The aftermath after her affairs

[benmac360]

I found out about and confronted my wife of 1 1/2 years (we have been together for about nine now) about her several affairs about 6 weeks ago - for 2 months she was going into a chat room and meeting other men. The first guy (as far as I know) she met she drove six hours and took our two children with to meet him one weekend, saying it was a friend of a friend. Then there was another married guy she met in a motel about a month later, and there were three other guys she met but was either not attracted to or did not sleep with (I can't verify thats all she did with them - this is what she told me). She actually had the nerve to get tested for 2 STDs and not even bother to tell me. I found out all about it because I installed surveillance software on my computer and the first day it ran my heart hit the floor when I read the logs. My instincts were telling me the whole time she was up to no good and all she did was lie to me repeatedly. The night I confronted her and over the next week while I found out more about what she did, I thought she would be profusely apologizing, begging for forgiveness, but all I got was anger. We are in marriage counseling now and we both now know why this happened (we weren't giving each other any attention - I almost started to stray myself it was so bad) and I admit I can't remember the last time that things have been this good since it happened. But I'm still getting this nagging feeling that this is going to happen again - I haven't seen any new emails from other guys or any chat room visits since the day after I confronted her, so my question is can a cheater really stop and stay faithful, or is the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" true?

[Adam Bomb 1701]

I'll say this - Once a cheater, always a cheater. It's so true. Forget counseling. Move on. She seems like my ex was - she'll do anything she damn well pleases, and never mind the consequences. I'll bet that she put the blame for HER cheating right on YOUR shoulders. They all do.
Also, if she gets pregnant by one of her lovers, the court just may hold YOU responsible for supporting a kid you did not father. Since you're married to her, the courts could make you support any kid she has, based on the doctrine of "presumptive paternity." Meaning that any child of the marriage is considered yours, whether it actually is or not. Can you imagine supporting what likely is someone else's kid for the next 18-21 years?

[frostymanadvice]

Get rid of the computer!

[gam3s]

once a cheater, always a cheater
*****s can never escape their true nature.

By the way, thanks to DNA testing, you do not have to support a child that is not yours.

[Saintas]

Move on .Go out from this relation . She never end to doing this . Mayebe make a pause after you find out, to put to sleep toyou .It's hard to be back from one extrarelationship but when was whit so many( don't believe her she don't like all the man she tell you and there whas nothing) is more unlike to never doing that again.
She will find another motive for doing that again .Is like an illnes like drugs , she known is not good but she will can't stop duing this.
Keep your eyes open and don't let your guard down. You will see .

[markus]

The first guy (as far as I know) she met she drove six hours and took our two children with to meet him one weekend

Thats ****ed up

[SuckerFree]

once a cheater, always a cheater
*****s can never escape their true nature.

By the way, thanks to DNA testing, you do not have to support a child that is not yours.


Actually that's not often the case. DNA testing is also very expensive and if a certain amount of time has elapsed it will be rendered useless in many courts. Your wife is a troubled person. It's easy for me to sit here and say leave the *****. I haven't invested 9 years with her. So, im going to give you the only advice that would actually merit anything. Leave the *****.

[SuckerFree]

Oh, and every single one of those guys she met she slept with (don't be foolish). And for God's sake please don't blame yourself over this like you are eluding to in your post.

[markus]

Heres the harsh reality served to you on a platter by captain Markus


Thats right she was gagging **** and they gave her a right good seeing to .. Now your looking for faults within yourself to justify her nympho behaviour
Wake up man ...she has the problem but to her the only problem she see's is that you caught her - she's angry instead of remorsefull because she was just getting into the flow of fullfilling her fantasies and now you have cut off her supply of Bellend - how dare you take away her extra **** !
Did she ever make a real effort to put your 'so called' problems right before going outside the relationship to meet her needs ?
No she decided then and still does deep down that she's **** hunting because she enjoys the thrill of it - she enjoys the excitment of ****ing a stranger and have them maul all over her like an animal on heat
You cant meet that need - what you going to do .. dress up as Clint Eastwood and sit in a motel with **** in hand waiting for her ?

