lost my life

[tataly devestated]

Let me start by saying im glad i found this site. thougt i was all alone. met my wife when i was 14 and married her when i was 23.thought we had a great marraige untill she shut down on my family for 8 months.(feb08-oct08).approached her and had a conversation about what was going on and if there was someone else she was interested in. she told me absolutly not. she did nothing around the house at all and wasent interested in doing anything with the kids.(oh she was married once before we married and had 2 children)I felt she was being unfaithful because of her lack of trust for me. all ive ever done is work my ass off to provide for her 2 kids and my daughter.after leaving for about 3 days came home to tell her i was going to leave and she acted upset.i went to florida to visit an old girlfried which she approved and was gone 2 days.when i returned told her i love her and want things to work.after15yrs ofmarraige i couldnt through that away. nothing happened in fla.either and she was ok with that. after being back for about 2 weeks found a bottle in y wifes headboard of little blue pills. not nowing whatthey were she told me they were viagra she got from my police chiefs wife.i found that stange.but let it go.i told her i counted about10 and she said 13.about 3 weeks later i looked in bottle and found1. where the f*** did the rest go.then it hit me. ive come home several times to sheets down off the bed with stains(blamed it on dogs)footprints off the deck into woods that cant be explained,someone elses boxers in my dresser(one of my stepsons friends)told her that she hasa been unfaithful and now lieing tome.after some intense pshcological visits and a pi i discover that she has been having affair with my friend the police chief and a fellow coworker who drives a schoolbus. working with whitnesses and investigator realized i came home ealy one day and while i was in the bathroom bus driver went out back door(footprintsin snow,boxers indrawer).both police chief and bus driver avoid me at everycost.kids grown 17,19,22.she has convinced them that im ill and have perinoia.filed for devorce with adultry grounds and is only getting worse.turned in my guns for fear of being accused for violence and was told be chief he gave her viagra.could not understand how if he was my friend why didnt he talk to me and find my problem is fatique and stress.why hide it?no answerform him .investigator talked with bus driver and he denies and says same thing my wife does perinoia.gave my life to her raised her 2 kids and my daughter never once thinking of me.noone ever had to work i didit all paid all bills boght all the crap they ever wanted and now she turns them all against me.doesnt seem fair.feel like ivelost it all.she still plans on camping with chiefs familymemorial day and hangsout with the bus driver like nthing is wrong and im the one with a problem.how do u get past all that****?:(:(

[Diagada]

That's aweful, you sound like a good guy. She should be happy to have someone who cares about her and the kids. Fifteen years is a long time. You may feel like it was a waste of a big part of your life. I feel that way too. You should look at the whole 15 years and you will see that alot of it was good and this is only a small part of that time. She should not be hanging out with those people and you need to insist on it. Those men are not worth your time. Hang in there. This is a good place to talk . It has made me feel alot better.

[StillinShock]

Sorry this is happening to you...do you have family or friends that you can talk to also?

[MuffinMan]

Well honestly, they can say whatever they want, it won't make one iota difference in divorce court. As far as your child, you are the father...she will get custody if she wants it anyway. Only thing I'd worry about, as if your wife wasn't already a despicable cheating c##t, is if she tried to use "paranoia" as a reason to get visitation taken away from you( but it would take alot more than that ).

As far as reason to divorce, it doesn't matter. Getting all this information on her won't have any bearing on splitting marital assets or custody. You both still get 1/2 the marital assets.

Just cut your losses, be glad you are getting rid of a scheming, lying, cheating wh0re, and move on with your life.

But if you really want to get to the bottom of it....tell the police cheif, the bus driver, and your wife...."hey, if you want to really prove who is paranoid....I'll submit to a polygraph, and you all will do the same...if any of you refuse, then we'll know who has something to hide".

Just serve her with divorce papers. Watch her stupid reaction then. Then find out which guy she is currently screwing, pack her stuff...take it to him and say, "here.....she is your problem now".

[tataly devestated]

She has taken two lie detector tests one was no finding secound passed.investigatorsaid that the test was done incorrectly and bogus.also was refered to the polygraph through chief.my daughter turned 17 on fri,dont have to worry about visitation,in nh i was told that i have a better chance of keeping house if i absorb all the debt and just get her to leave.she has had no reaction at all to the devorce papers. never cryed not angry....nothing at all.she fooled around with me when i was 14 with her boyfriend in the house,being so young wish i could have seen the wrighting on the wall.

[MuffinMan]

she fooled around with me when i was 14 with her boyfriend in the house,being so young wish i could have seen the wrighting on the wall.

well, thats just it, you were young. I would say that you should have known better than to make any committment with someone that cheated on someone else with you...because she can do it to you if she can to it with you.

But you were 14.

Well, no sense in worrying about people calling you paranoid and her f#ck buddies lying for her. It won't make a difference in divorce court anyway.

Just file under the grounds of adultery, get a good lawyer so she doesn't try to take more than she is entitled to, which is half of all marital assets. If she wants the house...cool. In this market, give it to her. She will then owe you half of the equity in the home. you will have to get an appraisal done for that.

Just make sure that everything is split down the middle and of course agree what she will take and what you will take with you with regards to stuff, like furniture, tvs, cars, etc. For example, my X wanted the sofa. I said, "ok, then I get the plasma TV". Make sure it is equitable.

[Diagada]

Just wondering how your doing? You haven't posted in a while.

[tataly devestated]

update , had 2 court sesions in which she accepted my child program that my daughter stay in home with me no child support for anyone and joint custody etc...my daughter is 17.she started moving out this week with her older daughter. they have been telling everyone that imve got serious mental issues and really sick and seeing things. the pain that is coming from this this week is sometimes unbearable.i find myself thinkin of all the good timesand wonder how this can happen to a guy that doesnt drink,do drugs sleep around.etc.all ive ever done waswork my ass off to give her and her 2kids and our daughter the life of luxury.wishing this never happened and still having hard time accepting it.

[Diagada]

So glad you are standing your ground. Don't cave , we are all here for you. Have you read some other posts? Sometimes when I can't post I just read others and it helps. Stay strong , it doesn't matter what others say or think. You know the truth.