Lies

[trustisgone]

This is going to be a book and I'm sure I will forget a few stuff but, I will chime back in when I remember...

Wel let's begin..
We have been Married for 10 yrs and together for 15..and have a 9 yr old girl..

Lets just start off that she is a restaurant manager and she works one night a week(most of the time), which the store sloses at 11 and she doesn't get home until 2 or later at times and she has her friends and I have mine... I do some things on the weekends that are not legal(that has to do with cars),I will just leave it at that..

Well on a Sunday night about a month ago.. We are laying in bed and its about 10 o'clock or so and her cell phone rings and the ringtone is "Love shack", some of you might know the song... I don't think nothing of it(blinded by the light), didn't think I had too. and then I start listening to her conversation and it is her boss from her work... and she talking real quiet and I know who it is by what she was saying, after she gets off of the phone I say the love shack huh?...anyways, I make it a point to let her know that I'm PISSED!!!

I don't say nothing else to her the rest of the night and go to work the next day and start doing her cell phone research...and I can only go back on her records on the internet for 3 months...so, I start to copy and download each month and put it in excel and put them to eachh number.. So, I see a lot of activity to a couple of numbers but, I don't have a clue who they are.. So, I start calling them.. one is a guy who I can't understand his voicemail. and the other is her work which is seperate line to the office in her restaurant and the last one is one of her girlfriends..

So, the next morning I wake up early and go outside and write down every name & phone number that she has in her phone... and go to work cause I have all of this on my computer at work and start doing more research..Turns she is calling her Boss all of the time.. keep in mind she has been at this job for more than 13 yrs now and I didn't even have a clue... she has been calling him late and I mean late(sometimes why I am asleep and she is suppost to be also).. like after midnight,1 and 2 in the morning...and some of those nights are the nights that she is working which she has had a drinking problem..and when she has to much, too drink she does know her name from yours so to speak..

So, I run her bank statements and download it to excel and believe me she is the worlds worst about hounding me about getting cash out"Just use your debit card"...We have 2 accounts.. one is hers and the other is ours...It's weird,I know...But, over 18 months she has either gotten cash out from her check or from atms... $3100 to be exact over a 18 month period... NOT 20 or 40 dollars.. I mean the smallest amount is $60 and one time she got $80 at one atm and then another $120 the sameday,the bad thing about cash is it doesn't leave a paper trial...

So, I start doing the phone reverse number cause it has her boss's home number in there also, which I might add that has called her phone on the weekends after 9pm.. so, I get his address and drive by there.. and turns out its right down the road from where she took her car to get fixed when she got rearended.. She drives a Ford and She took it to a GM dealer.. Seems weird too me...

So, I start adding up the times and dates of all of these calls and there is about 600 mins over a 3 month period to his cell phone.. and more than half of that, I would say about 3/4 of that is after the 9pm(and when I'm out doing guy stuff) which I have given her all the opportunities in the worls to come hang out with me.... and quite a few calls to the office number at her work.

So, I start doing other searches.. phone numbers thats not in her phonebook and numbers coming in and going out... I came up with 16 numbers... and at least 12 of them she has called and carried on a conversation with them for more than 5 or 10 mins so, I know it's not a wrong number... Wait I'm getting ahead of myself here...

So, I do the text messages.. see her phone and mine are like this: 3,000 anytime minutes and 1000 text and picture messaging(each)....so, I go back and she she has talked on a average of 1,700 minutes and about 850 text messasges.. thats for a monthly average.. so, that many calls and text each month... the problem is I can go back and read what numbers she has texted before...it only lets me read text for the month.. (I haven't called the phone provider and see if they can send me a 3 month listing of text, But, I will..)

Now, the place she works at is a place thats comes across to me as the people that work there are kids(21 -25) a few over that age...(Basically alocholics,****s and people that are not wanting to move on) NOT SAYING ANYTHING IS WORNG WITH THE RESTAURANT BUSINESS!!!! It's just not at this place...

So, I gather up all of my ammo and take it home 3 days after the the call on a Sunday night.. I ask her about what is going own with her and she says nothing... So, I ask her who is "The Love shack" She says work.. So, I said, "work is the Love shack" and she says Yes and I say NO Your Lieing His Cell number called you that nite!! Her chinned dropped...She knew what was fixing to happen... so, I open up my book of notes and start asking her all these Questions about who she is calling? She says " I don't know" I say " I do" your calling your Boss...