And lets look at this text book arsehole of a councillor who's trying to help you - He's living in the dark ages where infidelity is caused only in unhappy marrages - Where do they get that from ? an old book read in college
or is he so used to hearing the words .. 'its because he didn't do this' that he presumes that your unhappy marriage is the cause ?
Its all they have to go on , they wouldn't be of much help if they told you the truth would they
what they going to say ? ... Its her fault she's a habitual **** but hey things be be ok ... stay there for the children !
The cause is sitting right next to you in that councillors office .. yes that fat unfaithfull cold hearted selfish homewrecker you call your wife
Its a fact that the majority of people that cheat are the ones who are not putting enough effort into the relationship
Take her to a hypnotherapist .. They will dig out the real cause for her behaviour and sort it out
You can help by chaning some of your ways but if she dont want to rid herself of the desire to **** anything that moves then you have no chance

[SuckerFree]

Fantastic post Marcus. A little crude and frank, but still, excellent.

[SuckerFree]

I see a pattern to so many of these post. What to do, My Husband/wife can't keep their pants/panties up. Should I go to counseling(scam), talk to our priest (out of touch). The quick, only truth to these type post is this. You either learn to live with your significant others sexual behavior, or you split. Simple as that. People in westernized nations are raised like this. More, more, more. It's normal. When you meet someone it's pretty much the finished product. People change naturally over the years but for the most part how they react to situations is how they always will. Who wants a relationship filled with doubt? I'd rather have a co-dependent relationship over one where one person is always concerned over fidelity.

[elainegayla]

Yes. If you stay you will have to learn to live with her cheating ways.

Thats so true and worth repeting. (thanks again Suckerfree).

Find me one cheater that never did it again. Just one. They never stop until they are too old to get it up.

Its not that hard to do once you accept them for who they are and enter the real world.

My hubby so badly wants me to go back into denial. He is down right depressed (I'm off anti-depressants and he is now on them). I know he thought after a while of "punishment" (his term, not mine) I would slowly let my gaurd go down and it would back to his wonderful, cake eating life. Somehow I think I've stolen some of the fun out of it b/c I just don't give a CRAP. I'm sure he is still doing his thing, but its not as much fun for him b/c I'm not home crying or picking up the pieces for him. I thinks its been a blow to his HUGE ego.

I am living my marriage in a fair and equitable way and he is totally freaking out. "This isn't you" he keeps saying. Well, no, thats not how I WAS but this is who I am now. He is the master weilding the guilt and moral sword against me. Except now I know thats how he kept me in my little self-imposed miserable prison. Funny how he has turned to God and gotten morals now.

And all the things he decided were not worth doing (grass cutting, washing cars, saving money) I have learned to let go. Its funny to watch him do all those things now and I so do not care. He gets so mad spinning his wheels...

I will never have sex with him again (unless I'm drunk and desperate). I will get mine elsewhere. Why would I want the same old same old sex. If its just gonna be sex (as opposed to making love) I want chocolate, vanilla, strawberry and all the Ben and Jerry flavors. Like you guys keep pointing out, there are plenty of SINGLE men out there dieing for a girl just like me. Its so ridicolously easy. (By the way, I did say SINGLE men. I'm not going to create any victims.)

I am giving no more than he gives/gave me. I HATE not having a loving marriage but thats not possible with him.

The reason I stay on this website is to keep myself strong and your stories remind me not to slip back into denial.

He says I'm becoming like him. I think that is KARMA. I can't imagine why he isn't freaking blissful. Gee, there must be something WRONG with him. He needs THERAPY to ACCEPT and LET GO. Afterall, I'm only HUMAN and we all make MISTAKES. Its nothing PERSONAL.

Anyway, I know he could give two ****s about me and what I'm doing. So I do my thing and try not to let my Cinderalla upbringing imprison me again.

For that, I thank you guys and gals.

[markus]

(By the way, I did say SINGLE men. I'm not going to create any victims

Im not single but im already a victim so LETS GET IT ON :D

[SuckerFree]

Yeah and let Suckerfree film it. I keep the tape, you guys keep the memories.

[crissy]

Its a fact that the majority of people that cheat are the ones who are not putting enough effort into the relationship.

