of accepting what has taken place with both people involved. I may have been a failure in my marriage, but what I have learned from this experience will enpower me in the future. It will help me teach my children that what I did was wrong and unacceptable. I will also teach my children to be very guarded with their love. I don't want to see either of my children sufer the way I have, or the way their father is now. It hurts to know that I am the reason my home will be broken, I have to take ownership for that. I only wish that before I allowed my emotions to overcome me and lead me down that road, I had given my husband one last chance to hear me. So Tam has a long road to recovery, she has to make decisions that are not going to be easy. Confessing an affair is difficult, you don't know what to expect from your partner, rage, anger so out of control, and fear of the unknown. I deal with it on a daily basis, how to confront this issue and say it outloud to my husband. SO if there is anyone out there who has confessed this to their spouse and can shed some light on how to go about it. I'm sure Tam and I both would like to hear from you.

[markus]

What is the #1 reason a woman will cheat? Reading through these posts it seems to be a steady stream of neglect. Physically, emotionally, and sexually. In most situations it's not always sexual. So if your feeling neglected and ignored, how are you to open the lines of communication? I've tried for years to build a stronger relationship with my spouse, but

Crissy
How about saying you have tried for years to build my relationship but its not working out so i will talk to him and make arrangements for seperation ?

Why cheat and why would you want to be part of destroying someone elses marriage ?

[SuckerFree]

What is the #1 reason a woman will cheat? Reading through these posts it seems to be a steady stream of neglect. Physically, emotionally, and sexually........This is the #1 excuse, not reason. Let me ask you. If you believe this, than isn't ok for Men who's needs aren't being met to cheat as well?

[littlered]

Gawd, it makes me wanna puke everytime I see some cheater confess and say "I never planned on it going this far, It just happened, blahblahblah." Come on!! Just where did you THINK it all was going? The fact is, YOU took every single step consciously. You wanted to be "friends"...with an online stranger??? How about that first "inappropriate" email or IM that you sent him? YOU KNEW it was wrong then...and you chose to go down that road. EVERY decision YOU made, there was some "little voice" telling you it was wrong...but YOU chose to go there. YOU chose to have sex, not once but twice (because you were afraid he was losing interest.) Well, sure he was! Put a bull into a herd of cows...he'll mate every one of them, but only ONCE because he knows he's already been there. You're just a free piece of ass for him, OF COURSE he doesn't care about you---he doesn't even KNOW you!
You're addicted to the drama in all this. It's THAT that makes your heart pound, not this idiot. You need to see a priest and a counselor--with or without your husband. As for confessing to your husband, I'm of the opinion that you should tell him. Even if he doesn't suspect now and you get off scottfree, something in the future could come up, and if he has to find out on his own, rather than from you, it's a lot worse, in my opinion.

[crissy]

This is the #1 excuse, not reason. Let me ask you. If you believe this, than isn't ok for Men who's needs aren't being met to cheat as well?
Today 02:46 PM

Suckerfree,

I don't believe it is right for either sex to cheat. It's wrong, every part of it is wrong. I don't excuse what I have done, nor do I approve of anyone else doing the same thing. Would I understand a man cheating if his needs were not being met, absolutely. I understand now more than ever that you don't just happen upon an affair or one night stand. I thought about being alone with this man and what it would feel like long before the day happened. I didn't know honestly if I would have the guts to go through with it, to actually let it happen. I think you have to decide if your marriage is worth saving, confess, start picking up the pieces, and hopefully begin to heal. I do hope Tam has learned from her mistake and can move forward in her life. Hopefully she will be able to save her marriage, and something good can come from all this bad

[monkeyman]

