is he cheating or not?

[mh1970]

I wanted to ask people here about how u'd feel about my situation with my present boyfriend. Last week, by going to a popular adult site that a couple of friends of mine had told me, I discovered that my boyfriend had a profile there and that he was an active member. Before I continue I want to mention that my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months. Yesterday, I did go to the site anonymously to see if he was there from my home, and within an hour or so, I noticed that he was "online". I felt stabbed and betrayed. I tried to reach him the entire day to talk about this issue but he wouldn't answer none of his phones. By the end of the day, I finally reached him and I asked him if we could talk face to face; bluntly, he responded that he didn't have time for that. Because of it, I decided to discuss the issue over the phone. I let him know that I knew he was "online" using that particular adult site and that I was very hurt by what he was doing. He became very defensive by telling me that he wasn't on that site to meet anybody but just to chat with old friends of his. We had this 2-hour long conversation about it, and finally, he didn't agree with the fact that I did see his online chatting in an adult site as infidelity. I heard him saying: "we are two diffirent people", "you can think anything you want but I'm not cheating on you", etc. I know he was upset, but so was I.
I couldn't sleep at all last night due to the fact that I knew he didnt' want to stop going into this adult site. Over 5 years ago, I did have a relationship that ended because my boyfriend was doing the same thing over the internet. I'm afraid this relationship will end the same way for I'm losing trust on him (unless I already have). The sad part about it is that he's been nice to me most of the time and I would hate to lose him.
Can anyone tell me if I'm right or wrong about how I feel and how I approached my boyfriend? Please!!!

[frostymanadvise]

Sorry lady but I have seen this more than I care to know. Your man says he's not cheating but the reality is that he's "emotionally" cheating. For him not to answer his phone ALL day is a sign that he wants to meet someone for some excitement. This man does not care or respect you at all. I know it may sound like a disappointment right now but it's for the best.

"He became very defensive by telling me that he wasn't on that site to meet anybody but just to chat with old friends of his."

TRANSLATION:

THIS IS A TOTAL LIE. THAT'S WHAT IT'S THERE FOR, TO MEET WOMEN. WHEN A MAN IS DEFENSIVE IT'S B/C HE GOT CAUGHT DOING SOMETHING WRONG. HIS SECRET WAS EXPOSED AND HE'S NOT HAPPY YOU FOUND OUT ABOUT IT.

I heard him saying: "we are two diffirent people", "you can think anything you want but I'm not cheating on you", etc. I know he was upset, but so was I.

TRANSLATION:

MEANING WE ARE NOT MEANT FOR EACH OTHER AND IF YOU WANT TO STAY TOGETHER THAN THIS IS THE WAY IT'S GOT TO BE.

He seems to like deception and games that are secretive. He's not with you because he loves you. He's with you b/c you're a stable, safe person to be with and the adult site offers him some erotic desires he can't see in you. I am sure he's in lust with the female body and enjoys seeing something he wishes he had.

Time to let go. I have been giving advise on relationships for years and believe me I know that he's nothing but a waste on your heart. It's only been 3months. Be happy it wasn't 3 years. Let it go and move on. You'll be happy for it later. You deserve better.

Frosty

PS

Is your relationship on the rocks? Want to make a confession and get it off your chest? Need advice? Then get some from the FROSTY man himself. Beware though he is as COLD as ice. It's TOTALLY FREE!!! URL is in my profile

[mh1970]

Wow, cold but direct. Thanks for the input, frosty. I kind of knew all that already but it was nice to hear it from someone else. I haven't had the chance to talk about it with anybody.
The difficult part for me is going to be detaching myself from him. I know that due to the fact that my trust for him is vanishing, it'll be much easier to forget about him. Time will tell though. Thanks again.

[lipizzanfrenchvanilla]

I went through the same thing with my boyfriend.. and it happened like 6 months into our relationship. I'd been on his computer and wasn't intentionally looking for trouble. I was actually doing some homework and began typing www.and the first website that dropped down was this adult website. curious i clicked on it and saw what it was. a little furious i said something to him about and he accused me of spying on him and that he joined when he was single. so i went home and looked his profile up on my home computer. didn't look at all of it, but saw what type of relationship he was looking for. So the next time I went to his house i told him to delete the profile or i was leaving. i checked the next night and he still hadnt deleted it. so the next time i went to his house, i deleted it. i went behind his back and deleted it, becasue I wasn't going to give up. call it naiive or whatever....but now we have other problems, after 2 years...:(

[frostymanadvice]

So what are you going to do now delete the new problems to? You should of left his sorry butt long time ago. Sadly, you are the one who put yourself into this position b/c he knows by now you'll put up with all of his crap.

Frosty

[mh1970]

Not that I want to keep going and going with this subject, but I wanted to share the outcome of my relationship with the boyfriend I just mentioned above.
Since I was still unsure about my boyfriend's 100% fidelity even after hearing Frosty's comments, I wanted to make myself completely sure that my boyfriend was indeed cheating on me. And this is what I did:
I called a friend of mine a couple of days ago to have her send a seducing e-mail (via AOL for my b/f knows I don't have an account with them) to my boyfriend to possibly meet with him. He immediately replied by telling her that he was interested in meeting her and he gave her his phone # via e-mail. She called me back and told me what he wrote her and I was more than hurt; once again I felt stabbed. I couldn't control myself so I decided to call my boyfiriend few minutes after my friend called me. I asked him if he had time to meet me that day, and without any surprise, he said "I don't have time to see you today". Then, I laid down the cards and told him what my friend had done "online" and what he had said to her as well. He didnt' say anything; so with anger in my lungs, I did tell him not to call me again for apparently he had time to meet other people but not with me. He replied by yelling "fine". I hung up the phone and even though I felt nervous for a while I did feel like I took a heavy burden off my shoulders.

[frostymanadvice]

Well lady you're not telling me anything new. It was clear to me that he was cheating on you and I don't even live in the house. It is sad you had to go through all that just to find out the truth.

I know about cheating b/c I've experienced it more than I care to count. As a matter of fact, I went through a terrible ordeal just last year which you can read on my forum.

The url is in my profile.

The heavy burden is not only off of your shoulders but I'm sure his as well b/c he didn't have the guts to tell you the truth. Why couldn't he just say it's over? Because he's a selfish bastard of a man! He didn't really care or love you.

The challenge now becomes to stay away from him. He will try to contact you to say he's sorry but remember he's NOT. He's only using you for what he can.

I wish you the best and please keep me up to date.

AND THAT FOLKS IS THE FROSTY TRUTH!

Frosty


PS

Is your relationship on the rocks? Want to make a confession and get it off your chest? Need advice? Then get some from the FROSTY man himself. Beware though he is as COLD as ice. It's TOTALLY FREE!!! Look in my profile for the URL

[heartbroke7]

Wow, I'm sorry to hear about that. Stay strong.... the right one will come and you won't have to worry about the lies and deceit!!