i left my cheating wife, now i dont know what to do.

[infEDELity]

i need help here very badly,
it was only 2 months ago, when i caught my wife is having an affair with her ex-bf, i did not only caught her, she confessed- what a woman! weve been married for seven years, she already have a child when we got married - before, my parents is againts to my relationship with her, but i told them this is the woman i love so im going to marry her....so i did. now we already have 3 kids, most of the people who knew us specially our friends and finally got shocked when they knew that my wife is having an affair. we have successful business, a car, a new house , and 3 beautiful kids. i dont know what went wrong, all i know is i gave whole my life to my family, i know i tried to be the best father for my kids and husband for her. now we are separated for 2 almost months, i move out on our own house, now im staying with my parents.
my problem is.....i cant move on, how stupid of me hoping she will come back after all what she did to me but on the other hand im also afraid to accept her if she will come back to me... im so confused.....my heart says i still love her but everytime i think of her i also feel the pain, and it was deep. she cheated on me once, and she can do it again, right? but how about my family and kids? should i let it fall apart?
i would appreciate if you could give me advice so i can move on......

[MuffinMan]

i need help here very badly,
it was only 2 months ago, when i caught my wife is having an affair with her ex-bf, i did not only caught her, she confessed- what a woman! weve been married for seven years, she already have a child when we got married - before, my parents is againts to my relationship with her, but i told them this is the woman i love so im going to marry her....so i did.

thats why you should always listen to your parents, they are smarter than you think. If your parents don't want you marrying someone, there has to be a good reason for it.



my problem is.....i cant move on, how stupid of me hoping she will come back after all what she did to me but on the other hand im also afraid to accept her if she will come back to me... im so confused

dont be. its real simple.....she is a cheating tramp. that will never change. if you were to ever get back with her, I guarantee she will cheat again. Women like that can't stay faithful to one man. They get bored with being with the same man for too awful long a period of time. Best to move on and find someone decent. Good women are out there my man, your wife, however, isn't one of them.


If you get a divorce, since you both get half of the marital assets, I'd let her have the house, then she has to pay you 1/2 the equity in it. That or give up something on your end equal to 1/2 the equity.

That way you are out from under the house and she will be responsible for refinancing to get your name off the mortgage. Trust me on that one. My X signed a quit claim deed on my house and she got out from under it free and clear while I still had to make payment on it the whole time paying child support as well. And in this market the house didn't sell quickly. It took almost 2 years.

.....my heart says i still love her but everytime i think of her i also feel the pain, and it was deep. she cheated on me once, and she can do it again, right?

Right, and if you get back with her, she WILL do it again. Her desire to have men other than you stuffing their d!cks in her isn't about to change.


but how about my family and kids?

It sucks, believe me. But SHE did this to them....not you.


should i let it fall apart?

You didn't cause it to fall apart...SHE did.

What? You think someone should live life miserably and stay with a cheating f#ckface so the family stays together? You think she gave a rats ass about the kids and the family unit when she was spreading her legs for her X?

Crappy thing is, should could have cared less about what happens to her family and kids by f#cking someone other than her father, but if she wants custody, she WILL get it because she has a set of tits. unless she is a drug addict, or physically abuses the kids, she is the mother, the court will give her custody. Sh!tty deal huh?

And women wonder why men don't want to get married.:confused:



i would appreciate if you could give me advice so i can move on......


suck it up, get the divorce, and after its all said and done, life will start to be better for you. You should get your kids every other weekend and a night during the week. And once you find a great woman, you'll wonder why you even gave a sh!t about your X-wh0re.

[bchgrl2008]

What do you love about her? I ask this question a lot. Do you love a woman who has treated your marriage as unimportant? Do you love that she's been sleeping with another man while you have children at home? Do you love that she's been lying to you all this time? THAT IS WHO SHE IS. We all are shocked and wondering how this could have happened to all of us, and many will say, "I just want my old life back?" What life? The one where you were in the dark while your spouse was out sleeping with someone else?

I am so sorry that you are going through this, but you need to love yourself more than the IDEA of being a happy family. She has ruined that. Don't blame yourself for still feeling for her, and don't blame yourself for believing that you love her. I judge urge you to realize that the woman you love is not the woman that she is. That you need to see first.

[infEDELity]

all what youve said is true, its really hard for me to accept the truth.... and most of my female friends is telling me to forgive her and accept her for the sake o my family and kids, but how can i for give her if she is not even asking for any forgiveness until now, and you know what? after all ive read in this forum, ive come to realize that im not the lowest mammal in this world because she cheated on me... from this moment on, i will let go the trash in my hand and put it where it belong.....it hurt me so much,but like youve said, i can heal and someday i will recover...

[Tabuu]

all what youve said is true, its really hard for me to accept the truth.... and most of my female friends is telling me to forgive her and accept her for the sake o my family and kids, but how can i for give her if she is not even asking for any forgiveness until now, and you know what? after all ive read in this forum, ive come to realize that im not the lowest mammal in this world because she cheated on me... from this moment on, i will let go the trash in my hand and put it where it belong.....it hurt me so much,but like youve said, i can heal and someday i will recover...


Trust and Cheating - Can a Relationship Recover from Infedelity?

