I took her for granted, she cheated, can I ever trust her again?

[CheatedButRational]

I'll try to lay this out with as many facts as possible while trying to keep it succinct.

First, I've been with my 'partner' for over 9 years. I call her my partner because although I've asked numerous times throughout the years, she has not wanted to get married. We had always referred to each other as husband and wife to other people though until about a year ago. I guess that was the first warning sign, but I totally misread it. If I said, "and this is my wife Kim", and she laughed and pointed out that we weren't actually married, I just figured she was expressing her disappointment in not being an actual wife. In reality (hindsight) she was excusing herself in her own head, for what she was doing behind my back.

I met Kim a few months after I separated from my first wife, and began our relationship during my rather ugly divorce. At that time I was devastated and had went into a 2 year bender. Me and my first wife were divorcing because I had found out she was cheating. It nearly killed me.

Kim loved me about as hard as a person can love another, but at that time, I just needed the companionship and stability of a relationship. So, even though I did not 'love' Kim per se', I went through the motions as if I did, simply to keep her from leaving. About 2 years into our relationship, she became pregnant with our son. His birth was a wake-up call and snapped me out of the bender. When I say 'bender', I was literally drinking a fifth of whiskey and 6-pack of beer chaser each and every day. This was the "me" that Kim had grown to know. And although I was no longer drinking every day, I did not stop completely.

Throughout the following years, me and Kim became more and more distant. More like room mates than lovers. We had sex, but not frequently at all. I'm not putting this entirely on her, but she had gained quite a bit of weight after our son's birth, and that coupled with the fact that I was completely dead-set against having another child (our son was conceived while on the pill), our sex life just dwindled down to almost non-existant. This didn't bother me too much, but apparently, weighed heavy on Kim. Throughout all this time, we always remained "friends", if you know what I mean. It's not like we couldn't stand each other. I still drank 2 or 3 times a week, and although I was never physically abusive to Kim, she told me (after the fact) that when I drank, I would get verbally abusive and make her feel worthless. She said that the breaking point came about a year ago when she said she'd take my son and leave and I told her that at her age, weight and baggage (autistic son), no one else would have her. Cruel of me, I know. I can't justify what I said. But, I feel I need to tell the whole truth in order to get honest feedback, and not just smear her for being a cheating *****. There WERE two sides to this and I'll try to be impartial in the telling.

Now I'll try to get into the nuts and bolts of it, the cheating. The first instance, I wasn't even sure about. I noticed that she was constantly talking on the phone and emailing and texting this IT guy that works remotely for her company. The guy lives over 1200 miles away, but I told her that cheating was cheating, even if it was just emotional and not physical. Kim never seemed to grasp that. Anyway, I saw that she had added the guy to her myspace. At that point, I told her to end it or I'd report them both to the company they worked for, for inappropriate behavior on company time (Kim worked odd hours, the only time they could carry on their "cyber affair" without me knowing). So she got mad and just deleted her myspace account altogether. I found out later that she had immediately got a puppet email account and signed right back up, to keep the affair going. More on this later...the stories get intertwined.

The second, third and fourth instances...these all seemed to occur simultaneously. I'll start off by saying that this all got kicked off when my cousin (we'll call her A.M.), who is also Kim's best friend (that's how we met), moved back to the area from out of state (around 3/'08). My cousin introduced Kim to the cyber sex/ dating sites (A.M. got caught up in this scene and wanted Kim to pal around with her on these sites). At first, Kim was just playing around, screwing around with the heads of all the sad, desperate creatures that populate these sites. She'd even share laughs with me over some of the more pathetic ones. So yes, even though I consider this "instance 2", I did know about it beforehand, and even condoned it. I condoned it until I woke up early one morning and found her camming with one of these losers on my son's computer. This happened in Aug. '08. At that point, I told her to end it, fun and games were over if she couldn't control herself responsibly. She agreed and that was the end of it...I thought. Again, she deleted the accounts I knew of and just went ahead and made new ones.

