Happy Anniversary

[repulsive]

Our first anniversary was April 29th. Mother's Day weekend we had taken a trip back home see my son and to get matching tattoos that celebrate our first year and our love. A few days before, my husband called me into his study to show me something on the computer. I noticed an email from a woman named luciouslea regarding his upcoming trip to Baltimore. He travels alot on business and we both have alot of chat friends male and female. I never have been the jealous type and I don't read other's private messages. My mother did that and it repulsed me. Well we have our tats and had returned to our hotel room for a nap after which we were to go out with my son and girlfriend. My husband went to the store to get ointment for our new beautiful tattoos. While he was gone I went to the laptop to get a phone number of a local club to check which bands would be playing. He had left up his email and I saw the email from luciouslea and I read it. I am normally a strong person but I started hearing someone screaming and realized it was me. I called him on the phone and started screaming at him. When he returned he confessed to have seen another ***** on his Kansas City trip shortly before our anniversary. Her name Nikki. We were not even married a year. Never had an arguement. He told me that he had never been happier in his entire life. He repeatedly tells me its not me.. he loves me.. he can't bear to lose me. Now my husband is a smart shopper. He studies everything about a purchase before he choses. I am so lost. Part of me wants to save this marriage. Does a man stop cheating? I love this man with all my heart, but I cannot bear the memory of her. The fear of it happening again is overwhelming. I've destroyed every poem he has written, thrown away every gift, schredded my wedding dress. I don't have a plan.. I don't know what to do. I'm weak and can't just walk away. I hate myself and feel so repulsive

[paula]

i am so sorry this happened to you. you are not weak. you are in pain and it is understandable. i felt like i was kicked in the gut. you don't say if you two are planning to have more children. if not and their are no kids involved you could maybe blow it off. you will have to get a hiv/aids test and use protection for some time to come. you might just want to ride it out since if you don't have any small kids you will only be hurting yourself and maybe wasting your time. you will know what to do, listen to that voice all women have inside. for now do nothing, try to recover you have had a HUGE shock. this will not go away today or tomrrow. from what i see on these web sites the cheater gets to be like an addict, wants a new rush over and over. mine left me with a daughter to raise. i thank god for her. the hoochie can have him, he hurt me too many times. funny, i got my wedding dress out yesterday, i am planning to do something mean with it after our house sells and he can't stop me anymore. stay on the web there our thousands of women in this spot, so sad really. i can't wait to start over somewhere else. p.s. what is the tatoo?

[repulsive]

This is both our second marriages. I have two grown children and 3 grands. He has 2 boys living at home with us. Funny you should mention the word "rush" it was what he used. The tattoos are of a celtic eternity knot with the date and place of our marriage. Eternity is the name of the poem he wrote for me as his wedding vows. Eternity is inscribed on our wedding bands. Ya know eternity isn't as long as it usta be. He is a physican.. ya think I should go to his office for testing?

[lostandfound]

I was cheated on after 11 years of marriage 2 kids one 10 and one 10months. (Yes he was screwing her while I was pregnant and while he was trying to get me pregnant) Just to get a little revenge I put on my wedding dress and screwed my new finance' in it and mailed it to him. HE WAS PISSED!! This is what he said to my new hubby "You just don't throw away 11 years of marriage overnight" My new hubby said "why not, you did?" The wedding dress idea was my new hubby, because he thought about how he would feel if that had been done to him. I was going to save it for my kids but the marriage ended so badly and he really hurt my oldest and she even said "thats the dress of doom, get rid of it." (She doesn't know I did this of course) and I really did screw him over in the divorce and will continue to. Good luck, I got rid of my cheater. In my experience, a person IN LOVE doesn't want ANYONE else! Good luck! :p

[paula]

my husband told our daughter the news. i refused to do it and let him off the hook. he told her he is in "love". i asked him for the wedding band back. he won't give it to me. i asked twice. i have the request in the sep. papers. he said why do you want it back. i said that i gave it for the promise of love honor and cherish, vows. you broke them and i want the symbol back. i think him and the hoochie hocked it or he threw it away to impress her. anyway, my neighbor of 3 months was robbed, cleaned out. i went over because she was new and i noticed her husband was never around. my daughter lend her child a game boy to replace the one that just got stolen. a week later we notice a huge trash pile out side her house. king size bed, men stuff and on top of the pile, her wedding dress. i need ideas on what to do with mine. i want to do the same thing as my daughter says the dress and the rings are "bad luck". i think i will draw a big broken ripped heart on the front and pack it on the bottom of his stuff for the hoochie to find. then again i could use some better ideas. can't use you idea i don't have anyone make love with.