[trustisgone]

I told her I copied all of the numbers out of your Phone and did research.. I toild her about the all the times that she has called him.. She told me it's just comversation...She told me Since I'm always on the computer I don't spend enough time with her, so, I'm the one too blame... I say So, it's my fault then... she says not really it's both of our faults.. but, if I would pay more attention too her then she wouldn't of went out talked to him that much... (Just for your record He is Married w/2 kids himself).. So, I say if I would of paid attention to more you wouldn't have called him.. she said yes... She said you hurt me when you didn't plan anything big for our Tenth anniversary.. So, I'm thinking to myself maybe it is my fault...

So, I go back to work the next day still looking and I figured out to trace the text messages.. and there was a couple of weekends that we spent together at our friends house sitting around shooting the B.S. and she keeps hetting text and I ask her she says she is texting her sister.. which is wrong she is texting him the whole time we are together.. both weekends... and then about a month before that we were out at one of our weekeley board (get-to-togethers)... we are leaving she says she is going to meet up with one of her friends at the bar and hang out with her..
So, something happen that nite and I came home early about 1 AM and she is not home.. I remebered she is out with one of her girlfriends.. I call her to let her know I was home and she tells she is out with her Boss and his friends...(did research on that and after I called her on her way home she called her friend and then she called the boss right back).. So, this before, I actually know what is going on...

Well back to the research.. I checked the phone records of that nite... we left about 10:30 or so and as she was leaving she called him.. and then she called her friend that she was suppost to meet and talked to her for a couple of minutes and then called him back... From the time I called her and she knew I was at home.. it took her almost 2 hrs to get home.. and when she did come home she went stright to the restroom.. she didn't shower but she was in there for about 10 mins...(She knows I'm pissed) So, Iask her you didn't go out with your friend she says no, that place was packed and didn't wanna go..

So, I go to work monday and see what is going on... Her friend called her that morning and they talked for about 20 mins... So, still not believing her I thought back and remembered she went out of town with this guy for a "Business trip" about 6 months ago and was gone for 2 days(day and half)... it's funny how I remember things late in they game... I ask her about that... she said they had seperate rooms that the owner bought..(I'm thinking too myself the owner is a cheap cheap cheap SOB) So, I go along with it and check the bank statementand see that she spent $10 at a convience store and aske her aout that she said beer.. I'm thinking a 12 pack.. which if she drinks a 12 pack she doesn't even know her name...which she stayed one night and came back the next.. only one night to drink the beer...

So, I start calling all of these other numbers that have called her and out of the 16 that are not in her phone about 11 of then are no longer in service... this is after I have confronted her about the phone record... Her answer is "I don't know"... and She atrts to tell me that nothing has ever happen and she has never cheated on me...EVER!! which is kindof hard to believe all of the phone calls, getting cash out and no recelaction of who it is and where all of the money went...

I told her from the begining that if she came clean and just told me the truth I could get over and we could carry on with our lives but she would have to earn the trust factor back up...but, she still insist that nothing has ever happen and not know the numbers is not a big deal... but, ever friend that I have talked too says this whole thing is messed up and I should go to his wife and show her these records and she what she thinks about it...

Am, I crazy people? I am Soconfused...

I have even thought about buying one of those GPS devise and putting it in her car... And speaken of she works about 10 or so mile from work.. but, she puts a tank a gas in her ride every week...and she has a newer vehicle so, it's not Gas mileage is eating her up...

And now her cell phone record as of right now is about 500 mins used and only 250 text messages.. which we still have a week to go until this billing cycle is over... but thats more than half of her cell phone usage in the past 3 months on average...

So, tell me if I am crazy or not please...

Thanks again..
Trustisgone

[trustisgone]

Well, Since then, I have made her quit her job( and We are trying to work this out and my eyes We couldn't do it while she was working there)... She has still only confessed to only kissing him twice.. She has been doing OK..The funny thing is on her last day of work I called her work and they said she had left at 4 and she didn't get home until 6:45 or so.. I asked her if she got lost? She said she went had some drinks with her friend (One of the ones I don't like) and lost track of time..