Now, in the mean time here, say between June up until mid January '09, something was off. There was time Kim couldn't account for, and a change in her behavior. Although suspicious, I always trusted Kim, and continued to trust her right up until the moment that I found out she had actually, physically cheated on me. Because I trusted her, I had no problems when she wanted to go out with the "girls", or go visit so-and-so from work. It wasn't until she started taking my son along that her world started to crumble. I imagine that she thought that since our son is young (7 y/o) and autistic, that he wouldn't be able to bust her out. Way to underestimate our son, Kim. Not only did my son tell me that "mama kissed another man", he told me his full name and address. Now, knowing that she was really cheating (as opposed to just cyber-sex), I decided to arm myself with as much info as possible before confronting her. I know the password to her personal email account, so that was my first stop. Let me tell you, what I found in there was truly disgusting. She had been writing all these sickos from the sex sites and even sending pics and videos of her playing with herself. Yeah, that's bad, but there's more. Looking through the deleted and junk folders, I found emails from all the sex sites she was registered on. At that point, it was just a matter of going to the sites and requesting the password. It would be sent to her inbox and voila, I was in. What I found in her accounts at these sites were even more disgusting. The guy my son told me about was "instance 4", a guy she met on AFF, a site designed explicitly for hooking up for anonymous sex. The reason she was there to begin with? "Instance 3", she had met this other married sicko on P.O.F., the site I knew she was on earlier and told her to end, hooked up with him, and was trolling these other sites for another woman so that they could have a 3some (he broke it off with Kim when his wife found out). And even with these two 'physical" affairs going on, her inboxs on these sites were overflowing with even MORE guys she was cyering with, sending pics and video back and forth! I said there'd be more on "instance 1", that being that she never ended that relationship. That started about a year ago and persisted throughout all this other crap.

[CheatedButRational]

...continued

The confrontation-

So, I confront her with everything I've gathered and of course she has no choice but to admit everything. In attempting to be a mature adult, I accepted my role in her decision to cheat. I'll admit that I was distant and not very affectionate and at times, verbally abusive, and in that, probably made her choice easier. I told her that if things were that bad she should have left me, not cheat on me, but that I understood what happened and could put it behind us as long as this was the end of it. The reasons she quoted to me for cheating, I've changed. 1.) I quit drinking altogether, been sober now since Jan. 18th.,not long I know, but for me, that's a miracle. The quitting drinking wasn't solely for her. I had to quit for my peace of mind. I found out that when I drank, she'd wait until I passed out and then leave to attend to her affairs. 2.) Our sex life is better now than it's ever been. Without getting too personal, I'll just say that it's unusual for us now to have sex only once a day. 3.) I've taken over most of the household responsibilities, she said I never helped her with the house or son. 4.)During our reconciliation, I've shown her more than enough attention and affection. So much so, that she has asked me to back off a bit, I'm crowding her. Red Flag? Yes, that's what I think too. She was crying for attention, now wants space? C'mon.

Although I forgave her and have agreed to reconcile, I'm not a dunce. I have continued to look into her online activity (spying? I guess. that's what she calls it), and have continued to find "indiscretions". Having known or figured out all of her passwords, the only place left for her to carry out any covert activity was her work email address. I knew I'd probably know her password, I just needed to know where to input it, to sign in remotely. So, under the pretense of wanting to check that IT guy wasn't still emailing her, I got her to log into her work email on my computer, then later, checked the browser history for the address. Sure enough, now having the right place to put a password, I was able to log right in. First thing I found was, after I made her delete all her cyber-buddies from her personal email contact list, she had created another yahoo account and just moved them all there. Also, she used this new email account to continue her AFF subscription (yes, I didn't know til then that she was paying $18 a month to access this site), and despite her telling me that she simply had made friends there in the chatroom she wanted to keep in touch with, she was in fact, sharing the account with the guy my son told me about (his cheap ass couldn't afford the $18 a month) and was still trying to actively recruit a women to fulfill the threesome. She denies this profusely of course, saying the guy knew the password from before she ended the affair, and HE was the one using the account and posting as her to pick up women by talking up himself as her. Whatever...I changed the email address to mine and changed the password to mine, neither one of them can access it now.

