omniglh
04-13-2009, 02:52 PM
So I'm preparing for the worst. The big D. I need to know how to cover myself from getting completely hosed in the deal. Anybody got any tips?
A brief rundown of my scenario:
1) We bought a house in January. My family (my dad and my grandmother) gave us $30k for a downpayment. The house and mortgage is in my name because her credit is so bad.
2) We have 2 cars. One I own outright - I paid cash for it a few years ago, before we met. The other car I'm leasing. I leased it because she needed a car, loved mine, and suggested that I just let her drive my old car and I get a new one. (Being a car nut myself, and very protective of my old car, I thought it was a "win-win" for me. How little did I know...)
3) When we met, I had 0 debt. I now have over $30k not including the mortgage. Some of it was her ring and my proposal (it was elaborate.) The rest has been covering the bills while she was out of work (she quit without having anything lined up once, then got fired once, and then for a few months was making less than her childcare bills were so I was covering all her bills, + childcare.) Oh and the child isn't mine, he is from her previous marriage (see next bullet.)
4) Some of the debt has been covering her legal bills. She was in an abusive marriage prior to me (lets not hash over details, and just know that it truly was abusive) and we've been fighting a legal battle to get permanent full custody of her 5 year old from her ex. We've "won" so far, but everything is temporary, pending trial in July (which will require another LARGE retainer that we will have to dig deep for. Most likely, my parents will have to help out.)
5) She came into the relationship with nothing but her clothes, her son, and 2-3 small pieces of furniture (an end table, a dresser, and some home decorative accent pieces.) Aside from a TV stand and a new couch, all of the furniture we live on was mine from before we met.
Basically, everything in the relationship is mine. I know the courts will see it differently, and my consultation with an attorney told me as much. Ultimately, he said that I should really only wind up having to hand her a check for a few thousand bucks and that'd be the end of it. If I talk to him again, I'll have to pay him, so before I do, I'm hoping some of you here can give me some advice.
The one thing that came to mind was trying to get her to sign a post-nuptual agreement. I figure, if she's as committed to this marriage as she claims to be, she'll sign it. I can put an expiration date on it (if we don't split in the next 10 years, then it's null and void), the thought being, if we make it that far, I really can no longer blame her infidelity.
What else can I do or try? What did some of you do, or wish you had done, to keep from losing your ass? In my opinion, I should get to keep everything, but I doubt that'll really happen. I want the house (she doesn't have the credit or the income to afford the mortgage anyways) and while I'd love to keep both my cars, I'm sure I'll have to give one of them up.
(here is the thread of my story: http://chatcheaters.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12536 :( )
Please, just asking for honest advice... no negativity please. As I explain in my original post, I need to give it one last shot before I bail on this, as stupid as I know it may sound. I need to do it for me, so if/when it's over, I'll know I did all I could and I won't find myself lying awake at night wondering, "What if?" Right now I'm just trying to cover all my bases. I don't want to find myself hanging on simply because I'm afraid of the future unknown - I want to have all my cards in front of me.
A brief rundown of my scenario:
1) We bought a house in January. My family (my dad and my grandmother) gave us $30k for a downpayment. The house and mortgage is in my name because her credit is so bad.
2) We have 2 cars. One I own outright - I paid cash for it a few years ago, before we met. The other car I'm leasing. I leased it because she needed a car, loved mine, and suggested that I just let her drive my old car and I get a new one. (Being a car nut myself, and very protective of my old car, I thought it was a "win-win" for me. How little did I know...)
3) When we met, I had 0 debt. I now have over $30k not including the mortgage. Some of it was her ring and my proposal (it was elaborate.) The rest has been covering the bills while she was out of work (she quit without having anything lined up once, then got fired once, and then for a few months was making less than her childcare bills were so I was covering all her bills, + childcare.) Oh and the child isn't mine, he is from her previous marriage (see next bullet.)
4) Some of the debt has been covering her legal bills. She was in an abusive marriage prior to me (lets not hash over details, and just know that it truly was abusive) and we've been fighting a legal battle to get permanent full custody of her 5 year old from her ex. We've "won" so far, but everything is temporary, pending trial in July (which will require another LARGE retainer that we will have to dig deep for. Most likely, my parents will have to help out.)
5) She came into the relationship with nothing but her clothes, her son, and 2-3 small pieces of furniture (an end table, a dresser, and some home decorative accent pieces.) Aside from a TV stand and a new couch, all of the furniture we live on was mine from before we met.
Basically, everything in the relationship is mine. I know the courts will see it differently, and my consultation with an attorney told me as much. Ultimately, he said that I should really only wind up having to hand her a check for a few thousand bucks and that'd be the end of it. If I talk to him again, I'll have to pay him, so before I do, I'm hoping some of you here can give me some advice.
The one thing that came to mind was trying to get her to sign a post-nuptual agreement. I figure, if she's as committed to this marriage as she claims to be, she'll sign it. I can put an expiration date on it (if we don't split in the next 10 years, then it's null and void), the thought being, if we make it that far, I really can no longer blame her infidelity.
What else can I do or try? What did some of you do, or wish you had done, to keep from losing your ass? In my opinion, I should get to keep everything, but I doubt that'll really happen. I want the house (she doesn't have the credit or the income to afford the mortgage anyways) and while I'd love to keep both my cars, I'm sure I'll have to give one of them up.
(here is the thread of my story: http://chatcheaters.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12536 :( )
Please, just asking for honest advice... no negativity please. As I explain in my original post, I need to give it one last shot before I bail on this, as stupid as I know it may sound. I need to do it for me, so if/when it's over, I'll know I did all I could and I won't find myself lying awake at night wondering, "What if?" Right now I'm just trying to cover all my bases. I don't want to find myself hanging on simply because I'm afraid of the future unknown - I want to have all my cards in front of me.