Has it healed with time?

[Aaron]

Well its been 2 and a half years. November 1 2003.
Im still with my wife, we have had another child and if my wife goes out or stays back at work my head starts to play tricks on me. Ive been told you have to give her(wife) the trust and let herloose it again and if she does she is gone.
She cheated on me with he boss in my bed, i had no idea and she came to me with guilt. (the boss was married as well).
Well tonight she is going out with her WORK MATES at a new job (works 4 hours a night as a temp in a cal centre, if they meet sales targets works pays for th group to have drinks), she said she wont be hom till 11pm or so.
I brought it up that im a little weird about her going out and she said its about time get over it!!! I was of course thrown back by this and now she is at work and ready to go out after.

SO AFTER 2.5 years it sure as hell doesnt get any easier. YET..

[paying a high price]

Hi Aaron read your thread. I honestly hope that everything works out for you. Sounds like you must really love this person to be able to try to trust again and with a new baby and all. I wish the cheaters knew what it felt like to be betrayed, maybe it wouldn't bother them like it does non cheaters, but we were obviously brought up the right way, and told to always respect and be faithful to our spouses, no matter what. My ex- (you know the cheater and conceived a child) got what she deserved again, my mother found out that her new husband left her too, I hope she really hurt from that. I unlike you could not get past the cheating and I compliment you for being strong. Maybe a child being conceived really killed if for me, but see she was self centered, *****y, cold and a lousy housekeeper etc. and expected me to fill in all the blanks, not true love for me. People change and show their true colors sometimes with time, and are not the nice people we originally thought they were . Well anyway, hang in there, be strong and stick up for yourself. You have every right to question her wherabouts, when you didn't before and you were probably more leant, you got crushed. KEEP YOUR EYES AND EARS OPEN and if she ever does this again find a trustworthy mate and believe me you can. I think her payback for cheating is you being very questioning about everything, and that is a very small price to pay for what was done to you....I know how it feels because I did that to my ex and she said my questioning was killing our relationship, but I knew in my heart it was already dead and I just didn't care. I hope your story ends with a good ending. I always thought once a cheater always a cheater, but my friend is a true believer that some people do change, his wife cheated once and has been faithful since. She tells him her whereabouts and even carries a cell phone so he can call her, because she begged him to stay with her and she would change. She seems to understand he will never fully be able to be completely trustful with her again. I am so greatful that I am happy now even though it kills me to send child support money to Jody Gale in Ovid N.Y., I just hope she is at least saving some of the money for the child Ashley. I thank my lucky stars this child is going to be 18 in two years and then I am free from this. Oh yeah, please let me know about the case in Australia if you hear anything, with the guy taking his ex-spouse to court for the money he paid for a child not his, I am very interested in that story. Good luck.

[Adam Bomb 1701]

Hi,

I'm interested to know about that case in Australia, too. Wasn't there a time when a court would take a woman's word regarding who a child's father is, whether he actually was or not? Now, with blood and DNA testing, even married men are getting off the hook from supporting kids they didn't father. (A recent episode of Law & Order - Special Victims Unit implied that New York State has a doctrine of "presumptive paternity," meaning if you're married to a woman, you're recognized as the child's legal father, whether you biologically are or are not. And, it's apparently correct. A guy has to prove that he's not the child's father. http://www.victorylibrary.com/divorce/faq.htm)

My ex cheated on me beginning in May 2001, and she was worried that she was pregnant (she wasn't.) I was worried that if she was, she'd name me as the father, although we last had sex in October 1998. Even though she left the house every weekend to go to her guy (who was also cheating on his wife) I was very glad to be rid of her, as she was a handful. She had the impression that since she was at home with our son during the week, she could do whatever she wanted to do on weekends. Well, motherhood is a 24/7 job; it doesn't stop at 5 on Fridays. To be fair, it's healed quite a bit since the divorce, although I have to pay her alimony, which I hate doing (does anyone like to?)
As for kids, I have one with the ex (he's 18 now.) I never will have any more, as I had a vasectomy in 2002 (during divorce proceedings, so she couldn't say in court that she wanted more kids, and I went and got one behind her back.) I can't recommend that route highly enough.

[Aaron]

yep, i will try and find the outcome in of that case for you guys.

Thanks for the kind words guys. I enjoy this site, when you feel down this is the place to come and vent. Thanks alot.

P.s. My wife is american, does that say anything????? LOL (im joking)