Getting better I think

[oscarland]

My wife of 16 years comes to me two weeks before Thanksgiving and tells me she is unhappy and has been for a long time and wants to leave me. We have one child together, a fifteen year old boy. This all comes after she has gotten a new job. She had just completed her 60 day probation period there. That means that most likely she will be staying. Of course she tells me she still loves me and cares for me, but she is not in love with me anymore. I'm sure a lot of you have heard this before. I must admit there has not been a lot of passion there for a long time. But I always thought we would work thru that and rekindle things. There has always been financial difficulties, but we have always worked thru them. This is one of the reasons she went back to work after being at home for the last 7 years. We had just moved into a very nice new house about year ago. Three car garage, swimming pool the whole nine yards. I tell you this because I went into this home for her and my son. I was so tired of her depression and hostile attitude towards me that I was kind of relieved when she told me she was going to leave me. That's when the bomb dropped on me about two weeks later. I find out she has been seeing a married man at her new job and even had him in my house when I took my son to see his grandparents. I was so angry I couldn't see straight and still pretty angry. I also find out they have been meeting after work in a van that I bought for her. She tells me she doesn't care if I keep the house, the dog and a lot of the things in the house. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense that I was relieved sort of when she said she was leaving before I found out about the affair. But now I'm crushed. What makes me sick about the whole thing is that I really supported her in starting her new job, and took on a lot of roles that I typically didn't do before. Well my business fell behind and I needed her paycheck to make ends meet. Well I told her I had proof and confronted her about it and she never confessed fully but didn't deny it either. The only real evidence I have is a record of text messages sent at all hours of the night and day. I told her if she didn't bring home her check and put it into our joint checking account until I get my business back to where I can pay all the bills on my own again, that i would go to his wife and open the can of worms. I got from a good source that this guy has done this recently with another married women and she left her husband and of course he is still with his wife. I know people related to me that used to work where she works now and still keeps in touch. This is how I found out what was going on. I hate to say it, but it was my father who told me about her beau. He is retired from that place and still has friends that keep him informed. One that told him was her boss. Which is friends of the family. She had know idea. Well I have finally got my business back close to being as stable as it was before she went to work. My son is real close to his mother and wants to go stay with her. This is killing me also. Because she is moving to another town closer to her work and this will put him in another school. He has been doing so well where he is at, but he thinks it will be a new place with new friends. He will be driving soon and assures me that he will visit often. Me and him have always been real close and I have been the one taking him to school every morning. I don't know I have been rambling. I think I still love her but hate her at the same time. I hate this feeling. She gets paid every two weeks. I told her to take the next two pay checks put em her bank account and get out. The thing that depresses me so much about this is I'm telling my son to leave at the same time I tell her to leave. So that gives her about four more weeks together. She seems to be real depressed and I find myself feeling sorry for her. It also bothers me that my son seems okay about everything right now. He even knows about what she did, but still wants to stay with her. I know he would be better with me, because my shedule is more flexible than hers and he is more ajusted here. I don't know what to do, but I hate this feeling of doom on and off again. She even tried to tell me the other day that they never had sex and I was getting distorted information, from the wrong people. I told her nice try, but I'm not that stupid. Why would she say that if she is leaving anyway? I know this is bunch of rambling, but any input would be nice.

[doesmybuttlookfatinthis]

You ain't seen depressed yet, when she runs back to you for comfort after this POS dumps her. If I were her I wouldn't get to damn secure in that job either. She already has the reputation of being a tramp (with your permission). I mean look at this economy. And it will get worse. If you don't mind, what line of work is it anyway? Does she have any idea what would happen if she lost this job? It being the first she had in seven years. If this job goes. Its hello wal-mart. And your son would probably come home to you. She dosen't know that she was just a piece of tale to this guy. She will soon. Now is the time for the OMs wife to find out. Karma is a *****.

[oscarland]

Thanks for the reply. I don't think she is still seeing this guy. She was called into the office by her foreman at work and confronted about it and so was he individually that is. She is an instrument Tech in a Paper Mill. Making decent money, but not near as well as I was before things slowed down for me. But it must of been so obvious at work that they were called in. On the first of January they were seperated and sent to other crews away from each other. But I have know way of knowing for sure, that it is over. I've tried to call the POS and he want return my calls.

