Advise to help my devisated husband?

[What have I Done?]

I have always felt I was a good, caring person (UNTILL NOW). I am 29 years old and have been with my husband for 8 years, married 6.

1st. Let me describe the wonderful man I am married to; he was raised Mormon (is not now, thank GOD!), but he was raised with the same fundamental social beliefs as me, to be good to others. Ask anyone, he is the kindest man. He is passionate for life and has loved me intensely through our relationship. He has supported my ambissions and helped me in becoming a successful businessperson.

2nd. we were married when I was 23. I have to admit I wasn’t ready and did not feel ready at the time. I am now realizing that the reason I agreed to marry him was to not hurt him. Don't get me wrong, I loved him. The spark just wasn't there. The sexual connection wasn't there.

3rdly. THE SEXUAL CONNECTION! This has been an issue for me basically fro the beginning. At first I accepted it but over time this has devastated the way I feel about him. The only way any decent love making occurred was if I took the anicieative. you can imagine that over time this takes a toll. I tried speaking to him about this but he always said he felt our relationship was amazing. I tried therapy with him which he hated ( I'm not sure we had a very good therapist. I felt she was drastically on my side. I was there to work on my issues as well and did not receive help from her only support that I was in the right). During this period I developed a close relationship to a male childhood friend, we fell in love. We had many lunches together and spent hours in amazing conversation. My husband didn't mind because this man was a good friend to him as well and thought that’s what we were. I was floating on water for about 6 months. Nothing physical happened until my Birthday dinner. A group of friends including this man and my husband ate and drank a wonderful dinner. As usual my husband was tired so I went out with this man to the Clubs. We confessed our love for each other and had a passionate make out session. We went back to his house where I stayed the night with NO SEX just talking, kissing and cuddling. He dropped me off in the morning and I justified to my undisturbed husband we had a fun friendly night hanging out. I felt aufull and fantastic! This man and I descried the next day that we would not see each other again. This was a year and a half ago

4thly. I have not been the same since that relationship occurred. The last few months my husband has been working at my firm. He has not attributed what I thought he would and has made my working more difficult. I have been horrible to him in exchange. I have lost any respect that I had for him and completely hate making love to him. I have also lost any love I had for myself. I HAVE BEEN MISSOURABLE!!! I have been drinking heavily and have had some embracing black outs. This leads me to the situation.....

THE SITUATION - My husband and I went to a girlfriend of mines house to have dinner with her, her husband and two beautiful children. We drank and drank and decided to stay at their house so not to drive. My husband eventually went to sleep. My girlfriend and her children went to sleep. Her husband and I stayed up drinking and drinking. I pretty much blacked out until I saw my husband face looking through a car door watching me and my friend’s husband having sex. We were not at their house but in a field somewhere. I don't know how this happened or how my husband found us. I know that this wasn’t rape, but that’s all I know. My husband got into his car and drove home ( to leave many holes in our walls). I veguely remember calling a girlfriend to pick me up. I stayed the rest of the night at her house and woke up in the morning still very intoxicated. I tried to gather myself, told her I was going to get coffee and headed straight over to my house. I walked in, my husband was in the bathroom. When he walked out and saw me he grabbed me by my throught and forced me out side then locked me out. I cried and pleaded for him to let me in so we could talk. He called a my girlfriend to come get me. She pulled me away and forced me into my car and led me back to her house.

NOW - I feel like the worst person in the world to hurt so many people I love. I know I have to move on but it seems almost unbearable. It has been exactly a week since this happened. My husband has put most of my things out which I have collected. He refused to let me see my four dogs ( my babies). He is only communicating with me via email regarding finances. He has face booked that we are not together and called every one, I mean every one of our friends to tell them we are not together and we are very social people. Most of our friends have been amazing even to me but there is undertone they are on his side ( if that’s what you want to call it). I am trying so hard to make this as easy as possible on him. His communication to me is getting meaner and meaner. I am having a hard time keeping my cool. I know the best thing to do is give him what he wants right now and time will heal. I also have to cover myself incase this gets nasty. I just need some advise on how to heal this situation?

[cats8398]

hmmmmmmmm...... fake?

[tijaco]

I'm a little suspicious also Cats. I would think a "successful business person" could spell but they say President Kennedy couldn't spell so maybe she is legit so here goes.....

Leave this decent man the hell alone. Protect yourself if things get nasty?....OMG the absolute stinking gall you have! You started the nastiness. Try to conjure up some of that goodness and caring you think you're so full of and give him the dogs, money, house and anything else he wants. He will find someone worthy of him one day. When he is truly loved in return, hopefully it will heal him and it won't be so hard on him to think he wasted so much time and love on an alcoholic, fickle skank.

[Slim]

Shewwwww, I think you should give him the website and let these GOOD people help him. I dont think you can do it on your own, You cant even talk to him correctly and now youve betrayed him on top of the lies, He needs help elsewhere. Face it, there is nothing you can do to change his mind right now.
Just leave him alone, and DO NOT fault him, for your the one with the fault.
If you really want to help him, give him what he wants. Period.

[MuffinMan]

4thly. I have not been the same since that relationship occurred. The last few months my husband has been working at my firm. He has not attributed what I thought he would and has made my working more difficult. I have been horrible to him in exchange. I have lost any respect that I had for him and completely hate making love to him.


Bullsh#t lady. You lost respect for him the minute you f#cked around with another man. You and the other man went out clubbing, you stayed at his house, confessed your love for one another, and nothing but "passionate making out" happened? ya right.

So question is, when are you going to divorce your husband and set him free from you?