What is the #1 reason a woman will cheat? Reading through these posts it seems to be a steady stream of neglect. Physically, emotionally, and sexually. In most situations it's not always sexual. So if your feeling neglected and ignored, how are you to open the lines of communication? I've tried for years to build a stronger relationship with my spouse, but something always seems to be unattainable. We never reach a level of intamacy in our relationship that allows us to both be open and free our feelings. We're unable to express our feelings. I know my husband loves me, just as I am sure that Tam's husband loves her, but somewhere along the way the break down in communication took place, or maybe it was never there. Maybe we as woman we are never taught how to communicate with the opposite sex. Thats why there are so many articles and books out there telling us woman what a man really likes, both out of bed and in bed. The trouble with all this information is that it never really applies. No two men are alike, and just when you think you got it figured out, the rules all change again. I think Tam needs to hear that even though you screwed up and made a mistake, you don't have to feel branded for life. You have to be able at some point to move on and forgive yourself. I know thats not what those who have been cheated on want for the cheaters, they would prefer us to be withered away empty shells. Unable to ever find peace and happiness in our lives for the pain we've caused them. Understanding, forgiving, and healing are all huge parts of accepting what has taken place with both people involved. I may have been a failure in my marriage, but what I have learned from this experience will enpower me in the future. It will help me teach my children that what I did was wrong and unacceptable. I will also teach my children to be very guarded with their love. I don't want to see either of my children sufer the way I have, or the way their father is now. It hurts to know that I am the reason my home will be broken, I have to take ownership for that. I only wish that before I allowed my emotions to overcome me and lead me down that road, I had given my husband one last chance to hear me. So Tam has a long road to recovery, she has to make decisions that are not going to be easy. Confessing an affair is difficult, you don't know what to expect from your partner, rage, anger so out of control, and fear of the unknown. I deal with it on a daily basis, how to confront this issue and say it outloud to my husband. SO if there is anyone out there who has confessed this to their spouse and can shed some light on how to go about it. I'm sure Tam and I both would like to hear from you.


Did she actually tell her Husband how she was feeling Though? doubt it. Time and time again I see the excuse "I felt neglected/unloved/lonely,yet rather than tell their other half how they feel they start an affair.

[SuckerFree]

Did she actually tell her Husband how she was feeling Though? doubt it. Time and time again I see the excuse "I felt neglected/unloved/lonely,yet rather than tell their other half how they feel they start an affair.


Shhh, don't tell the truth. You will now get 300 private messages. But honestly.....yep, that's how it goes. Here's a test, a women goes to work, tells her female co-worker she is having an affair. 10-1 says the co-worker will support her. Ohh, what did he do to thrust you into another man's arms. Tell the same co-worker your husband is having an affair. Im willing to bet you hear the words son of a ***** a lot. Sisterhood can be a bad thing when it comes to advice. All your wife needs is that one person to say, it's ok.

[SuckerFree]

One more thing Monkeyman (my favorite Rolling stones tune). It wouldn't be right unless someone said this. Are you sure your Son is yours?

[monkeyman]

Yeah 99% a shes a ginge and he has my hair, and b He is cursed with my freakishly large 2nd toe that is longer than my big toe.


Here is a question for the ladies

How many times have you been asked whats wrong/if you are ok by your husband, and replied nothing/im fine. when really your bursting with resentment inside because you feel he is not paying you enough attention?

You then go to work and spend half the day telling your mates whats wrong in your relationship;)

Relationships go tits up all the time because of this, although men can be just as guilty. Although when my mates come to me moaning about ther gf's instead of agreeing with them,I tell them TO TELL THEIR BLOODY GF if they are so unhappy.:)

[brokenwing]

We all have that face that we show the world and the one that screams back at us when we look in the mirror. Being honest with yourself is a must if you want to resolve any issue. You DID want the affair. You DID want it to go that far. You DID get exitement from it. YOU did LEARN from it?:confused: Good question. The advice that is coming from most everyone, I beleive also. Take it on the chin. YOU(yes you) have a personality flaw. That means stop making someone else look bad because you don't like what you are seeing in YOUR mirror. How many times does a spouse of BF/GF have to take an emotional beating and feel blamed over the flaws of the other half. I'm sick of seeing people parade around their sins as if it was "CAUSED" by someone else. Flip Wilson HUH?(Devil made me do it) We have a FREE WILL dammit! This FREE WILL GIVES YOU A CHOICE.....POINT BLANK>>>LEARN AND START MAKING BETTER CHOICES!!:eek: :eek:Start with this: "I will do my very best to treat every human being with the same respect, dignity,and kindness that I prefer to be treated with". It's a really good start.