Now, here's the real kicker. Everything had been going smoothly for the last 2 or 3 weeks, we've been getting along great, sex is great, I can account for practically every minute of her time, so I am absolutely positive she has not had physical contact with ANYONE other than me (unless she took time off of work). I've still been checking her online activity, and so far, she hasn't been doing anything for me to catch. BUT, then this past Friday I noticed that she was logged into her facebook account for an unusually long time for being at work. She'll log in here and there to check her page but can't stay on too long or she'll get in trouble with her company. So, after she logged out of facebook, I logged in to see why she was in there so long. There was a facebook chat window still open where she was chatting with my cousin, A.M. The chat starts out innocent enough and then Kim just comes out with "I'm supposed to see Craig tomorrow" (Craig is AFF-boy, can't afford $18), my cousin, without thinking anything is wrong with this at all, simply asks, "How are you going to manage to get out of the house?"...anyway, I confronted Kim with this when she got home. She says, "Yeah, I was SUPPOSED to see him tomorrow, we had made a date for this party before we broke up". I don't know what to think of this...it sounds halfway plausible. But then my common sense kicks in and tells me not to be so freaking gullible. You know, even if her excuse is true, why would she be thinking about this guy over a month after she ended the affair? Thinking about him enough to bring up a specific date? And a bitter pill to swallow? Her thinking she has the right to get incensed that I still look into her accounts. She gets pissed and asks why I don't trust her enough to not look in her accounts, and I ask, why is it every time I look in your accounts, I see you're still attempting to cheat? Seriously, wtf. Is she that dense, or is it that "woman rationale" that no matter what they do, we should trust them unconditionally? Bunch of nonsense if you ask me. If you want trust and freedom, earn it. You HAD it, you lost it, earn it back. Am I wrong on this?

My head is telling me that she's a cheater and has no intention of quitting, so run like the wind. But my heart is telling me to make this work at any cost, and not sabotage it by being overly suspicious. I now realize I love Kim more than I ever thought I did. Honestly, I had NO IDEA how much I loved her until I was faced with the possibility of losing her. That, and the fact that I love my son more than anything else in this world, tell me to make this work. Being autistic, my son is...quirky. Sometimes, even I lose patience with him. I know as fact that no one will love him or understand him like I do, and that scares me. The kind of scumbags Kim has shown the propensity to gravitate towards (married, broke, or both...on pathetic sex-hookup sites) only make it that much more difficult to leave her. Where would that leave my boy? If anything ever happened to him, I couldn't undo it and I'd never forgive myself.

Anyway...that's it. There are tons of little details I've left out, it would take forever to think of everything in one sitting. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

Sorry, this turned out to not be as succinct as I intended.

[doesmybuttlookfatinthis]

She is a serial cheater. She has gotten a taste of the life, and will not give it up. She will only keep going underground with it. Unless you want to watch her go after other men for the rest of your relationship. You need to dump her. But then you know that. Get custody of your son. She wouldn't want it anyway, because she can't play then. You need to listen to your head. She will never, Never, NEVER quit. I can tell how she responds to you when you caught her. Oh she will cry, and make promises, like she did before. But she'll lie.

[CheatedButRational]

She is a serial cheater. She has gotten a taste of the life, and will not give it up.
This is pretty much what I told her. I compared her to a drug addict that knows she should quit but doesn't want to, and until she wants to, she won't be able to. I can keep her "clean", but for how long? And my cousin only makes the problem worse, they feed off each other. As long as one has the other, they have someone to tell them that what they are doing is normal, acceptable. Trust me, I'd end their relationship if I could. It's a very destructive relationship. I have no doubt that Kim could be faithful and responsible again if she wasn't influenced by A.M. But, she feels a responsibility as a friend to live up to what my cousin expects from her, which is to be a mirror image so that my cousin doesn't feel like as big a freak as she is.

