Dilemma

[xenthius]

I got a bit of a dilemma, I think my wife may be cheating on me but don't know. My wife just last weekend went to spend a few days with her best girlfriend out of state. We haven't been intimate for a while and we were last night. Usually she tends to be very tight after a long time of no intimacy but last night she wasn't. I also noticed that she hid the dirty laundry from me after coming back from her trip, didnt mention much about it. From what I have gathered they been out a few times late at night. She also been closing webpages on her laptop when I have been walking by and keeps changing passwords on her cellphone on regular basis. She been very defensive in general when I made comment on lack of intimacy on her part, her avoidance of me. Any advice on what I could do?
Thanks

[omniglh]

I got a bit of a dilemma, I think my wife may be cheating on me but don't know. My wife just last weekend went to spend a few days with her best girlfriend out of state. We haven't been intimate for a while and we were last night. Usually she tends to be very tight after a long time of no intimacy but last night she wasn't. I also noticed that she hid the dirty laundry from me after coming back from her trip, didnt mention much about it. From what I have gathered they been out a few times late at night. She also been closing webpages on her laptop when I have been walking by and keeps changing passwords on her cellphone on regular basis. She been very defensive in general when I made comment on lack of intimacy on her part, her avoidance of me. Any advice on what I could do?
Thanks

Install a keylogger on her laptop. Spector Pro is what I have (there is a link on the front page of chatcheaters.com) and it works great. Takes a screenshot with every mouse click, records every keystroke. It's uncovered A LOT of stuff for me on my wife.

[SocalSadness]

Hold your horses!

I'd start by asking her to sit down for a serious talk instead of wasting time and money. Be assertive NOT aggressive. Tell her your concearns and your observations. Tell her you love her and are worried. You might want to write a script that keeps your language from making her close up and become defensive. She's your wife, man, you should begin by trying to comunicate w/her. Give her the benefit of the doubt, request honesty, hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

My very best Alohas -Socal

[xenthius]

I appreciate all the advice and support. I found out that she had met a young man while on a cruise with her friend last year. I also found out that she had stayed in touch with this guy. I ended up confronting her on this, as she said that she met some people but she spent all her time with her friend only. She told me that she is only friends and that she helped him out with his girlfriend that he is very much in love with. Appernetly she had a couple of abortions with him (she is only 21) etc etc etc. He was very respectful and a very nice guy. She left a lot of blanks and I think she may have been lying but since I can't prove her wrong its a difficult decision to make. I told her that I was very upset, I trusted her and she keeps this relationships behind my back adn even lied about it. I even asked her if she saw him last week when she was in Florida, she said she ran into him with his girlfriend at the mall. What are the odds of this in Fort Lauderdale??????
I still love her but I lost a lot of trust in her. I asked her to stop talking to this guy. Friendship with younger single men may not appropriate.

[demoralized]

The "blanks" are there for a reason, she wants you to fill them in with what you want to believe, not the truth.

The old, he was having problems with his relationship bit, is just that, old.

There are too many coincidences here, take it from someone that has been through it. She did it.

I am sorry to be so blunt, and possibly discourage you, but you need to know, and she needs to fess up.

Where there is smoke there is fire my friend.

Trust your gut, what do you REALLY believe.

I know I'll never dismiss my intuition again, not out of fear of the truth, not out of a desire to NOT be a jealous husband.

[Flynn]

Tell her because of this guy....you need access to her computer at all times!! You need to put a keylogger on it if she will allow it. To track all internet activity not just her pass word. She will just use another email account. Password to her cell phone also or at least I hope you have a family play where you can see phone numbers on the bill.

Bottom line she sounds very untrustworthy.

[omniglh]

Tell her because of this guy....you need access to her computer at all times!! You need to put a keylogger on it if she will allow it. To track all internet activity not just her pass word. .

I think that TELLING her you're putting a keylogger on her machine would kind of defeat the purpose. She'll just find another way.

I wouldn't even mention "keylogger", or anything related to "recording computer usage". Just install it when she's not around.

[Skirtchaser]

I appreciate all the advice and support. I found out that she had met a young man while on a cruise with her friend last year. I also found out that she had stayed in touch with this guy. I ended up confronting her on this, as she said that she met some people but she spent all her time with her friend only. She told me that she is only friends and that she helped him out with his girlfriend that he is very much in love with. Appernetly she had a couple of abortions with him (she is only 21) etc etc etc. He was very respectful and a very nice guy. She left a lot of blanks and I think she may have been lying but since I can't prove her wrong its a difficult decision to make. I told her that I was very upset, I trusted her and she keeps this relationships behind my back adn even lied about it. I even asked her if she saw him last week when she was in Florida, she said she ran into him with his girlfriend at the mall. What are the odds of this in Fort Lauderdale??????
I still love her but I lost a lot of trust in her. I asked her to stop talking to this guy. Friendship with younger single men may not appropriate.

