holikdad
10-29-2008, 08:39 AM
This will be long winded, but be happy to know that I'm a stickler for punctuation and spelling. :D
This December I'll of been married for 15 years, my wife and I got married very young, but we've always had a very good marriage. We've always been a team, and have had to fight our way together over many obstacles.
Ok, now with that BS out of the way I'll start the story.....
Last February my wife and I moved into a new place after 10 years. We ran across a box that my wife had during her teenage/high school years that contained memorabilia from that time. We found a couple of letters from someone that my wife had dated for about 6 months and was engaged to for 1 month, 18 years ago. One month after their engagement my wife dumped the guy to get married to another guy who was in the Navy.
So back to the 18 year old fiancee, after reading the letters with her I could see that she still felt a lot of guilt over dumping the guy so I thought that it would be a good idea if we could find him on the internet and she could give him a call to explain what had been happening in her life at that time, apologize, and help heal an old wound. This was MAJOR mistake one on my part. I know you're all thinking, "Damn, you're stupid", but I did it because I care about my wife and was hoping that she could put a small part of her past behind her, which she wouldn't be able to do with the sexual abuse she endured for years from her Step Father.
We were able to find this guy pretty easily on the internet, he'd had the same job for years, and they'd written articles about him so that was the easy part.
She gave him a call, while I was there, and they spent about 45 minutes on the phone, mostly her explaining what had happened in her life 18 years ago, and why she dumped him so badly without any explanation. Over the next two weeks they exchanged a couple of phone calls, which my wife told me about, and then things started to change. This all started around the middle to end of July of this year. Luckily however this OM lives about 1000 miles away from us.
After a couple of weeks she received a package in the mail which was sent to our house from this guy that contained a Tee-Shirt, an autographed book from her favorite author, and a shot glass. My wife collects shot glasses, but I didn't really appreciate the gifts, but it wasn't like he'd sent naked pictures and flowers to her so I let it go even though it bothered me.
I have to travel sometimes with my job so I can be gone and out of the house from Monday - Friday on business trips. I started noticing small changes in my wife, nothing huge, but my sub-conscious was telling me something was wrong. She didn't call me as much when I was on the road, she didn't talk for very long, things of that nature.
So a couple of more weeks goes by, and I know she's still continuing to talk to him because she's telling me, she's actually going out of my way to tell me that their conversations are all revolved around their family and kids. Another two weeks go by, and something happens, and I'm not sure what, but a huge red flag goes up in my mind. So I tell her that it's starting to bother me that she's having so much communication with him, and I think it would be better for us and our family if she stops talking to him. I said she should call him and tell him that their relationship was putting a strain on our marriage and that she's enjoyed talking to him, but they needed to stop. So still being a nice guy.
I started to notice other things, like for a couple of weeks I didn't hear her cell phone ring, ever. I checked it one day and saw that it was on vibrate only, I asked her about it and she said it was because they made a rule at her work that all cell phone's had to be on vibrate so she's just left it that way. Humm, yea right.
Throughout this time we were starting to have problems, problems we'd never had before. I was beginning to feel ignored because of their "friendship", and I expressed my feelings but she turned it back around on me and said that I was trying to control her friends. Which I have NEVER done before in the past. We've always had minimal friends because our family had been our lives for many years. I didn't mention it before but we have three children, all boys aged 11, 13 & 17.
Something was wrong, I could feel it, she was still acting pretty much the same, our sex life didn't change, she was still affectionate, but I knew something was wrong. I also found out during this time period that the OM was married and had been married for 15 years as well with three children of his own.
One night we went to bed, I'll never forget that day it was Sep. 5th of this year, and I couldn't fall asleep so I went downstairs to watch TV. Once I got downstairs I started feeling really suspicious so I looked through her purse and college school bag and found a letter from the OM. A love letter telling her how much he still loves her, how much he thinks about her, and how much he wants to sleep with her. Well that was it for me, I went upstairs and woke up my wife and asked her to come downstairs.
I sat her down and told her that I was looking through her things because of my suspicions and had found this letter from the OM. She just looked at me, and I asked if she had been reciprocating his affection for her and she said she had. I asked her what we were going to do about this, and she said that she had very strong feelings for him and didn't want their relationship to stop. I told her she couldn't live under our roof and continue on with him like this. So I asked her to pick, me or him, she choose him. It's funny because I remember asking her four times that night while we sat and talked and each time she chose him. We stayed up talking all night until she had to go to work that Friday morning.
After she left for work I called a friend and my mother to explain what was going on and to tell them that she was leaving me. I also decided that I was going to track down the OM's wife and tell her what was going on, because I figured she had no idea either. And BTW when this started the OM told my wife that he had told his wife that they were in contact again.