[littlered]

We all make mistakes. We are human. We are SUPPOSED to make mistakes. It's how we learn...or NOT. If we learn, we become better human beings. If not, we go on making the same old mistakes, over and over.
I've lived a lot, made a lot of mistakes, and learned a lot, though I do tend to learn things the hard way. I wish I was one of those "sensitive souls" who doesn't have to have a brick hit them in the head to learn...ah, well.
One of my first lovers in my life (back when I was young and tender) told me,
"A complicated woman is like a Porsche. Yeah, maintenance is high. You're always gonna have to tinker with this, adjust that. But if you gotta drive or ride in something, It oughta be a lot of fun!"
I took it as a compliment.

[SuckerFree]

Markus, have you seen Crissy around lately. Last time I saw her, she was on her White Stallion, wearing a white dress with a wreath of daisies on her head. Her hair was flowing as she rode over the moss of the lovely mountain which was going to take her to her Prince so she could slay her lover's wife's evil divorce attorney. Where's she been?

[brokenwing]

SUCKERFREE, I think most of us agree that Crissy was in the wrong. But I have to quote..."Let he who is without sin cast the first stone".
We are all carved out differently. It takes years of making mistakes and modifying our behavior by learning from them. Like burning yourself when you're a kid...you learn it hurts and try to avoid ever doing that again. With each phase of our lives good/bad things happen and we are carved and molded and melted and reshaped by each event. Some become bitter, some become better.

Not to say that some ppl never learn or even want to, but even they are affected by circumstances, they just don't care to go deep enough into themselves to see it. For myself, I want to be a person who examines life from all angles, not just my own. As a mature adult, I have to realize that the world has many faces, minds, and hearts. I also have to look around and know that MY circumstances that helped mold my stature and character are different than any other single human being.

When critisizing others for their behavior (especially when they show TRUE remorse)we need to think about all the stupid, self-centerd things we've done to others. A diamond starts as coal and gold is never pure until all the dross is removed.LOL:)

[tomasingm]

***** (hôr, hr)
n.
1. A prostitute.
2. A person considered sexually promiscuous.
3. A person considered as having compromised principles for personal gain.



http://www.nomarriage.com/women_cheat.shtml

http://www.nomarriage.com/article_statistics.html

http://www.nomarriage.com/foreigngirl.html

[crissy]

Tomasingm,

Reading some of your posts frankly I just got bored, you are clueless about women. Which probably explains why you are still alone. Tam is no ***** and I know I am not. Not riding on any white horses lately and drug free. I came here seeking good advice because I have no one else to turn to. You make your remarks and jokes, but all along you forgot that you were once hurting so bad that you couldn't eat, sleep, or function. DO you think it is any easier for people like Tam or myself? People come on here to find answers, understanding, and tools to use to heal. This roller coaster has taken me places I never thought I would go, I never thought I would hate myself and be so angry all the time. I confessed to my husband today. Today is my disclosure day. Today we begin to reconcile and work through this mess. This is going to be a long road back to recovery. Tonight when I close my eyes I will have burned in my soul the pain I caused my Husband. Hearing the disappointment in his voice and knowing I caused it is more than I can stand. So we move forward another day, we work hard to find what it is that we love about each other, and we begin to rebuild what I hope is a stronger marriage. One built on a foundation of love, trust, and honor. Best of luck to all those who use this site for what I believe it was founded for.

