Is she cheating?

[Simon Philip]

Hi,

My 2nd wife (10 months) is continuing to chat online with ex-boyfriends. I discovered this when she forgot to log out one morning. So far I believe the chat is innocent on her end, but "he" mentioned waking with a nice *** this morning... My issue is that she is clearly hiding it from me, and integrity is a HUGE value for both of us. We're having my teenage son move back to his moms this summer because he lies a lot.

How do I confront this? She'll know I know and that I'm monitoring her chat now... So I feel bad for distrusting her... What if it's innocent? Ugh!

My first marriage ended when I caught my wife cheating with my best friend (and employee who worked for me!!). I found her secret hotmail account on the computer after I was suspcious.... That ended 16 years + 3 boys....

Unbeleiveable that I am even having to type this now...

Advice? Am I being paranoid?
Thanks,
Simon

[benmac360]

Man I would confront her now. Before you do, forward any copies of emails and chat transcripts that you have to an email address that only you can access, just so you are covered in court (if it comes to that). Clearly something is missing in your marriage or she wouldn't be going online talking to ex-boyfriends or any men for that matter. Its not innocent - if it was then she would not be hiding it from you. She may have not logged out on purpose so you would find it - women aren't always direct when it comes to matters of the heart. When you do confront her - don't yell or call her names, calmly tell her that you found out what she is doing and then get to marriage counseling ASAP - do not try to work this out without it. If she refuses to go, then I would call a lawyer and go to counseling yourself, so you can determine why this keeps happening to you and where you need to make changes for future relationships. Good luck.

[paula]

man i would think that you have had enough of computers. also, i wonder why everyone on the web has a cell phone that spouses can check and texts that anyone can check. i don't keep copies of texts and i pay by the min. so without my secret code no one can ever see who i called. not that i am the cheater, my husband is. but so much pain around here seems to be caused by these computers and freakin cell phones.

[jforeman1969]

I am going threw a situation right now where a girl I have been with for 4 years has cheated on me, she said it was nothing just some one to talk with an old friend, she never said she had sex with him before we met, keep a close eye on her why would she hide it if it was nothing, they only hide things that are bad, does she hide when she goes to the store, talks to family, probably not, then why hide this, I am sorry to say I trust no woman, she is going to do what she wants wether it hurts you or not. If she is not doing any thing I can assure you he has more than friends on his mind, most men do. Get it out now do not let it go, if she is doing it then you know and can deal with it, if not then you will have some closure, don't be blinded by love I thought we were great, 3 guys later 5 times in feb with all 3 it kills me but even a guy would brag about that.


TALK TO HER NOW do not be blind

[Michas]

"so much pain around here seems to be caused by these computers and freakin cell phones."

It's not the computers and cell phones that are causing the pain. It's the dishonest and hurtful people that are using them.

[Adam Bomb 1701]

My 2nd wife (10 months) is continuing to chat online with ex-boyfriends. What if it's innocent? Ugh!

She's cheating, no doubt about it. My ex started cheating the same way - on line, within six months of us going on-line. Don't feel bad for distrusting her; it was HER behavior that made her untrustworthy. It's never innocent, believe me. Move on! And, if I were you, I'd never marry again. I know I never will re-marry, or have any more kids. In fact, as I get older, I'm growing more intolerant of the spoiled, whiny brats kids have become.

[sarah]

and let her know how much this hurts you.
In a marriage, your partner should be willing to cease and desist emotional behavioral patterns that cause the other partner pain.
Doesn't matter if she's not really up to something, the real issue is that it bothers you and your feelings should be paramount to her.
Period.

[SuckerFree]

I personally would not take sara's advice. When people suspect infidelity their emotions go nuts (as you would expect). But you must fight that, cuz when you ask about it, you are just gonna get denial. Then the person will take extra steps to be more cautious. I would do your homework. Monitor her calls, figure out her passwords, invest a little. It sounds extreme, but it must be done. then you will find the truth..(which in this case, yes, she's cheating on you, it obvious).

[toodeeptooreach]

Yes! Just get out!

[Iwasburned]

and let her know how much this hurts you.
In a marriage, your partner should be willing to cease and desist emotional behavioral patterns that cause the other partner pain.
Doesn't matter if she's not really up to something, the real issue is that it bothers you and your feelings should be paramount to her.
Period.


She will not care how much it hurts you if you tell her. That has been illustrated by her cheating. If she cared about you in the first place, she wouldn't be doing this. You'll just make yourself look weak, not deserving of sympathy. Man up & divorce her or stay in a relationship where you are in last place.
Use your brain & protect your self interest.

[markus]

My issue is that she is clearly hiding it from me
If your partner is doing that she is not willing to share with you then its infedelity

is continuing to chat online with ex-boyfriends. I discovered this when she forgot to log out one morning. So far I believe the chat is innocent on her end

Its not innocent or acceptable for her to chat with ex-boyfriends - they will be looking for more than just a chat and eventually that will happen if it hasn't already

How do I confront this? She'll know I know and that I'm monitoring her chat now... So I feel bad for distrusting her... What if it's innocent? Ugh!

Theres nothing innocent about this kind of behaviour - would she accept you talking to ex girlfriends ?
would you feel you was being faithfull if you were online talking to them ?

no !

nip it at the bud now - tell her if she wants to stay in contact with ex boyfriends and act this way you will be filing for divorce
If you accept any of this you will be sending out a message that she controls the bounderies in your marriage and she will stretch them further

[MuffinMan]

Hi,

My 2nd wife (10 months) is continuing to chat online with ex-boyfriends. I discovered this when she forgot to log out one morning. So far I believe the chat is innocent on her end, but "he" mentioned waking with a nice *** this morning... My issue is that she is clearly hiding it from me, and integrity is a HUGE value for both of us. We're having my teenage son move back to his moms this summer because he lies a lot.

How do I confront this? She'll know I know and that I'm monitoring her chat now... So I feel bad for distrusting her... What if it's innocent? Ugh!

My first marriage ended when I caught my wife cheating with my best friend (and employee who worked for me!!). I found her secret hotmail account on the computer after I was suspcious.... That ended 16 years + 3 boys....

Unbeleiveable that I am even having to type this now...

Advice? Am I being paranoid?
Thanks,
Simon

No, you are not being paranoid, your wife has ABSOLUTELY NO reason to be chatting with ex-boyfriends behind your back.
And if she isn't cheating, she would if given the opportunity.

I am still in my marriage because of my kids...if I didn't have any kids, I'd be kicking her out.
So if you don't have kids with this woman, I'd say get out. She can't be trusted.

[MuffinMan]

and let her know how much this hurts you.
In a marriage, your partner should be willing to cease and desist emotional behavioral patterns that cause the other partner pain.
Doesn't matter if she's not really up to something, the real issue is that it bothers you and your feelings should be paramount to her.
Period.

Sara, while I think your intentions are good, by taking this route, this woman will learn that she can walk all over him and all that will happen is he will tell you how he is hurting. A sign of weekness.

I don't care what anyone says...as far as I'm concerned the saying, once a cheater always a cheater, is true and he needs to dump this cheater before its too late...like before he gets married and has kids with her.

[ChicagoTRS]

I would continue to monitor until you get hard proof...if you give up the limited stuff you have now she will just be more careful at hiding it...