Decisions-Decisions

[HitByABrick]

Pardon my spelling...Again....

In all of the threads I have read, one or two come back to..."When he/She makes her decision to stay/go"

This is what has me a little confused. Why do you await the decision from the cheater?

Im not saying that Im strong enough to boot her. Or even that is a good decision.
I do know that she has lied to me so very many times and has cheated on me for a really long time that I cant imagine ever trusting her. But I promise this...Im not waiting for her to make a decision..hers is that she wants to fix this...who wouldnt?

Even this may be just a basic decision, but I will sit back, work on myself. But in no way try to build up our marriage. Not until I am confident that she is not feeding me a lot of BS that even She believes.

But why do you wait for them to make a decision?:confused:

[holikdad]

I guess initially when my situation was happening the beginning of September it was just a knee jerk reaction on my part to act like a six year old girl in pig tails. Now that it is over and I've had a chance to work on my own pride my W is WELL aware that she's not out of the woods yet, and that she may still need to leave.

So at the beginning you're right, it was her decision to stay or go, I didn't beg or cry, but I did ask her to stay. Now however I'm not so sure, I've been in this relationship for about 18 years, and the thought of moving forward with someone else who won't cheat on me, and respects me for the accomplishments I've made is a VERY nice thought.

[Flynn]

When you two sat down and had what you thought was the complete truth...how was she reacting? If she was calm then she is spending to much time mentaly thinking of how to lessen this than if she was overly emotional if you get what I am saying. I believe when some one is crying...really bawling etc as they speak they have less time to lie!. Look this affair went on for along time and became a way of life for her. She may also not be able to remember some things for that span of time but the big things she should. She needs to to all the work.....and really if SHE wants this marriage then SHE has to do the work and tell all the truth!!

[hesux]

I have to agree with Holikdad. When I caught my H the first things that went through my mind were preserving my family at all costs. I used to think that I was doing the right thing for my kids by putting up with his s*it, and keeping him here when I knew he wasn't being honest with me.
I finally accepted the fact that my kids were not being shown a good example and a healthy way of life, by me tolerating his lying.
It is a very difficult decision to kick out an H when you have young kids and no job. But, sometimes, when the cheater shows no remorse, and isn't going to stop thier behaviour at any cost, there is only one thing left to do, and that is show them the door.

[MuffinMan]

Pardon my spelling...Again....

In all of the threads I have read, one or two come back to..."When he/She makes her decision to stay/go"

This is what has me a little confused. Why do you await the decision from the cheater?

You don't. Only someone that wants to keep a cheater and wants to be a cuckold waits on the cheater to make the decision.



Im not saying that Im strong enough to boot her. Or even that is a good decision.
I do know that she has lied to me so very many times and has cheated on me for a really long time that I cant imagine ever trusting her.

Thats because you won't ever trust her again. I guarantee it.

[Ravage]

Both of you have a choice, your giving her the option of excercissing her choice. either she stays or she leaves no bull****tin. but some guys i know would have looked at the overall picture and pulled the plug especially if they are end the end of their rope. I dont know what it is but these women get guys like us who bust they humps and they still dont appreicate it. I dont get it.

I mean why cant they just be faithful, and if they wanna run the streets why dont they jut man up and take the blame and leave! why put us through all the BS?

[burgerrr]

It is amazing, that we would even consider keeping her around. It is the curse of the nice guy 'dad' type to still want to provide family security even after she has done such a completely selfish act. What she did will be judge by God and no other.. forgiveness is possible, forgetting is not.