I did some more internet searching, thank god the OM's wife worked for their local school district because her name, number, and email address were easily found. I had to call the OM's wife several times at work before I finally got her on the phone. I explained to her that her husband and my wife had been having an over the phone affair for about 4 to 6 weeks. She was shocked, so shocked in fact she didn't think that I was talking to the correct person.
A couple of hours later my wife got home and asked if I had called the OM's wife, and I said that I had. I told her that I didn't think that it was fair for her and her children to be in the dark about their activities. Well come to find out when I got off the phone with the OM's wife she checked her cell phone bill and found a ton of calls to my wife. The OM's wife called my wife, and asked is this "WifeName", and my wife said yes, then she hung up on her. I found out later that she called her husband and told him that when he gets off work to come home and pack his crap and get the hell out of the house. She even threatened to shoot him so when he went home that evening he had to have a police escort.
On Sept. 5th we told our kids that we were getting divorced, which devastated them and my wife was going to move out and live with her mother that day.
Well she didn't leave, the decision had been made, but she didn't actually pack and go. After speaking to a psychologist that day he said that I needed to make her make a decision, make her stick to it, but not actually kick her out of the house which I did.
That Friday night while we were discussing the separating of our bills and assets she started to get emotional. She still thought things were going to be pretty much the same between us even though she was moving out to be with another man. I explained to her that this was a divorce, I wouldn't be there to hold her anymore, have sex with her, talk to her when she had a bad day, none of it. This was when she broke down and started sobbing, she ran up to our bedroom and I followed her.
To paraphrase the ending because I've already taken up a bunch of space already it ended like this. The OM and his wife had a 1-on-1 meeting the day after she kicked him out of the house and they decided to patch things up. I received an email from the OM's wife, a very nice woman BTW, that the OM was not going to be contacting my wife in any way shape or form, and to tell my wife to do the same. By this time my wife had already decided to stay anyway and we had been spending the whole weekend together anyway.
Earlier on when I was still checking up on their conversations I found that in one month they had exchanged 99 cell phone calls, which was way to much for a "friendly" relationship. My wife was also planning on having a "Girls Weekend" the first weekend in October, which I found out later was going to include the OM.
So now we heal, which is very difficult to do, I don't trust her anymore. The bond that we once had has been completely destroyed by her, but she's trying VERY hard to make everything better. She is extremely attentive and doting, she always tells me where she is and what she's doing, even though I haven't asked. So we'll see, at this time it's a healing process, this has never happened before, and like everyone else always says, I never thought it could ever happen, not with my wife.
I've posted the email that my wife sent the OM in the next thread, I tried to attach it but the file size restrictions are to small.
This December I'll of been married for 15 years, my wife and I got married very young, but we've always had a very good marriage. We've always been a team, and have had to fight our way together over many obstacles.
Ok, now with that BS out of the way I'll start the story.....
Last February my wife and I moved into a new place after 10 years. We ran across a box that my wife had during her teenage/high school years that contained memorabilia from that time. We found a couple of letters from someone that my wife had dated for about 6 months and was engaged to for 1 month, 18 years ago. One month after their engagement my wife dumped the guy to get married to another guy who was in the Navy.
So back to the 18 year old fiancee, after reading the letters with her I could see that she still felt a lot of guilt over dumping the guy so I thought that it would be a good idea if we could find him on the internet and she could give him a call to explain what had been happening in her life at that time, apologize, and help heal an old wound. This was MAJOR mistake one on my part. I know you're all thinking, "Damn, you're stupid", but I did it because I care about my wife and was hoping that she could put a small part of her past behind her, which she wouldn't be able to do with the sexual abuse she endured for years from her Step Father.
We were able to find this guy pretty easily on the internet, he'd had the same job for years, and they'd written articles about him so that was the easy part.
She gave him a call, while I was there, and they spent about 45 minutes on the phone, mostly her explaining what had happened in her life 18 years ago, and why she dumped him so badly without any explanation. Over the next two weeks they exchanged a couple of phone calls, which my wife told me about, and then things started to change. This all started around the middle to end of July of this year. Luckily however this OM lives about 1000 miles away from us.
After a couple of weeks she received a package in the mail which was sent to our house from this guy that contained a Tee-Shirt, an autographed book from her favorite author, and a shot glass. My wife collects shot glasses, but I didn't really appreciate the gifts, but it wasn't like he'd sent naked pictures and flowers to her so I let it go even though it bothered me.
I have to travel sometimes with my job so I can be gone and out of the house from Monday - Friday on business trips. I started noticing small changes in my wife, nothing huge, but my sub-conscious was telling me something was wrong. She didn't call me as much when I was on the road, she didn't talk for very long, things of that nature.
So a couple of more weeks goes by, and I know she's still continuing to talk to him because she's telling me, she's actually going out of my way to tell me that their conversations are all revolved around their family and kids. Another two weeks go by, and something happens, and I'm not sure what, but a huge red flag goes up in my mind. So I tell her that it's starting to bother me that she's having so much communication with him, and I think it would be better for us and our family if she stops talking to him. I said she should call him and tell him that their relationship was putting a strain on our marriage and that she's enjoyed talking to him, but they needed to stop. So still being a nice guy.