Markus what the heck kind of quote is that? I don't know if that is actually a proven fact. I would bet that a large amount of women who seek to take lovers, did so after months/years of trying to luir their man into the sex god mode. Theres mr romantic, mr lover, mr tool time man, and my favorite, mr I can rescue you man in a uniform. We woman are actually putting alot of effort into our relationships to spice them up. As far as effort. lets do a poll. How many woman (cheaters) did not go and purchase items to excite their partners and create the intamacy atmosphere. I would say that was some effort, How may times would some of these woman start going to the gym to lose weight because spouse doesn't think our butts look as tight as they use too. The truth sould really be told, not just women that are cheating on their spouses are not putting out effort, they have tilted the putting out effort to save marriage so much that the tiltoworld effort meter is cracked. You can only be one person, and if the other person whats to sit and watch sports center alll the time, well find a man. A real man who knows how to treat her like a woman. Move on and go forward. You will be able to do that and Say that you did the best you could to save you marriage.

[SuckerFree]

Its a fact that the majority of people that cheat are the ones who are not putting enough effort into the relationship.

Markus what the heck kind of quote is that? I don't know if that is actually a proven fact. I would bet that a large amount of women who seek to take lovers, did so after months/years of trying to luir their man into the sex god mode. Theres mr romantic, mr lover, mr tool time man, and my favorite, mr I can rescue you man in a uniform. We woman are actually putting alot of effort into our relationships to spice them up. As far as effort. lets do a poll. How many woman (cheaters) did not go and purchase items to excite their partners and create the intamacy atmosphere. I would say that was some effort, How may times would some of these woman start going to the gym to lose weight because spouse doesn't think our butts look as tight as they use too. The truth sould really be told, not just women that are cheating on their spouses are not putting out effort, they have tilted the putting out effort to save marriage so much that the tiltoworld effort meter is cracked. You can only be one person, and if the other person whats to sit and watch sports center alll the time, well find a man. A real man who knows how to treat her like a woman. Move on and go forward. You will be able to do that and Say that you did the best you could to save you marriage.

I've seen Monty Python skits make more sense than this.

[markus]

Its a fact that the majority of people that cheat are the ones who are not putting enough effort into the relationship.

Markus what the heck kind of quote is that? I don't know if that is actually a proven fact. I would bet that a large amount of women who seek to take lovers, did so after months/years of trying to luir their man into the sex god mode.

Its a well researched fact that the majority of cheats are the problem , When you seek happiness for yourself it will always allude you - when seek happiness for others you will find it yourself
But you wouldn't understand that Crissy because your a self centered cheat like the rest of them

Theres mr romantic, mr lover, mr tool time man, and my favorite, mr I can rescue you man in a uniform. We woman are actually putting alot of effort into our relationships to spice them up. As far as effort. lets do a poll. How many woman (cheaters) did not go and purchase items to excite their partners and create the intamacy atmosphere. Only because they wanted to gain attention for themselves not satisfiy their husband I would say that was some effort, How may times would some of these woman start going to the gym to lose weight because spouse doesn't think our butts look as tight as they use too You make yourself look better because again self centered .. you care about how you look so any man can appreciate you , not your husband ... i bet you would be more flattered if a bloke on the street gave you a compliment instead of your husband
. The truth sould really be told, not just women that are cheating on their spouses are not putting out effort, they have tilted the putting out effort to save marriage so much that the tiltoworld effort meter is cracked. Yeah rite .. you make the effort to do what ? do you ever give your husband a compliment ? have you ever told him your proud of him for anything ? ... doubt it , women like you sit back unhappy whinging about how bad your husband treats you and does not show affection but you dont realise its a two way situation ... everyone likes to be appreciated ..everyone wants their partner to appreciate what they do but you dont see it , your a selfish person always saying ME ME ME ME

You can only be one person, and if the other person whats to sit and watch sports center alll the time, well find a man. A real man who knows how to treat her like a woman. Move on and go forward. You will be able to do that and Say that you did the best you could to save you marriage What ... find a real who has a wife and family ...thats what your doing and you dont even care that you can destroy someone elses marriage
Crissy your the problem ... try for one day to give the things you want for yourself and you will see

[SuckerFree]

Crissy, it's official. You are a head-case. One minute you are remorseful about your cheating, the next you are singing the phrases of generalizations, straw-man arguments, and pseudo science to justify it. Here's a tip, if you take medication...stop. If you don't take medication...start. For the past what...several weeks, you have been seeking out every answer to why you are the way you are other than the correct answers. I know it's tough. It took years for me to see the truths of things. Hell, I was 26 before I realized the world didn't revolve around me. But with practice you will get it. Your mind will open up like Markus's wifes legs at a cricket match....sorry Markus, couldn't resist.

