Can a cheater expect fidelity from a lover?

[rocky911]

A Young married woman has an affair with an older guy (widower) with kids. Can she expect the guy (her lover) to be faithfull to her? She lives with her husband and a Young son. They are a family! She is having an affair with the older guy for over 2 years. Started as friends, after six months started having sex. Now she is expecting her lover to be faithfull. ? Opinions please.

[frostymanadvice]

First of all, who is she to talk about being faithful when she obviously hasn't been. He can do whatever he pleases and since there is deception on both of their parts, this relationship is voided b/c it doesn't count as one.

To be faithful in a relationship is too mean with ONE partner NOT several. She is only attached to this man due to his older figure status and plus emotionallly she felt sorry for a man with kids who's all alone.

What's really sad here is the fact that her husband has no clue as to the lies being told by his wife. She is living a double life and is only out for her selfish needs.

Frosty

[rocky911]

Ok. So, If a married woman is seing a single man, while still living with her husband and kids she CAN'T expect him (the lover ) to ONLY see her? Is that correct? Now,under what conditions she can?

[frostymanadvice]

Under the conditons that she seperates or get a divorce from her husband. How could you expect your lover to be faithful when you yourself are not? If you're cheating on the spouse, you might as well expect your lover to lie also. There is no such thing as staying faithful while having an affair with a person who is married or attached to someone. It's a ridiculous notion.

Frosty

[rocky911]

Ok. I understand. I agree. BUT. What happenes when an affair reaches the point when the unfaithfull wife and her lover begin to contemplate on being TOGETHER. Not having an affair, but becoming a couple. At that point can she expect her lower to be true to her?

[benmac360]

No matter what she should not expect any fidelity until a divorce is finalized. I know it would be difficult, but instead of waiting for her I think this man should end this "relationship" now. This woman will repeat the same behavior patterns that she did with her husband, so if she does leave him the new relationship with this older guy will be over before it even started. This woman has been in an affair long enough to decide whether she wants to address her marital problems so her needs are fulfilled, thus showing some maturity and decency, or keep cheating - clearly she has chosen the latter. Why does this man think things will be different with him? He is setting himself up for major heartache down the road.

[rocky911]

Well, they started as friends. The older guy lost his wife to cancer. The girl told him that she is not happily married. The relationship started being convinient for both of them. I agree with Your view 100%. But she tells him that if he is having regular sex with her and does not have the time for much more anyway, that he should not seek other women.

[sharpeye]

I believe that ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER (http://www.iwishisaidno.com/forum/2634-should-i-trust-her.html) because it's like you have tasted a new plate once, you will want to try again. It could be that you dont cheat PHYSICALLY, but MENTALLY yeah. You wont even trust the MIND again..and mind you, a mind works faster than our foot.

[loonybird]

I don't know how she can expect him to be faithful. He is living with the knowledge that she is probably still sleeping with her husband, she is being unfaithful to her lover and her husband! The widower shouldn't feel he has to be faithful - you cannot say they are in a committed relationship as she is still married. Well thats my opinion, don't know if others think the same. :)

[Skirtchaser]

Expect him to be faithful? He already is a cheater, he is cheating with her.

Once a cheater always a cheater.

[MuffinMan]

A Young married woman has an affair with an older guy (widower) with kids. Can she expect the guy (her lover) to be faithfull to her? She lives with her husband and a Young son. They are a family! She is having an affair with the older guy for over 2 years. Started as friends, after six months started having sex. Now she is expecting her lover to be faithfull. ? Opinions please.

She can expect all she wants...if he cheats on her and she gets mad, then she is nothing but a hypocrite in addition to being a worthless piece of sh!t.

[mrmaximum]

The 'relationship' was started under deception so the other partner will always have to wonder. At the end of the day it just isn't worth it. Muffin is right, she's expecting too much, she cheated with this guy, who's to say that she can't do it in the future? She's damaged goods, not worth it.