Need Advice!!!!!!!

[ssj1999]

Hello everyone,
I would like advice for my situation. I have been married for 7 years and my husband and I both had healthy sexual appetites (3-4 times a week) A couple of months ago my husband was diagnosed with hypertension and was put on medication he is 27 years old. The doctor also prescribed him viagra because of the hypertension medication. At first, everything was fine but now our sex life is horrible he has absolutely no sex drive. I have spoken with him several times about this and he refuses to listen. I asked him to speak with his doctor and he will not. It is to the point that I feel stressed and often times unhappy. When we do have sex he often goes limp or is downright tired. The last time I can remember having sex is about 4 weeks ago. I don't want to cheat but the temptation is strong:( especially when I have so many attractive men approaching me frequently. What is your advice on this situation? any suggestions on this matter will help! Thanks for your time.:)

[HitMan]

If you really want to keep the relationship in tact and if you really love him, tell him exactly what you wrote here. Express your needs in clear, easy to understand terms. Use small words. Don't expect him to understand your needs. Don't even expect him to get it the first time -- you might have to try a few different ways, but if he eventually gets the message that "I AM GOING TO CHEAT/LEAVE/ETC IF I DON'T GET MORE ATTENTION AND SEX" then he will come around.

Good luck.
HitMan

[Aaron]

yes, you need to tell him how you feel. Its the only way it will work and not ruin things. BE HONEST

[brensgrrl]

Seems like your husband is having a MEDICATION PROBLEM.

DON'T CHEAT! This won't help anything at all, and it makes it seem as if you are blaming him for being sick.

GO TO THE DOCTOR, both of you. Explain the problem. Sometimes, a simple change of medication will make all of the difference. Some anti-hypertensives
(atenalol, for example, will affect the sex drive. I know--my hypertensive hubby was on this and he got better when his medicine was switched.)

Check out your health. Could he have some other problem? Diabetes, for example?

Dietary change (for the better), taking steps to be more fit (watch that weight), can all make a difference to sex life.

Talk to your doctor together.

[Roberto_D]

don't cheat! there are tablets he can get from the doctor to increase his sex drive and make him want to have sexual intercourse.

he must go get these.

make it clear to him though that you have urges and you love him too much to cheat but you need to take action.

[paying a high price]

I read all the replies and everyone is right don't cheat. Do you have a conscience, then maybe you should rethink if you do. You married this person for a reason and if you love him then tell him how you feel. If he does not take you seriously then maybe you should tell him either get help or a seperation/divorce may be in order, maybe then he'll think clearly. Cheating only makes more problems believe me I know, and it will never be an honest relationship again. Be kind to the guy and give him a chance, if you cheat you may give him something else (no pun intended), but its a scary world out there and in these days people should be careful. Don't you know that cheating is a selfish, cruel thing to do and people don't get over it easily and usually they don't get past it ever. How would you like it if the situation was reversed. I don't understand contemplating cheating, but I'm sure everyone on this site is glad you are thinking it and not doing it. Also, rethink if you really love him. I am sure if you see yourself growing old with this person you wouldn't want to be holding your grandchildren and be thinking about the horrible thing you did to their grandfather many years ago. Sounds funny, but think ahead.

[Vet]

If you are contemplating cheating for this reason, then your husband will be on this site soon. He is having side effects due to the medication. These types of medications definitely lower libidos and deplete energy levels, and Viagra does not necessarily increase a libido (one is just able to perform). However, the fact that he isn't interested in discussing it with you or his doctor is a red flag. But it could just be that he is just embarassed. You should talk to his doctor to get educated on the side effects of the medication. Or, even better, you should go to the doctor together. Also, you need to tell him exactly how you are feeling. This might motivate him a little.

[paula]

i think any man that can't make the women he loves happy in bed would become depressed. i am sure he is so bummed by all these pills and no real salute happening he wants to hide. talk to the doctor, both of you, let him know it is all for the good and he need not feel embarassed in front of you. however an older women at work(customer) told me their all kinds of "toys" and "marital aids" and implants for this kind of thing. there is more then one way to "float a boat". thanks , you took my mind of the cheater and his hoochie for a few mins. and that is something i need. lor

[tammy]

I have to say I understand where you are, but there are two approaches to this situation.....1, you can let him know how you feel without sugar coating and see if hes willing to try to meet you halfway, or 2, you can discuss the matter of going outside the marriage, maybe a sex partner until he gets better...........you never know

[exhausted]

You need to tell your Husband how you feel!!! For yourself and for your marriage..

[ssj1999]

I would personally like to thank each of you for your responses to my situation:) To update my story about 4 weeks ago my husband who (might I add is a minister at our church) started complaining about **** spam in his email and it seemed to really bother him so me being the wife I am logged into his account to set the spam filters for him. I had never checked his email before as I didn't have a need to. Well, there it was pages of emails from some woman he knew before we met. The emails stated everything from how much he loved her and wanted to be with her and how much he wanted to kiss, suck and lick on her. She also told him that she was pregnant with his child and got rid of it, in which he told her if he would have known he would have left me and never bothered to marry me. I was devastated and shocked! She lives in TN and I am in IL so I know no physical contact took place and it made me wonder if my hubby was seeing someone who did live here. Well I confronted him and the best excuse he could come up with was that was his cousin and they were trying to make her boyfriend jealous of course I didn't believe it but I let it go! About a week ago she contacted him again and gave him an ultimatum he had until the end of this year to leave me. Apparently he ceased communication with her because she complained about him not returning her calls and not talking to her anymore. Well I was angry so I emailed her and told her exactly what I thought of her. My hubby found out and hasn't been home since!!!! Did not take clothes or anything! I have seen him and he says he is emotionally unstable and need time so that he could be a better Minister & Husband I don't know what the outcome will be but this is the same husband who does have hypertension but apparently has no sexual problems other than he proberly seeing someone who actually lives in Chicago.

[xenthius]

wow, I feel for you, my wife has been depressed and going through all sort of things, I have been wishing for sex once a week and am lucky if once a month. But cheating isn't the way to go, I have been married 7 years and am barely in my 30's but not one day doesn't go by were I wish I have more sex. Its something you have to talk to him about, see a councelor or doctor. Cheating is never the answer for the obvious reasons.