[markus]

Im thinking about getting my wife a hedgehog for xmas so she has a good supply of pricks

[littlered]

Crissy, I'm just going to stop reading your posts. At first you sounded like you were owning your own bad behavior, now everytime you post you justify your actions. So you're talking out of both side of your mouth...or is it your ass?

To the original poster, you don't have to become Captain Save-A-HO. This woman will drag you down, down, down. And don't listen to Crissy or anybody else that tries to say that YOU are the reason she's sleeping around. SHE is the problem.

[SuckerFree]

Crissy, I'm just going to stop reading your posts. At first you sounded like you were owning your own bad behavior, now everytime you post you justify your actions. So you're talking out of both side of your mouth...or is it your ass?

To the original poster, you don't have to become Captain Save-A-HO. This woman will drag you down, down, down. And don't listen to Crissy or anybody else that tries to say that YOU are the reason she's sleeping around. SHE is the problem.


And this is exactly what Women need to tell each other when they have done wrong. Women won't listen to the truth from a Man. They will however, listen to it from another Woman. So few offer it though.

[exhausted]

So few offer it though.

Unless it will benefit them!

[Adam Bomb 1701]

Thanks to DNA testing, you do not have to support a child that is not yours.
You think so, eh? Put the names "Steve Barreras" and "Viola Trevino" in Ask, Yahoo, or any other search engine. But, to make it brief - Steve Barreras was forced to pay support for five years for his a child he supposedly fathered with his ex-wife Trevino. Two problems, though - Mr. Barreras had a vasectomy years before the "child" was born, and the child did not even exist at all. Trevino falsified birth certificates, DNA tests, and anything else she could, to bolster her phony claim. The (moronic) judge took Trevino at her word, and didn't want to hear Jack about Mr. Barreras' vasectomy. Trevino's scheme was uncovered only when the mother of a child she brought to court to pose as the fake one ratted her out. I don't know if Trevino went to jail for fraud, or ever paid back her ex-husband for five years worth of support on a child who never existed. Probably not; you know how those things work out.

http://www.fathersandfamilies.org/Publications/False.Child.Support.Case.Exposes.System.pdf

Or, put the name "Bert Rid****" (like the Vin Diesel movie "The Chronicles Of...") in a search engine as well. He was named as the father of a child, even though DNA tests proved otherwise. Of course, the judge ignored the DNA evidence, took the woman's word that Rid**** fathered the child, and the poor man had to cough up $1400 a month in child support, for a kid he did not father. So, a woman can name just about anyone as her child's father, a judge always takes her at her word, and the poor man has little or no recourse. Even in these days of so-called DNA testing.

http://glennsacks.com/blog/?p=871

[Skirtchaser]

I found out about and confronted my wife of 1 1/2 years (we have been together for about nine now) about her several affairs about 6 weeks ago - for 2 months she was going into a chat room and meeting other men. The first guy (as far as I know) she met she drove six hours and took our two children with to meet him one weekend, saying it was a friend of a friend. Then there was another married guy she met in a motel about a month later, and there were three other guys she met but was either not attracted to or did not sleep with (I can't verify thats all she did with them - this is what she told me). She actually had the nerve to get tested for 2 STDs and not even bother to tell me. I found out all about it because I installed surveillance software on my computer and the first day it ran my heart hit the floor when I read the logs. My instincts were telling me the whole time she was up to no good and all she did was lie to me repeatedly. The night I confronted her and over the next week while I found out more about what she did, I thought she would be profusely apologizing, begging for forgiveness, but all I got was anger. We are in marriage counseling now and we both now know why this happened (we weren't giving each other any attention - I almost started to stray myself it was so bad) and I admit I can't remember the last time that things have been this good since it happened. But I'm still getting this nagging feeling that this is going to happen again - I haven't seen any new emails from other guys or any chat room visits since the day after I confronted her, so my question is can a cheater really stop and stay faithful, or is the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" true?

It's been a while, can you answer that last question now?