I started to notice other things, like for a couple of weeks I didn't hear her cell phone ring, ever. I checked it one day and saw that it was on vibrate only, I asked her about it and she said it was because they made a rule at her work that all cell phone's had to be on vibrate so she's just left it that way. Humm, yea right.
Throughout this time we were starting to have problems, problems we'd never had before. I was beginning to feel ignored because of their "friendship", and I expressed my feelings but she turned it back around on me and said that I was trying to control her friends. Which I have NEVER done before in the past. We've always had minimal friends because our family had been our lives for many years. I didn't mention it before but we have three children, all boys aged 11, 13 & 17.
Something was wrong, I could feel it, she was still acting pretty much the same, our sex life didn't change, she was still affectionate, but I knew something was wrong. I also found out during this time period that the OM was married and had been married for 15 years as well with three children of his own.
One night we went to bed, I'll never forget that day it was Sep. 5th of this year, and I couldn't fall asleep so I went downstairs to watch TV. Once I got downstairs I started feeling really suspicious so I looked through her purse and college school bag and found a letter from the OM. A love letter telling her how much he still loves her, how much he thinks about her, and how much he wants to sleep with her. Well that was it for me, I went upstairs and woke up my wife and asked her to come downstairs.
I sat her down and told her that I was looking through her things because of my suspicions and had found this letter from the OM. She just looked at me, and I asked if she had been reciprocating his affection for her and she said she had. I asked her what we were going to do about this, and she said that she had very strong feelings for him and didn't want their relationship to stop. I told her she couldn't live under our roof and continue on with him like this. So I asked her to pick, me or him, she choose him. It's funny because I remember asking her four times that night while we sat and talked and each time she chose him. We stayed up talking all night until she had to go to work that Friday morning.
After she left for work I called a friend and my mother to explain what was going on and to tell them that she was leaving me. I also decided that I was going to track down the OM's wife and tell her what was going on, because I figured she had no idea either. And BTW when this started the OM told my wife that he had told his wife that they were in contact again.
I did some more internet searching, thank god the OM's wife worked for their local school district because her name, number, and email address were easily found. I had to call the OM's wife several times at work before I finally got her on the phone. I explained to her that her husband and my wife had been having an over the phone affair for about 4 to 6 weeks. She was shocked, so shocked in fact she didn't think that I was talking to the correct person.
A couple of hours later my wife got home and asked if I had called the OM's wife, and I said that I had. I told her that I didn't think that it was fair for her and her children to be in the dark about their activities. Well come to find out when I got off the phone with the OM's wife she checked her cell phone bill and found a ton of calls to my wife. The OM's wife called my wife, and asked is this "WifeName", and my wife said yes, then she hung up on her. I found out later that she called her husband and told him that when he gets off work to come home and pack his crap and get the hell out of the house. She even threatened to shoot him so when he went home that evening he had to have a police escort.
On Sept. 5th we told our kids that we were getting divorced, which devastated them and my wife was going to move out and live with her mother that day.
Well she didn't leave, the decision had been made, but she didn't actually pack and go. After speaking to a psychologist that day he said that I needed to make her make a decision, make her stick to it, but not actually kick her out of the house which I did.
That Friday night while we were discussing the separating of our bills and assets she started to get emotional. She still thought things were going to be pretty much the same between us even though she was moving out to be with another man. I explained to her that this was a divorce, I wouldn't be there to hold her anymore, have sex with her, talk to her when she had a bad day, none of it. This was when she broke down and started sobbing, she ran up to our bedroom and I followed her.
To paraphrase the ending because I've already taken up a bunch of space already it ended like this. The OM and his wife had a 1-on-1 meeting the day after she kicked him out of the house and they decided to patch things up. I received an email from the OM's wife, a very nice woman BTW, that the OM was not going to be contacting my wife in any way shape or form, and to tell my wife to do the same. By this time my wife had already decided to stay anyway and we had been spending the whole weekend together anyway.
Earlier on when I was still checking up on their conversations I found that in one month they had exchanged 99 cell phone calls, which was way to much for a "friendly" relationship. My wife was also planning on having a "Girls Weekend" the first weekend in October, which I found out later was going to include the OM.
So now we heal, which is very difficult to do, I don't trust her anymore. The bond that we once had has been completely destroyed by her, but she's trying VERY hard to make everything better. She is extremely attentive and doting, she always tells me where she is and what she's doing, even though I haven't asked. So we'll see, at this time it's a healing process, this has never happened before, and like everyone else always says, I never thought it could ever happen, not with my wife.
I've posted the email that my wife sent the OM in the next thread, I tried to attach it but the file size restrictions are to small.