[repulsive]

after i schredded my wedding dress i went to Nikki's website and printed pictures of her.. pasted parts of my wedding dress to the pictures along with the special jewelry I had worn on our wedding day.. cut myself out of our wedding pictures and put her there next to him.. put all of this in place of the poems and letters in my scrapbook and gave it to him.. this is what you traded me for

[wtcs]

I am sorry that this happened to you and that you are going through such pain.

I just don't understand this kind of crap. :(

<<<Never had an arguement. He told me that he had never been happier in his entire life. He repeatedly tells me its not me.. he loves me.. he can't bear to lose me.>>>


Gee I would hate to see what would have happened if things hadn't been going this good.


Dawn

[paula]

slow down a little on tearing everything up. you have had a huge shock. you need to take at least one week off. i cried everyday for 16 days(worked 4 of those days-like a robot). i made my husband tell our daughter, she's 13 now, nice of him to wait till after her b.d. my best friend of 16 years works with me and we have not been getting along since she started there. she email me demanding to restore our friendship and to help me and i agreed to try to trust her since i don't trust anyone except my daughter. anyway she said this happeded to her and her husband in 2002, he had a heart attach and a women came everyday to the hospital from her husband's job (she thought) while he was in I.C.U. the bills poured in and she poured over the cell phone bill( you guessed it). she got the records from the E.R. and found out that the viaga he was on and the nitro they gave him was what blew a hole in his heart. (he already blew one in hers). so get this: she calls the hoochie up to cuss her and the hoochie says, "i don't want him now that he is sick". "you can have him", " i need to work and can not spend all day looking after him". "he is your husband after all". yikes!

[repulsive]

after I schredded all of my "special" clothes.. as I said earler, my husband is a physician and we have to travel alot to meetings and conventions.. there are parties that a "dr's wife" has to attend.. which is not my cup of tea.. I'm a country girl.. but country don't mean stupid... every trip was just like our honeymoon.. wonderful..so my clothes were carefully purchased to please the man I love... you could not ask for a man to treat any woman better than my husband treated me. he listened to things I said in passing really really listened. he was always home always wanted me to be with him. and the one time I couldn't go.. he makes plans to cheat...plans hell... he did cheat.. knowing i couldn't go on the next trip to baltimore.. he made arrangements to meet another prostitute. every hotel we've ever been in.. he called ahead and would have a gift, a poem waiting for me. he is the most attentive lover.. he looks deeply into my eyes and tells me I am so beautiful... that I complete him. can you see how I just did not think that this was happening?

I made him recount every detail of the events that led up to the first hooker... I made him tell me step by step what happened between them that night. I wanted to feel rage instead of all this pain all this anguish... it worked for a bit... I lovingly pack his clothes for his trips.. and lovingly unpack his clothes after each trip... I inhale his scent from his shirts... launder them and lovingly put them away. I don't wash the sheets on our bed til just before he gets home.. so I can smell his scent on his pillow. I asked him.. what was the defining moment? when did we become "not special".. I'm not stupid.. I ran a safehouse for abuse victims.. .my father was a cheater... I know the signs.. there were no signs... no signs... after I destroy'd my clothes... I asked for the shirt he wore when he was with her... fully intending to destroy it... but no.. I put it on.. said I was going to sleep in it.. and said.. oh baby make love to me.. don't ya want to make love to me..? and I started touching him.. he looked as though he was going to faint.. he was shaking.. he's a tall man... I can't kiss him unless he bends down and I stand on my tiptoes... he looked as though he was going to die... but I don't want him to die.. I want him to live with this every day for the rest of his life... we are going to see a marriage councilor next week... I'm taking the pictures of his special ladies.. I must have no selfesteem at all... I still love the bastard

I did email Nikki.. told her I was not mad at her.. after all it was her JOB.. but if she had any tips.. I sure could use them.. he got a copy of it.. in his work email...