[oscarland]

One of the ways I found out is he was out bragging about at work. And even bragged about being in my house when I was not there. I know this guy is a little POS, and I would like cut his **** off and stuff it in his mouth. He knows I know and my family knows and supposedly has cooled it. But who knows for sure. I don't mind the tramp inuendo either. Of course she doesn't believe he has said anything. She thinks it was just people making things up where she works. She works mainly with men and has done this type of work before. She was working in this field newly when I met her and did so about the Half of our marriage. This could have happened before, but I could of been to stupid to see it. She married real young the first time and was divorce when I met her. She has a handicapped child with cerebral palsy who now lives in a assisted living home. I helped take care of him from the time he was 8 years old. He is 24 now. But he was always back forth from us to his dad. His dad cheated on her incidently and that is why he divorce her. He has even admitted that to me. He remarried about 8 years ago and is doing real well. Real committed in church and totally turned his life around. But it has always been a lot to overcome in this marraige. But I have always tryed to make it work especially for my son that we have together. Sounds like a mess doesn't it.

[Ravage]

I think the best thing if i was in your shoes would be to divorce her.

She'll attempt to come back when it gets overwhelming and if the HR guys know about the affair and the OM you can bet other's know too!!!

She's in denial about what she's doing and what she's done.

I clearly see a pattern in her behavior, married before cheated at work, divorce, married again, cheated at work? Sounds familiar?

Her track record as a wife and a faithful woman is sorely crappy!

I think you should leave. I mean what's the point? She doesnt sound like she's interested in the marriage anyways' and she's just another knotch in the OM's belt. Denial wont last for long, file for divorce, you'll see. lol.

[StillinShock]

okay...you were relieved until you found out about the affair. Mmmm...I think that tells you alot. And I think you will survive just fine...

I agree with ravage--the OM will probably dump her. And then you'll get to feel those conflicted feelings as she begs you to take her back.

Options:
l....Focus on yourself and ride the roller coaster of emotions while you enjoy your son's time for two more years at home--focus on him big time--the kids say they want to spend all their time with their peers but if you get projects going together he can become as close to you as he is with your wife--closer at this age. But if you do this, insist on controlling all the finances. Get yourself tested for STDS if you have not already done so...expect that the affair will continue. You can bail at any time...most likely when you get tired of doing without sex while she is out there with this OM
2. Get control of the finances...set yourself up some for the next six months while you spend time with your son...then file for divorce sooner rather than later. Drive to see your son--take him places--do what you can. Start a new life and meet someone great!!
3. Forgive her. Take her back to your bed. Write back when she starts cheating again or when you discover you have an STD. And then counsel your son in a couple of years when he lets a woman treat him the same way in a marriage that wasn't working to begin with...

mmmm....Option 2 sounds like the best to me...

[doesmybuttlookfatinthis]

I wouldn't want to be in a paper mill. Unless I made toilet paper. Newspapers and magazines biting it, paperless offices. She already has one strike against her. I think she will be back. Not to mention, she may be a looker? But she is no spring chicken either. The kind of guys around her won't be there for a meaningful relationship. Disneyland is fun, but who would want to live there. I think she will implode and you will excel. I see you finding a nice lady. And her going balisitic. Especially if she ever lives or marries you and she ends up in your STBXWs dream house. The sweetest revenge will be your success.

[Slim]

Option 2 looks good for you based on your post, good luck.

[oscarland]

Ravage I agree with you except for one thing. You misunderstood my previous post. She did not have the affair in her first marriage, her ex husband did, with several women while she was going thru complications of dealing with her handicapped son. He admitted that to me. He has since turned his life around and grew up. She was the one that was cheated on in the previous marriage. This has not been a pattern for her. This is the strangest she has ever acted in our marriage together. I'm wondering if she has never been able to fully trust period. Does that lead to infidelity in some cases?

[Skirtchaser]

Ravage I agree with you except for one thing. You misunderstood my previous post. She did not have the affair in her first marriage, her ex husband did, with several women while she was going thru complications of dealing with her handicapped son. He admitted that to me. He has since turned his life around and grew up. She was the one that was cheated on in the previous marriage. This has not been a pattern for her. This is the strangest she has ever acted in our marriage together. I'm wondering if she has never been able to fully trust period. Does that lead to infidelity in some cases?

Wake up guy, this forum is full of posters who have been cheated on. We don't cheat because of it, we simply detest a cheater for what they are. Your looking for an excuse or reason for what she is doing, it's no more that a flaw in her character and a lack of morals.

You say she's not cheated before, how do you know? Because she told you? Cheaters lie, and she is a cheater.

[Flynn]

I would keep the threat over her head until your business is OK, divorce, and then get her fired....or at least since your family in interwoven in business..make it clear to her that she has no future at this job and needs to find another. And don't expect a good report to the new job either. Focus on yourself and kids.

