I feel like Im drownding

[HitByABrick]

Hi All
Thanks for listening. I know many of you have read my story. Well, now we are 3 months past finding out my wife had an affair that was steady for 3 years. Once she had to tell me what she did, she claims to love me and my son and wants to fix it....still its hard for me to belive. I suppose my biggest problem is, If I never found out would it still be going on? If this is the case, then why would she want to keep me around...and on and on and on. She is seeing a shrink and is definetly trying to fix this...
The Brother and Sister in law seem to be working hard to have my marriage to end. They tell everyone who has ears about our story, even after I have asked many times for them to shut up.
Story goes, the Wife of the guy my wife was sleeping with called me to tell me that the hairdresser of hers told her she heard about what happened with her husband and my wife....its like, where do you go that no one will bring this up? Muffin, I would half expect you to say "far far away". But, I cant bring myself to do that. Nor can I say I want a romantic relationship with her. Simply put, im in a "middle of the road" its a new year and I will remain quiet and watching...hoping that there will be a positive ending...but thanks for letting me blow steam...I cant belive my in laws are having so much fun talking about us....even found out they told some more family on thier vacation...its like GOD can you have anything else to talk about???

Well, there it is, Im a weak, idiot that kept his cheating wife, and the whole town knows it...good for me

[StillinShock]

Hit by a Brick---don't turn your anger on your family and your friends. You are lucky that they are telling you the truth. Most of us have friends that don't say a word and then a year later tell you that they really wanted to call the cheater a sh!t but were afraid to say anything.

And even though you don't want to hear it--you need to hear it. When you get mad at them, just remind yourself that they are not the bad guys in this plot and that you are displacing your anger onto them.

We all feel stupid for staying with our cheating spouse. This is the second time I told mine to move out of the house but I have not divorced him yet.
The shock lasts longer than one thinks.

It's okay that you are sitting tight and watching and waiting. You don't have to do a thing right now. But one of the good things about this forum is that everyone here will tell you what they think. Most friends keep their mouth shut "in case you get back with your spouse" and so that you don't "turn on them". Which is exactly what you are doing with your family--DON't turn on them.

They are being honest--your spouse was not.

[Skirtchaser]

A three year affair? That's not an affair, that's a second marriage.

Far, far away is just where you should be. Muffin only told you truths. We all told you how it was going to be trying to stay with her.

As for her fixing herself, I remember as a kid when my mother would whip my ass for something, I would always cry out that, " I won't do it again." But when mother wasn't looking, I always did it again. But your wife's no kid. She didn't come to you out of remorse and guilt and admit this, she got caught. That's why we don't think she will permanently change.

It won't get easier for a while. The memories will linger the longer you stay with her. Sad thing is, you want to believe in her and the saddest of all, she will likely do you this way again.

The stories are mostly the same here, the faces are different but one cheater is not much different than another one.

[demoralized]

Good advice SiS,

Don't make any decisions RIGHT NOW.

Your mind is in a state of shock, and is not capable of operating with your best interest as priority number 1.

We all feel the same way,

You want revenge, you want to know without a doubt that she hurts as much as you do, that she can feel the REAL pain she caused you.

You want love, the love you had, or thought you had before this started.

You want peace, it's hard to sleep, or focus on anything with your mind going over this, and questioning everything.

You want retribution, the guy that did this with her needs to pay some kind of penalty, no way is he just walking away after doing this to your life.

You want sanity, you feel like your going crazy, and never thought you had that possibility in your mind.

My friend, your are not crazy, you're suffering, from the actions of a person you devoted your life to.

Work on yourself!

workout, cook, read, draw, paint, write, expose yourself to something new.

It feels good, and will help relax your mind, and ease the burden of the weight you're carrying during this time.

Best of luck!

[StillinShock]

A three year affair? That's not an affair, that's a second marriage.
.

Thanks for writing this Skirtchaser. I needed to read it as I have been feeling very nostalgic about my H today. Watched Marley and Me at the movies and saw my life in front of me and just cried--not over the dog but just watching life go by...

Why would I want to postpone the inevitable---I really really need to get a grip.

[Skirtchaser]

Sis,
I'm sorry if I struck a nerve. I just can't shake people and let them and tell them there is something better out there. I hate to know that you were hurting this Christmas season.