A new day

[Armyman]

Update-I found out three days ago my wife cheated on me wile i am in Iraq, I told he if she wanted to make it work i would try, she said she need to think about it. With the help of this site and others I call back today to tell her that i wanted to end it. She told me the only reason she told me of the other man was so that i would end it with her. I dont get that but ok. Now I move on with my life. in 49 min. we figured out the details of seperation. funny 12 years together, 7 years maried, 49 min to end it. I wish the pain would go away that fast.

[doesmybuttlookfatinthis]

You are single in a new world my friend. Enjoy.

[bchgrl2008]

It is obvious that she wants to end the marriage. It is amazing how heartless she is. Unfortunately, the pain isn't going to go away fast. I have been wishing the pain to go away for about a year and a half. It does get less though, and now more days are better than others. When I first found out about the affair, everyday was bad. You will heal, and when you come back you get a fresh new start.

[The_Road_2_Recovery]

I'm so sorry to hear that she wanted to end it. Time heals all wounds. I hope that time works in your favor, my Friend. Keep your head up!!!

[The_Road_2_Recovery]

I'm so sorry to hear that she wanted to end it. Time heals all wounds. I hope that time works in your favor, my Friend. Keep your head up!!!

[holikdad]

Hopefully you'll find your life more fulfilling now since you're separating. I decided to stay with my wife and now six months later I wonder if it was the right decision. Don't get my wrong my W is doing everything right to mend our marriage, but it still doesn't feel like it's enough. I wouldn't go so far to say I'm unhappy, it's just not the same as it used to be.

[MuffinMan]

Update-I found out three days ago my wife cheated on me wile i am in Iraq

One of the lowest forms of cheaters....cheating on one of our men or women serving our country and putting their lives on the line in a foreign country. No soldier should have to worry about whether their spouse is cheating on them when they are in harms way abroad. Despicable.

I salute you!!


I told he if she wanted to make it work i would try, she said she need to think about it. With the help of this site and others I call back today to tell her that i wanted to end it. She told me the only reason she told me of the other man was so that i would end it with her.

She is such a gutless turd she didn't even have to courage to leave herself. Cheaters always want it to look like someone elses fault if a marriage fails.



I dont get that but ok. Now I move on with my life. in 49 min. we figured out the details of seperation. funny 12 years together, 7 years maried, 49 min to end it. I wish the pain would go away that fast.


I know its painful. It was for me. But getting angry about it took the pain away, and later the anger subsided and I realized just how great life is!! You will realize that too soon. There are MUCH BETTER WOMEN out there for you. Let your x-cheater be this other guy's problem and say "good riddance".

I know it hurts, but this is for the best. The last thing you need is to be deployed and have to wonder if your wife is back home again cheating.

And when you meet someone else, or simply start dating around, you'll think, "what was my x-wife's name again?" Well, maybe not that, but you get my drift.

Trust me my man, it gets MUCH better and your life will be better.

[tomasingm]

Update-I found out three days ago my wife cheated on me wile i am in Iraq, I told he if she wanted to make it work i would try, she said she need to think about it. With the help of this site and others I call back today to tell her that i wanted to end it. She told me the only reason she told me of the other man was so that i would end it with her. I dont get that but ok. Now I move on with my life. in 49 min. we figured out the details of seperation. funny 12 years together, 7 years maried, 49 min to end it. I wish the pain would go away that fast.

You are serving putting your self in harms way while she is getting a vaj pounded by some one else. Think about it who is missing out??? Yes, the pain will be there for a while but you know what you are stronger than you really are, and if she was so easy to end in 49 minutes it should give you a clear indication of how she felt. But, look at it this way, be strong do not cave in. When you get back home she is gonna have change of heart that I guarantee you. Do no give in, do not let her slide. When you are home you are hers, when you are serving it is one big free for all for her. Do not let her weasel her way back into your graces she is gone have her stay gone.

[Adam Bomb 1701]

Yes, the pain will be there for a while but you know what you are stronger than you really are, and if she was so easy to end in 49 minutes it should give you a clear indication of how she felt.
And, if she gets pregnant by another guy, DON'T let her talk you into supporting the kid (letting the other guy off the hook.) DON'T listen to her sob story about how she was so lonely she needed someone. Who knocked her up, and then dumped her. Walk away, no matter what. Before you're the one left holding someone else's bag.

[trevormac]

sorry to hear that friend. Time will take the pain away and you'll be able to regain hapiness. It's good that you decided to end it. My relationship with my ex dragged out over 3 years after the first affair and was very painful. I guarentee your wife would have cheated on you again, so you are making the right move. You won't have to always be thinking at the back of your mind what she's up to. Make new friends, find new hobbies and when you're ready meet some new ladies and enjoy life.

[fitzge]

Armyman

You are in a part of the world were you can end up maimed or death in a heart beat. Additionally, you've got unit members counting on you. (I know you know this stuff.) Let your First Sergeant know what's up (right now), get over to see the Chaplain -- it will help; if the officers are not involved yet, keep them out of it for now. I hate to preach the company line, but focus on the mission. Make sure a couple of your buddies have got your back.