[SuckerFree]

SUCKERFREE, I think most of us agree that Crissy was in the wrong. But I have to quote..."Let he who is without sin cast the first stone".
We are all carved out differently. It takes years of making mistakes and modifying our behavior by learning from them. Like burning yourself when you're a kid...you learn it hurts and try to avoid ever doing that again. With each phase of our lives good/bad things happen and we are carved and molded and melted and reshaped by each event. Some become bitter, some become better.

Not to say that some ppl never learn or even want to, but even they are affected by circumstances, they just don't care to go deep enough into themselves to see it. For myself, I want to be a person who examines life from all angles, not just my own. As a mature adult, I have to realize that the world has many faces, minds, and hearts. I also have to look around and know that MY circumstances that helped mold my stature and character are different than any other single human being.

When critisizing others for their behavior (especially when they show TRUE remorse)we need to think about all the stupid, self-centerd things we've done to others. A diamond starts as coal and gold is never pure until all the dross is removed.LOL:)

This all sounds good. But it isn't realistic to this perticular situation. Since the beginning Crissy dug and dug and dug for an excuse to justify her behavior. She only shows remorse when she is outgunned. Which means it isn't true remorse. She has been married I believe over 20 years. Not exactly a 5 year old boy learning not to touch a hot stove. Other than that, your post sounds like psyche mumbo-jumbo and makes no real point. Other than to toss cliche's around.

[SuckerFree]

***** (hôr, hr)
n.
1. A prostitute.
2. A person considered sexually promiscuous.
3. A person considered as having compromised principles for personal gain.



http://www.nomarriage.com/women_cheat.shtml

http://www.nomarriage.com/article_statistics.html

http://www.nomarriage.com/foreigngirl.html

Once again I truly believe this poster is a hoax. I stated before how Dontmarry.com was continually attacked by several feminist organizations and was finally pulled. I have not seen a single post on dontmarry.com v2 by this person. Why people hate on men who chose not to marry until laws are changed is beyond me. Personally they have trimmed the fat off the market for you ladies. Anti-feminst sites are popping up all over. So beware. I have never heard of a man from those sites going around and plugging them by referring to woman as *****s. I challenge this person to show me any topic or post he/she has on dontmarry.com. A site, which I support. Not because of anything towards women, but because of agenda based laws that are ruining families and children.

[crissy]

Suckerfree,

I have not been married for over 20 years, but I have been with my H for 13. I am remorseful for what happened. I struggle on a daily basis with how to get to a better place in my life. My D-Day was yesterday, I am now 24 hours into it. Everything about Reconciliation is difficult. Yesterday I know my H was just stunned, still in shock, and unable to process what had just taken place. ALready this morning I have begun to get emails with questions. SO it starts the disclosure of the whos, whats, and whens and with every truth I tell to correct the lies I told. I find myself feeling smaller. So with baby steps H and I will continue to drudge through this mess. Hopefully there will be better days ahead and we will both find peace. I am 24 hours into NO Contact with my other man. luck to all

[Tam]

Best wishes to you and your husband Crissy,

I admire you for having the courage to speak to your husband. It took a lot of faith to admit something so painful and not knowing the outcome. My heart go out to you. Tam

[SuckerFree]

Isn't your Husband still in Iraq? You should have waited till he got back. Something like that could take his mind of his duties. Last thing you wanna do in a war zone is to have your head somewhere else.

[crissy]

I started counseling, and she said it needed to be done immediately. I was unsure of how to handle it. I wanted to wait at least until he come home for R&R, but he could sense something was wrong. He had already looked at the phone bill, and wasn't giving up until he had answers. So you're right about it being a bad time to disclose. Now ontop of the worry about my disclosure, I have to worry about where his head is and whether he is capable of seperating his emotions from his responsiblities. He says he can, that his job is the most important thing. Funny how he says that. Thats always been part of the problem. Where I rank in the mix of things in his life. Mission, core, himself, family, god, and me. Thats the ranking of things. So I wouldn't worry to much about where his head is.

