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View Full Version : at a loss-help


8yrloss
05-28-2006, 05:21 PM
My boyfriend of 8 yrs-living together for 6-has apparently been (at least) conversing with an "old friend" or girlfriend for at least several years. I saw an email from her and it had linked the last 4 or 5 email conversations between them-nothing that necessarily implied they had already met, but apparently were planning to. He also went back home for a college reunion-I confronted him after I found the multi-response email-of course, he denied it, saying that (yup, you guessed it) it didn't mean anything, it was a joke. I said I didn't think it was very f.... funny. After arguing about it for several hours we sort of dropped the thing and now I am just so hurt and depressed. I can't eat, I can't sleep-I can't stop obsessing about it. Worse, I can't stay out of his email-I went back and looked at the really old ones-They have been in contact as far back as 2002-probably longer-but didn't seem to really use cutesy pet names and write back and forth until Feb of this year-when I was out of town for a month. I haven't been pressuring him for marriage-but all of our friends are asking, as they are all married. The most confusing part for me is that like all relationships, we have had our ups and downs, but things really seemed to be going well lately. I brought that up when I confronted him, and he said things were going well. Huh?!?!?! So, why the hell is he doing this? I know I should leave him, but I don't want to just walk away. I would like him to go to counseling, but I do not know if he will. I am not sure if it is even worth it. If he could just cheat that easily, and lie that easily, should I just walk away? Thank God we don't have kids-he bought a house but wouldn't put me on the mortgage-guess I should have followed the red flags a little better. Do I cut my losses and walk away or stick it out and see what happens?

butterfly7
05-28-2006, 05:31 PM
I know its hard but I think its pretty clear that he does not respect you. Without respect its hard to keep love alive. If he respected you and loved you he would not be keeping in touch with the old girlfriend, and if he is wanting to make a life with you, he would put your name on the deed as well. It sounds to me like he's keeping you in his back pocket just in case this thing with the old girlfriend doesn't work out. Hard as it will be, it's better to cut your losses - its not going to get any better if you let him continue to treat you like dirt.

Sorry that the truth is so hard to hear at times. Good Luck.