[law]

Sounds like your marriage was in trouble before her affair. Still that was not an excuse to cheat. And if she was cheated on before she knows how you feel and that is just wrong. Yes, number two is your best option and you will be fine. You will be on a roller coaster for a while but that too will pass. Get some counseling to help you work through it. And I promise if you decide to stay with her you will never feel the same. Nothing will ever be the same. Take care of yourself because she does not deserve you anymore. And remember her cheating was not your fault. She has problems you can't solve. Just make yourself happy and be a good dad to your son.

[oscarland]

Skirtchaser, I'm fully awake and don't deny the fact that this could have happened before. I'm just saying it the way she is acting now is not characteristic of the way she has happened in the past. Her first marriage ended because of her husbands infidelity not hers. She is still living in the same house with me until she can get her finances under control so she can move. The only reason I haven't kicked her out yet is I know our son wants to live with her and I don't want things any tougher for him than it has been already. You with me? I'm not in denial on whats been going on, she is, and I'm full of anger and wish that she would admitt to some of it.

[oscarland]

Flynn and everyone else I appreciate the kind advice. I doubt I have any control over her getting fired or keeping her job. She works in one of the largest paper mills in the country. Thousands of employee's. My father was upper management and he retired from there about 13 years ago. That is how I found out about the details, is that he still stays in touch with some of his buddies that he used to work with. He most of the people that work there make anywhere from $75,000 to $100,000 plus a year without a college education, that is with overtime. She was not hired on making anything close to that because they don't pay new people what they used to and she will never reach that level. She gets mad at me because I make that and don't spend near the time she does away from home. She made the statement to me one time that I should have married a teacher or nurse or something like that and I was intimidated by a women that works with tools. Complete B.S. Of course she didn't mind playing the role of happy homemaker the last 7-8 years.

[MuffinMan]

That's when the bomb dropped on me about two weeks later. I find out she has been seeing a married man at her new job and even had him in my house when I took my son to see his grandparents. I was so angry I couldn't see straight and still pretty angry. I also find out they have been meeting after work in a van that I bought for her. She tells me she doesn't care if I keep the house, the dog and a lot of the things in the house.

You should be able to keep the children too. A cheating b!tch shouldn't be able to get away with taking a man's children away from him simply because she can't handle f#cking the same guy for too long. However thats the shaft fathers get.

But I'd tell her since she was the one that cheated, that the least she can do right by you is let you have custody. Tell her that, THEN see what she says.

As far as her telling you you can have the house. Don't let her get out of that all too easy without giving you alot more, like custody. Because for her to say you can have the house means she will be getting out from under it and leave you to pay everything. I'd say you get your attorney to put the house up for sale, and she STILL is required to pay all the bills on it until it sells. Don't let her saddle you with all the financial burden in the guise of looking like she is doing this out of the goodness of her heart. Because there is NO goodness in her heart, if she even has one.

And if the other man's wife doesn't know, find out, and send her a letter.

Other than that, really congratulations are in order. You are going to be getting rid of a cheating c##t. I know it seems like your life is detroyed, but trust me, when its all over, you'll be glad you don't have such an untrusworthy huss around to worry about.


Well I told her I had proof and confronted her about it and she never confessed fully but didn't deny it either. The only real evidence I have is a record of text messages sent at all hours of the night and day.

You don't need proof. Infidelity only matters if you want to know the truth. It has no bearing on dividing marital assets or custody in a divorce. Although it should.


I told her if she didn't bring home her check and put it into our joint checking account until I get my business back to where I can pay all the bills on my own again, that i would go to his wife and open the can of worms.

Thats why I said you have an attorney make sure that in a divorce she is still in for half the bills at the house.


I got from a good source that this guy has done this recently with another married women and she left her husband and of course he is still with his wife.

Good, then maybe he'll f#ck your stbxwife over too and then it will be too bad for her.:D


Well I have finally got my business back close to being as stable as it was before she went to work. My son is real close to his mother and wants to go stay with her.

Well isn't that a fine how do you do. The cheating parent gets preference. I'm surprised that more kids that prefer the cheating parent aren't getting disowned by the betrayed parent. It sucks. I feel for you.



This is killing me also. Because she is moving to another town closer to her work and this will put him in another school.

If she gets custody, and now I see she will because your son is old enough to say who he wants to live with, then you don't have much control over where they move.

But you do have a say as to what school he goes to. I told my XW that if she ever puts my kids in a school were there is known violence, gangbanging, etc, I'll hold her fully responsible for whatever happens to them. And if something happens, I'll drag her ass through a REAL expensive court battle which I'll be able to afford and she will not.

and now the kicker is, she cheats, gets custody, and YOU will have to pay throught the nose for the privelidge of NOT seeing your son on a daily basis.

Fair world isn't it?



I told her to take the next two pay checks put em her bank account and get out.

While I like that...no, I LOVE what you just said, both your money is yours and hers until someone files for divorce. Then and only then can you separate your finances.