[toamsingm]

this site in any way shape or form I have no affiliation to this site for hits owners. I merely posted it as an example of what alot of men now adays are aware of. And the more Western women that keep having thiese extra-marriatal affairs, more divorces, more alimony, more self-righteous activisti judges out there with agendas the more men that are going to become hesitant to tie the not with Western woman. Unfortunately the laws in countries do not favor men that are good fathers, husband and providers. As far as being alone sweetie, I am far from it. Just that most of the women fall into 3 categories. You have the good women that are great wives, and mothers, devoted. And mostly taken, which will leave the ones who have been burned by some jerk off leaving them scorned and bitter. Then you have the arm-candy type, these are usually pretty attractive go to the gym 3 hours aday, have the tan of a carrot, and are pretty shallow and superficial as well as materialistic. (Lately I have been attracting these lately) These will seem normal at first but after you get to know them, it is this. The mission is simple, seek out and secure sugar-daddy, and become housewife with no housework. And last but no least the real crazies, the ones that you meet, and will tell you that they have had bad experiences but it is always somebody else's fault. Example: "I was going to through a tought time." or "I dont know what I was thinking, or when thing led to another." Or even the whol I didnt realize until it was too late. Same old mess, I have 2 trips pending one is going to teh Ukraine with a body of mine I do business with, and the other to Rio. ......We'll see how that goes. But form what i have been told about Eastern European women vs. Western Women, its like Filet Mignon vs. Rump Roast. So we'll see.........

http://www.singleabroad.com/women.html

also check out the pic of this site

http://www.singleabroad.com/

[littlered]

Shut the f**k up. You bother me. Go seek out your lah-te-dah non-Westernized women. Be sure and get one with no self esteem or personality or god forbid opinions of her own. Just go.

[toamsingm]

I really tick you off that much???........Well E-X-C-U-S-E me for posting my opinion. Littlered, I am sorry if i offend you it is women like you that are no longer around, you are rare gems and sorry if you had bad time, takre care....

[SuckerFree]

They have just passed several laws making it harder to travel to non westernized countries, harder to meet foreign women, and very hard to marry. It's sad that this can happen in America all because of a small group of unnatractive, bitter lesbians. Now, with that being said. This really isn't the forum to blow this issue up all the time Toamisngn. It is an anti cheaters site which has both Men and Women in the wrong.

[toamsingm]

You are absolutely right, and I am sorry, I got a little side tracked thats all, and it appears I have offended those that I did not mean to.....:(

[jnj express]

hey crissy------------do you really think your husband is going to be able to handle what you just told him, about cheating on him. He is in a war zone HE NEEDS ALL HIS WITS ABOUT HIM not to be thinking about having just been cheated on, if you think he isn't going to be bothered in a very big horrible painful way, then you had better wake up to the real world. Why would you tell him he's been cheated when he is in a war zone, because THE IDIOT COUNSELOR TOLD YOU TO, if some one told you to jump off a bridge would you just go and jump, i imagine you would probably think about it and say that isn't very smart, so how come you just went and did what the counselor told you to when you know you are now doubling harm's way for your husband, cuz i guarantee you no matter WHAT HE SAYS HE IS THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO HIM, so if you have to bring up children by yourself cuz you managed to help get your husband killed, maybe you might want to think about what people tell you before you just go and do it.

[SuckerFree]

hey crissy------------do you really think your husband is going to be able to handle what you just told him, about cheating on him. He is in a war zone HE NEEDS ALL HIS WITS ABOUT HIM not to be thinking about having just been cheated on, if you think he isn't going to be bothered in a very big horrible painful way, then you had better wake up to the real world. Why would you tell him he's been cheated when he is in a war zone, because THE IDIOT COUNSELOR TOLD YOU TO, if some one told you to jump off a bridge would you just go and jump, i imagine you would probably think about it and say that isn't very smart, so how come you just went and did what the counselor told you to when you know you are now doubling harm's way for your husband, cuz i guarantee you no matter WHAT HE SAYS HE IS THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO HIM, so if you have to bring up children by yourself cuz you managed to help get your husband killed, maybe you might want to think about what people tell you before you just go and do it.