[doesmybuttlookfatinthis]

Well then that pretty much ties it. You can't control her. She is a sex addict. The more she does it the worse it will be. Her desire for sex only increases. You think that you have more sex with her because she loves you? Though she may love you. She is a having a lot of sex with you, because she is addicted to it. She will seek more sex with anyone. What is your living arrangements. Own, rent? Does she work? What you have to do, if I can make a suggestion. You need to cut off all communication with her, accept regarding your son. its call a 180. You do absolutely nothing regarding her. You focus on yourself and you child. She needs to hit rock bottom. And any hope you give her that you can work this out only stops her from hitting bottom. You should out her to all her family members. And friends. Then you write her a no contact letter, basically saying, that you want no contact with her whatsoever. You put someone in between you as a go between (a family member, friend) who will forward any information. It is important that there be Zero communication about you or your life. What you focus on is being happy, self confident, and moving forward in your life. THE LETTER MUST BE IN THE STRONGEST TERMS

In your letter. You tell her that she has chosen a relationship with an endless line of strange men and women who will use and defile her until you won't be able to recognize her if you saw her. She is sacrificing the possibility of any meaningful love relationship with you and your son, in search of an orgasm. Please make other living arrangements as soon as possible. I suggest you move in with my cousin as you will be able to share expenses and antibiotics for the STDs you will undoubtedly contract. I have scheduled myself for a complete battery of tests for STDs and would suggest the same for you, but I am afraid it would be futile. If you are unwilling to move immediately I will make arrangements for our son and I to stay with family until living arrangements can be made. You cannot wish her well or happiness because, based upon what she is doing to herself and those that love her, happiness will never be the end result. Please do not, call, text or write me in any form other then to arrange visitation, financial arrangements, or to discuss situations regarding our sons welfare. Goodbye.

[Ravage]

It's a good thing your not married...

Think about it she's been cheating for like probably longer than you know, why do you think she didnt want to get married to you. The best thing is to cut your losses and move on, take your kid while your at it.

You should feel happy to know that it isnt you...

She's broken inside dont you see that, this is not the time to focus your emotions on what's happening but rather your logic! you have been in love with a facade of what she is. not who she is, and who your seeing right now is the real person. They say cheating is an addiction and even when you catch her the first time she continues to do it? Why fight for a woman who cannot and will not be faithful and is not married to you? You have a kid but what she's gonna give you and STD or get pregnant by your cousin?

I implore you to leave before her madness ends up consuming you! Your son will be better off to be raised by a single father who puts him first instead of a selfish woman who cant see past her own puss* to recognize she's f-ed up in the head.

[sadpatricia]

Look at your points 1 trough 4... She is obviously dishonest, skanky, weird, etc. Please don't be offended, but:
a. you have problems with addiction and dysfunction in your own life
b. you hook up with other dysfunctionals that are more so than yourself
(would a healthy person want to have been with you the way you
described yourself after your divorce?)
c. then you seek some sort of support/pity/commiseration/validation from
others you think are dealing with the same kind of problems
d. you can barely handle your own demons
d. you admit that you have been relatively lousy in the relationship
e. then, you wonder why you are in such a predicament.

Physician, heal thyself. You know this woman is a skank. You have been burned in the past by another woman. (Were you drinking in your first relationship?) Kick out the current skank. End all communication with the cousin. WORK ON YOURSELF. Once you get yourself straight and whole as a single person, where you learn to value yourself in a sober way each day, go to work, and get therapy, then you can consider entering another relationship.
You're a mess, the ex was a mess, the new one is a bigger mess, the cousin is a mess. Worry about yourself.
sadpatricia

[MuffinMan]

But, I feel I need to tell the whole truth in order to get honest feedback, and not just smear her for being a cheating *****. There WERE two sides to this and I'll try to be impartial in the telling.