Definitions of trust :

* have confidence or faith in

* reliance: certainty based on past experience

* allow without fear

* believe: be confident about something

* the trait of believing in the honesty and reliability of others

* hope: expect and wish

* faith: complete confidence in a person or plan

* confidence: a trustful relationship



What is trust? The above is how the dictionary defines trust. The one that really strikes a cord when cheating is involved is "allow without fear."

Lies break trust, and don't think that just because you only tell part of the truth that this means you are not lying. Telling someone what they want to hear - or what you want them to hear, however founded in the truth, if it is not the complete truth, it is still a lie.

Cheating breaks trust. Cheating is the ultimate trust breaker - one it is difficult if not impossible to come back from, because not only was there a lie, but there was a total and complete abuse of faith and trust placed in a person.

Cheating usually comes with lies too - so not only does one cheat, but one lies about the cheating to cover up the indiscretion. And then the lies get bigger and the trust gets more abused - and this snowball effect comes into play - and it's nearly impossible - if at all, to recover from cheating. No trust. No faith.

No chance to "allow without fear."

If they have cheated - do you want to know? Is ignorance truly bliss this time? Can you ever look at the past the same if you realize that there was a break of trust there...will the memories ever be the same again? Would you want them to be the same?

When it comes right down to it - it's not the cheating that hurts. It is the break of trust, the loss of faith, the changing of perspectives that destroys the heart and brings the anger. It is the realignment of perceptions that really stings the most, when you go back over everything that happened and wonder what was real and what was illusion. That's what hurts.

[MuffinMan]

all what youve said is true, its really hard for me to accept the truth.... and most of my female friends is telling me to forgive her and accept her for the sake o my family and kids

No offense to the true ladies here, but the women that know you in real life seem to stick together.

I can tell you, sticking with a cheater for the family is the WRONG reason.

You will be miserable for years to come and will always be suspicious of her. What kind of life is that for you? Trust me, unless she is an abuser or a drug addict, your kids will be fine. And if not, they always have you to come to and you can take her to court later if its proven she is unfit to be a custodial parent. But you WILL lose any custody fight in the initial divorce. She is the mother...she will win. Fathers get the shaft. My attorney told me I'd lose custody unless she is a druggie or physical abuser, etc. for one simple reason....I "have a d!ck". And those were his words.


but how can i for give her if she is not even asking for any forgiveness until now

You can't forgive her...and I think alot of people say they forgive, but deep down do not. They simply bottle up anger and resentment and put on a happy face for the sake of "the family". Again, thats no life.


after all ive read in this forum, ive come to realize that im not the lowest mammal in this world because she cheated on me

EXACTLY...you aren't the lowest mammal....SHE is. But then again, a snake isn't a mammal.


from this moment on, i will let go the trash in my hand and put it where it belong.....it hurt me so much,but like youve said, i can heal and someday i will recover...

You will DEFINITELY recover....but only if you get rid of her and start a new life.

[fitzge]

Moving out of YOUR house may have been a mistake. I know it is hard to stay in a building and be around their b*ll****, BUT leaving the marital residence normally is not a good idea.

If you haven't gone to an attorney -- do it, now!!
If you haven't taken steps to protect your assets -- do it now!!! She is likely to start spending money like nobody's business.
If you aren't currently seeing your children regularly -- start doing it now.
If you are still in regular contact with that woman -- stop the contact. You only come away feeling worse.
If you haven't exposed the A to family (on both sides), friends, etc -- start doing it. Do it all at once and do NOT tell her you are doing it. What is she going to do? Get mad at you and have an A -- you are already there.

[bchgrl2008]

As a female, I actually agree with Muffin Man. I disagree with ALL us women sticking together, as I think women are way more vindictive and cruel than men. I was in a position to completely screw my husband over. I could have taken it all and taken our son and made him have little time with him. You have to love your children and yourself more than you hate your cheating spouse and do the right thing.

[Skirtchaser]

Ever realize that the kindest hearted people seem to be the one's who get shi.t on in life?

Being good ain't good enough. Feck over any cheater you can for the rest of your life. Your ex included. Life don't get better unless you begin to make it better for yourself. Start thinking about yourself and what you want, what you need out of life, and what you are not going to put up with in your life. No time for sympathy now. The cheaters threw away something good and moral in their life for something ugly. Let them lie in the bed they made.

[infEDELity]

update....

i dont know what shes upto now, but for almost 2 months i never made any contact with her because i want to get rid of her in my life.. but 5 days ago when im about to check my email account, to my surprise, i cannot open it no matter how many times ive tried until it was temporarily locked out, then i tried to open my friendster account, the same thing hapened.
i dont want to make any accusations but shes the only who knew all my personal information in my email and friendster account. yesterday i mentioned what happen to my younger brother and he told me that it was only last year that my ex wife showed to my brother how she can access an email account and reset a password using some kind of downloaded program.
so, since i cant access my email account, i made a new one. using my new email account i registered to friendster and make a new account,... and you know what? just yesterday, i checked my NEW friendster account,i was Shocked... i saw my OLD friendster account viewing my NEW friendster account......so i send a message to my Old friendster account " PLEASE WHOEVER YOU ARE LEAVE ME IN PEACE"...the account never answered back, but it replied in a very different way because
now, again! i cannot access my New email account.....
what a woman......