But make sure you file first and file on the grounds of adultery. Like I said, it won't make a difference, as lousy as a deal as it is, in the divorce. But at least it will be a matter of record and cast you in a better light.


The thing that depresses me so much about this is I'm telling my son to leave at the same time I tell her to leave.


No, your son made that choice and your wife made the choice to not give a sh!t about the family.

This is HER doing. NOT YOURS!!!


So that gives her about four more weeks together. She seems to be real depressed and I find myself feeling sorry for her.


F#CK NO!!! Don't feel sorry for that cheating b!tch. She didn't feel sorry for you when she f#cked another guy IN YOUR HOUSE did she? F#ck no. All she cared about was spreading her legs for another man.


It also bothers me that my son seems okay about everything right now. He even knows about what she did, but still wants to stay with her.

if my mom cheated on my dad, I'd disown her. I have a friend that won't talk to his mom to this day some 20 years later because she cheated on his dad.


I know he would be better with me, because my shedule is more flexible than hers and he is more ajusted here.

That and once this married man dumps her because he won't leave his wife, your stbxwife will be bringing all kinds of different men into that house with your son.


I don't know what to do, but I hate this feeling of doom on and off again.


You just stand up, brush yourself off and do what we all know you have to do because we have been there before. File for divorce, get her ass out of the house while still requiring she pays the bills there until the divorce is final or the house is sold, and just say to yourself, "I'm glad that b!tch is gone".


She even tried to tell me the other day that they never had sex and I was getting distorted information, from the wrong people.

Oh she is so full of sh!t she can be a septic tank. Nobody leaves their marriage over someone else if they haven't had sex. And she just doesn't want to come off like a wh0re. ]

She f#cked him, you can bank on that. Listen to your sources, not a lying cheating wife.



I told her nice try, but I'm not that stupid. Why would she say that if she is leaving anyway?

Because she is trying to mitigate the damage to her reputation. Too late. She's a wh0re.

Good luck my man and consider this a blessing. You can now go out and find yourself a real woman and have fun!!!!

[MuffinMan]

You ain't seen depressed yet, when she runs back to you for comfort after this POS dumps her.


And if she does DO NOT take that cheating huss back. She WILL do this again. Especially now that she has a job. Think about it, didn't take her long to screw another man at work after starting her job did it?

[MuffinMan]

Skirtchaser, I'm fully awake and don't deny the fact that this could have happened before. I'm just saying it the way she is acting now is not characteristic of the way she has happened in the past. Her first marriage ended because of her husbands infidelity not hers.


So far as you know because of what she has probably told you. Its a good bet she was cheating on her 1st husband too, but wants to look all innocent in it all.

[oscarland]

MuffinMan, I really appreciate your input. You seem to really know what I'm feeling and I get a lot of justification in what your saying. So I can really get her to move out and still be obligated to half the bills at the house? Doesn't sound to easy.:confused:

[oscarland]

I talked to her this morning about going down to the bank and getting her name off of my checking account, since she has already gone out and got one of her own. She said she was not going to do that. So I told her she could put my name on hers, or she could let me monitor her pay stubs intead of just transferring what she wants to into ours. She said if I kept up she was going to leave. I told her fine go ahead and pack your sh!t and get the hell out. I didn't want to look at her lying, cheating asse no more anyway. Told everybody already thinks your a tramp so why do you think I want you. I also told her if she gave me anymore lip, I would have her obligated to half the bills here when she moved. Then I would file for divorce based on adultry. She just sat there looking real dumbfounded. Then she responded, you can't do that. She said most of those bills are yours not mine anyway. Which makes no since.. She is saying that because my name is on them and not hers. I told her I could and have already got the information on how to do it. Now she is walking around real depressed and looking all defeated. I asked her if she was still seeing this guy and she said no. When I asked her if she was still in contact with him, she didn't want to answer the question. She just looked away and said she had had enough. She want to explain that she had no plans of seeing this guy anymore, that she justed wanted my son and her to be happy living together. Let me tell you this getting really hard for me to keep being hard on her like I am. I still feel really strong about her. I'm not sure if its still love or I just care for her deeply. She has a definete ability to make you feel bad for her. I think that is what she had done to my son. Poor pitiful me and my husband that has put me through hell for the last 16 years. Lord, I hope I am doing the right thing. I just feel I have to stand up to her to have any self esteem about myself. Any input would be nice. I really appreciate it.