I don't care what sides there are of a story. You were wrong, if she didn't like it, then she should have made good on her threat and take your kid and leave. You need to make amends for what you did. But she chose to spread her legs for another man while married to you. That is something you just don't get over and she has exiled you to a life of thinking about what she did to you from time to time.


Now I'll try to get into the nuts and bolts of it, the cheating. The first instance, I wasn't even sure about. I noticed that she was constantly talking on the phone and emailing and texting this IT guy that works remotely for her company. The guy lives over 1200 miles away, but I told her that cheating was cheating, even if it was just emotional and not physical. Kim never seemed to grasp that.

thats because she is a cheater...she doesn't WANT to see it.


Anyway, I saw that she had added the guy to her myspace. At that point, I told her to end it or I'd report them both to the company they worked for, for inappropriate behavior on company time (Kim worked odd hours, the only time they could carry on their "cyber affair" without me knowing). So she got mad and just deleted her myspace account altogether.

Why is she getting mad for you having concerns about inappropriate contact with another man? You should have said, "oh, it pisses you off that I don't like you engaging in a cyber affair with another man?....then get out".




The second, third and fourth instances...these all seemed to occur simultaneously. I'll start off by saying that this all got kicked off when my cousin (we'll call her A.M.), who is also Kim's best friend (that's how we met), moved back to the area from out of state (around 3/'08). My cousin introduced Kim to the cyber sex/ dating sites (A.M. got caught up in this scene and wanted Kim to pal around with her on these sites).

So let me get this straight YOUR BLOOD cousin is encouraging your gf to cyber cheat? That cousin wouldn't be allowed in my house ever again.


At first, Kim was just playing around, screwing around with the heads of all the sad, desperate creatures that populate these sites. She'd even share laughs with me over some of the more pathetic ones.

Ya well guess what...she is one of them. She is just as pathetic.



Now, in the mean time here, say between June up until mid January '09, something was off. There was time Kim couldn't account for, and a change in her behavior. Although suspicious, I always trusted Kim, and continued to trust her right up until the moment that I found out she had actually, physically cheated on me. Because I trusted her, I had no problems when she wanted to go out with the "girls", or go visit so-and-so from work.


And since she has a history of cyber cheating, you trusted her why? She has proven herself highly untrustworthy and her outings with "the girls" should have been nipped in the bud. Cheaters lose the right to put themselves in situations where they are away from their spouses in situations that they can be more easily tempted.

Why are you even with her still?


It wasn't until she started taking my son along that her world started to crumble. I imagine that she thought that since our son is young (7 y/o) and autistic, that he wouldn't be able to bust her out. Way to underestimate our son, Kim. Not only did my son tell me that "mama kissed another man", he told me his full name and address.

OMFG!!! she put your son in the middle of this?? now we can say she is a lousy excuse for a mother too. The nerve of her!! if she wants to be worthless, she can be worthless WITHOUT involving your son.

What a pathetic wretch.


Now, knowing that she was really cheating (as opposed to just cyber-sex), I decided to arm myself with as much info as possible before confronting her. I know the password to her personal email account, so that was my first stop. Let me tell you, what I found in there was truly disgusting. She had been writing all these sickos from the sex sites and even sending pics and videos of her playing with herself.

Yup...her and those "pathetic" and "sad" guys on these sex sites are one in the same.

You earlier said you don't want to make this into her being nothing but a cheating ****?? And now you tell us this??

Sorry, there aint nothing stopping her c##t-like status.