We are wanting to work things out.. But, it just seems funny that she lost track of time sitting there "Flapping her jaws" to her friend..

The other thing that is funny.. is now that I told her that I did all of her cell phone record, she hardly even uses her cell phone anymore.. I'm talking about like 800 to 1000 minutes less and about 700 less text messages.. I have thought that maybe she has gotten another cell phone. looks like it too me..

I know I'm willing to work this out.. But, it's hard to believe that she is still not talking to her friends of her past. Hopefully I will lose this feeling that I have that she is still out messing around.. but, It's hard for me right now..

[Michas]

Well....here's my take. On her last day of work, which is brought about by her possible relationship with another man that she worked with, she leaves at 4 yet doesn't get home for almost 3 hours. Then she blames this on losing track of time? What kind of person is going to lose track of time in a situation like this? If she was innocently visiting with a friend and knew you would be counting the minutes she would have been home in a timely manner. Otherwise she left and thought you wouldn't know she was gone and had a rendevous with him. Admitting to only kissing him twice? Why did she kiss him at all? And if she did kiss him you can bet that's not the only thing they did. Buddy...run like hell. You gotta a heartbreaker without a conscience on your hands.

[trustisgone]

Michas & exhausted, I appreicate your views on this.. I'm thinking on the lost track of time is something wierd also..And she does have access to another address for the cell phone bill.. As I have stated before we are trying to work this out and it seems very hard to just be done with it.. I will keep ya informed if anything else happens..

[trustisgone]

Well I'm still thinking she does have the other phone... She has been doing all kinds of things now at the house since she has been home.. You know normal wife stuff since she hasn't done it before.. So, it seems she is trying..

Except she is still incontact with her friends from work..(not her boss that I know of) but, the friends that have or had the drinking problem.. on of them has a kid that is friends w/mine.. the other that has the Low self-esteem/Drinking/attention problem she has been texting her again.. It has gotten me thinking what she is doing while she is off??

I'm trying in my head.. It is tough and sometimes find myself double checking her activities and thinking of what she is actually doing?

Am I wrong for this?

[exhausted]

Trustisgone=Exhausted.. I forgot my password/email address for that account and started another..

Update:

Well, we are doing better so far.. I have learned to just sit back and listen and look.. I have been keeping my guard on ever since.. Any little thing puts me in suspicious mode.. Well she has been hanging out with me more on the weekends(go figure)!!

Well, yesterday at pretty much the end of my workday I get a text from her asking(Don't know why she is asking) if it is ok if she goes out to eat with our friend and her sister? I didn't reply back until I was on my way home, had to think about it and the more I thought about it the more I got mad!! See this girl that is our friend had a pass with her that we both know about.. She is married and had a boyfriend on the side..

With that being said I get home expecting her to be gone but, she was there.. She brought me dinner but, she didn't eat and I asked her, I thought she was going out to eat, she said yes, she is waiting for them to call her that her sister is working late! My guard comes up and I start to listen.. By, this time my kid is in our room watching TV with us and my wife starts getting dressed.. Putting on her makeup and getting dressed up.. My kid asked her where she was going? The wife rplies to eat and my kid asked where? wife sid somewhere.. I listen to this and I'm thinking wonder why she want tell her?

So, they finally come and get her at about 8:30 last nite and I wait up and finally fell asleep about 11:30 woke up about 12:30 and she was home.. So, I didn't say anything to her this morning I just left for work.. She knew that I was mad a little bit when she left. but, it didn't seem to phase her.

So, I will see how she acts when I get home..

I know, I'm crazy about this.. But, What would yall think?

[SuckerFree]

Would a prosecutor show his hand before he had proof? No. Then why did you? Lie low, act like everything is normal. Although right now you really have no proof and no real reason to confront her, you do have suspicion. Her standoffish behavior is definetely a concern. I would seek real proof, not just 10 dollar bank statements and dinner with friends. Tail her. Check her computer. You have opened Pandora's box and you will now always have doubt. I would try and find closure one way or the other.

[SuckerFree]

ohhhh, I didn't even see the "we just kissed twice" thing. Yeah, this one is a goner. No one just kisses. At least not after the 7th grade.