[doesmybuttlookfatinthis]

I talked to her this morning about going down to the bank and getting her name off of my checking account, since she has already gone out and got one of her own. She said she was not going to do that. So I told her she could put my name on hers, or she could let me monitor her pay stubs intead of just transferring what she wants to into ours. She said if I kept up she was going to leave. I told her fine go ahead and pack your sh!t and get the hell out. I didn't want to look at her lying, cheating asse no more anyway. Told everybody already thinks your a tramp so why do you think I want you. I also told her if she gave me anymore lip, I would have her obligated to half the bills here when she moved. Then I would file for divorce based on adultry. She just sat there looking real dumbfounded. Then she responded, you can't do that. She said most of those bills are yours not mine anyway. Which makes no since.. She is saying that because my name is on them and not hers. I told her I could and have already got the information on how to do it. Now she is walking around real depressed and looking all defeated. I asked her if she was still seeing this guy and she said no. When I asked her if she was still in contact with him, she didn't want to answer the question. She just looked away and said she had had enough. She want to explain that she had no plans of seeing this guy anymore, that she justed wanted my son and her to be happy living together. Let me tell you this getting really hard for me to keep being hard on her like I am. I still feel really strong about her. I'm not sure if its still love or I just care for her deeply. She has a definete ability to make you feel bad for her. I think that is what she had done to my son. Poor pitiful me and my husband that has put me through hell for the last 16 years. Lord, I hope I am doing the right thing. I just feel I have to stand up to her to have any self esteem about myself. Any input would be nice. I really appreciate it.






There are consequences to what you do. You don't need to get her off your account. Just close it. And open another one. She doesn't feel poor now because she still thinks what yours is hers. Look you are feeling bad about this without her feeling any contrition at all. You would be a fool at this point cutting her an inch of slack. She needs to be in crisis. She needs to see you happy, attractive, not angry. Just moving forward with your life. As I have said

The happier you get the more she will regret.

She needs to have no safety net at all. She needs to be depressed. She needs to remember how wonderful you are. I don't know if you would ever want her back (I wouldn't). But if you do. She needs to see you in a completely different lite. Someone she wants to run to and not from. Boot her quick. The quicker you do all this. The quicker she will question what she has done. Oh I forgot. Your son is fifteen. Tell him you will get him a car if he stays with you. He will have use of it as long as he lives with you. And at 18 when he goes to college you will give it to him. You can tell him he can visit his mom anytime he wants. But you must live here. And check with me before you spend the night there. Tell him you don't want him to change schools and hurt his grades. Tell him he will have a lot more freedom and responsibility with a car. That might do the trick. Do not offer before your wife has put money down on an apartment. She needs to be out on her own. Without the family that loves her. You need to use every weapon at your disposal to influence her so that you end up with the choice of taking her back or not.

[oscarland]

I appreciate what your saying and agree with you. His mother has already told him she would get him a truck, so I don't know if that would do any good. They are moving about 30 miles from here. So its not to far away. But it is a much bigger city. It is actually the high school I graduated from. But it was much smaller then. I know it would be a lot different than where he is now. He is on the golf team, and plays the trumpet in the band and thanks going to this school would make it easier to get a scolarship to the University of Alabama. I don't know man, I wish I had the answers. One time he said he thought he might want to stay with me, but that was about 1 month ago, and since then has changed his mind.

[doesmybuttlookfatinthis]

There will be less accountability with his mom. She will pretty much let him do what he wants as long as he stays with her. Get her out as fast as you can. She needs to experience being the head of the household. She needs to feel like it is all on her. NO SAFETY NET. She wants freedom give it to her. Take care of the bank stuff today. You must pull all physical, emotional, and financial support. You won't let your son starve. But she needs to feel the pinch.

[oscarland]

I agee with what your saying completely. I must tell you she has been own her own before when her first husband left her. She was divorced for about 8 years living own her own when I met her. I know this is going to sound crazy, but after we were married and my son was about 13 months old we divorced for about a year. We got back together and lasted about 4 years then seperated and lasted about 10 years and now this. So she is used to being own her own in the past. I know that sounds really disfunctional but that is our history. It has always been a roller coaster except for the last 10 years she seemed to be really committed to us and I was to. As far as I know there was not another man in the past when we divorced. She was working at the time. She was also working when we seperated. The only thing I can say that has been a constant variable is she was working when she wanted to leave me. She seemed to be content when she was not working. Not say she didn't work her tail off around the house. Very good housekeeper and decorator. Maybe the only reason she stayed with me was so she wouldn't have to work? I certainly don't mean to excuse what she did.

[doesmybuttlookfatinthis]

She can't remember what it was like on her own. She will. But this time its like she cheated to end thing permanently. Financially you will be 10% better off after a year and she will be 26% worse off. You can go on vacations and take your son. She can wish she was going with you. More then likely you will be much better off. You will probably be working more now that she is gone. If only to keep busy. After a few months. There is a pretty good chance that you won't want her back.

