Wife cheated with Boss

[david]

My wife was away on business and due to return last Friday at 8:00pm. She said that she would get back from the airport by taxi and would see the kids and me at 9:00pm. At 11:30pm I had no idea where she was. I knew that her company has an account at the airport Hilton so I took a chance and called and asked if my wife had checked in. They said that the only employee registered was Mr. ----- (her boss) I asked to be transferred to the room and he answered the phone. I told him to put my wife on the phone not really even knowing if she was there and was told by him that he hasn't seen her all night. I decided to call his bluff and said "put her on the phone or I'm coming up to the room" at which point he said "hold on".

She said hello and all I said was "COME HOME". When she got home she said that she had been drinking on the flight back and that everyone was going over to the Hilton to meet the sales team for drinks and decided to go over. Her boss was there and made sure that she had a fresh drink in hand every 5 minutes. She usually only has 2 drinks and gets a buzz...she had 5 drinks at that point and said she was wasted. This is where it gets ugly...
He invited her back to his room and she accepted (cheating begins) she said that they walked in and made small talk about work and he then got up and grabbed her and started to kiss her. She did tell me that she kissed him back and that it went on for a while. She said that he kept pushing for sex (anything) oral, intercourse and she said no but he kept kissing her and trying but she continued to say no. She broke down in tears and said that it was a horrible mistake and it never should have happened and that me and our marriage are the most important things in her life.
This has been killing me...can't eat or sleep and need some advice.
How can I believe what she is telling me as the truth? And do you think that he took advantage of her being drunk?

[frostymanadvice]

The truth is she is attracted to her boss and had the kissing continued on without you calling, they would of ended up in bed. She can spin this anyway she wants but the bottom line is that you just happen to call at the right time. If she knew that she was drunk then why go up to someones else's room for? Why not call home and have you pick her up or take a taxi? Because she didn't want you to know, that's why. I guarantee you she knew before hand what was going on and just let herself go by drinking. This did not happen overnight, I'm sure. This has been a slow progression by her boss. Who knows how many times they've had private talks and flirted back and forth.

It is obvious your wife has been lacking something in her marriage otherwise she wouldn't have done it. It is a fact, the number one type of woman to have an affair is a business one. In order to fix this she is going to need to seek another job, confess to everything that has happened and I suggest marriage counseling as well. If you still love her then I can understand wanting to save the marriage but sadly you will never trust her the same again. Here are some links that can help you understand why she did this and what can be done to repair the emotional cord that was broken.


http://wordscapes.net/women-affair.htm

http://www.soulwork.net/sw_articles_eng/affairs.htm

http://flatrock.org.nz/topics/relationships/dangerous_passion.htm

http://www.personal-development.com/chuck/infidelity.htm

Read it b/c I always use them to help others with.

Frosty

http://www.*******************.com/cgi/ubbcgi/Ultimate.cgi

[Adam Bomb 1701]

Get rid of her, for your own peace of mind. Now. She's a selfish worm, who will go as far as she can. Take it from someone who's been there - it will not get any better. Her boss took advantage of the situation, but your wife wanted him to. Of course, she will try to put the blame for her actions on you (they all do) but just shrug it off and move on.
P.S. Also, get rid of her now, before she becomes pregnant by her boss. You may wind up going to court, and getting a moronic judge with outdated values, who may order you to support a child you didn't father.

[exhausted]

Too me alcohol brings out the real person... If she can do it drunk, than she can do it sober..

Too me the both are to blame..
1 He knew she was married( don't know if you know him or not or if He is married)
2 So, they are both to blame.. they both know it was wrong but, they did it anyways.

I'm in the same boat as you.. She is having a fling with her boss as well..

As far as the trust factor, If you want to work it out, than you need to start over at ZERO...

[oggioggi]

Infidelity in all forms hits the innocent hard. But at the end of the day, she did what she did more than likely as a result of a self esteem issue that she has not dealt with. That's her issue to sort out, you can help her but it is her issue and she must want to get it sorted. I think you need to focus on your own issues right now. As someone in an above reply stated, there was something lacking in your relationship that brought this on. If you want to sort things out with her then do so but under the condition that there is completely open and honest communication so that you can both make life decisions based on truth and fact.

I recently posted in my Infidelity Blog at www.dadetail.blogspot.com about work place infidelity which might be helpful as well.

Good luck with your decision making.

[Michas]

Heya,

Here's a nice thought from another post.

"If you want to sort things out with her then do so but under the condition that there is completely open and honest communication so that you can both make life decisions based on truth and fact."

My question is this: what part of her behavior would lead us to believe that she will be open and honest? If she thinks you don't/won't know....she'll do whatever turns her on at the moment.

She most definitely would have slept with her boss...if she hadn't already...had you not called.

Terrible mistake...self esteem issues....never happen again. Blah, blah, blah. The only reason any of that is being said is because you know something. If you hadn't caught on she'd be doing him on the side.

And....now that we know this is her nature...you'll always be living the life of "what is she doing now?"

Good luck man...but I say dump her and find someone who's honest....if you can.

