kokodaddy
02-01-2009, 07:43 PM
mine is a long read. gonna take 3 posts. I will start with a letter I wrote to an on line counselor when my wife had me removed from the home with a TRO. Then I'll get into the events that have happened over the last month.
On Dec, 27 my wife had me removed from my home with a restraining order. Said I made terroristic threats to her. This was a planed event and you'll see why later on. here is a letter I wrote to a counselor after I was removed.
I am a 32 year old husband and father of three. I am in a failing marriage and I really need some help. My wife and I have been married for seven years. We were so in love and we had nothing. Over the last 3 months we have fallen completely away from each other.
Last Saturday night 12/27/08 started out fine. Late in the afternoon my wife started getting ready for work. I went in to get her cell phone to call my father and noticed that before she gave it to me she deleted something. This turned our fine day into a bad one. You see I was never jealous of my wife until we started having problems. She talks and texts her close friends and tells them about our situation. Some of these texts are not meant for me to see, so she deletes them. When I see her deleting things it upsets me as I think she is having an affair. She swears up and down that she is not. I seemed to have lost trust in her. This loss in trust is my fault, let me explain.
My best friend, a person I have known for over 15 years was living with us for a time as has done in the past when he gets into a jam. We were having a few beers, and he was telling me story after story about how many times he has cheated on the women he has had relationships with. I then lied to him( more on lying later) and told him I had once cheated on my wife. I was trying to act cool and impress him. My friend has a substance abuse problem. I was very proud of him the day he decided to get his life together and stop depending on these substances to get through his day. Part of his recovery I guess was making amends to all the people he thought he had wronged during his abuse. As my wife was also his friend, he decided to tell her the story I told him that night we were having a few beers.
This is not when our problems began however it was the straw that broke the camels back. I told my wife what had happened and tried to explain it to her. I don’t know for sure if she believes me or not but, that was the day she lost all trust for me. I think back on that day and wonder what makes a man tell a lie like that? What part of his brain tells him that it’s a good idea? I love my wife more then any other woman anywhere. I would never commit such an act. Not knowing weather or not she truly believes me has caused me to lose trust for her. I think well, if she doesn’t believe me, is she going to go out and cheat on me? There’s a few other things that have cause my trust to slip, I’ll get more into that later on. For now let me get back to that Saturday.
So the deleting of this text message started me and my wife fighting, and of course saying things to each other that we didn’t really mean, for the express purpose of hurting one another. This unfortunately is a common practice in our home. The worst time I think was one day we were fighting and my wife told me I should kill myself but to please do it so the kids didn’t find me. Horrible I know, but this is how we communicated. I said and it still hurts me to this day that I would be capable of saying such things, that I would slit her throat and watch her bleed. Again I said it only to hurt her. I have never laid a hand on my wife in a violent way.
I remember standing next to her as she did her makeup at the mirror last Saturday after our fight, saying I was sorry. I was telling her that nothing has been done that we can’t fix. Her response was that there was no fixing this. It hurts me so much when she says that. I then, in our normal fashion of saying things to hurt each other said “It’s going to be a bad day the day I can’t live with my children”. I walked away. She told me she was going to have her mom stop by later to check on me and the kids. I told her don’t bother I can take care of my own kids and if your mom comes here I wont let her in. I love my mother in law, but again I was saying things at that time that I thought would hurt my wife. Not that it matters but if she did come by I would have let her in. Matter of fact I would have said anything about it.
About an hour or so later my wife was ready to leave for work. I was in the kitchen making diner for the kids when I herd her say goodbye. I responded in a crazy type of voice “bye”. She asked me, why did you say it like that? To witch I did not respond. About five minutes later, I was bringing out the diner I made for the kids, and noticed that no one was there. I ran out front only to see the break lights of our mini van at the end of the street. I was frustrated and upset.
I had no phone to call her, at the time my wife’s cell was our only phone. I was mad at myself. I was always mad at myself for the things I would say. You never think about it till later though. I was felling depressed, thinking, what if my wife is right? What if there is no way to fix this? I laid down in our bed and fell asleep. I awoke a couple hours later to a knock on my door. The police. I invited them in as my heart sank. Peter we are here to serve you with a temporary restraining order. You need to gather some cloths and leave the property. I was thrown out of my house, prohibited from any contact with my wife and children. If you see, talk, phone, email, text, or make contact in any way with your wife or children you will be arrested and put in jail.
That was last Saturday December 27, 2008. Today is Saturday January 3, 2009. I did not see my children on New Year’s day. The first and only holiday I have ever been away from them. My court date is scheduled for January Th. Five more days’ before I can return to my house and see my family. This is of course if the restraining order gets lifted.
I have never in my life been more depressed then I am right at this moment. I feel powerless. I feel worthless.
I guess now is a good time to give a little history on me and my wife’s relationship, and how we got to where we are today.
I love you. The first time my wife said those words to me, I cried like a child. I fell in love with her the very first time I laid eyes on her. She had a new born son, and was in a really bad relationship with the father. I lived in an apartment with my father, and she left her relationship and moved in with her mother in the apartment right cross from mine. We began dating and I did every thing I could to keep her mind off of that bad relationship. I made the decision right then and there that I would protect her and, love her and, give her the life she wanted and deserved. I have failed.