[oscarland]

#24 Today, 03:41 PM
doesmybuttlookfatinthis
Member Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 42



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She can't remember what it was like on her own. She will. But this time its like she cheated to end thing permanently. Financially you will be 10% better off after a year and she will be 26% worse off. You can go on vacations and take your son. She can wish she was going with you. More then likely you will be much better off. You will probably be working more now that she is gone. If only to keep busy. After a few months. There is a pretty good chance that you won't want her back.


Not sure what you mean by those percentages, but I sure like them. I really hope your right. I remember how miserable I was when we seperated last time. But then again that was ten years ago and I didn't have the knowledge that she had cheated on me. Although she did have a guy she went out with now and then and I'm pretty sure she slept with him. Of course when we were seperated I dated some to. But just never really felt anything for them, kept thinking about my wife. I pray to god its not like that this time and your right. Doesn't sound like this relationship is worth salvaging and that's what I have to keep in my mind. My religious beliefs is what kept me trying to make it work in the past and I still believe if you can make it work, that's what the lord intends for you too do. I'm not saint but thats what I believe. But I can't be treated less than a man should be treated and walked all over.

[doesmybuttlookfatinthis]

In the bible it says: Do not forsake the wife of your youth. You haven't.
Christ himself said that the only reason to divorce is infidelity. So God himself knows how hard it is to get over. You have done your part. You have no guilt on you. Go find someone to love, who loves youl

[angrier]

I caught him. after 18 years together. I'm sooo hurt. And now I'm angry. major clue to a cheater is new sexy underwear. Keeps talking about joining a gym. Fat slob. However, I am not financially stable enough to leave. (I'm building a new cleaning business.) He is 40, a computer tech for an international company,finally making the big bucks after all my sacrifices. our computers are connected, and tonite, he left his email open on my computer. Ha! went looking and found 2 women. One begging him for a committment, has a "boyfriend she cant even introduce to her friends. Nude pics from the other one. both about 18 years younger than me. i knew this would happen tho. He is 15 years younger than me. When we met I was hot, sexy and fell madly in love with him, not knowing he was that much younger. Now, he has used me, watched me work myself to death, and then goes looking for someone better cause i got fat from the stress. He is so much fatter too! Im crying inside. But I will overcome this. I will. Maybe I should go online like he did and set up a steamy conversation with "one of the guys". He is so tech savvy, he is sure to find the threads. I just dont want it to backfire so he kicks me out on the street. My girlfriend just told me to remember the guys begging me to date them when I worked with her and I wouldn't date them. Lots of fish in the sea. He must feel something cause he wont commit to these women. Of course I have been treated like the red headed stepchild for the last 4 years now. He always walks ahead of me when we go somewhere, cause he is ashamed of me. Some days I really look my age. But he always asks me to go everywhere with him. Cant stand to go alone. I have good self esteem. I just need to take care of myself again. So girls, I will let this anger drive me to do the right things. I'm not going to even hint what I know. In fact, Im gonna use him for whatever I can get out of him and get me- the real me- back again. Im trapped in a fat old body waiting to get out. I will be back to visit once I start my baby steps forward.

[oscarland]

Angrier, get yourself in shape financially and leave him. He doesn't deserve you and will not respect you as long as you stay and let him to continue to sneak around behind your back. Please don't stoop to his level and do what he's doing to you. You will not be rewarded for this, it will only make things worse in the long run and make you lose respect for yourself. Eat right, take care of yourself and love yourself! You might find as you do these things that you don't want him anymore. I gained about 40 pounds in the last few years and started working on losing the weight when my wife went back to work about 4 months ago. I was doing good losing the weight, but I can tell you the process accelerated when I found out she was having an affair. I have lost about 30 of the 40 pounds I have gained. What happens is your confidence and self respect starts coming back and it makes you look at your cheating partner in whole new light. Start taking care of yourself and it will amaze you what kind of backbone it will give you. I know your pain, but believe me it will get better. Don't wallow in the mud, take action now. Don't do it for him, but do it for yourself! Of course he will notice, but may say nothing to you. Don't let that bother you, do it for yourself.

[Ravage]

So what direction are yo heading in now O?

Are you gonna stay or leave?

[oscarland]

I am leaving! No doubt about it. Can't stand to look at her much longer. Already, found a place fixing to start moving my stuff soon, little complex with her having to stay just a little longer so she has the funds necessary to move and pay deposits ect. I wouldn't give a rats asse, if it were not for my son wanting to stay with her.

[doesmybuttlookfatinthis]

I thought you owned your house? What's going to happen with it?