[SuckerFree]

[QUOTE=trustisgone]I told her I copied all of the numbers out of your Phone and did research.. I toild her about the all the times that she has called him.. She told me it's just comversation...She told me Since I'm always on the computer I don't spend enough time with her, so, I'm the one too blame... I say So, it's my fault then... she says not really it's both of our faults.. but, if I would pay more attention too her then she wouldn't of went out talked to him that much... (Just for your record He is Married w/2 kids himself).. So, I say if I would of paid attention to more you wouldn't have called him.. she said yes... She said you hurt me when you didn't plan anything big for our Tenth anniversary.. So, I'm thinking to myself maybe it is my fault...

Sorry to keep going on about this. But this above statement is an admission of guilt. She was admitting it right in front of you. Chalk up another one.

[exhausted]

Thanks suckerFree..

I have been keeping tracks of her and her activities.. She has been pretty much ideal as far as I can tell.. But, I leave early for work and come home kinda late in the evening.. She would have time to do things when she knows I'm at work.. The funny thing is I ask my kid is Mom always on her phone and she says yes but, there doesn't seem like too much activity on her phone..:confused:

And I seen the blaming me guilt as to her being guilty!!

ohhhh, I didn't even see the "we just kissed twice" thing. Yeah, this one is a goner. No one just kisses. At least not after the 7th grade.


Yep and the "just kissed twice" was like a slap in the face for me.. I believe they did more than kiss....

[exhausted]

Thanks anyways.. But, I'm pretty computer smart and I have done some password cracking of my own back in the day.. ;)

[markus]

I wouldn't bother looking for more proof .... she's been having an affair for quite a while by the looks of it
accept that they have been doing what you fear most just work on making her talk
They both know they have been caught so they will be laying low for a while hence the reason she appears to be making the effort
Dont be fooled by anything she is doing ... it means nothing Untill she has fully broke off this relationship off with him
you have to see or hear this for yourself - if she is not willing then contact him while she is with you and tell them this gets sorted out right now

Dont put up with anymore of her bull**** ;)

[exhausted]

Thanks Markus..

Yep, I am not looking for more proof(I made myself sick over trying to find it).. I'm kinda like if she is gonna do it, I'm not going to stop her.. She knows right from wrong.. I just wanted the truth from her so, we could move on.. But, it's still a guessing game.. There are times that she starts crying and I ask her what is wrong and she says nothing.. It's like she wants to tell me but, she doesn't..

She tried to blame the lack of attention,Alcohol and me for her mistakes.. I wasn't having any of it.. So, only time will tell if she comes out of her closet or decides to hide in the dark.. I'm not going to pressure her to tell me the truth.. I know the truth, I'm just waiting for her to tell me..;)

[goldpine]

Hi there, I checked in on you earlier didn't see these posts. I don't know if this can help you or if you just like to wait and see what happens. And I know most guys aren't much into books...but women usually are.
Well, I got my future ex(husband) haha... a book to read called "not just friends" by Shirley glas. All about infidelity. Well, I was surprised he read the whole book had a hard time putting it down (he doesn't read). And afterwards he told me all...I mean ALL into details. You may want to look into it....

[markus]

My situation is like yours .. i confronted her several times with proof and she found ways to get out of it
Dont be stupid ... he's just a friend etc etc
Then one day i got hold of her mobile phone and found multimedia messages
which proved she was seeing someone from work
She was still trying to find ways to get out of it :D i think they lie for so long that their brains need to be reconditioned - they need to slowly whine themselves off living a lie

There are times that she starts crying and I ask her what is wrong and she says nothing.. It's like she wants to tell me but, she doesn't..


Or she could be trying to tell you something you dont want to hear .. like im leaving you for the otherman
or she could be crying because he doesn't want to continue r because he's close to getting caught himself
its very rare they cry because they have hurt our feelings .. cheats are all for themselves

[spectrum2260]

I have just recently confronted my wife about a affair I think she is having. She totally denise it. You have just given me the idea of checking her online phone and bank records. This will prove things once and for all.