[repulsive]

I quit my job.. I was working part time just to keep busy... bringing in just about what he paid for each of his hookers... least he is not cheap .. huh.. I think I've had a breakdown. I have been having panic attacks.. but longer periods of "ok" time. If I stay busy I can block the images out of my mind.. but sleep is near impossible.. I wasn't leaving the house. I couldn't.. until last Saturday. My son is going through a divorce and a battle to keep his son. My daughter-in-law is a cheater too. I spent four nights in a hotel in Texas. Mostly holding my precious son as he cried. I cried.. he has no idea how much I understand what he is going through. I finally have gotten to where I can function on auto pilot.. but tonite we are going to see a marriage councelor... I'm so afraid if I start this over again... I may never be able to stop crying.. When my husband and I married.. I moved to a different state.. left everything I knew in Texas... all of my friends.. I was lost but I had my best friend.. my husband and it was worth the loneliness.. because with him I was happy and not lonely.. I felt safe.. I felt loved.. Now I'm in a strange place without my best friend and I just feel fear and lost. I dispise the person I have become.. weak... I don't want to be hard and cold.. but I feel that if I am to survive I have to adopt that way of living just to survive.. too many depend on me for me to be like this.. Someone please tell me that a cheater can stop.. can be trusted again..

[wtcs]

Sweetie, how is the counseling going ? It truly sounds like you love him and want to work it out with him. I think for awhile it is going to be very difficult to get the thoughts and images out of your head. I think they will lessen in time though. Please give us an update. I hope you are doing ok.


Dawn

[repulsive]

We have been seeing a therapist and talking... a lot of talking to each other. He really seems to be trying to make amends. I hope I am not being stupid. I do love this man with all of my heart. I have developed an ulcer and am now taking medications to help me deal with the anxiety and depression. Falling asleep is difficult.. I keep seeing and hearing the things that have happened over and over in my head. Staying asleep is even more difficult. He is doing everything I asked him to do and tells me he loves me and he is afraid I will leave. I do appreciate your listening to me... I know at times I don't make much sense.

[repulsive]

It seems everytime I look into the computer I find more lies... a few weeks ago while on a trip.. I did a search on his laptop.. I found that he had been searching for prostitutes while we were married for less than a month... he was out of town last night and I searched old phone records and found suspicious numbers. I called one of them and it turned out to be a ***** he has been seeing even when his first wife was alive. He called her to warn her I would be contacting her.. Today he confessed to going on "business" trips to go to strip clubs. Once he came home and I found a small piece of glitter on his neck... he had been to a strip club... He decided to tell me everything today... He says that he has not seen any of these women since I found out and he promised not to... I don't believe him... There is just too much in my head and heart now... Too much pain to live with.. Too much betrayal... I just want to sleep... I just want this death to be over

[exhausted]

Hang in there... I know it's tough.. And I'm still wondering the samething if Cheaters can do right? But, if He is making the attempt to do the right things I know it is tough but, you there will be a time when you do have to start trusting him..

My wife has started doing the right things and she is earning the trust back somewhat! but, there will always be that thought in the back of my head Always!

[SuckerFree]

What im going to say I believe a lot of Women here will disagree and might even enflame a couple of them. So here goes. Men cheating is different and not as bad as when Women cheat........................Run run run. What I mean is when a Man cheats he does almost exclusively for physical reasons. Women do it mainly for emotional reasons. To men, the Emotional cheater is worse. Point is, yes I think this guy can changed. I know a few guys that have done that. Got it out of their system, realize they were jerks, and didn't do it agian. However, he has caused serious damages to the marriage. This is going to have to be your decision. Do not hold it over his head, do not throw it at him every little tfft you guys have. Either forgive him and let him know you will not tolerate it again, or dump him.

[repulsive]

This has been a good week... we are going to see the councelor again this afternoon.. He has done everything I asked him to do and more. He cheated and I get to take medication for depression, panic attacks and an ulcer the size of Texas. I love this man and want our marriage to work. I can't get these visions out of my head and my heart. I believe he loves me. I want to forgive him. I am so fearful. He had his first panic attack last week and called me to apologize again. I agree with you SuckerFree that men and women cheat for different reasons.

[sheriffs3536]

Want to catch those cheating bastards? visit www.InvestigationsNow.com. For $24.95 you get a lifetime membership. You can look up phone bills, criminal records, DMV records, credit records, etc. It worked for me. I suggest this website to everyone who wants to get even! Good luck and have fun!:D