[oscarland]

I am either going to sale, lease, or rent it. I don't think I want to stay in that big house with all that upkeep by my self. Havn't made up my mind just yet. Hell, I may stay. But if I could find a family that wanted to rent it or lease possibly that would be ideal. I have a place my parents own that a renter just left and I could stay there dirt cheap. It would be nice to put some money away for a change instead of letting that house suck it all up. It would cut my cost by about 2k a month. House is in a good location so I shouldn't have a problem.

[doesmybuttlookfatinthis]

I have a rental that my old boss rents from me. I'm sure it will rent fast if you price it right. I would prefer getting a little less with someone I trust. As I said your wife is in for a major wake up call in the near future. You are going to be single in a wonderful time, and I'm sure the girls will be pounding down your door. I know it is little comfort. But with your boy at his mom's you will be able to entertain without interruption.

[oscarland]

Man, I sure do appreciate the kind words, but I don't think I feel anywhere close to entertaining any women in the near future. I think for a while I will stick to my work, golf, fishing and maybe go down south to the Gulf and visit my family and play golf with my father before he gets to old to enjoy it. Haven't done near is as much of that as I wanted while I was stuck with that depressed, selfish, cheating huss. Whenever she came around my family all she did was talk negative about me.

[Ravage]

Sounds like you got a plan. That's awesome.

I could not do golf it's too slow paced for my style. basketball or football will suffice.

I hope it goes well for you, and dont worry you dont need to only date to have fun, especially if the other women agree with it. Your exe's will be calling! lol.:D

[oscarland]

Appreciate that Ravage. I like the football and basketball myself. I think I stick to being a spectator with the football these days. Played in high school but not into beating the crap out of myself now.

[Slim]

Yeah, I played football in jh and part of hs. love to golf and fish, flying r/c plane, although expensive when you wreck, fun for ten minutes. these days I really dont watch football, but ninja warrior-- thats just plain funny to watch!!!
Take it easy and have a good time, sounds like you need it. going thruogh infedelity wears you out. I am kinda glad my job stopped, I needed a break from something! It has been nice to sleep in and watch T.V with my 17 mnth old-- even though its spongebob or sesame street! Being Mr. Mom was not as fun at first, but now its all I want to do!
In your givin situation, I think your doing fine. Good luck and enjoy yourself!

[doesmybuttlookfatinthis]

Hey oscar how about an update.

[oscarland]

Yeah, I played football in jh and part of hs. love to golf and fish, flying r/c plane, although expensive when you wreck, fun for ten minutes. these days I really dont watch football, but ninja warrior-- thats just plain funny to watch!!!
Take it easy and have a good time, sounds like you need it. going thruogh infedelity wears you out. I am kinda glad my job stopped, I needed a break from something! It has been nice to sleep in and watch T.V with my 17 mnth old-- even though its spongebob or sesame street! Being Mr. Mom was not as fun at first, but now its all I want to do!
In your givin situation, I think your doing fine. Good luck and enjoy yourself!

Appreciate the kind words. It seems do be getting a little better. I know about watching those sponge bob episodes! That can wear you out as well.

[oscarland]

Hey oscar how about an update.

She has moved out into a townhouse about 35 miles from here. My son has started at a new high school and seems to be doing good from the conversations I have had with him. She has still got to come to the house to get some more things this weekend. Said she would call first. Her family was over here helping her move over the weekend, I joined in and helped load her stuff with my son and her family. I don't believe more than two words were spoken between me and her. Her family was cordial, but that was about it. There wasn't any argueing really over the stuff we had previously agreed to seperate. Was surprised about that. I don't know how to explain it but I've been going from depressed to relieved.

[oscarland]

Man, I thought I was doing a lot better until yesterday my dog of 11 years was viciously mauled and died before I could get him to the emergency room. The sorrow has come full force and seems almost unbearable. He was my last comfort in this situation. I'm sure alot of know about the unconditional love that they give. On top of all this, I've been working on some past tax issues with the IRS and they hit mine and my wife's seperated bank account last week draining almost every penny I had. They say bad stuff can come in bunches, I hope things will starting turning for the better. My son still has yet to come stay with me. He cried most of the day yesterday, when he found out the new about the dog. I'm starting to feel like I'm writing a bad country song.

[doesmybuttlookfatinthis]

I am so sorry Oscar. I hope that things turn around for you quick. I regret this happening to you. But not to your wife. Maybe she can understand now that the roots go deep both ways.

[Skirtchaser]

Man, I thought I was doing a lot better until yesterday my dog of 11 years was viciously mauled and died before I could get him to the emergency room. The sorrow has come full force and seems almost unbearable. He was my last comfort in this situation. I'm sure alot of know about the unconditional love that they give. On top of all this, I've been working on some past tax issues with the IRS and they hit mine and my wife's seperated bank account last week draining almost every penny I had. They say bad stuff can come in bunches, I hope things will starting turning for the better. My son still has yet to come stay with me. He cried most of the day yesterday, when he found out the new about the dog. I'm starting to feel like I'm writing a bad country song.