THE SITUATION - My husband and I went to a girlfriend of mines house to have dinner with her, her husband and two beautiful children. We drank and drank and decided to stay at their house so not to drive. My husband eventually went to sleep. My girlfriend and her children went to sleep. Her husband and I stayed up drinking and drinking. I pretty much blacked out until I saw my husband face looking through a car door watching me and my friend’s husband having sex.

Ok, now I am thinking this is a troll post.

But just in case it isn't, you are nothing but a tramp. Please divorce your husband. He sounds like too decent of a man to be treated this way by a total wh0re.



We were not at their house but in a field somewhere. I don't know how this happened or how my husband found us.

You don't know how this happened? You are a wh0re....thats how it happened.



I know that this wasn’t rape, but that’s all I know.

Of course it wasn't rape. You are all too willing.


My husband got into his car and drove home ( to leave many holes in our walls). I veguely remember calling a girlfriend to pick me up. I stayed the rest of the night at her house and woke up in the morning still very intoxicated. I tried to gather myself, told her I was going to get coffee and headed straight over to my house. I walked in, my husband was in the bathroom. When he walked out and saw me he grabbed me by my throught and forced me out side then locked me out. I cried and pleaded for him to let me in so we could talk. He called a my girlfriend to come get me. She pulled me away and forced me into my car and led me back to her house.

GOOD FOR YOUR HUSBAND!!! the throat thing may have been a little much, but throwing you out was the least he should have done. Hopefully he will be filing for divorce.

so question for you. Why the hell did you want to go in and talk to him? What?....you wanted to work on the marriage? nothing to work on?

Or did you just want to tell him you didn't mean for any of this to happen and talk to him about divorce?


NOW - I feel like the worst person in the world to hurt so many people I love. I know I have to move on but it seems almost unbearable. It has been exactly a week since this happened. My husband has put most of my things out which I have collected. He refused to let me see my four dogs ( my babies). He is only communicating with me via email regarding finances. He has face booked that we are not together and called every one, I mean every one of our friends to tell them we are not together and we are very social people. Most of our friends have been amazing even to me but there is undertone they are on his side

Of course they are on his side unless they are completely unscrupulous with no sense of right and wrong.



I am trying so hard to make this as easy as possible on him. His communication to me is getting meaner and meaner. I am having a hard time keeping my cool.

Well you should keep your cool. If you get nasty with him right back, it only shows why you are a cheater in the first place.

You basically destroyed him by spreading your legs for another man. OF COURSE he is going to be angry and mean.

And frankly, you just need to take it like a woman who f#cked another guy. You did this to him. His rage is understandable. It will diminish with time, but right now, you need to realize that this is YOUR doing and you need to accept the consequences of YOUR actions.

And that includes him being "mean" to you. Nothing he can say to you even comes close to comparing what YOU DID to him.


I know the best thing to do is give him what he wants right now and time will heal. I also have to cover myself incase this gets nasty. I just need some advise on how to heal this situation?

He will have to heal himself. You, however, can do as you like once you are divorced. Go out and have the sex you want with as many men you want it with in a field somewhere or maybe a rest area bathroom.

For him to heal is to get this divorce over with quick as possible and the LEAVE HIM ALONE. Any contact you have with him after a divorce is not only not needed, it only hinders his healing process.

So get the divorce over with quick, do right by him in the divorce since you are the one that f#cked another guy and cheated in the marriage, and then move on and leave him be.

[MuffinMan]

hmmmmmmmm...... fake?

Quite possible, but just in case it isn't and such a worthless woman does exist, it was my duty to respond properly.:D

[KATURN]

I don't even know where to begin except to say how sad that you did not cherish the blessing you had. One day when you love someone dearly and do everything in your power to make them happy only to find them in the arms of other women...then you will look back and truly know what you have done...or when all the men you are "attracted" to are faithless users who prey on you for anything you have...then you will know that good men are hard to find. You should let him go with no fighting...you created this debacle. You must realize that this comes with consequences. At least let this pass for your husbands sake with some shame. Your feelings now are of little consequence when you have betrayed one so good to you...not to mention your friend. Indeed you reap what you sew... life will teach you many lessons.

[doesmybuttlookfatinthis]

What kind of advice to you want? I'm glad he tossed your cheating a$$ and hope he takes you for everything. Did you think you would get a sympathetic shoulder here. Your a lying cheating slu.t. I hope you do get out of the marriage. He deserves a hell of a lot more then you, trash.

[Flynn]

If its real then....lady you got what you wanted out of the marriage. You weren't good enough to do it nicely....you had to F@#k your friends husband in front of your husband to finally end it! Wow what a good person you are.


P.S.....This story sounds very fake but whatever!!!

[bchgrl2008]

Right on Ti, I noticed the poor spelling myself, and I'm not the best speller either, even though I'm a teacher :) I teach math though, so I have a little bit of an excuse. If this is fake, and I am assuming it is based on the fact that the blackout-queen hasn't responded, my question is this...What is wrong with these f--ing people who come here and try to poke fun at us and have their laugh at our expense? Don't they have anything better to do besides engage themselves in our unhappiness. To those of you who think this is a joke, then f--k you. Good luck finding people to help you out when you crash and burn. Karma's a b!tch.

[Jorge1907]

Maybe he just hates the illiterate **** that you are.

[breemood]

I have been drunk more times than I care to count, but the one thing that I know, is I never opened my legs for someone other than the former deacon. Drunk isn't an excuse, justification or a get out of jail free card. Your character is what causes your actions. If you don't have it in you to do certain things, no matter the circumstances you don't do it.

Your husband is a man of honor, because he should have told everyone who would listen, including the man's wife. Spelling isn't an indication of a cheater, but character is.

[MuffinMan]

Yup...troll post.

I suggest we get Skirt on this and ban the IP.