Many thanks

[SuckerFree]

Hi there, I checked in on you earlier didn't see these posts. I don't know if this can help you or if you just like to wait and see what happens. And I know most guys aren't much into books...but women usually are.
Well, I got my future ex(husband) haha... a book to read called "not just friends" by Shirley glas. All about infidelity. Well, I was surprised he read the whole book had a hard time putting it down (he doesn't read). And afterwards he told me all...I mean ALL into details. You may want to look into it....


Yeah those damn books. hell, us guys, we just look at pictures of hot chicks. I can't wait for Superbowl so I can beat up on women again. After-all, I am just a mindless ape who doesn't read.....:rolleyes:

[exhausted]

Well just back from vacation(Nice and relaxing!!!) Markus I really don't think she is going anywhere but, if she does O well..

Spectrum I hope my battle with this does help ya out and you aren't blinded like I was.. I have my guard up now and not much getting by me from now on!!

Goldpine I will try and find that book and read it.. I'm not much of a reader(Of books) but, I like to read online of real people thoughts..

Sucker I think that's the shortest post I think I have ever seen you make.. I like pictures of hot chicks(What man doesn't J/K) I do like the superbowl but, that's like 6 months away and I have other things I like to do to past the time.. I don't hit women PERIOD!! No matter if they deserve it or not(I was raised better than that) not saying you are implying any of those comments to me in general...

But, thanks for all of you'll help and concerns.. I'm always here (If not on vacation) and try to help people out when I can or just read and try and see if anything that can help me in what I'm dealing with..

Thanks again peeps

[exhausted]

Well.. something funny happened tonight has happened..

Wife goes out with one of her friends to a concert.. So, I ask her what time is she leaving.. She tells me she wants her over at her house at 5pm.. So, I go OK.. I look online when she leaves and the concert starts at 5..

So, I call her and ask her if she is going to concert cause it starts @ 5.. She tells me I don't know.. Well the girl she is going out with is a good friend of ours and we go on vacation with.. but, she has a past of cheating on her husband..

I think it's kindof funny that she is going to a concert at 5pm and meeting at her friends house at 5 and going on the other side of town(45 miles away) too the concert.. Sounds fishy too me..

[SuckerFree]

Good job at paying attention...not. I was responding to the lady that said men don't like books.

[exhausted]

Good job at paying attention...not. I was responding to the lady that said men don't like books.

The only problem is I'm reading her like a book and she has no clue that I am!!

Her little "I don't know" is getting old!!

Maybe I'm trying too read too much? Hell, I don't know..

[markus]

No mate .. Women having affairs become so predictable its unreal
they cant stop the affair once its started because of their ****ed up hormones and emotions
so because they are so helpless at letting go of the other man they have to continue making any excuse that comes into their head
My wife used to tell me was going to the cinema with her friend and her mom
after a few months of talking about these imaginary friends i asked her a simple question :

How the **** do you manage to have friends that i have never seen - who have never phoned the house or your mobile phone once while im around ?

She replies: She's a friend from the gym , we only contact by text message

Ok why's that then -
you dont keep in contact with any of your other girlfriends by text message like this ?

Because its cheaper !!

Why she cheaper than your other friends ?

She just is !!

hhhhm ok


Then there was the coming home from work late excuse :

How come you should be back from work at 11.15 pm but you get back an hour late every night ?

Because me and kate like to chat outside work every night ?

Err but it was snowing and you dont look very wet or cold

it wasn't snowing where outside my work !!


what 4 miles away ? :D


When i suspected my wife was having an affair i thought **** you .. carry on
I could have drove over there any night and kicked some ass but didn't lower myself
She was bringing in money by working late at that place - if i stopped that then she
could have walked out and took have my assets with her
So i sat back and let them continue untill their habit become so boring she was screaming out to get caught

Strange though when i finally got 100% proof i was devasted for months - talk about a delayed reaction lol

[exhausted]

Thanks Markus...

I'm stressed to the max right now...
Home,Work,Friends and a Website that I run..

I'm too the point of saying screw it all!! going to the hills and hiding out..

I haven't talked to the wife since she left yesterday for the concert..
The funny thing is I looked it on the internet right in front of her.. and asked her the concert starts at 5 and you are suppost to be over @ M@@@@@ house at 5 that don't sound right? She said, "I don't know"...