Time being it seems like no end. Yea a bad country song, but we have the ability to write new ones. It gets better when you come full circle and start making it better for yourself. Believe me, it does get easier and there is still life out there.

[Ravage]

Yeah things do tend to come in threes. be on the lookout!

But you know what oscar your not with the x anymore so that's one less thing to worry about. Your peace of mind comes first!

[oscarland]

I am so sorry Oscar. I hope that things turn around for you quick. I regret this happening to you. But not to your wife. Maybe she can understand now that the roots go deep both ways.

I hope she understands this. But it seems she is blaming me for this happening to her. By the way that was my dog's name, Oscar. He was a full sized chocalate colored Dashund. Can't stop crying over him.

[oscarland]

Time being it seems like no end. Yea a bad country song, but we have the ability to write new ones. It gets better when you come full circle and start making it better for yourself. Believe me, it does get easier and there is still life out there.

I know your'e right Skirt. If I can just get myself out of the funk I'm in. I hope your'e situation is improving. You seem like a real strong guy. I always thought I was, but with my little buddy dying in my arms has just about made me crazy. As I was getting rid of bad images a whole mess of new ones have entered my mind. Guess i need to join a grieving pet forum too.

[oscarland]

Yeah things do tend to come in threes. be on the lookout!

But you know what oscar your not with the x anymore so that's one less thing to worry about. Your peace of mind comes first!

Your'e right don't have to worry about her no more! She definetly isn't worried about me. Maybe the dog dying was the third.

[Skirtchaser]

I know your'e right Skirt. If I can just get myself out of the funk I'm in. I hope your'e situation is improving. You seem like a real strong guy. I always thought I was, but with my little buddy dying in my arms has just about made me crazy. As I was getting rid of bad images a whole mess of new ones have entered my mind. Guess i need to join a grieving pet forum too.

One day at a time, each will be better. Improving or not, I sure as hell got drunk, don't do that too often but it did help. My friends and my new one kept me safe.

[oscarland]

One day at a time, each will be better. Improving or not, I sure as hell got drunk, don't do that too often but it did help. My friends and my new one kept me safe.

Yea, Skirt I've had my share of the drinking here lately a lot more than what I'm normally accustomed to. Seemed like a six pack occassionally is the only thing that has kept my sanity thru this. But I haven't touched a drop or have hardly eaten since my dog passed. Before finding out about the affair I was a couple a beers a month type a guy, if even that. But I know I have to watch it. This forum and your post have helped me out tremendously.

[tijaco]

Man, I thought I was doing a lot better until yesterday my dog of 11 years was viciously mauled and died before I could get him to the emergency room. The sorrow has come full force and seems almost unbearable. He was my last comfort in this situation. I'm sure alot of know about the unconditional love that they give. On top of all this, I've been working on some past tax issues with the IRS and they hit mine and my wife's seperated bank account last week draining almost every penny I had. They say bad stuff can come in bunches, I hope things will starting turning for the better. My son still has yet to come stay with me. He cried most of the day yesterday, when he found out the new about the dog. I'm starting to feel like I'm writing a bad country song.


aawwww Oscar, I'm so sorry about your dog. I've followed your thread but never posted until now and I just want to say you will be very sad for quite a while so get ready for it. Don't confuse that with making a wrong decision or thinking it all has to do with your wife. You've had multiple trauma here.

Losing a dog is losing a member of the family. I remember our dog my oldest son grew up with was my greatest comfort when my sister was dying. He knew something was wrong. Even times when I didn't cry and was in just a depressed state of mind, he would come and sit by me with his sad eyes and his head on my knee or just follow me around and lay down wherever I was. It's been 6 years that he's been gone and I still miss him.

Keep strong. You will get through this.

[oscarland]

aawwww Oscar, I'm so sorry about your dog. I've followed your thread but never posted until now and I just want to say you will be very sad for quite a while so get ready for it. Don't confuse that with making a wrong decision or thinking it all has to do with your wife. You've had multiple trauma here.

Losing a dog is losing a member of the family. I remember our dog my oldest son grew up with was my greatest comfort when my sister was dying. He knew something was wrong. Even times when I didn't cry and was in just a depressed state of mind, he would come and sit by me with his sad eyes and his head on my knee or just follow me around and lay down wherever I was. It's been 6 years that he's been gone and I still miss him.

Keep strong. You will get through this.

Appreciate that tijaco, loved him like he was one of my kids.