Yeah, that's bad, but there's more. Looking through the deleted and junk folders, I found emails from all the sex sites she was registered on. At that point, it was just a matter of going to the sites and requesting the password. It would be sent to her inbox and voila, I was in. What I found in her accounts at these sites were even more disgusting. The guy my son told me about was "instance 4", a guy she met on AFF, a site designed explicitly for hooking up for anonymous sex. The reason she was there to begin with? "Instance 3", she had met this other married sicko on P.O.F., the site I knew she was on earlier and told her to end, hooked up with him, and was trolling these other sites for another woman so that they could have a 3some (he broke it off with Kim when his wife found out). And even with these two 'physical" affairs going on, her inboxs on these sites were overflowing with even MORE guys she was cyering with, sending pics and video back and forth! I said there'd be more on "instance 1", that being that she never ended that relationship. That started about a year ago and persisted throughout all this other crap.

ACCKK!! Ok, I can't take anymore of this.

Is there any reason you haven't kicked this wh0re out yet?????

and kick her out WITHOUT your son. If you gather evidence of this magnitude, a judge would have to be f#cked in the head to let her have custody.

[MuffinMan]

Although I forgave her and have agreed to reconcile, I'm not a dunce.

No offense my man, but if you decided to reconcile with a worthless excuse of a "woman" like this, whether you think you were to blame or not, what she did is unforgivable and you are being a fool. And if you forgave her, well what can I say. I wanted to vomit while reading what she was doing.

She is a wh0re and a skank. Why would you reconcile with that? ESPECIALLY since you aren't married????


I have continued to look into her online activity (spying? I guess. that's what she calls it), and have continued to find "indiscretions".

Why does this not surprise me?



My head is telling me that she's a cheater and has no intention of quitting, so run like the wind.

My head told me that BEFORE you forgave her and found more evidence of her worthless ways not stopping.


But my heart is telling me to make this work at any cost, and not sabotage it by being overly suspicious.


WHAT??? Are you insane??? you have every reason to be overly suspicious of a wh0re like this!!! And YOUR COUSIN is helping her!!!

My god man.....grow a set, man up, and get rid of her!!! You aren't sabotaging a thing....she is by being a worthless cheater!!


I now realize I love Kim more than I ever thought I did.

Aye yi yi. Looks like you are a lost cause. Kim will walk all over you time and time again, and you will allow it.

I feel for you my man, I really do. You are desperate to hold on to her for whatever reason despite the obvious.


The kind of scumbags Kim has shown the propensity to gravitate towards

Newsflash.....she is a scumbag as well. You can't insult these guys without calling her what she is since she is doing EXACTLY the same as the men she is pleasuring herself with.


Where would that leave my boy?

So you are going to stay with a wh0re because of your son? You can get custody of your son with the evidence you have. He is better off with you and not raised by someone like her. SHE TOOK HIM ON ONE OF HER BOOTY CALLS FOR GODS SAKE!!!!!



Anyway...that's it. There are tons of little details I've left out

And they are all irrelevant.

Its obvious you want to stay with a serial cheater that is being encouraged by your cousin. Its obvious you are desperate not to lose her...don't know if its because you think you can't do better...don't want the hassle of kicking her out...whatever.

But you are going to have to make your own misery. Good luck with that.

[CheatedButRational]

Think about it she's been cheating for like probably longer than you know

I'm positive of the timeframe of the cheating. She obviously never bothered deleting anything out of her email account, that's pretty obvious by what I found. If she was deleting incriminating emails from earlier, she would have definately deleted the crap I did find.

Look at your points 1 trough 4... She is obviously dishonest, skanky, weird, etc. Please don't be offended, but:
a. you have problems with addiction and dysfunction in your own life
b. you hook up with other dysfunctionals that are more so than yourself
(would a healthy person want to have been with you the way you
described yourself after your divorce?)
c. then you seek some sort of support/pity/commiseration/validation from
others you think are dealing with the same kind of problems
d. you can barely handle your own demons
d. you admit that you have been relatively lousy in the relationship
e. then, you wonder why you are in such a predicament.