Bet money he di.cked her on the cruise, and you have no trust.

[xenthius]

I don't want to bet you anything, if she didn't on the cruise she did last month. I have been able to get my hand on her email account for a day before she changed passwords and found a few interesting e-mails but nothing specific. MSN messenger and skype are my boon it appears. I also have now obtained phone records from her cellphone before she opened a new account. The puzzle is starting to come together. I will have to bide my time, she eventually will make a mistake. To everyone thank you for listening and commenting. Its good to know you are not alone and also there is someone with answers.

[tomasingm]

Bet money he di.cked her on the cruise, and you have no trust.

Co-signed.






Skirtchaser, has alot of wisdom, his bat sense is never wrong. She did do him, and you will only uncover gradual truths as the more you press. And what she feeds you gradually will give you more questions than answers. Dude you know she is cheating so your dileema is not whether she is cheating or not but how to proceed with an adulterous wife...............

[xenthius]

Co-signed.






Skirtchaser, has alot of wisdom, his bat sense is never wrong. She did do him, and you will only uncover gradual truths as the more you press. And what she feeds you gradually will give you more questions than answers. Dude you know she is cheating so your dileema is not whether she is cheating or not but how to proceed with an adulterous wife...............

If it wasn't for the kids I wouldn't be having this conversation, but there are kids involved so I don't want to leave much room for error. If I could bug my phones then it would be much easier, but I use cable service so the oldfashioned recording devises don't work....... :(

[MuffinMan]

I appreciate all the advice and support. I found out that she had met a young man while on a cruise with her friend last year. I also found out that she had stayed in touch with this guy. I ended up confronting her on this, as she said that she met some people but she spent all her time with her friend only. .

Ya bullsh!t. I'd let her know her days of going off on extended vacations alone without you with this "friend" of hers are OVER.

She needs to start acting like a wife and not some single woman. There is a reason she leaves on these trips WITHOUT you....and it isn't to spend time alone with her friend.

Otherwise, it wouldn't be a big deal for you to go with her.

Trust me, she is cheating. There is a reason a wife goes away like that far away without her husband......other men.

I think you need to crack the whip and expect the trips alone for her to be history.

if not, she will continue to walk all over you. And after being caught like this, she'd have some set of balls to still insist that she be able to go away like that.

Oh no my brutha......drop the hammer, NOW!

[MuffinMan]

Friendship with younger single men may not appropriate.

No MAY to it...it is NOT appropriate...especially when she likes her time away from you.

[Doofus McDoofus]

I appreciate all the advice and support. I found out that she had met a young man while on a cruise with her friend last year. I also found out that she had stayed in touch with this guy. I ended up confronting her on this, as she said that she met some people but she spent all her time with her friend only. She told me that she is only friends and that she helped him out with his girlfriend that he is very much in love with. Appernetly she had a couple of abortions with him (she is only 21) etc etc etc. He was very respectful and a very nice guy. She left a lot of blanks and I think she may have been lying but since I can't prove her wrong its a difficult decision to make. I told her that I was very upset, I trusted her and she keeps this relationships behind my back adn even lied about it. I even asked her if she saw him last week when she was in Florida, she said she ran into him with his girlfriend at the mall. What are the odds of this in Fort Lauderdale??????
I still love her but I lost a lot of trust in her. I asked her to stop talking to this guy. Friendship with younger single men may not appropriate.



Ah the old"Im helping him with his relationship" excuse! Thats as fresh as a FOGHAT concert! why doers he need her advice about his old lady's abortions? Is she a doctor? A mind reader? Of course not...


She's a cheater!

I'm very sorry that you are going through this. Batten Down the Hatches, for the Trickle Down truth awaits you.

All cheaters are upsetting to me, but those who use the ancient excuses anger me to no end.

[xenthius]

Sadly you are all most likely right, its just too many things that don't add up when it comes to her explanations. The text messages, phone calls on the cell, oh yes I did get my hand on the phone bills, the account was in my name aswell. (Heck I am paying for the bill.)
I now also found out she is texting and calling a guy here in the same city that we live, old friend......... She sent him pictures while in Florida of herself (supposdly the friend did while drunk at night) they went out in the afternoons. She also texted at leat 20 times each day. The plot thickens.. I have known her for years before we married, but things are just getting weirder. I am a bit floored by all of this, don't even know where she gets the time. I think I will let things go for now, be quiet about everything, I have said my piece, made my case, laid down the law as you could say on how I feel about these guys friends. She supposedly agreed that it was unappropriate (her heart wasn't in it I could tell) but I said that it should be okay for me to have female single friends then. Lets see if she keeps her word. For now I am normal at home, loving father and husband and try not to get the kids involved in anyway. I am angry inside, I feel like someone punched me and at the same time some part of me wants to act out. From your comments and from some other posts I realize is to let things settle, get myself under control, think logical not emotional. Wait and watch and collect my case. If she is cheating then she will make a mistake and when I do decide to confront her and ask for explanations, I will already have my answers, then it will be a test of her honesty and by then it will be to late, but she will loose the kids.