Get the B*tch off your SGLI (now!!!!). Anything happens to you, she'll be living large off that $$$, plus wining and dining her POS. Get her off all your civilian insurance (now plus 2 minutes). I do not know if you have kids or not. Get a new checking/saving account, get to Finance and have your pay direct-deposited into the new account. It will take DFAS about 6-8 weeks to do that once they get your request. Any allotments you've got going should be changed to your new account. And, for God sakes, make sure she can't get her mitts on any combat pay or enlistment bonuses you've earned. Cancel every joint credit card you've got. I presume you are using your Government Card while deployed -- get the word from Finance on what you can and can not charge on it. Finally, there has to be a JAG somewhere on the Post -- get over there. The Soldiers and Sailors Relieve Act provides you a lot of protection against creditors and legal action while you are deployed.

Protect your finances -- let her eat top Ramen. Meet any know community obligations. Leave her individual bills to her -- she earned them, let her pay them.

Work as much as you can on getting semi-squared away. It does get better with the passage of time. You have time to figure out just what a **** bird she is. DO NOT contact her anymore -- take it day by day initially, and suddenly you will find a week, then two, etc has gone by. Man, you can do it. She is a POS, and not much more than a latrine queen. Bud, you have earned better, and you will have better.

[Armyman]

thanks for taking the time for you thoughts. this site has been one of the best things i have found to help me through this.
Sgt Armyman
Q-West, Iraq

[MuffinMan]

thanks for taking the time for you thoughts. this site has been one of the best things i have found to help me through this.
Sgt Armyman
Q-West, Iraq

We have been in your shoes and weathered the storm.

I was distraught and in shock when I found out my x-W was a cheater too.

And I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt, that divorcing her was the best thing I ever did. Sure it cost me a little money, but it was WORTH EVERY PENNY!!

I feel like I can breath. Most people, men especially, when they find out their spouse is cheating, they are humiliated...they think they won't find anyone better. They feel like less of a man or woman.

but I can tell you after the shock was gone, I knew that wasn't true at all.

I am guessing you are young and have your whole life ahead of you. I got a divorce 2 years ago at the age of 38. I'm now 40 and I feel like I'm 20 again. And trust me, when you start dating other women, even if it doesn't work out and you go through many different women over a small period of time...just being in their company makes you realize that you are glad your x-ho is someone elses problem and that there are plenty of fish in the sea.

I'd look at this as a sign that your life will improve and you will be getting rid of a huge problem.

[Flynn]

7 years married saves you your pension. At least that is a good thing out of a ****ty one.

[MuffinMan]

7 years married saves you your pension. At least that is a good thing out of a ****ty one.

No, it doesn't unfortuntely. It only make her uneligible for his social security if they haven't been married 10 years.

She is still entitled to whatever assets, retirements accumulated over that 7 year period.

[fitzge]

She is still entitled to whatever assets, retirements accumulated over that 7 year period.[/QUOTE]


The magic number on military retirements is 10 years married. So Army man
will not be screwed out of his full pension.

[MuffinMan]

She is still entitled to whatever assets, retirements accumulated over that 7 year period.


The magic number on military retirements is 10 years married. So Army man
will not be screwed out of his full pension.

Well thats a good tidbit to know.

But why not apply the same standards to civilians? Why do we get the shaft when having to deal with the worthless as$holes of the world?

[Lifeisgood]

Sorry you're going through this. Like fitzge said, get her off all joint accounts right now. Don't believe a word she says because 5 will get you 10 she got a lawyer before you did.

Get her off the insurance policies too. I know of a Navy PO3 who was bumped off by his about-to-be-ex-wife's boyfriend before he got her off the policy. Fortunately the beyotch got caught after she got drunk and bragged about it in a bar.

[Tabuu]

Why does she "deserve" any of the fringe benefits?.....She choose the OM ,over U and trust me, she had plenty of time to consider it.

GET RID OF the B**CH/WH**RE/S**TH .........stbX NOW, Be Firm and confident ,that with time U will get over this sooner thab U think, and be able to hook up with some one who really DESEVES & APPRECIATES U ..........

[Adam Bomb 1701]

Why does she "deserve" any of the fringe benefits?.....She choose the OM, over U and trust me, she had plenty of time to consider it.
So did my ex have time. Like over a year. But she is entitled to a portion of my pension, as the marriage was considered "long-term" (i.e. over 10 years). Which also entitles her to alimony. I don't like it, but after six years, I've learned to live with it.
Here's an explanation of why ex'es are entitled to a portion of their spouse's pension benefits:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Qualified_domestic_relations_order

Here's the court case:
http://www.courts.state.ny.us/reporter/archives/Majauskas_Majauskas.htm

[TNK6323]

So did my ex have time. Like over a year. But she is entitled to a portion of my pension, as the marriage was considered "long-term" (i.e. over 10 years). Which also entitles her to alimony. I don't like it, but after six years, I've learned to live with it.
Here's an explanation of why ex'es are entitled to a portion of their spouse's pension benefits:

Adam,
Not necessarily, there are ways around this; offer her more equity in your home, possessions, you assuming some of her debt or even for dropping the cause (adultery) from your complaint. Some people are so materialistic that they jump on this and relinquish any claim to your retirement. Personally, I’ll willingly give my wife half my retirement and SLAM her cheating a$$ with the above. I saw guys do this several times through my career.

Armyman, hang in there, you’ve gotten some VERY good advice on this board. I KNOW your pain ALL too well; I’m also in Iraq and sort of experiencing some of the same.