[MuffinMan]

My wife was away on business and due to return last Friday at 8:00pm. She said that she would get back from the airport by taxi and would see the kids and me at 9:00pm. At 11:30pm I had no idea where she was. I knew that her company has an account at the airport Hilton so I took a chance and called and asked if my wife had checked in. They said that the only employee registered was Mr. ----- (her boss) I asked to be transferred to the room and he answered the phone. I told him to put my wife on the phone not really even knowing if she was there and was told by him that he hasn't seen her all night. I decided to call his bluff and said "put her on the phone or I'm coming up to the room" at which point he said "hold on".

She said hello and all I said was "COME HOME". When she got home she said that she had been drinking on the flight back and that everyone was going over to the Hilton to meet the sales team for drinks and decided to go over. Her boss was there and made sure that she had a fresh drink in hand every 5 minutes. She usually only has 2 drinks and gets a buzz...she had 5 drinks at that point and said she was wasted. This is where it gets ugly...
He invited her back to his room and she accepted (cheating begins) she said that they walked in and made small talk about work and he then got up and grabbed her and started to kiss her. She did tell me that she kissed him back and that it went on for a while. She said that he kept pushing for sex (anything) oral, intercourse and she said no but he kept kissing her and trying but she continued to say no. She broke down in tears and said that it was a horrible mistake and it never should have happened and that me and our marriage are the most important things in her life.
This has been killing me...can't eat or sleep and need some advice.
How can I believe what she is telling me as the truth? And do you think that he took advantage of her being drunk?

She is feeding you a load....my wife fed me this same thing...that the guy kissed her and she kissed him back, but then refused to have sex.
Its a crock and don't you believe it. I mean really...she said no to sex, but thought it was alright to just kiss? She is lying...they had sex. And don't let her use drinking as an excuse. I know exactly what I'm doing when I've had too much to drink. All drinking does is lower your threshold for resisting what you really want to do in the first place.

And as far as he is concerned, does he have a boss? If so, I'd have a nice discussion with him. If the company is worried about possible harrassment suits, her boss should be fired.

And make her quit her job. If she won't...then divorce her if you don't have any kids together.

[MuffinMan]

[QUOTE=frostymanadvice]The truth is she is attracted to her boss and had the kissing continued on without you calling, they would of ended up in bed. She can spin this anyway she wants but the bottom line is that you just happen to call at the right time. If she knew that she was drunk then why go up to someones else's room for? Why not call home and have you pick her up or take a taxi? Because she didn't want you to know, that's why. I guarantee you she knew before hand what was going on and just let herself go by drinking. This did not happen overnight, I'm sure. This has been a slow progression by her boss. Who knows how many times they've had private talks and flirted back and forth.

It is obvious your wife has been lacking something in her marriage otherwise she wouldn't have done it.


That is absolutely false. When my wife cheated on me, we always did everything together...we were inseparable....had sex all the time...very satisfying sex for the both of us....she is just one of these people who can't resist attraction.
I'm attracted to a boat load of women, but I would never have sex with any of them because I loved my wife.

So no...there doesn't have to be anything lacking in the marriage other than the fact that one person just isn't mature enough to be married.

[MuffinMan]

Too me alcohol brings out the real person... If she can do it drunk, than she can do it sober.. ZERO...

Bingo! Well said.

[elainegayla]

There isn't anything missing in your marriage to cause her to cheat.

No person or marriage is perfect.

No man/woman can be everything, meet all the needs of another person.

People who cheat are greedy and selfish PERIOD.

They think since their husband/wife isn't meeting every damn need they have (little or small) they are entitled to get that need met elsewhere.

Show me ONE perfect marriage where every little need is met! There isn't any. Most of us understand that we are lucky to have a spouse that meets most of our needs. We understand we are accountable for our own happiness, too.

This is about maturity, a true understanding about marriage and their self-esteem issues.

Maybe ALL her needs weren't met. So WHAT. Are all yours? Of course not!

[SuckerFree]

I don't understand the question. You don't actually think your wife was faithful do you?

[markus]

Too me alcohol brings out the real person... If she can do it drunk, than she can do it sober..


Yeah but i bet she wouldn't do it as good sober :cool:


How can I believe what she is telling me as the truth? And do you think that he took advantage of her being drunk?


You cant beileve what she is saying because it could be the other way around .... She might have got what she went for that night

And dont presume this is a one off , he could have boned her many times

Dont expect a word of truth from a cheat .. it never happens

[MarkR0801]

Well, if she works for a large company then the firm likely has a policy that prohibits bosses from fooling around with their subordinates. It won't matter if it is consentual or not. So stay cool and let him have your wife (he will nail her sooner or later now you can't stop it) and once that happens let the firm know. Both of them will be humiliated and he will likely get fired. Be sure everyone knows as well, send it to lots of people at the firm.

The line about having five drinks is crap. Who has so little self control that they can't stop drinking. She kept drinking because she was working up the courage to spread her legs for the boss. And sooner or later she will spread wide for him so get ready.