Thanks, not offended at all. You nailed A, B and D (uh, 2nd D, lol) but sorta missed on the other observations. C.) I didn't come here for pity or support or whatever...the idea to post was more theraputical. I've needed to get this crap off my chest, tell someone else what happened and how it made me feel. Unfortunately, it would KILL me to discuss this with anyone I know in real life for the embarrassing nature of it.
D.) I think I've been handling my demons rather well, all things considered. When I lost my first wife, it drove me to drinking hard. This time, instead of drowning my problems in a bottle, I quit drinking.
E.) No, I'm pretty sure I know why I'm in this predicament. I'm not crying, "Why, oh why did she do this to me?"- I already know. I could be a pretty miserable bastard at times. And no, I'm not excusing her cheating by admitting that, I told her she should have left me if it was that bad...there is no excuse for cheating.

So you are going to stay with a wh0re because of your son? You can get custody of your son with the evidence you have. He is better off with you and not raised by someone like her. SHE TOOK HIM ON ONE OF HER BOOTY CALLS FOR GODS SAKE!!!!!

Lol, thanks Muffin Man. After reading through the other threads here, I was looking forward to your reply. You answered pretty much how I expected and I appreciate it and actually pretty much agree with everything. I picked that quote above to address because I had actually asked her the same thing, "How could you bring our son on a booty call?", and she got extremely defensive saying that it was not a booty call, but that they were "dating". I found that so freaking ludicrous, she met the guy on a hook-up site, he KNEW about me, they got together, had sex and then he sent her home...how is that NOT a booty call? I know she's only trying to rationalize in her own head that she was not being used by insisting that they were "dating", but jesus, it really makes you wonder just how dense she has to be to believe that.

[doesmybuttlookfatinthis]

So, what are you going to do? I don't know if you can use the technical term "wh0re". But skank, ****, scut, tramp, trash would be descriptive enough. Don't you think you have had enough time to digest what she is doing to you and her son?

[sadpatricia]

No, Cheated:
You have only been sober since Jan. 18. Look, I come from a family of alcholics/drug abusers/addicts. You are no where near over fighting your own inner turmoil. To call yourself completely sober, at this point, is disingenuous at best when you consider the amount of time you spent regarding yourself as a heavy drinker, aka alcohol abuser, aka alcoholic.

And, yes, you want us to validate your feelings that your current significant other is stupid and you have the upper-hand morally, but just like alcohol, I sense that you are just beginning to see that your significant other (the name "wife" is reserved for those that are legally so, honest, faithful, loyal, and loving to their children) is as bad, if not worse, than your own demons. Also, what kind of father have you been when you, yourself, consider that you have been drinking heavily for quite some time?

I am glad you are seeing your life in a sober light at this time, but fear that any emotional instability will redirect you again to alcohol, as this seems to be the pattern you are developing in your life. Also, you seem to want me to minimize the alcohol involvement and focus on your live-in's sins - which are GREAT and shows just how clouded your vision has been to have allowed it to get to this point. She's an emotional threat to you, an STD threat to you, a physical and emotional threat to the safety of the child, and all I 'm supposed to do is say how you've been wronged and how stupid she is...etc.

Get her out of the house and your lives. She's a threat, a serious one, that someone in your fragile state does not need to be around.

Sadpatricia

[MuffinMan]

So, what are you going to do? I don't know if you can use the technical term "wh0re".

you most certainly can use the term "wh0re" with someone like his wife. check out definition 3 of the following link to Merriam-Webster.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/*****

"3: a venal or unscrupulous person"

It doesn't have to be sex for money. A wh0re can be someone, as stated above, who is venal or unscrupulous. His wife certainly fits that bill.

And she certainly fits the unofficial definition of a "wh0re" in that she is just a plain skank and s!ut.

[doesmybuttlookfatinthis]

Point taken muffin, she's a wh0re.