My Hero, my Marine

[beautifullybroken]

My boyfriend and I have known each other since we were kids but it never went any further than that for many years. I moved away and eventually my sister started to date his best friend so that is how we re-met. He was already in the Marines so we didn't see each other for 4 years then one day we had a birthday/ homecoming party for him when he got back from his first tour in Iraq. That was the night that I fell for him. He was everything to me and we started dating right away. Things got serious quick because we loved each other so much. He was stationed in NC and I lived in Pa but we made it work for a year then he got deployed for the second time for 7 months and that was hell for me. I missed him so much and couldn't wait for him to come home and be with me again. I was remained faithful to him the whole time while the other girlfriends/wives didn't. When he came home life was great. A month later he was out of the Marines. I just moved into my new apartment and life was going to be great. Wrong!!!! Three months after he came home he went to Canada with his friends and cheated on me with some girl from NY. He didn't tell me but from the moment that he came home I knew that something wasn't right and then two weeks later I asked him about it and he admitted to it. After being so good while he was in Iraq and supporting him the whole time he was in the Marines that was the thanks I got. I love my country and the military but I now have a bad taste for getting another boyfriend in the military.

[exhausted]

I know it's tough!! Hang in there and hopefully you will find someone that loves you for you!!

[brokenheartedgrl]

I know what you mean sweetie, I too am married to a man, who was my highschool sweetheart, and he is everything to me. He is a Tsgt in the airforce, and we have been married 3 years, after being lost to each other due to a lost love letter. long story, but short story, it was put into a book that was a newyork bestseller, our love story. well, during the 23 years we were lost to each other, i prayed he would come back into my life, and give me back what I had with only him, trust, espcially after finding out after 23 years of marriage, my ex husband had cheated on me during the second year of marriage. Talk about devistating!
well, we got back together, he has been in the military all this time, a lifer, a career man. I was so proud to be his, and then became his wife, my dream come true!! well, my husband, my beloved sgt, was i found, internet cheating on me. I took a two day trip to spend time with him, knowing he was lonely, and he is deployed CONUS, so, while he was on duty, I was making the bed, and found his little black book under the box spring, the same one I made love to him the night before. What the heck is wrong with men?
I have always told him, no matter what, we could talk, even if he had disires outside of us, he could talk to me, i would not unhinge on him. But he didn't, he hid it from me. I confronted him about it, and he said, "oh, that was just playing around". you know? maybe he was telling the truth? but he damned himself by hiding it from me. I am having a hard time with it, because I love him so much, and want it to work. I am 45 years old, and half my life is over, and what really hurts is he knew about my ex cheating on me, and promised he would never hurt me like that. I crazy thing is, he is really in love with me, and I dont think he would leave me, he just a airman alone, with a lap top. that is a reciepe for disaster. Yes, I think the military is a great way for men who cheat, or maybe its just that being in the military leaves them wide open to it. I love the military, and all that goes with it, and am proud to be by his side, but the pain of betrayal is almost unbearable. Hang in there, try to save your marriage, and if you can't find the strength to move on. My heart goes out to you my sister, good luck.

[Skirtchaser]

It's a sad shame you were done this way. No justification for him cheating on you. Soldier or not, he is sorry.
This will pass, move on, there are good people out there. You just chose the wrong one. Keep looking and keep posting here.

[Pam]

beautifullybroken

Looking at my own experience and that of others who have posted here, I find that the people who do the cheating don't usually realize the hurt that they have caused. I talk to my cheating b/f and tell him that I don't trust him at all. Not that I think that he would go out looking for someone else, but if the circumstance presents itself, I doubt his ability to stay faithful. That works as long as he isn't out parting with friends. But is it fair to expect him to never go out without me?

I know the pain of that betrayal. You care for the person and you don't want to give up on them. But then you also don't want to leave yourself in a position where it could happen again.

It's not fair to have to live life with that level of mistrust in a relationship. I've been working for the military for many years. And it's sad to say that there's a high rate of infidelity among military - both with the AD member and the spouse. Part of it is obviously due to the separation. But on a deeper level, I think a lot of it has to do with control. I've known a lot of military who really hate the control that they've given up by joining so they take control of other things in their life - they have this attitude that they can do whatever they want as long as they think that they can get away with.

Good luck in whatever decision that you make.