On Dec, 27 my wife had me removed from my home with a restraining order. Said I made terroristic threats to her. This was a planed event and you'll see why later on. here is a letter I wrote to a counselor after I was removed.
I am a 32 year old husband and father of three. I am in a failing marriage and I really need some help. My wife and I have been married for seven years. We were so in love and we had nothing. Over the last 3 months we have fallen completely away from each other.
Last Saturday night 12/27/08 started out fine. Late in the afternoon my wife started getting ready for work. I went in to get her cell phone to call my father and noticed that before she gave it to me she deleted something. This turned our fine day into a bad one. You see I was never jealous of my wife until we started having problems. She talks and texts her close friends and tells them about our situation. Some of these texts are not meant for me to see, so she deletes them. When I see her deleting things it upsets me as I think she is having an affair. She swears up and down that she is not. I seemed to have lost trust in her. This loss in trust is my fault, let me explain.
My best friend, a person I have known for over 15 years was living with us for a time as has done in the past when he gets into a jam. We were having a few beers, and he was telling me story after story about how many times he has cheated on the women he has had relationships with. I then lied to him( more on lying later) and told him I had once cheated on my wife. I was trying to act cool and impress him. My friend has a substance abuse problem. I was very proud of him the day he decided to get his life together and stop depending on these substances to get through his day. Part of his recovery I guess was making amends to all the people he thought he had wronged during his abuse. As my wife was also his friend, he decided to tell her the story I told him that night we were having a few beers.
This is not when our problems began however it was the straw that broke the camels back. I told my wife what had happened and tried to explain it to her. I don’t know for sure if she believes me or not but, that was the day she lost all trust for me. I think back on that day and wonder what makes a man tell a lie like that? What part of his brain tells him that it’s a good idea? I love my wife more then any other woman anywhere. I would never commit such an act. Not knowing weather or not she truly believes me has caused me to lose trust for her. I think well, if she doesn’t believe me, is she going to go out and cheat on me? There’s a few other things that have cause my trust to slip, I’ll get more into that later on. For now let me get back to that Saturday.
So the deleting of this text message started me and my wife fighting, and of course saying things to each other that we didn’t really mean, for the express purpose of hurting one another. This unfortunately is a common practice in our home. The worst time I think was one day we were fighting and my wife told me I should kill myself but to please do it so the kids didn’t find me. Horrible I know, but this is how we communicated. I said and it still hurts me to this day that I would be capable of saying such things, that I would slit her throat and watch her bleed. Again I said it only to hurt her. I have never laid a hand on my wife in a violent way.
I remember standing next to her as she did her makeup at the mirror last Saturday after our fight, saying I was sorry. I was telling her that nothing has been done that we can’t fix. Her response was that there was no fixing this. It hurts me so much when she says that. I then, in our normal fashion of saying things to hurt each other said “It’s going to be a bad day the day I can’t live with my children”. I walked away. She told me she was going to have her mom stop by later to check on me and the kids. I told her don’t bother I can take care of my own kids and if your mom comes here I wont let her in. I love my mother in law, but again I was saying things at that time that I thought would hurt my wife. Not that it matters but if she did come by I would have let her in. Matter of fact I would have said anything about it.
About an hour or so later my wife was ready to leave for work. I was in the kitchen making diner for the kids when I herd her say goodbye. I responded in a crazy type of voice “bye”. She asked me, why did you say it like that? To witch I did not respond. About five minutes later, I was bringing out the diner I made for the kids, and noticed that no one was there. I ran out front only to see the break lights of our mini van at the end of the street. I was frustrated and upset.
I had no phone to call her, at the time my wife’s cell was our only phone. I was mad at myself. I was always mad at myself for the things I would say. You never think about it till later though. I was felling depressed, thinking, what if my wife is right? What if there is no way to fix this? I laid down in our bed and fell asleep. I awoke a couple hours later to a knock on my door. The police. I invited them in as my heart sank. Peter we are here to serve you with a temporary restraining order. You need to gather some cloths and leave the property. I was thrown out of my house, prohibited from any contact with my wife and children. If you see, talk, phone, email, text, or make contact in any way with your wife or children you will be arrested and put in jail.
That was last Saturday December 27, 2008. Today is Saturday January 3, 2009. I did not see my children on New Year’s day. The first and only holiday I have ever been away from them. My court date is scheduled for January Th. Five more days’ before I can return to my house and see my family. This is of course if the restraining order gets lifted.
I have never in my life been more depressed then I am right at this moment. I feel powerless. I feel worthless.
I guess now is a good time to give a little history on me and my wife’s relationship, and how we got to where we are today.
I love you. The first time my wife said those words to me, I cried like a child. I fell in love with her the very first time I laid eyes on her. She had a new born son, and was in a really bad relationship with the father. I lived in an apartment with my father, and she left her relationship and moved in with her mother in the apartment right cross from mine. We began dating and I did every thing I could to keep her mind off of that bad relationship. I made the decision right then and there that I would protect her and, love her and, give her the life she wanted and deserved. I have failed.