It was odd she going to a concert that starts at 5 and she is leaving the house to meet her girlfriend at her house at 5 and then they are driving 30+ miles to this concert all in about 1 minute..

It seems to me that she is just playing a game with me.. and I'm about played out..

It was funny she texted me saying if she calls don't answer it just let it go to voicemail..
I did and she called me about 3 times sounded like she was in a tunnel with a loud radio not a concert..
I finally texted her back saying quit calling me cause, I DON'T CARE..

Hopefully, she gets the point of me not giving a **** about what she does..

[exhausted]

Just checked her cell phone account.. the funny thing is she texted her friend that "she went with" @ 10:20 PM!! She wasn't at home caused I stayed up until 11 or 11:30 and woke up in the middle of the nite at about 2 or so and she was asleep..

I will ask her how does she can text someone that she is with at a concert?
I gonna love too hear her response on this one..

[exhausted]

Well we talked again last nite and she apparently went to the concert Sunday nite.. She told me that the gates opened at 5 and they left at 5 so, they wouldn't be sitting in traffic..

And the texting were picturing back and fourth to each other..
She has pretty much done a 180 on her lifestyle except for this little hiccup..

I just couldn't for the life of me figure out why someone would leave for a concert when it is suppost to start but, when the gates were to be opened..

So, maybe I was just looking for something that wasn't there.. Only time will tell..

[exhausted]

Well, I was chating with a member last night and the wife asked who I was chatting with and I told her and she started getting pissy w/me.. I was like what? She said NOTHING, I was like whatever woman!! She started Drinking her wine..

I end the chat session because, I had to get up early this morning and I get up and she Tries to say that I'm cheating on her.. I was LMAO!!!

She said you claimed that I cheated on you while I was talking with my boss, I said the difference with this is, all I'm doing is talking!! She didn't say anything! I gave her the option to say something but, she didn't!!

So, I just got up and walked out.. I thought it was funny as h.ell!! She couldn't say crap and definetly didn't have a leg to stand on!!

[MuffinMan]

Well...if my wife was cheating to this day, I would be kicking her ass out of the house and getting custody of my two boys.

That being said, you are in a tough spot. She lied about nothing happening with her boss..then comes back and said they kissed...sorry...aint buyin it especially if they went on a "business trip" together...sure..all they did was kiss...tell me another good one.

I would definitely tell the boss' wife and show her the records and then I'd go to this guys place of work and tell him that you just ratted him out, then leave...then the sh!tstorm will start for him.

And as far as your wife....she needs to be dealt with...I just cannot tell you how....everyone is different. For one thing...I'd say going out with "girlfriends" is over. She is a wife and mother and it is reasonable to expect her to act as such...not go out, drink and act like a single woman.

But seriously...if she was doing this sh!t when you found out...you might consider filing papers and getting custody of your children.

[prex]

She's cheating. leave now. I've tried to make a go of it, but all I've done is create a monster utterly incapable of telling the truth, ever, about anything or taking responsibility for anything at all. its laughable. For example:

She steals the memory card out of my phone, creates an argument to get out of the house and check out the memory card, when I call her and ask gently, but with a hint of violence, that she return the card, she does. The card is now corrupted, everything erased. She says "I didn't do that. Its not my fault, but I'm sorry." She is so used to creating a campaign of disinformation and deceipt that she'll tell me she ate at burger king, when it was really mcDonalds. I tell you now, if you accept outrageous behaviour, you will be served extra helpings of it forever.

[Ravage]

Yo why dont you just serve her with divorce papers. She's cheating. Cheaters lie kissing the boss my as.s. She F-ed him bottom line. she's trying to turn it around on you cause she knows she's wrong. She wants to be your wife but she also wants to be a ho. no offense. If that's the case you can file and move her out give her her freedom. I mean all this game playing. staying out late. Partying especially without you? WTF??? What happens if they're a fire and your kids are trapped and she's not home will she cry thinking that she could have saved you all if she was. What happenes if she gets into a accident cause her friend was driving drunk? Imean s.hit happens like that in real ife.

I would have served her with divorce papers after I hired the PI to dig up proof. There's no need to keep your family together if she doesnt want to be with you.