Good post. Wish I would have thought of it.

[brokenwing]

This all sounds good. But it isn't realistic to this perticular situation. Since the beginning Crissy dug and dug and dug for an excuse to justify her behavior. She only shows remorse when she is outgunned. Which means it isn't true remorse. She has been married I believe over 20 years. Not exactly a 5 year old boy learning not to touch a hot stove. Other than that, your post sounds like psyche mumbo-jumbo and makes no real point. Other than to toss cliche's around.
Well maybe YOUR idea of my post was cliche's and "mumbo jumbo" but quite frankly there aren't ANY cliches in there and the POINT that you obviously missed is that human beings are ALL different and that we all learn differently and at different rates. This is obvious because you still haven't learned to have much tolerance for another persons opinion and you are totally cynical.
So should everyone have YOUR attitutude?? Hell noooooo-then you wouldn't have anyone to argue with or put down would you? My post IS realistic to the situation and YOU are NOT everyone's judge!!!The age of the person getting burned is irrelevant! The point is to learn from your mistakes (DUH)

[beth]

Are you kidding. You did it first. Why should you be hurt about what you husband has done and is doing. You did the same to him. Get a divorce and figure out who you are.

[SuckerFree]

Well maybe YOUR idea of my post was cliche's and "mumbo jumbo" but quite frankly there aren't ANY cliches in there and the POINT that you obviously missed is that human beings are ALL different and that we all learn differently and at different rates. This is obvious because you still haven't learned to have much tolerance for another persons opinion and you are totally cynical.
So should everyone have YOUR attitutude?? Hell noooooo-then you wouldn't have anyone to argue with or put down would you? My post IS realistic to the situation and YOU are NOT everyone's judge!!!The age of the person getting burned is irrelevant! The point is to learn from your mistakes (DUH)


Even more cliche's

[SuckerFree]

SUCKERFREE, I think most of us agree that Crissy was in the wrong. But I have to quote..."Let he who is without sin cast the first stone".
We are all carved out differently. It takes years of making mistakes and modifying our behavior by learning from them. Like burning yourself when you're a kid...you learn it hurts and try to avoid ever doing that again. With each phase of our lives good/bad things happen and we are carved and molded and melted and reshaped by each event. Some become bitter, some become better.

Not to say that some ppl never learn or even want to, but even they are affected by circumstances, they just don't care to go deep enough into themselves to see it. For myself, I want to be a person who examines life from all angles, not just my own. As a mature adult, I have to realize that the world has many faces, minds, and hearts. I also have to look around and know that MY circumstances that helped mold my stature and character are different than any other single human being.

When critisizing others for their behavior (especially when they show TRUE remorse)we need to think about all the stupid, self-centerd things we've done to others. A diamond starts as coal and gold is never pure until all the dross is removed.LOL:)


If their ain't a whole bunch of cliche's in there, me and you have different definitions that's for sure. I don't really get what you are trying to say here? I see you said you shouldn't critisize others because we have done wrong to. Huh, what. So we should never blame anyone who did anything terrible cuz I called some kid fat in grade school? I don't really get the point of this post and what I do get I disagree with and stated that. I didn't refer to you as dumb, stupid, anything like that. I feel you are a bit thin-skinnned for jumping back at me. I've had a few women lately (Humm, not guy's for some reason) lash back at me and do the exact same things they are accusing me of. I find it ironic.

[toamsingm]

The reason they are lashing out at you is because you are NOT telling them what they want to hear.

[brokenwing]

The point is there wether you agree or disagree. What you did when you were 5 has no bearing. We all screw up....cut people some slack.. easy enough?