[MuffinMan]

In light of this new information, looks as if she is a serial cheater and it doesn't matter who she cheats with as long as she can spread her legs for other men.

Without her knowing it, start protecting yourself. Talk to a lawyer secretly. Tell him/her you want a divorce and what you can do legally to start protecting yourself financially. If your parents are nearby, start stashing cash at their place...or if you have a friend you trust. Stash it in cash form so it can't be accounted for, do it in small amounts here and there.

And if you do finally do what you KNOW needs to be done and divorce her, let the day she is served papers be the day she realizes she f#cked it all up. Don't clue her in that you are divorcing her. And get the proof so you can file under grounds of adultery. it won't make any difference in the division of marital property or custody, although it should, but it does give you grounds and the moral high ground.

so get the process started. get rid of this serial cheating c##t. (sorry for the harsh words, but thats what she is)

[xenthius]

Muffinman,
it does seem that way doesn't it. I am getting tested this week. Also have requested copies of some of the Credit card charges she paid but i haven't seen any bills on. Quietly of course.
Will keep you updated. And thank you again for all your advice, food for thought.

[bchgrl2008]

The wh0re who was sleeping with my H was "helping him with his relationship" too. In my bed, in my home, and she lived 2 doors down. She is hiding things from you for a reason. I can use myself and this website as an example. My H doesn't know I'm here, and I am going to keep it that way. When he's home and I feel I need to talk to you guys, I do it when he's in the shower, outside, etc. When I hear him coming, I shut off the internet. That would look very suspicious to someone and it's because I'M HIDING IT FROM HIM. I am not doing anything wrong, however, one could argue that I am not being honest and open with him. I have no password on my cell phone that he doesn't know, I read my emails from my email address in front of him, and I don't turn off my cell phone. I have NOTHING to hide but this site from him.

when people are hiding things...there is a reason. Being a woman I can tell you that she's cheating on you. Either emotionally or physically or both. Her distance from you is because there is someone else filling that void. As far as her being tight after no sex for a while, don't take that too much as a sign...she could have purchased toys for her own pleasure that could be filling that void as well.

You need to talk to her. Non-defensively and see what comes out. Guilt will override her stupidity soon enough, and since you are looking...you'll be catching her soon enough.

I am sorry you are going through this. The beginning is always the worst...

[xenthius]

Thank you Bchgrl, coming from a woman especially. Yeah she is hiding things and I do think that she is/was cheating on me either emotionally and/or physically. I haven't found any toys anywhere in the house so I dont' know know what to make of that. She knows I am watching now and she is much more loving now and also staying of the computer. But I noticed that she has her messengers all on her Iphone so that may mean nothing.
THank you for all your input and will keep you updated.

[xenthius]

Quick update, my wfie is complaining of burning sensation in her private area when she pees. She is on antibiotics since last week for strap throat. She is seeing the doctor next week. I made an appointment to see mine, getting tested. I really should have thought about that earlier..... She says its Urethritis.

[bchgrl2008]

Definitely get tested!!!! She probably has a yeast infection or urethritis. The yeast infection can be because of diet or stress, and the UTI can be from sexual contact. She shouldn't be waiting until next week!! She should get in there ASAP and get this taken care of!! Most doctors want to see someone right away for that!!

[MuffinMan]

Quick update, my wfie is complaining of burning sensation in her private area when she pees. She is on antibiotics since last week for strap throat. She is seeing the doctor next week. I made an appointment to see mine, getting tested. I really should have thought about that earlier..... She says its Urethritis.

OMFG! This is another aspect of cheaters I can't stand, putting someone at risk for STD's.

Too bad cheaters can't be put on trial for attempted murder when they cheat.

And if someone gives someone else HIV, whether they know they are infected or not, they need to be tried for MURDER. a$$holes!!!!!!:mad:

[xenthius]

yeah, I am a bit worried about this now. I had a full check up about 2 years ago, blood and the works. Was all okay back then, getting another one done next week. Hope its only a yeast infection, she did have a bladder infection two months ago and six months prior to that.
Oh, I got the phone numbers of the guy from the cruise in Florida and the cell from the guy here in TX were we live. Been thinking about calling them and telling them to get lost.

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[bchgrl2008]

I wouldn't bother calling them to tell them to get lost. They will just have a good laugh at your expense. The people with whom cheaters cheat don't normally give a sh!t about the spouses. If you call them, call to find out exactly what she was up to.

[xenthius]

Tests came all back negative.... thank God. Had a little fight with her today, told her I knew she lied about a few things about her trip and this guy here in Houston. I don't even care at this point, I just wanted her to know that I know she lied but thats it. I decided today to let it go and move on, for my kids sake. It just bothered me that she lied to my face, well some of us get stuck in this thing, and it does end up eating you up alive. Its time to let it go for me and move on and just go on with life.

[tomasingm]

Tests came all back negative.... thank God. Had a little fight with her today, told her I knew she lied about a few things about her trip and this guy here in Houston. I don't even care at this point, I just wanted her to know that I know she lied but thats it. I decided today to let it go and move on, for my kids sake. It just bothered me that she lied to my face, well some of us get stuck in this thing, and it does end up eating you up alive. Its time to let it go for me and move on and just go on with life.

You should call them and tell them about her "burning sensation" when she pees. So then they can sweat a few nights. Then tell them, "thats probably why she was messing around with you, because I know of her STD's. Why don't you think I touch her?"
Then say, "well thanks for your time, have a nice afternoon, take care now, and hang up.

[HENRYSIMON65]

Hello!
My name is Harry.

I'm trying to drop off my weight to the date of our wedding's 10-th anniversary.

In TV news, acai berries promoted as a weight loss diet. I supposed, that the better thing to do is to read the opinions around the web forums.
While surfing around a lot of diet sites, I found that the acai berry and it products is a very popular topic of discussions.
Somebody says that this really works for him. Another say that no diet can be real effective without regular fitness club visiting.
As for me, I looking for a easy solution, cause I don't have a time for exercises.
So I will try with acai or a something like, if the price will be good for me.
I see, there is a lot of acai diets promoted in the internet. Prices are vary.
What do you think about this offer I've got in my email - link (http://www.zroppy.cn/?bkrkwsdnrb)?
These guys offers a "risk free trial" and their price seems to be good.

Maybe someone can recommend some similar products?

[bchgrl2008]

You are on the wrong site. Please go somewhere else.

[z1850]

You haven't mentioned using a semen detection kit. That's one way to catch her for sure! My favorite is the InSite semen detection kit.

[xenthius]

You haven't mentioned using a semen detection kit. That's one way to catch her for sure! My favorite is the InSite semen detection kit.

where do you get those

[xenthius]

well, things just get more interesting, I had a chat with the guy that my wife had been talking on her social network here in town. Nice enough guy, he confirmed that he had met her for lunch in town, note that she swore that she hadn't seen this guy in years only last time in Brazil. After this I started getting a bit worried, she is lying about tooo much. I installed keylogger and voila...... found out she is talking to another old friend/boyfriend, not sure which it is. This is what the conversation online has been so far...
her: will try to find out, but if you come on the weekend, I won't have a way to see you,
him: lets first see where I stay, then when I go
then i must have missed some (she has iphone)
him: In your case, not just the legs I want to bite
her:What else you want from me?
him: evertying
her: we're talking physically?
him : as you know the "limits" are yours not mine.....
her: My limitations can be easly change. It all depends on how much you are up to.
Either she is a cereal cheater, god forbid, or she is planning to cheat, or she enjoys the attention and to flirt...... Time will see. The things we do for our kids, the things we endure geez.

[tomasingm]

well, things just get more interesting, I had a chat with the guy that my wife had been talking on her social network here in town. Nice enough guy, he confirmed that he had met her for lunch in town, note that she swore that she hadn't seen this guy in years only last time in Brazil. After this I started getting a bit worried, she is lying about tooo much. I installed keylogger and voila...... found out she is talking to another old friend/boyfriend, not sure which it is. This is what the conversation online has been so far...
her: will try to find out, but if you come on the weekend, I won't have a way to see you,
him: lets first see where I stay, then when I go
then i must have missed some (she has iphone)
him: In your case, not just the legs I want to bite
her:What else you want from me?
him: evertying
her: we're talking physically?
him : as you know the "limits" are yours not mine.....
her: My limitations can be easly change. It all depends on how much you are up to.
Either she is a cereal cheater, god forbid, or she is planning to cheat, or she enjoys the attention and to flirt...... Time will see. The things we do for our kids, the things we endure geez.

Dude not only is your wife a cheater, she is *****, big time.

[bchgrl2008]

Take it from a woman, she is cheating. The way that conversation went, she is pulling the strings and she WILL sleep with him if she hasn't already. She is baiting him and he's taking it. You shouldn't be accepting this behavior at all!!!

[xenthius]

thank you guys, I guess you are all right. I don't think I deserve this.